Sublime

Bless the Lord, o my soul,

and all that is within me,

bless His holy name.

Bless the Lord, o my soul,

and forget not all His benefits.

Who forgiveth all thy iniquity.

who redeemeth thy life from corruption,

and crowneth thee with mercy and compassion.

Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things;

so that thy youth is renewed

like the eagle's.

The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment

for all that are oppressed.

Bless the Lord, o my soul,

and all that is within me,

Bless His holy name.

Glory be to the Father,

and to the Son,

and to the Holy Spirit,

now and ever and unto ages of ages.

Amen.

Bless the Lord, o my soul.

_____

First Antiphon, Divine Liturgy of Saint John Chrysostom (1910), Sergei Rachmaninoff (1873-1943)

Mom's 65!

I like birthdays .. so long as they're not mine. :D Today was mom's birthday .. so it was a good day. It was extra-special too, because it was her 65th birthday. After spending most of the morning and afternoon with Eric, studying at a coffee shop, I drove out to Abbotsford, arriving there just in time for mate before dinner.

Besides the usual family members (except Melanie and Heinz who are on vacation in Mexico), my parents had also invited the Janzens, a missionary couple from Uruguay, now living here in Vancouver.

It was a lovely evening with fabulous food, friends, and family. A few people gave tributes to mom, it was a special time. I love her so much.

My nephews Ralph and Neal played a few pieces on the piano, and I was blessed by their talents. Ralph especially, has an amazing musical gift. He played a beautiful Nocturne by Chopin.

Incidentally, for a second or two I even regreted giving up piano (for soccer) over 20 years ago, but then I remembered all the joy soccer has brought me and those feelings quickly went away. Still, musical instruments are a beautiful thing. Music is a beautiful thing.

Also, speaking of music, Mr. Janzen - himself a funny and very gifted man - recommended Sergei Rachmaninoff's Liturgy of Saint John Chrysostsom to me. He said it's his favourite musical piece. He talked about how much of Rachmaninoff's music is only now being discovered because during the communist era it wasn't available.

Tales And Post-Modern Pipe Dreams

"Nuclear man is a man who has lost naïve faith in the possibilities of technology and is painfully aware that the same powers that enable man to create new life styles carry the potential for self-destruction." Henri Nouwen, The Wounded Healer, (New York, NY: Doubleday, 1972), 5.

To capture this situation of nuclear man, Nouwen tells the following Indian tale:

"Four royal sons were questioning what specialty they should master. They said to one another, 'Let us search the earth and learn a special sceince.' So they decided, and after they had agreed on a place where they would meet again, the four brothers started off, each in a different direction.

Time went by, and the brothers met again at the appointed meeting place, and they asked one another what they had learned. 'I have mastered a science,' said the first, 'which makes it possible for me, if I have nothing but a piece of bone of some creature, to create straightaway the flesh that goes with it.' 'I', said the second 'know how to grow that creature's skin and hair if there is flesh on its bones.' The third said, 'I am able to create its limbs if I have the flesh, the skin, and the hair.' 'And I', concluded the fourth, 'know how to give life to that creature if its form is complete with limbs.'

Thereupon the four brothers went into the jungle to find a piece of bone so that they could demonstrate their specialties. As fate would have it, the bone they found was a lion's, but they did not know that and picked up the bone. One added flesh to the bone, the second grew hide and hair, the third completed it with matching limbs, and the fourth gave the lion life. Shaking its heavy mane, the ferocious beast arose with its menacing mouth, sharp teeth, and merciless claws and jumped on his creatures. He killed them all and vanished contentedly into the jungle." Tales of Ancient India, translated from the Sanskrit by J. A. B. van Buitenen (New York: Bantam, 1961), 50-51, quoted in The Wounded Healer, Henri Nouwen, 5-6.

What a great story to convey our self-destructive ways. How much do we trust progress to achieve? Are we really as naïve as this story depicts? Better yet, are we really as proud as the story depicts?

Nuclear man (post-modern man, in my words), says Nouwen, is characterized by historical dislocation (a break in the sense of connection), a fragmented ideology (divergent and often contrasting ideas, traditions, religoius convictions, and life styles), and a search for immortality (a new way to transcend the limitations of being human).

Once the post-modern person awakes from her/his pipe dream, however, s/he's in shock, panics and reacts in one of the following two ways: mysticism (retreat to the inner life), or revolution (activism), both of which, on their own, are completely unbalanced and unable to solve the human predicament.

Jesus, however, is different: "For a Christian, Jesus is the man in whom it has indeed become manifest that revolution and conversion cannot be separated in man's search for experiential transcendence. His appearance in our midst has made it undeniably clear that changing the human heart and changing human society are not separate tasks, but are as interconnected as the two beams of the cross."

Indeed, "Jesus was a revolutionary, who did not become an extremist, since he did not offer an ideology, but Himself. He was also a mystic, who did not use his intimate relationship with God to avoid the social evils of his time, but shocked his milieu to the point of being executed as a rebel." (The Wounded Healer, Henri Nouwen, 20)

A Day With Ralph

My nephew Ralph came over today from Abbotsford. He arrived at 10:30am by bus. I picked him up at the bus station downtown, and then we went to my place.

We immediately got down to business: homework. He worked on a project for his Bible class, and I read my textbook for History of Doctrine. Very cool.

At around 3:30pm I made us some sandwiches: garlic cheese bread, cheese (thanks mom), salami, red peppers, and tomatoes. I also made a sort of paste by combining olive oil, balsamic vinegar, onions, and oregano and basil leaves, and spread it as a base on the sandwiches. Then we put them in the oven for about 15 minutes. Yummy. Yummy is right... !!!

4pm .. made some coffee .. then back to studying.

At 6:30 we met up with my friends Eric and Paul at the 5th Avenue Cinemas, to watch a movie about the battle over this tiny island, Iwo Jima, between the Americans and the Japanese in WWII.

Afterwards, around 10pm, we went to Moxie's, a restaurant on West Broadway. All went well until Ralph tried to convince us that Hitler was a good man. I know he was joking, but what the...?!?!? He's a bright kid, but unfortunately he spends too much time playing mindgames and powergames with people. Seems to me he tries to see how far he can push the button before it detonates. Well, detonate it did, sort of, because my good friend Paul - a historian - put him in his place. I think he will think twice before he tries to play mindgames with us again.

Around 11:30pm we made our way back home. A good day on all accounts.

De-Skunked

The best money I've spent in the last little while is $70, to have my car de-skunked. It'd been just over a week since a skunk sprayed my car while I was driving, and the smell in my car afterwards was so unbearable that I stopped driving it all-together.

So I called a car-detailing company (gonna give them a plug while I'm at it), and they sent two people to fix it. The great thing is that they came to my place .. I didn't even have to go there! Two hours later, my car looks and smells like new.

I'm still a bit bitter about the skunk though. My pacifist convictions are being tested...

The Rock That Is Solid: A Prayer

As we quieten our hearts and minds, we invite you Holy Spirit, to continue your presence in and among us. Keep our hearts and minds focused on you and on what you want to say to us.
_____

Heavenly Father, on this cold, crisp night we come to you in a spirit of praise and adoration.
We worship you, for you are worthy to be praised.

You are our refuge.
You are our strong tower against all that troubles us.
You protect us under the shelter of your wings,
And we long to dwell in your tent forever.

We come to you as broken vessels.
We confess and acknowledge our sins before you and one another.

We turn away from you and seek refuge in other people or things.
We lean on the towers of wealth, education, image, or status,
And we pretend we are self-sufficient, in no need of grace.
Indeed, we sometimes live as though things this side of eternity are everlasting and all-important.
And we forget, or more likely, we ignore
the great things you have in store for us in the life hereafter.

With the Psalmist we say “Hear our cry, Oh God!”
And from the ends of the earth we call to you, as our heart grows faint.
Have mercy on us.

Cleanse our hearts and our minds, and restore within us the joy of salvation.
Envelop us with your peace, your love, your gentle care.
Change and mould us into the likeness of your Son Jesus.
That sweet name,
That precious name,
Exalted above all names.

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

We live in a beautiful city,
and in a peaceful country.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the opportunities to work, study, and live in a city like ours.
Thank you Heavenly Father for the safety and peace this nation offers; for the robust economic, health, and education systems.

And yet not all is right. Not all is beautiful in our city.
As we sit here comfortably, the homeless wander the streets hungry, thirsty, cold, and without a place to lay their head.

Have mercy on us, Lord, for being cold-hearted.
And teach us to share the blessings you’ve given us with those who don’t have them.

And likewise, not all is well with our country.
We are spiritually bankrupt,
And self-indulgent.

Increase the compassion of our nation Lord.
Increase the days of peace, justice, and reconciliation in the troubled parts of the world.
And Increase godly wisdom on the part of the leaders of our nation.

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

Thank you for St. John’s,
and the many ways we are blessed here.
I pray for the clergy, the staff, and the leaders of services, Bible Studies, Ekklesia, Out of the Cold, Living Waters, and the many other ministries through which you draw people to yourself here.

May our fellowship in the gospel grow stronger.
May the name of Jesus be praised in this church.

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

And in the final few minutes, we lift to you the following people.
Please name them quietly in your hearts and minds:

Family members and relatives

Friends and co-workers

We think of the sick, the grieving, the lonely, and the brokenhearted

And we think of anyone else the Holy Spirit places on your heart at this time

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

You, Heavenly Father, are our God of love.
You, are our strong and gentle shepherd:

“Surely Thy sweet and wondrous love
Shall measure all my days;
And as it never shall remove,
So neither shall my praise.”

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit,
Amen.

_____

Evening Service Prayer at St. John's Shaughnessy Anglican Church. Prayer is based largely on Psalm 61.

5 Days Later..

..my car still stinks. It's undriveable. I called a car-detailing company today. They will come on Monday and make it "smell like a brand new car" again.

In the meantime, I'm getting great exercise walking and bussing everywhere, even in the cold (-4) temperatures.

Oh and also, I think I will give away my microwave. I rarely use it, and it causes cancer.

Winter Semester

My final winter semester began today. I'm taking 3 courses:

Pastoral Care (blah)
History of Christian Doctrine (yay)
Systematic Theology B (undecided)

Skunks Stink

On my way to church tonight I just about ran over a skunk. I slammed on the breaks so as to avoid hitting the skunk, not realizing that in self-defence, he (maybe it was a she, who knows) would spray my car. Well, spray s/he did.

And boy stink it did. Within 10 seconds the interior of my car smelled like a skunk-infested hell, rather than a Volkswagen Jetta. I turned off the heating, as it was drawing in all the spray from outside, but it was too late. The damage had been done.

I continued driving to church. Once there, I thought to myself hopefully the smell's not on me. Within about 10 minutes, 3 people were talking about "this skunk-infested neighbourhood", and that "someone ought to do something about it."

With great innocence, I agreed, "Yeah, you're right, it smells like skunks around here. I wonder where it's coming from."

After I overheard two more people talk about it, I decided that enough was enough. I'd carried the smell of that bloody skunk with me to church, and while s/he had managed to ruin my evening, I wasn't about to let him/her ruin other people's evening too. I picked up my jacket and left church.

I went home and threw all my clothes in the washing machine. I wanted to throw myself into the machine too, but alas, a I had to be content with a normal shower. My clothes are sitting here now on my drying rack. They smell lovely.

My nostrils, however, are still full of the sheit. Plus, the interior of my car still smells putrid. I will not drive my car for at least a week. Hopefully by then the smell is gone. I may even have to get it cleaned professionally. I never thought I'd spend money on a skunk.

Next time I'm not going to slam on the breaks in mercy. Instead, I'm going to aim for the frickin' thing and hope to hit it. We'll see who has the last laugh then.....

Family Pictures, Betty Apple's, & Risk

11:30am - met with family in Abbotsford to take family pictures.

2pm - went for lunch at Betty Apple's, a buffet lunch ideal for people who like lots of food-options, but not so ideal for people who like to eat good food.

3:30pm - played Risk @ mom and dad's with Ted, Karin, Neal, Tanis, and Terrence.

Bearded: One Year Later

It's been just over a year since I started sporting a beard. Here's a pic from just before Christmas last year:

Distant

I feel distant from God. I've been unable to pray lately, and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm nearing the end of my studies and I'm unsure where to afterwards.

I don't think I trust God to provide for me.

I'm also a bit angry. Not sure why.

NYE @ Cub's: A New Tradition?

I think a new tradition has birthed: New Year's Eve (NYE) at Cub's!

Last year I had a NYE party, and it was great fun. This year I had a party again, and on all accounts it was as good as last year, I dare say even better: great people, great atmosphere, great music, great dancing --> a great evening.

Thanks in VERY large part to my amazing amiga boliviana Claudia, who helped me plan and organize the party, I have to say it was a smashing success. She even took time out of her busy schedule and went shopping for the party with me yesterday. I'm truly greatful for such a dear friend!

So, without further due, here is how things went:

8:30pm - the "faithful" start to arrive; I use the word purposefully. The faithful were those who not only arrived on time, but upon arriving, noticed that Clau & I weren't quite finished with party preparations yet, so they rolled up their sleeves and in an amazing 30 minutes helped us finish all kinds of stuff: decorations, food & drink prep, lighting the candles, and a few other duties. Thanks to Paul, Glenn, Sanjit, and Linda especially!

10pm - people slowly started to trickle in. Many people contributed food, wine, and beer to the party! Thanks! As well, Clau got out the "party tricks" (masks and wigs), and while at first people were a little hesitant (this being in line with our reserved Canadian nature), once a few of us did it, the rest followed:

Sanjit, Connie, Clau, & Benjamin
















Benjamin, Steve, & Dan
















Connie, Clau, & Cub
















Carla & Clau

11pm - most people arrived by this time; the wine was good, the conversation was loud, and the music was even louder... some began dancing to, what else, Tears for Fears, nohting like music from the 80's...

Benjamin & Carla
















Hugh & Benny

11:30pm - I hauled out the sangria that I'd made yesterday: a mixture of red wine, ginger ale, lemonade, rum, gran marnier, and fruits. We filled everyone's glass, formed a circle, and then one-by-one, about 25 of us shared our joys and sorrows of 2006, and the challenges we hope to meet this upcoming year.

12am, Ano Domine 2007 - Happy New Year!!! Fröhliches Neues Jahr!!! Feliz Año Nuevo!!! Hugs, Prost!, estrellitas, kisses, Cheers!, popping ballons, Salud!....

12:01am - at this point the party kicked into high gear with nothing less than some Paul Oakenfold (Creamfields): Point Zero. Symphonic techno. People moving. The rhythm of life filled the room...

12:30am - after a few Oakenfold songs (I Found You, First Sight, Como Tu, 12, and Living the Dream), we switched gears back to 80's music, first Simply Red, then Tears for Fears (again). [I could've danced to Oakenfold allllllllllllllllll night long, but tragically my friends are not into electronica]. ;) Finally, we made one more switch, to Latin music.






























2am - by now, the crowd had thinned out substantially. Only the hardcore remained, still dancing, still having fun, still enjoying a great beat. The sangria was almost gone, all that was left were the fruits, saturated with wine. Oh yeah, and my apartment, it was a mess.

3:15am - I don't remember what time exactly the last people left. But I do know that around 3:45 I went to bed, totally tired, tollay exhausted, totally satisfied.

The party didn't go as long as I'd hoped, but I'm happy nonetheless, because as long as people were here, they had a good time. We laughed, we cheered, we shared, and we danced. What more is there? We had lots of alcohol, but not a single person was drunk. Isn't this how it shoud be? People enjoying fellowship without compromising God's image in us.

Next year I'd like to have a NYE party that lasts all night. Maybe if I provide a breakfast, people will come.... However, this being my last year in school, and unsure of where to after graduation, I'm not sure there will be a NYE's @ Cub's next year. It was a good but short tradition while it lasted...

Keeping in line with last year's post, here are the highlights of the party:

* people came! (a few more than last year)
* sharing-time
* sangria
* Clau's help --> without her it would never have been the same
* Paul Oakenfold
* Dancing

NYE Party Tonight

I feel much better about tonight's party then I did a few days ago. My friend Claudia told me she's coming, and that pretty much guarantees an element of "life" to the party that would otherwise not be there.

We met up yesterday and did all the shopping in preparation for the party: wigs, masks, streamers, balloons, sparklers; fruits, pop, bread, cheese, and chocolate. We even got some prizes to give-away.

Last night I spent a few hours making fruit-sangria (I found a simple recipe): red wine, ginger ale, lemonade, sugar, brandy (I didn't have any so I used grand marnier and some rum), and fruit slices. I used oranges, lemons, limes, pineapple, peaches, pears, and apples.

I expect people to arrive around 9, and my goal is that the party will still be going strong at 4am. In South America that would be a no-brainer --> stopping a NYE party before 6am there would make the party a yawner; but here, 4am would be quite a feat.

I'm also hoping to play a good variety of music: 80's, Latin, maybe some lounge, and electronica.

Worried

I'm worried about my New Year's party. I invited about 40 people, but so far only 8 have confirmed their attendance.

I'm getting tired of Vancouver's non-commital culture. Sometimes I wonder whether my friendships are real or whether they're just friendships of convenience...

A Meal And A Birthday

Two note-worthy events tonight:

1- I volunteered at Out of the Cold, a weekly meal a baptist church in the east end of the city provides for the homeless. As I helped prepare the meal and saw the guests come inside the dining hall, my heart broke. Some of the men and women coming in were likely in their mid-30's, yet they looked like they were in their 50's. The "elements" - the rain, snow, and wind - has a way of aging us, unless 'protected'. I am so lucky to live in a warm apartment, never having to worry where my next meal comes from. Lord, what did I do to deserve growing up in a wealthy family?

On an aside .. I wonder if God is calling me to serve the disadvantaged .. am I able to give up the "riches" I have and embrace a simple life for the sake of the kingdom? Is this in part what Jesus talks about in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:3-11)?

2- Later on, around 8:30pm, I went to visit Connie. It was her birthday today, and she had a small gathering. It was small and intimate, a good thing, becuase her bachelor suite is tiny, but it was good to get together with some friends (Claudia, Terri, Brett) and meet some new ones. Below is a picture we took towards the end of the night:

From left to right: Terri, Juan, Benjamin, Sanjit, Connie, Lucia, Claudia, & Cub

Christmas (In Pijamas)

After waking up at around 9:30 in the morning, I went upstairs in my pj's to see what was going on, and I found mom cooking. Shortly afterwards, my nephew Ralph and my niece Tanis came up, also in their pj's, prompting a pijama breakfast-party:
















From left to right: Ralph, Tanis, & Cub

Mom made such a great breakfast: belgian waffles with a french vanilla sauce (who needs syrup when you've got french vanilla!). Eating such an amazing breakfast reminded me of my childhood. There was a period of time when mom made waffles for breakfast every single day! I find that incredible...

We spent the rest of the day with the family, eating, drinking mate, more eating, and just generally being lazy. Actually, we took a family picture too, but I posted it yesterday already (I'm writing this on January 3rd, backdating it as my memory serves).

During picture-taking, my sis managed to explode with anger at one of her kids who was annoying her. Not good. I've also been sensing a tension within the family from various angles: between my brother and my sister (and their spouses), between mom and my sis, beween dad and some of the kids, between my sis and her son Ralph, between mom and me, and between my sis and me.

A typical Christmas indeed! Gotta get me some boxing gloves for next Christmas....

A Family Christmas

After a crazy day yesterday (lunch with James, shopping, a quick get-together with Cindy, and packing for my 2-day trip to Abbotsford), I drove to Abbotsford today at around 5pm. I arrived at my parents' church at 6:10pm, about 20 minutes before the family Christmas service began. The service was fine, with lots of music, as is the tradition in their church. My nephews and nieces were very involved in the program, which was great to see.

After church we went to my parents' home and continued the tradition there: dinner, openening of presents, and dessert. We also took a family picture:
















From left to right: Ted, Karin, Cub, Dylan, Mom, Neal, Natasha, Dad, Priscila, Tanis, Heinz, Terence, Melanie, Ralph, and Derek.

At around 10:45, after all the presents were opened and gift wrapping-paper covered the living-room carpet, I took off to the Benedictine Monastery in Mission, for midnight mass. It was a long and beautiful mass, almost 2 hours. I arrived back at my parents' at around 2am.

10:21pm

I finally finished and mailed my final assignment of the semester: the notebook on I. Corinthians. It ended up being a 50+ page-notebook. I mailed it from the 7/11 post-office on Alma. It was stampted with today's date at 10:21pm - 39 minutes before the post office closed. Man, I had so much time left over, I coulda stopped somewhere for a quick drink...!

I like I. Corinthians .. even though it pulls into so many seemingly contradicting directions. Now if I only had an idea what Saint Paul tries to say in it ... hahaha!!!

I'm glad it's all done. Now I can finally focus on Christmas.

Speaking of Christmas, I dread tomorrow: it's going to be shopping-hell. I have yet to buy a present, and the malls will be full.

Christmas Potluck Dinner

Tonight we had a Christmas potluck dinner with my Bible Study group. We met at Dan's place, each of us with a dish to share. It was a simple but beautiful evening. These kind of evenings, characterized by friends, food, and fun, are at the heart of the Christian life: sharing joys and sorrows in community and fellowship with our brothers and sisters in the faith.

Everyone in our group - all 11 people - came. We also invited two guests, so 13 came in total.

2nd Annual Dopplebock

After spending the morning working on my notebook for I. Corinthians, and the afternoon with my nephew Ralph who came over for a day, I capped off the day with an evening with the boys: the 2nd annual "Dobbelbock" beer night.

Six of us - Rudy, Mike, Eric, Paul, Trevor, and Mike's friend Ashley - got together and partook of the annual Dopplebock beer, a Christmas-release by Granville Island Brewing. The Dopplebock is a double strength beer originally brewed by monks to help sustain them through the fasting of lent. As it says on the bottles: "Now that is worship!" ;)

't was a good evening.

Exegesis Paper

Today I handed in my 2nd-to-last assignment for the semester: an exegesis paper on I. Corinthians 9:1-14. Having preached on this passge a few days ago, it was not that difficult to put this paper together, but it was still a good process to go through .. mulling over this passage one last time.

In the paper I included aspects of the historical and literary context; form, structure, and movement; then a detailed analysis (9:1-3 --> authority), (9:4-12a, 13-14 --> rights), (9:12b --> relinquishment), before moving on to a synthesis and application for today.

Now .. all I have left to do for next Friday is a massive "notebook" on I. Corinthians.

A Ministry Of Freedom

Today I preached in my preaching class again. It was my last sermon of this semester - thank God! I preached on I. Corinthians 9:1-14, a tough passage in my estimation.

Sandwiched between chapters 8 and 10, two chapters about "Christian restraint" --> giving up our freedoms (rights) for the sake of our brother and/or sister, chapter 9 talks about how Saint Paul used his "rights." Not only was he an apostle, he was the apostle who brought the gospel to the Corinthians, yet he gave up his "right" to be financially and materially supported by the church, because he thought doing otherwise would prove an obstacle or hindrance the gospel.

To be sure, Saint Paul wasn't advocating that all Christians in ministry deny support from their churches, but in his situation he felt it was the best thing to do. I wonder what it would look like if some Christian ministers of the West would give up their rights. Christianity has become a religion of the rich, and contrast this with the poverty that Jesus took on when he became a helpless babe in a manger, compare the weakness and humility he displayed at the cross, compare this with the compassion he had for the poor and neglected, and I begin to wonder whether the church of the West isn't missing the point of the gospel to a great extent.

Regardless, it was a good and painful experience to preach to my classmates. I have a whole new perspective on preaching. I have a whole new respect for preachers. Examining my own life as I prepared the sermon was horrible. Doing so on a weekly basis would be absolutely terrifying. Preaching is an unbelievable responsibility not to be taken for granted, and the preachers that serve us week in and week out deserve not only our deepest respect and admiration, but our regular and heartfelt prayers, so that they continue to live - as well as preach - the gospel of grace in Christ.

$404

Today I deposited $404 in change (twoonies, loonies, quarters, nickels, dimes, and yes, even pennies!) into my bank account. Not sure what I'm gonna do with it yet.

It pays to have a piggybank!

It Just Dawned On Me

The women that like me are usually pessimists: down, depressed, bad attitudes, the world's going to hell in a hand-basket, the works. The women that I'm most attracted to are optimists: happy, friendly, fun, and with kick-ass smiles.

That's the problem. I finally figured it out. The ones that like me I can't deal with. The ones I like can't deal with me.

Now for solutions, here are the options:
1- remain single
2 - marry someone who manages to see the bad in just about everything
3 - marry a fun-loving sweetie (who am I kidding .. a hottie) who knows how to smile

I think I'm going to remain single. #3 ain't gonna happen, #2 would be like being buried alive, and #1 .. well, I'm used to it and growing to be content in it. I think I could grow to love it.

Problem solved.

Chau Stefan!

This afternoon was our last mate session with Stefan. He's finishing his student career and heading back to the promised land - Paraguay - to do ministry there. It was so good to get to know him over the past year. I'm getting a little worn down of all the good people walking in and out of my life.

Here's to more stability in my life: hip hp, horray! hip hip, horray! hip hip, horray!

Here are a few pics we took this afternoon:

The mate club, from left to right: Cub, Stefan, James, and Petro

Stefan and Viola

Connie, Cub, and James

Faith For The Flood: Take 2

Well, it's over. What a relief. I preached at 7:30 this morning.

I got up at 5am, and rehearsed my sermon a few times before going to church. I arrived there at 7:15. To my surprise, Neil, the person leading the service had not arrived yet. He arrived at about 7:24, 6 minutes before the service started.

Arriving just in time for the service may suit him fine, but it made things miserable for me. I needed help in finding the right size cassock and surplice, and given the time, we didn't have the time to look, so he just gave me a surplice and said "Here, wear this, this will fit ya." I put it on and said "This seems a bit big." His response, "Nah, you look fine."

We prayed, and out we went. Problem is, on our way out, one of the ladies that helps with the service said "Cub, that's too big for you." Neil turned to her and said "Ah he's fine. It's too late to change now." Inside I felt like cursing (actually, I did). I felt like an idiot, and the service hadn't even started yet. The time was 7:31.

Anyways, onto the sermon. After we recited the Apostles' Creed, I walked up to the pulpit, feeling totally self-conscious. 'Do I look like a woman in this dress?' I thought. I replied to myself: 'Maybe this dress makes me look more like an angel than a woman. That would be good, very good.'

Once I arrived at the pulpit I looked up to the crowd. No one was laughing. Good. Apparently the surplice wasn't SO big that everyone noticed I was swimming in it.

I began with the introduction I'd prepared, reading my script (I'd memorized much of what I was going to talk about, but I thought it wise to make a manuscript and take it up to the pulpit). Halfway into my second sentence, I realized that the congregation was still standing.

'WHAT? Why the he*%$* are they still standing?', I though to myself. Good thing no panic button was available, because had there been one, I'd surely have pressed it. But deep inside, about 1000 panic buttons were going off.

I mumbled my way out of the script, and began praying. Someone told me afterwards that I raced through the prayer like a racehorse.

After the prayer, I focused on the task at hand: Genesis 6:9-9:29. The sermon was on God's character in the story of the flood. God's character is trustworthy on account of his righteousness, graciousness, and faithfulness. Nevermind Noah and the flood. I was wishing God would send another flood to put us all out of our mysery....

The rest of the sermon, however, went very well. Praise God!

After the sermon a middle-aged woman came up to me and said "Hi Cub, my name is something-something, and I usually give feedback to the interns that preach here. May I give you some feedback on your sermon?"

I cringed. Do I say yes or no? I said yes.

She continued: "Your sermon was great [Cub smiles with suspicion]. The content was great [Cub senses a "but.." coming up], I was able to follow you all the way, the structure and logic made perfect sense. You're a very organized thinker, good job. BUT .." she said, "two things":

"1- I didn't understand your cross-reference to the gospel of Luke. [Ouch]. You didn't need to refer to the New Testament to argue for God's trustworthy character. You were doing just fine; and

2- What happened at the beginning? You had 'I'm very very nervous' written all across your forehead. Was evertything ok?", she asked.

I said yes, everything's ok. I thought about getting into the surplice story with her, but decided to spare Neil the embarrassement.

A few of my friends also came to hear me, which I was very greatful for. It meant a lot to have some familiar faces smiling at me while I was preaching. One of them, Loretta, said afterwards: "Great sermon Cub. Where did you buy that dress?" Nice one. Thank you. Glad you enjoyed it.

Another one, Kira, took this picture:

I think the worst is over. Now that I've done it once, the next time I preach [that is, if I get asked to preach again] it won't be such a huge ordeal. For next time though, I'll see if I can get a better outfit. ;)

Ready To Go

Tomorrow I'm preaching at my church. I'm ready to go.

Wine Club .. "Beer Night"

I'm a part of a wine club. Every 2nd month about 10 of us get together for dinner & wine at our friend Linda's place (she cooks marvellous meals). A few of us usually bring a bottle of wine (Linda pretty much tells us what to bring), and then we taste the different the wines, rate them according to various categories (body, aroma, finish, etc...). It's pretty fun.

Tonight, however, we had a change of pace. We substituted wine for .. well, beer. Here are 6 of the 10 beers we tried (and their approximate rankings). The reason I'm only listing 6 is that I don't remember the names of the other beers we tried (they weren't that good anyways, otheriwse they'd have made the top 6!):

1. St. Ambrose (Montreal)
2. Sleemans Cream Ale (Montreal?)
3. Singha (Thailand)
4. Edelweiss Hefeweizen (Germany)
5. Groeltsch (Holland?)
6. Bowen Island (can't remember which type; Bowen Island, BC)

Note:
* Beer & chilli make a brilliant combination. Come to think of it, so do beer & peanuts or chips. ;)
* Avoid, at all costs, girly beers like "raspberry-flavoured" beer. They are an abmoniation.

The Heavens Declared..

...(yet again) the glory of the Lord yesterday. Here's proof:

Delight And Despair

I am full of both, delight and despair.

I just found out a few minutes ago (it's 6am right now) that classes are cancelled. This, after having worked all (I'm tempted to insert swearword here) night on the sermon for today. UBC and Regent are both without power, because of the snowstorm.

I'm trying to discern how to react to the school closure: do I laugh or do I cry? Maybe both? If I laugh, is it because of joy or because of delirious disappointment? If I cry, would I shed tears of happiness or tears of anger?

The answer is "Yes!"

On the one hand, I'm delighted, because first of all, I'm bloody tired of working on this stupid sermon, and I desperately need a break. I can now go to sleep - and do so in peace - knowing that I worked hard throughout the weekend. I can also rejoice at the knowledge that when I wake up, I can put on some warm clothes and go out for a walk in the snow. I love the snow.

On the other hand, I'm despairing, because I know that had I preached this morning, it would have been an utter failure, an utter nightmare. After all the work I've done, I have - at best - a couple nice quotes, and a couple interesting tidbits. I still have no idea what I'm trying to say, and I still have absolutely no idea how to apply this passage (I. Cor 9) to the church without sounding absolutely self-righteous.

God, help me! Lord, have mercy!

This proves that, yet again, I'm full of pride, full of myself. I care too much about what others think about me. I'm more concerned about coming across as "reasonable" than preaching the word of God. (How Canadian!!!).

Well, I'm going to bed. I have a feeling this class will be rescheduled around the mid-December timeframe. I'll take a few days' break from it all, and then re-engage mid-week.

Next Sunday I'm preaching at church. That sermon's done, ready to go. I just need to practise it a few times.

I'm Tired Of This

I feel like cracking my head open against the wall.

I've put over 50 hours of work into sermon prep .. and I'm getting NOWHERE.

I can't think. I can't write. I can't stand it.

Lord have mercy!

Christ have mercy!

Lord have mercy!

How Cruel!

Of all the days that it could have snowed, it snowed today! How cruel!

I'm preparing a sermon God, why'd you have to let it snow today!

Like there aren't already enough other temptations keeping me away from preparing, now I have to deal with snow too!!!

Everytime I look out the window I'm distracted by the white stuff gently filling the air.

Woe is me...!!!

Sermon Prep

This Monday I'm preaching on I. Corinthians 9:1-14. I've exegeted this passage until kingdom come .. and think I know what it says .. but now comes the hard work of putting it together into a sermon.

I think I'm becoming more and more a fan of short homilies, rather than long sermons. For one, they're less work :D, but also, I think one should be able to say everything there's to say about a passage in 10 minutes.

I rarely listen to a sermon unhindered for 20 minutes. There's usually a 5-minute "gap" in there somewhere, where I'm interrupted by thining about something else: the school projects I'm working on (or have yet to work on), the soccer game I heard about, the hottie sitting in front of me (shame on her for wearing spaghetti straps to church), the phonecall I have to make, the guy with the mop on his head, the bulletin announcements, the weather, and on the list goes....

Here's to 10-minute homilies!

Interview

Today in the evening service I was interviewed about my internship experience at my church. For the first time in a long time I didn't feel nervous speaking in public. I think I actually did very well.

I think this is because I have to speak a fair bit in my preaching class. We'll see how my next sermon goes on the 27th....

37

Yep .. I'm 37 now.

Spent the afternoon and evening at my parent's place. Had a good time eating a very good dinner prepared by mom, and afterwards we sat around in the family room and conversed.

I also had the usual argument I have with mom about me not wanting any presents and her getting me more than I need. Can't wait until Christmas: we get to argue about this all over again.

I'm concerned for my newphew Ralph. He's such a kind soul, yet he feels utterly unloved.

I'm also concerned about my niece Tanis. I think she feels neglected too, and she misses her friends from South America.

Moderne Burger

Yesterday Alicia called me and invited to take me out for dinner, in "honour of your birthday". Well, today we did it.

She came over mid-afternoon, and we studied for awhile before heading out to Moderne Burger (W. Brodway almost MacDonald) for a burger and fries around 7pm.

I don't know. Lately I haven't enjoyed my time with her. She's so cynical .. even angry .. seems to me that studies and real life are jading her. But then I keep thinking .. I was there once too: I've certainly had my moments of cynicism, and I'm sure I'll have them again. It just seems that she's always in a bad mood.

Mind you, now that I think of it, my friend Cindy's always in a bad mood too.

In fact, I don't think I'm being accurate by saying "bad mood". They're downright bitter, angry, resentful, and depressed. And my gosh .. do they EVER complain. If it's not the weather, it's their studies .. or their friends .. or their profs .. or their work boss .. or their churches .. or .. whatever. It's unreal.

Is this a woman-thing? Because none of my guy-friends are this way. They "suck it up" and move on. No use blaming the world for our problems.

Gimme The Bombilla!

Today I had mate for the first time in almost a month. My throat's still raspy though.

It was good to see James and Stefan. We've become quite good friends this semester. Too bad Stefan's leaving at the end of the semester .. going back to Paraguay.

Good people keep coming into my life .. only to walk out a few years later.

Sometimes being a pilgrim sucks.

The Well Is Dry

In reference to this post, I finally met her again today, after wondering how our second encounter would pan out. The encounter was short. Here's how it went:

Cub: (Sees woman at the well, and walks towards her): Hi, how are you!
Woman at the Well (WAW): Oh hi Cub, I'm well, thank you. And you?
Cub: I'm well too, thanks.
WAW: How was your weekend?
Cub: It was good. I spent most of it studying. Yesterday I went to church, and afterwards I spent some time with my brother and sister-in-law.
WAW: Oh that's great!
Cub: What about you WAW, how was your weekend? What did you do?
WAW: Oh my weekend was busy too. I went house-shopping with my fiancee...

As she continues talking about her weekend, Cub looks at her fingers and notices that she's NOT wearing an engagement ring (how could I've known she's engaged? What a waste of energy thinking about her the past few weeks). She talks for about 2 minutes about how expensive houses are in Vancouver. After she finishes talking, Cub continues...

Cub: Oh wow, I didn't know you're looking for a ... house.

Cub then talks for a few minutes about, you know, useless stuff like "housing markets", "housing prices", "renting vs buying", and "buying an apartment vs a house" .. and all the other crap that goes along with this type of conversation.

As one of my professors would probably say: "Onward and upward we go." Of course, he usually says it in relation to spiritual-life battles, but I will use it here in a different way:

So, onward and upward I go .. she wasn't that hot anyways ....

No Birthday Party

I've decided not to have a birthday party this year (again). I'm just too busy with my studies, and having one party with friends and another with family is just too much. It will take up the whole weekend, plus all the planning and all the cleanup.

Instead, I'm going to have two parties in December. :D One party will be a "Christmas for the family-less" - for those friends of mine in Vancouver who don't have a family here, and a "New Year's" party, like I did last year. That should suffice....

Who is Jesus To Me?

Who is Jesus to me?

Jesus is the Word made flesh.

Jesus is the Bread of Life.

Jesus is the Victim offered for our sins on the cross.

Jesus is the sacrifice offered at holy Mass for the sins of the world and for mine.

Jesus is the Word to be spoken.

Jesus is the truth to be told.

Jesus is the way to be walked.

Jesus is the light to be lit.

Jesus is the life to be lived.

Jesus is the love to be loved.

Jesu sis the joy to be shared.

Jesus is the peace to be given.

Jesus is the hungry to be fed.

Jesus is the thirsty to be satiated.

Jesus is the naked to be clothed.

Jesus is the homeless to be taken in.

Jesus is the sick to be healed.

Jesus is the lonely to be loved.

Jesus is the unwanted to be wanted.

Jesus is the leper to wash His wounds.

Jesus is the beggar to give Him a smile.

Jesus is the drunkard to listen to Him.

Jesus is the mentally ill to protect Him.

Jesus is the little one to embrace Him.

Jesus is the blind to lead Him.

Jesus is the dumb to speak for Him.

Jesus is the crippled to walk with Him.

Jesus is the drug addict to befriend Him.

Jesus is the prostitute to remove from danger and befriend Her.

Jesus is the prisoner to be visited.

Jesus is the old to be served.

To me: Jesus is my God.

Jesus is my spouse.

Jesus is my life.

Jesus is my only love.

Jesus is my all in all.

Jesus is my everything.

JESUS, I love with my whole heart, with my whole being. I have given Him all, even my sins, and He has espoused me to Himself in all tenderness and love.

_____

A Poem by Mother Teresa.

Source: No Greater Love, by Mother Teresa. New World Library, Novato, California, 2001. (Originally published as The Mother Teresa Reader, A Life For God, Servant Publications, 1995).

Rain, Books And Omelettes

Did it ever rain today .. my gosh. Well, we had great weather throughout September and October. It was bound to start raining...

Today at 10am I went to a bookstore and bought myself a book by Mother Teresa: No Greater Love. I've always wanted to read something written by her, so I look foward to finally doing it.

At 11am I met up with Alicia. We went for brunch at Paul's Place on Granville & 7th: great omelettes, but I didn't try their coffee. Everytime I do I end up disappointed..

Afterwards we went to my place and studied.

At 2pm I left for Abbotsford to meet with family. Alicia stayed at my place to study.

I returned home at midnight.

7 Reasons To Be Anglican

Today at lunch Dr. J. I. Packer gave a talk about why he's a "cradle to grave" Anglican. He was born into the Anglican tradition, and today he shared why he remained in it, and why he plans to always remain in it. Here are the 7 reasons he spoke about (I noticed that he wrote about them in a previous article, so to help me summarize them I quoted a few lines from the article. In brackets, I put my own reaction / opinion / response to his "stance"):

Anglicanism "as a fact", is:

1 - Catholic: a Christianity that neither adds nor subtracts from Christ; maintaining all of Christ's Christianity and teaching it - no "distortion or diminution." (Amen! The goal of catholicity [universality] - to believe that which all Christians, in all places, and at all times have agreed upon - is a good goal indeed, and it has been a blessing to me as I've grown in my faith. It is a travesty that the church of the West has deviated from it. Lord, have mercy on us!)

2 - Biblical: Scripture is authoritative, sufficient unto salvation, the standard/rule of faith and life, and internally consistent. "The Lord's people should soak themselves in Scripture as the means to their spiritual health". (Amen! A question that remains for me is: if tradition is defined as the "the Holy Spirit in history," what role does it have in nurturing spiritual health?)

3 - Evangelical/Pastoral: Ongoing evangelism, rather than "big tent" evangelism. This implies "week by week" preaching of the good news, rather than a "spasm," in which there are a few days of very intense evangelistic efforts and then a slacking off. (Agreed. Conversion is therefore a life-long process and the confession of "Jesus as Lord/Saviour" is one step within that process).

4 - Liturgical: We ought to agree in advance on the words we are going to use in worship. This, in order to speak to God more "reverently, pointedly, unanimously, and economically". Furthermore, worship and prayer centres around the following: sin detected, grace poclaimed, faith expressed (thanksgiving and living it out). Of course, full freedom in private prayer (and some aspects of common-life) is the norm. (Amen - this has been a key aspect in my journey towards Anglicanism. At every service, visitors will hear the gospel preached through 5 different means: in the singing, in the liturgy, in the reading of Scripture, in the sermon, and in the Eucharist).

5 - Rational: Any and all questions can be raised, with full respect to the questioner. This respects the image of God in all people. "We do not use the big stick.." Rather, in faith and hope, through the discipline of debate and discussion, we trust that "God in his mercy brings us to a common mind." (Amen! It seems to me that this is the good and proper reponse to denominationalism. We ought to be able to ask one another tough questions, without parting ways in the process. Truth always vindicates itself. Light always exposes and overcomes the dark).

6 - Episcopal: The historic episcopate rightly serves to make churchly continuity visible. The role of the bishop is the same as the role of the minister, and it is two-fold: to provide pastoral care, and to guard the truth. Therefore, just as ministers shepherd their parish, the bishop shepherds his ministers. And just as the minister guards his people from lies, so too the bishop ensures that his ministers are living and speaking in truth. (I'm on board here too. However, the current state of affairs in the Canadian, American, and the Church of England is nothing short of tragic. Bishops have become "maintainers of structures", and that at the cost of orthodoxy and unity in the gospel. Schism now seems virtually inevitable).

7 - National: The aim of the people of God is to look at their culture and affirm that which already 'aims heavenward', and help re-direct that which does not. Full participation, therefore, in all facets of society, is of paramount importance. The aim, finally, is to Chrsitianize the culture: infuse it with love, righteousness, grace, and forgiveness. (This is a tough one, becaue it clashes with my ana-baptist roots. I agree with affirming everything in culture that evidences God's grace at work [economics, politics, and the arts, for example], and I also agree with re-directing the grace-less towards grace, but I have reservations about how this is achieved, and to what extent. One example [among many] of my concerns is regarding the issue of pacifism. What would involvement in culture look like alongside a pacifist stance?)

8 - Reformational: This is a 'bonus' point, because it wasn't included in today's talk. It is, however, included in the article. The central theological points are "sovereign grace, original sin, justificatoin by faith and power of faith, whcih brings repentance out of the heart and transforms the life". The church, on the other hand, is conceived of as a "fellowsihp of believers out of whose common life comes the structure of ministers." Out of this structure come the sacraments of Baptism and Eucharist. (I agree theologically, but ecclesiastically I'm not yet fully on board. I think the Catholic Church is on sounder footing).

So, those are Packer's reasons for being Anglican, and my brief responses. I agree wholeheartedly with the catholic, bibilical, evangelical/pastoral, liturgical, rational, and episcopal aspects. In terms of being national, I agree, but with reservations (and many questions!). With regards to being reformational, I agree theologically, but not ecclesiastically.

Las Margaritas

Steak fajitas: mmmmmmmm!

I went for dinner tonight at Las Margaritas with my church Bible Study group. I had a great time I must say. I've been leading this group since February, and I've found that leading a small group is not easy. The reason is, quite simply, because people are broken vessels, and it's hard to mend broken vessels.

In Canadian culture it's hard to get to know people .. they'd rather just talk about fluffy, shallow stuff, because genuine relationships require effort. On the one hand, they require making oneself vulnerable (What? I have to share that with them?) On the other hand, genuine relationships involve entering into other people's vulnerability (What? You're struggling with that?)

At the end of the summer I was really quite discouraged about our group. Attendance was pathetic, morale was low, and people seemed generally disinterested, indifferent.

In the past 5 weeks, however, a few new people have joined our group, all of whom are committed to not only "physical presence", but "total presence". They don't mind sharing their weaknesses with others, and from what I can gather, they're willing to "bear" other's burdens too.

All this to say that we had a great evening tonight, eating Mexian food to our heart's content. I look forward to sharing more of life with them. Next Tuesday we're getting together to study Isaiah 5: "A Song of Injustice".

PS - the sangria was really good too...

Reading Week

On all accounts, this week was a success. It was reading week: we had no classes, in order to give us time to do research on our semester projects. Here's the work I accomplished:

* Monday 23rd: 10 hours of studying (7 reading, 3 other)
* Tuesday 24th: 9 hours of studying (6 reading, 3 other)
* Wednesday 25th: 6 hours of studying (3 reading, 3 other)
* Thursday 26th: 6 hours of studying (2 reading, 4 other)
* Friday 27th: 3 hours of studying (3 other)

The reading I did was mostly related to my class on I. Corinthians.
The note-taking was for Systematic Theology B, covering Christology.

I've earned a good weekend off!

Opening The Pages

This semester is turning out to be very interesting.

At first I hated the semester, because of my Preaching/Worship course. I thought we would talk about the theology of preaching: why we preach, what to preach; but instead, we've focused primarily on how to preach. Essentially, the course I'm in is a course on technique, and if there's one thing I'm sceptical in a church it's technique.

But things are getting better. My first sermon's over with, and I was truly humbled by the response of my classmates. They were so encouraging, so supportive. Maybe I need to re-evaluate my attitude....

On another note, I've loved immersing myself in Scripture this semester. I've been reading a lot of Scripture, not just for my classes, but also in my personal time, and for the small group Bible Study that I lead on Tuesday nights.

I'm just amazed at the richness of the Bible. As my Preaching/Worship prof says, "Jesus encounters us in every page of Scripture", and I've found that to be so true. Whether it's in the creation account or in the narratives of Abraham and the Patriarchs in Genesis, the Psalms of praise or lament, prophecies of Isaiah, the gospels, the Pauline epistles, or the apocalyptic visions in Revelation, Jesus is already there, waiting for us, promising to meet us everytime we open the pages of Scripture.

Woman At The Well

No, I'm not going to write about Jesus' encounter with the woman at the well; in fact, nothing even close to it.

But I will talk about a woman: a lovely one I met today. Meeting her once again proved to me that all that's required in melting my heart is a kind and lovely smile. And that she did. And that she has.

So, why the "woman at the well?" I have my reasons.....

Faith For The Flood: Take 1

What a relief! I preached my first sermon today in my class, and it went well. I was given the "green light" on sermon content. The only constructive criticism I received was to read Scripture with conviction, and to make more eye-contact with the audience.

Thank you Lord!

Abundant Life

I had breakfast with Eric this morning at a place not too far from where I live. Poor guy. He's quite frustrated with the (lack of) dating scenarios in his life. For one reason or another things always seem to go sour when he tries to initiate something with women.

Well, I can relate to that. My story with women is not exactly a story of success (although since growing a beard women seem to be knocking at my door .. hahaha). If it wasn't for God's grace in giving me an enduring sense of humour I'd be quite cynical. Then again, I already am cynical. Maybe without God's grace I'd be even more cynical.

It amazes me how angry we get with God, if things don't go "our way". We blame him for our problems, thinking that he "owes" us something, whether it be a job, or a spouse, or a good standard of living, or whatever. After all, Jesus said he'd give us "abundant life." Aren't these examples of an abundant life? That's the way we think nowadays.

But I think that's backward

I have but one task in life, to worship and glorify God. The more I do that, the more I will be drawn into unity with Christ and fellowship with the Tirnity. And as that happens, things on this side of eternity will become not trivial - God does not trivialize human suffering - but a step of sanctification towards eternal glory.

Lord have mercy on us

Christ have mercy on us.

Lord have mercy on us.

No More Mate .. At Least For Now

My throat is so sore from drinking mate that I've decided to stop drinking it for a while. This sucks, because a few of us guys at school founded the mate club. We meet every Tuesday from 1:30 - 3pm, and drink it while discussing theology. It's great. Often times other guys will join us out of curiosity for what we're drinking, but not so with the women. I think they're turned off by the communal nature of the drink. Whatever...

Anyways, back to my sore throat (this is about me me me, after all). I think it's because the build up of bitterness in my throat. It just got infected and now I can barely drink anything without it hurting: anything hot like tea or coffee irritates it, and something cold like pop irritates it also.

About the only thing I can drink is normal room-temperature water. Maybe that's a sign .. I should stop my indulgence of drinks such as coffee and mate.

Die Große Stille

And he said, "Go out and stand on the mount before the LORD." And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. I. Kings 19:11-12.

With these words, the film Into Great Silence began. They were appropriate verses, because the entire film - that's 160 minutes - was next to silent, virtually no talking. The film is about The Grand Chartreuse, the mother house of the legendary Carthusian Order of the Catholic Church. Essentially, the film captures the repetitive, rhythmic life at the "mother house" and beautifully portrays the life of prayer/worship, work, community, etc... It is a voyage into a different world.

Here's how the website introduces the film:

"Silence. Repetition. Rhythm. The film is an austere, next to silent meditation on monastic life in a very pure form. No music except the chants in the monastery, no interviews, no commentaries, no extra material."

I've been pondering what the connection is between the opening verse (above), and the vow of silence upheld by the Carthusians (in this particular Order, monks live in virtual silence .. talking is extremely limited, permitted only at designated times), and I've come to the conclusion that the connection is as follows: God speaks to us through the ordinary.

This is totally counter-cultural, because we are told that God - if he's there - should announce himself in 'obvious' ways (like creation isn't obvious enough): he should come down majestically in a cloud (which he will, when Jesus returns), or he should appear in a thunder, bolt, and lighting show, or even more grandiose, he should announce himself through giant hand-writing in the sky. Jesus' contemporaries were looking for signs and wonders, just like us, but Jesus responded, "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign, but no sign will be given..." (Matthew 16:4)

The sound of a low whisper?

Our culture is a culture of noise: not only talk and music, but the humdrum of all kinds of other noises, like buses, construction cranes, cash registers, computers, and cellphones. We may not like to admit it, but often times - perhaps even usually - these noises just serve to distract us and occupy ourselves. We need to be distracted from the monotony of everyday life, so we buzz and beep ourselves, thinking "Yes, now I have meaning", and we occupy ourselves with making noise thinking "Now I am important."

The sound of a low whisper?

What we don't realize is that we already are important, and we already have meaning, except, we're too occupied seeking the extra-ordinary, and we're too busy making noise. We're not listening. In the meantime, Jesus awaits us with open arms: "Be still."

Be still? "Be still and what...!!!", we say. "Be still and know that I am God." (Psalm 46:10).

The sound of a low whisper?

Yes, Jesus comes to us in the sound of a low whisper. Can you hear him?

His Steadfast Love Endures Forever

What a beautiful refrain to read over and over again. This is the "response" refrain in Psalm 136, repeated 26 times, once for each verse. It seems to me that this is a very appropriate response to read on Thanksgiving Sunday, a day I spent in Abbotsford with family.

I arrived in Abbotsford early afternoon, around 1:30, a few hours before the festivities began. It was good to get there early, because that way I was able to "catch up" in a small group with mom, dad, and my niece Tanis, before everyone else arrived.

Everyone else, not just family members but relatives too, arrived around 4pm, and we ate dinner not too much after that. Dinner was excellent, as usual.

After dinner we went downstairs and had a time of family devotions. I tried to say a little something about the Psalm, and it went ok, but I find that my difficulty with the Psalms - actually not just the Psalms, but all the Scriptures - is to get to the "main idea" of a text. I like dancing all around the text, picking up all kinds of interesting tidbits, but I often times miss the central kernel of truth the author tries to communicate.

After opening up the floor for some feedback, we sang what seemed like 100 hymns, before closing the evening with fellowship and conversation.

Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good,

for his steadfast love endures forever!

Blessed By Fire

Today was one of the better days I've had in the last few weeks. Here's how it went.

Morning: studied at home. I did research on the passage I'm preaching on: Genesis 6:5-9:29.

Noon: Anglican Studies Holy Communion and lunch. I'm learning not to stuff myself full of food everytime I eat.

Afternoon: I met up with Alicia mid-afternoon. We studied together before heading out for dinner at my favourite Pakistani Restaurant: Al-Watan. Too much food in one day.

Evening: The highlight of the day was when we went to see an Argentinian movie, Blessed by Fire (Iluminados por el Feugo). This was a movie about the effects the Falkland War in the early 80's had onthe soldiers. Very powerful and real: a very good movie. I've seen a few Argentinean movies over the past year, and I've been pleasantly surprised at the level of cinematography coming out of that country. But more than that, I was just happy to spend some quality time with Alicia. I think our reconcilliation has been astonishing. I'm amazed at how well our times together go. How ironic ..I know her better now as a friend, than I ever did as her boyfriend.

Help On The Way

Today I met with Mike L, the TA for my preaching class. He's going to help me formulate my sermon. I'm preaching a 10 minute sermon to my class on October 16.

The passage I'm preaching on is the same passage I've been tasked to preach on at my church (why did I agree to preach at my church anyways?): Genesis 6:9-9:29, the story of Noah and the Flood.

I was (a little) encouraged after my meeting with Mike today. At least I have a sense of direction now. I know where I'm going...

1 Minute

My gosh .. this is so tough. Today in my Preaching class (see yesterday's post), we had to do a Scripture reading plus give the main idea, in 1 minute. I just about died.

I know. Ridiculous. It's only a minute. Why am I so burdened by this?

I think I feel so pressured because all the people in my class seem/act so smart, and at times I feel so stupid. But I think the key word is that they seem/act smart. They are not. At least not all of them. Plus, most of them have preached before, whereas I've preached only to myself while taking a shower, if that.

But in reality, I think the reason I'm having such a difficult time is because I'm looking in the mirror and not liking what I'm seeing. I'm facing my own vulnerability, more importantly, my own pride. I've throned myself at the top .. a place reserved for Someone Else.

I don't know how I'm going to make it through this semester. I hate this course.

Facing My Demon

This semester is going to perhaps be the most difficult semester for me during my studies at seminary. The reason: public speaking.

I'm taking three courses, Preaching and Worship, Advanced Exegesis: I. Corinthians, and Systematic Theology "B". The 3rd course is no problem, but the first two courses require some public speaking which is something I've dreaded since beginning my Masteral studies. That's why I've left these courses to my last year: I hate public speaking. It's my worst fear. I'd prefer most kinds of suffering over public speaking, but somehow or another, I feel this is a necessary process I need to go through.

I have to face this demon, once and for all. By God's grace - and only so - I will defeat this demon.

Hamaca Paraguaya

Ted and Karin came over tonight, for an enjoyable evening of food and film.

We met shortly after 6pm in Burnaby, before going for dinner at Anton's, my favourite Italian Restaurant in Vancouver. I remember the days when I used to work at Glenayre, in the last 1990's .. we used to go to Anton's all the time for lunch, because the food is just that good!

Well, things haven't changed there. They still serve the best pasta in Vancouver. After dinner (which included a very very yummy tiramisu cake for dessert), we headed downtown for Hamaca Paraguaya, a Paraguayan movie shown here at the Film Festival.

The movie was good, but very slow, and very minimalist. In fact, the entire movie had less than 10 scenes, I'm sure. But, it did a great job portraying Paraguayan life: simple, but full of dignity. I'm glad I went to see it. The only disappointment was that it was in guarani. I shouldn't be surprised, really, because after all guarani is the native language of the people, but I was hoping to hear some spanish. I love the sound of spanish. It's like music to my ears....

But next week I'll have the opportunity to hear some nice Spanish when I see a movie from Argentina.

It was a good evening: good food, goof film, and good family. :)

Film Festival

My favourite event of the year in Vancouver (together with the Celebration of Light fireworks) is the Vancouver International Film Festival. This year it takes place from September 28-October 13. This is the one time per year where movies actually worth watching hit the scene.

I'm just so fed up with pretentious Hollywood. So, here are the movies I plan to see over the next 15 days:

* Paraguayan Hammock (Hamaca Paraguaya), Paraguay: a married couple go about their daily lives, pondering the fate of their son who's gone off to war --> September 28

* The Great Bazaar (O Grande Bazar), Mozambique: two poverty-stricken boys struggle to survive --> September 29

* Into Great Silence (Die Grosse Stille), Germany: examines the humble existence of those who choose to live a monastic life in the Carthusian Order --> October 1

* Blessed by Fire (Iluminados Por El Fuego), Argentina: a movie about the Falkland Islands war in the early 80's --> October 6

* What is it Worth (Quanto Vale Ou E Por Quilo?), Brazil: a film showing how money raised by charities often times ends up lining the pockets of organizers--> October 13

What To Make Of It All..

I've been seeing Alicia more than usual lately. I saw her at least twice last week. Then I spent Friday afternoon and evening with her.

And today I saw her for a few hours in the afternoon. We met at Granville Island, and parked ourselves along the water with dozens of other people who were thrilled to enjoy another sunny September-Sunday. We both brought books to read: I'm almost finished with Saint Augustine's Confessions, and she was getting some knitting ideas from a knitting book.

I don't know what to make of this.

Trampolining In Abbotsford

It's been great visiting with sibblings over the past few months. It's great to have them back in Canada.

This aftetrnoon I visited Ted and Karin at their home in Abbotsford. I spent a good deal of time with their kids too, jumping on the trampoline. Man, that was great fun.

Around 6ish we also ate a great bbq dinner.

By 8:30 I was back at home, studying.

Cough Cough, Sniff Sniff

I'm sick .. again! I woke up today with a headache the size of .. I don't know, it was big. My nose runs all the way to the floor, and my throat, my God, it feels like I'm swallowing a cactus everytime I swallow...

No More Bells And Whistles, Please!

I'm excited, because Friday lunches are back. Friday lunches are the best lunches at school: Holy Communion with the Anglican Studies group, and then lunch at a chinese restaurant nearby. Odd combination, I know, but does it get any better?

Unlike our weekly chapels on Tuesdays, where one never knows just what to expect (what's it gonna be today, traditional hymns, or contemporized(?) hymns, or contemporary music? .. how many more variations of musical arrangements must we endure [and to boot, they seem to get worse and worse!]? .. and when will we end the mixing and matching of lyrics with melodies? .. and, what kind of a service will we have today: a Pente-Presby-Baptist-Reform, or will it be Free-Anglo-Alliance-Menno? .. puhleeeeeeeease! .. and finally, can we just settle on a set liturgy and stick with it, rather than reinventing the wheel every week .. we have, after all, almost 2000, yes, 2000 years of church history and wisdom to guide us .. please, stop the madness or else, put me out of my misery), Friday services are simple, profound and straight to the point. No frills, no song-and-dance, just the bread, the cup, the liturgy of Holy Communion, and a 10 minute homily. Need we have anything else?

I can't believe I just said that. Nah .. sometimes the truth hurts. Ha! I think I'm becoming a liturgical snob, a "rigourist".

Boulevard Café

I went out with Alicia earlier this afternoon, and had a great time. She had a coupon for the Boulevard Café just around the corner from school, so we went there and drank this carbonated water & fruit juice (mango & coconut) drink. I think it's an Italian drink or something. Whatever it is or wherever it came from, I didn't like it.

But I did enjoy my time with her.

The Inner Voice

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I will do after I graduate next April, God willing. I really don't feel a very particular, specific calling, like being a Pastor, for example. Yet at the same time, I know that God has been preparing me, moulding me over the past 4 years, so that he can use me somewhere for the good of his kingdom.

Earlier this week I read a quote by an alumni of our school. This is what she said in her article: "At Regent I discovered that God wasn't at 'the edge,' hoping I would join Him; He was within me, waiting for me to listen to His love. He wasn't calling me to a geographical destination, but to the centre of my being, to mundane obedience."

I found this article, and this quote in particular, very encouraging, because it invites me to be faithful to God "in the present moment," before all else. Maybe God has called me to a specific geographical location - I don't know - but I need not go anywhere but to the very core of my being, in order to listen to the voice of Jesus there. Furthermore, it's in the small, mundane, daily tasks, that first-and-foremost I need to be obedient.

No Wonder!

I discovered this morning while taking a shower that the shampoo I'm using has an expiry date of 10.19.2003.

No wonder I'm going bald....

Violent Irruption Of Love

This morning I went to church with Alicia, to attend a conference on the book of Genesis. It was very good, I'm glad I went. I love the Hebrew Scriptures. So much of God's character becomes evident in its pages. In fact, without the Old Testament, neither the New Testament nor Jesus make any sense at all. Here are a few things I took away from today's session:

* The Bible contains the story of the "irruption", the in-breaking, of the kingdom of God on earth; this story begins with Genesis

* This in-breaking is essentially a violent irruption of love

* God's kingdom is different than the kingdoms of this world, in that it's ruled by love; this is 1- for God's glory; and 2- for our salvation

* God's kingdom is mediational in nature: Israel mediates God to the world; Jesus Christ mediates God & man; the Church mediates Jesus Christ to an unbeleiving world

* There are 4 components of a nation (ie - Israel): Land, Law, Leader, & People

* People: Israel, but by faith, we are also identified with the faith of Abraham (Galatians 3:26-27)

*Land: Whereas Genesis depicts a physical land of God's kingdom nation, today we are a "spiritual land"; Jesus is our land/space; whereas Israel entered land by faith, we enter Jesus by faith

* Leader: King David was the leader of the OT nation, Jesus is the leader of the NT nation

* Law: OT law was written on rock; NT law written on our hearts; the moral law has not been abolished, but rather, it's administration has, and the Torah has been written in our minds through the Holy Spirit

Finally, I found this helpful: ther's no "utopia" or "perfect society" today, nor is it possible. Adam and Eve lived in it, but they rejected it when they sinned.

DG The OG

David G, also affectionately known as the "Original Gangsta" has been visiting from Toronto the past few days: 8.29-31, 9.5-6. It's been great to see him.

Hanging out with him & Scott L. brings back such great memories from my university days, hanging out with the boys, playing soccer, going partying at the Luvafair. Man, it seems so long ago....

While Dave was here, we went to Al-Watan for Pakistani food twice, we met Scott for lunch downtown once, and we also walked around the city a ton. At first he was quite bitter that we went everywhere on foot, but by the end of his stay he was "converted" to this simpler way of getting from place to place. He found it refreshing, to walk everywhere. He got some exercise that way, he saw the city from "ground level", and what more, he enjoyed the way our conversations flowed more naturally during walks.

Late afternoon he went back to Toronto. Good luck going for walks in that concrete jungle....!

One Last Stab

I have mixed feelings on this day.

I am happy. I'm happy because Sharon got married. I'm not happy about the fact she married, because ever since the day I met her I've loved her, and it's not easy seeing her marry someone else. But all I've ever wanted for her is to be happy, and if this marriage is right for her, then so be it. I bless it. I bless her.

I am relieved. Her marriage provides yet another element of closure for me. It's not like I've had any hopes of getting together: this hope was smashed to smithereens a long time ago, but still, knowing that she now has a ring on her finger does provide yet one more element of finality to the issue.

I am disappointed. I am disappointed because she did not invite me to her wedding. Over the past 4 months she repeatedly told me that she had a wedding invitation for me, yet, she never gave it to me. It's not that I wanted to attend her wedding that badly - I didn't - it's just that she didn't keep her word. She lied to me, and that hurts. It shows me that I don't really matter to her. Perhaps I never did.

I remember how when I was younger my mom always said to me "God has someone very special in mind for you." I believed this, never questioned it. Until I turned 30, unmarried. I started to wonder whether God really did have someone special for me: maybe we just had an inadequate conception of God's will and plan for our lives.

I think it's fair to say that sometimes we want something so badly that we will not even endeavour to conisder the thought that God may have something different, better, in store for us. We cannot bear the thought of not getting what we want, and since we believe in the sovereignty of God, the only potential option left to us (& God) is that he'll 'make things happen.'

C. S. Lewis was right when he said that if God had given him everything he ever asked for he'd be in deep trouble, because not everything he asked for was good for him. In fact, many things he prayed for were downright harmful. The same is true for me. Ahhhh, hindsight vision is always 20/20.

The most important discovery my relational disappointments have led me to is in the way I relate to God, and especially the way I pray. I still believe in God's sovereignty. He is still my Master who will never mislead me. The prophet attests to this, "Whoever is wise, let him understand these things; whoever is discerning let him know them; for the ways of the LORD are right, and the upright walk in them, but transgressors stumble in them" (Hosea 14:9).

And when I pray, I try not to pray that God would "give me this," "make this happen," or "lead me that way." Inevitably I just end up disappointed. God's ways are just too mysterious for me to comprehend. "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Instead of praying for me, I look for ways to better praise and worship him in life and prayer. I look for ways to serve him more completely, wholeheartedly, unconditionally. As my prayer life is oriented away from me and towards him, it seems to me, I am realigning my whole being away from my selfish tendencies, towards his light, his holy mysteries.

Yes, I still ask, seek, and knock (Matthew 7:7-8). But I try (emphasis on the word try) to do so in order to learn more about God and his ways. This entails asking how I can best serve him, seeking how to best benefit his kingdom, and knocking again and again in expectancy of his mercy, not quick solutions.

I am thankful. Thankful for this discovery. Thankful for all the advice I've received over the years from family and friends. Thankful for Sharon, her marriage, and her happiness. Thankful for disappointments. And I am especially thankful for the LORD's "steadfast love" and "mercies", for they never cease, they never come to an end. Indeed, "they are new every morning." Great is the faithfulness of the LORD (Lamentations 3:22-23).

Travelling Light

I helped my good friend Rudy move into a new apartment earlier this evening, and as I saw all the "stuff" he moved, I couldn't help but be reminded of my own moves over the past 10 years: Abbotsford-New West (1997), New West-Kits (2000), Kits-Fairview (2001), Fairview-City Hall (2002), and furthermore, I couldn't help but think how much we love to gather and collect stuff.

All kinds of stuff. Big stuff. Small stuff. Old stuff. New stuff. Good stuff. Bad stuff. Some stuff that we need, but really when it comes right down to it, a whole lotta shitty stuff that really serves no need at all, other than distracting us even for just a tiny little while from anything remotely important.

Neil Postman wrote, among other books, a book called "Amusing Ourselves To Death". I think I need to read that book, because he probably addresses this tendency of ours to accummulate and consume for no other reason than self-amusement.