Delight And Despair

I am full of both, delight and despair.

I just found out a few minutes ago (it's 6am right now) that classes are cancelled. This, after having worked all (I'm tempted to insert swearword here) night on the sermon for today. UBC and Regent are both without power, because of the snowstorm.

I'm trying to discern how to react to the school closure: do I laugh or do I cry? Maybe both? If I laugh, is it because of joy or because of delirious disappointment? If I cry, would I shed tears of happiness or tears of anger?

The answer is "Yes!"

On the one hand, I'm delighted, because first of all, I'm bloody tired of working on this stupid sermon, and I desperately need a break. I can now go to sleep - and do so in peace - knowing that I worked hard throughout the weekend. I can also rejoice at the knowledge that when I wake up, I can put on some warm clothes and go out for a walk in the snow. I love the snow.

On the other hand, I'm despairing, because I know that had I preached this morning, it would have been an utter failure, an utter nightmare. After all the work I've done, I have - at best - a couple nice quotes, and a couple interesting tidbits. I still have no idea what I'm trying to say, and I still have absolutely no idea how to apply this passage (I. Cor 9) to the church without sounding absolutely self-righteous.

God, help me! Lord, have mercy!

This proves that, yet again, I'm full of pride, full of myself. I care too much about what others think about me. I'm more concerned about coming across as "reasonable" than preaching the word of God. (How Canadian!!!).

Well, I'm going to bed. I have a feeling this class will be rescheduled around the mid-December timeframe. I'll take a few days' break from it all, and then re-engage mid-week.

Next Sunday I'm preaching at church. That sermon's done, ready to go. I just need to practise it a few times.