Apparently I have issues. That's what MB told me tonight, as we talked about 'women and gender roles'. Apparently my view that a woman ought to submit to her husband makes her feel "uneasy and troubled". Piss off, is what I say.
Actually, the conversation started earlier, at AJ&CL's place. They'd kindly invited us (MB, JH, and myself; RS was unable to come) to spend a Sunday afternoon at their place to watch the F1 race, view pictures from their recent trip to China, and eat a lovely dinner together. During the dinner, we began to talk about various topics: the church, the family, the looming teacher's strike, and of course, gender roles and sexuality.
As usual, I felt outnumbered. It seems to me that my points of view on virtually every imaginable topic under the sun differ from opinions held by others. While this is not new to me - I've experienced this all of my life - I don't always deal with it very well. I'm convinced about my point of view, am not shy to state it, but when I realize that others don't share it I get
uptight and defensive.
I end up saying things that don't do my point of view justice (my train of thought freezes), and worse, I hurt others and myself with the words I say. Tonight I said some things that were really inappropriate (even though I feel that my point of view is entirely legitimate). In fact, I think I said some things to AJL that I should not have said. I need to learn to be gracious, and listen to others' point of view, because as it stands I come across as self-righteous and arrogant.
Anyways, fast forward to my conversation with MB upon our arrival back in Vancouver. First off, she thanked me for sharing my points of view with the group, even though she disagreed with them. She said she couldn't understand where I'm coming from. This is especially with regards to the issue of women and submission. Here is what we argued:
I told her that I side with the orthodox, historical view of Scripture, which holds that in marriage, a woman ought to submit to her husband. The church has been influenced by our culture, viewing submission not as a God-given blessing for our benefit, but instead, rendering it outdated if not abusive. Our churches are capitulating to our culture's relentless drive to axe traditional values; we are foolishly attempting to appease to cultural dictates in order to be accepted by society, rather than living out the gospel faithfully. In addition, if a man loves his wife and treats her with Christ-like love and dignity, she'd have no reason not to trust and submit to him. Finally, I pointed towards the growth of the church in 3rd world countries, and attributed this growth in part to the faithfulness of the church in those places in upholding traditional family values based on Scripture.
Her response was that I misinterpreted Scripture, and furthermore, my language of submission was disappointing. She said my argument about siding with the historical view was weak, because throughout history women have been abused by men. Furthermore, the essence of Scripture points towards mutual submission, as this would enable us to "become who we were designed to be by God". In other words, a man who demands his wife to submit to him is just insecure about his identity, and rather than forcing her to to submit, he should deal with his insecurity. Contrary to my opinion, she did not view the 3rd world as an example to uphold, because they were "uneducated" and didn't know better. In fact, it's the responsibility of 1st world nations to educate them, in order to bring equal rights to women in that part of the world.
We talked about this for quite a while. In the end her conclusion was that I have so much to offer to someone (a woman), but as far as women and submission is concerned, I should really consider "dealing with this issue."
Deep inside I was enraged. But I tried not to let it show. I acted flustered and confused though.
She is right. This IS an "issue" for me; but not in the way she thinks it is. She thinks this is preventing me from getting a girlfiriend, and that if I was more
egalitarian I'd have no problem getting a girlfriend. My response is that I have no problems getting a girlfriend. I have plenty of opportunities, thanks for your concern. The issue for me is that my convictions are such that dating North American women is neither desirable nor appealing, because there are so few women who share my convictions. This is why I want to marry someone from Asia or Latin America.
Regardless, I told her that I would give her point of view some thought, and I will keep my word.
Holy Trinity, I pray that as I seek your guidance on relationships between men and women, you would illuminate my mind by the power of your Holy Spirit, through Jesus Christ, and for His sake. Amen.
