That Gut-Wrenching Feeling

After spending the last 9 days in Vancouver, I flew back to Saskatoon today.

And I got the feeling that I always get just before leaving the west coast and returning to the prairies, gut-wrenching anxiety, even anguish.  I imagine it's because of a whole range of feelings that race through my head:

the feeling of leaving something behind

nostalgia - a flooding of past memories

departing the adventurous and returning to daily routines

unresolved conflicts with family and friends

loneliness - the sense of having to experience something on one's own

C S Lewis once said something along the lines of 'there must be another world, because we all have unfulfilled longings that we intuit only another world could satisfy; in fact, we were made for this other world.'

I wonder whether the feelings of anguish I feel has to do with this sense of longing.  The loneliness I feel when leaving one place for another is perhaps not so much because I am going through it "on my own", but because of a deep knowledge that whether I stay here or go elsewhere, or whether I go through this process alone or with someone else, there are needs, deep needs, that will be unresolved no matter what.

The good thing in all of this is that it only takes 2 days for me to "get over" the feeling of despair.  Once I'm back at home, I get busy, reimmersing myself in daily life, work, reconnecting with people, friends, and coworkers, "forgetting" about the feelings I had at the end of my trip.

Heavenly Father, thank you for this trip to the west coast.  Thank you for reminding me that though we feel lonely at times, you are always with us.  Amen.

Vancouver In Spring

What a gorgeous city I used to live in.

It's only April and spring's in fool bloom!

Here are a few pictures from downtown.

Life In Prison

Depression must feel like living in a prison.

I've had periods of depression, deep sadness, but one way or another, eventually I "snap out of it", I find a way out of the gates of hell and into the open air.  

I can't imagine how someone who deals with it their entire life must feel.  How do they cope?  How do they get by?  And how do they make sense of it theologically, spiritually?

And what would it be like having a spouse who is depressed?  Would there not be guilt feelings on either side?  The one depressed feels guilty for chaining the other person to it, bringing them "into the prison", and the other person feels guilty for not being compassionate enough.

9 Days In Vancouver

I arrived on the west coast late last night.

It'll be a strange trip, as mom and dad are in Paraguay, so I will spend much of my time in Abbotsford with siblings.

The main purpose of my trip is to attend the CASC conference.  I'm sceptical as to how useful this conference will be, given the fruitcake spirituality the organization promotes.  This will be a test of sorts for me...

The plan:

* April 9 - 12 in Abbotsord (2 nights at Ted's, then 2 at Melanie's)

* April 13 - 15 in Vancouver (airbnb)

* April 16 return to Saskatoon

I met with my wonderful friends Claudia and Hugh for lunch today, where else, but Al Watan?

Late afternoon I drove to one of my favourite places, Regent College.  I'd like to pitch a tent in the bookstore and live there for a year...

Plants Are Up

Seeds are planted, and in fact, seedlings are up already.

On the menu this fall:
* zucchini (2 plants)
* potatoes (4)
* broccoli (2)
* carrots (many)
* garlic (2)
* red peppers (3)
* tomatoes (5)
* green beans (2