Throwing The Net Into The Sea: A Prayer

Long before your earthly arrival, Lord Jesus, the Psalmist said the following: “The Mighty One, God the Lord, speaks and summons the earth from the rising of the sun to its setting. Out of Zion, the perfection of beauty, God shines forth. May our God come, and not keep silence; before him is a devouring fire, around him a mighty tempest. He calls to the heavens above and to the earth, that he may judge his people: “Gather to me my faithful ones, who made a covenant with me by sacrifice!” The heavens declare his righteousness, for God himself is judge!

He concluded with these words from you, oh God: “Mark this, then, you who forget God, lest I tear you apart, and there be none to deliver! The one who offers thanksgiving as his sacrifice glorifies me; to one who orders his way rightly I will show the salvation of God!”
_____

Heavenly Father, Precious Son, and Holy Spirit: We worship you. We adore you. We praise your Holy Name; for your name is above all names, there is none like you. You are righteous. You are Good. You are the God of our salvation. We thank you for that.

We thank you that through the sacrifice of your dear Son, Our Lord Jesus Christ, our sins, and our rebellion, are wiped clean. Thank you that you cleanse us, you restore us, you heal us, and you guide us to a new life: a life centred on you.

Purify us oh God, and continue to draw near to us. Mould us to the image of your Son Jesus. Holy Spirit, we welcome you to work in our lives. We welcome you to tear down walls of pride, greed, envy, and hatred, and please replace them with generosity, kindness, joy, and love. Open our hearts to receive your love. Open our eyes, so that we may see you. Open our ears, so that we may embrace your word. Restore unto us the joy of your salvation!

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

We pray for your church, Lord Jesus. As your bride, we pray that the church would love the world the way you loved the world, and that she would be a reminder to all, that we have not been abandoned on the wastelands of history, but that you are always awaiting us with open arms. May your church reach out in humility, truth, and love.

Protect your church, Lord Jesus. Keep her eyes focused on you, amidst so much temptation to follow the pursuits of this world. For the Anglican Church of Canada, grant repentance and a turning around in faithful obedience to you. Forgive our divisive ways, and unite us as one in your truth, so that the world may believe that you were sent by the Father. May we preach the gospel of your kingdom, for you lived, died, and rose again; and may this lead to repentance, forgiveness, and the restoration of many people.

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

On this 3rd Sunday of Advent, we eagerly await the celebration of your birthday, Lord Jesus. We are counting down the days to that special, blessed day, when you left your dwelling with the Father, and became one of us. Lord, we are so grateful to you. We anticipate the time on Christmas Day when together with all the stars and all the galaxies we will rejoice, and with the angels we shall sing for joy, for salvation has come, hope has arrived, deliverance is here!

In the meantime, grant us strength, energy, and much peace of heart and mind. Give rest to those that are hard at work in the church, marketplace or school; embrace the lonely with your love, and touch the sick with your healing. Continually remind us of the true meaning of Christmas, dear Jesus.

We pray especially for your healing grace upon AL, K, and D and his family. Protect PC in Korea, and provide him with Christian fellowship. And we pray for the salvation of PVT, GO, and KJ. In your mercy, continue to reveal your purpose for their lives.

Finally, we quietly bring before you our individual concerns or lovedones you’ve placed on our hearts.

Lord, in your Mercy, hear our prayer!

All this we pray with thanksgiving, joy, and peace in our hearts;
In the name of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.

Amen.

____

Evening Service Prayer at St. John's Anglican Church, based on Matthew 13:47-52, and Psalm 50: 1-6, 22-23.

Two Weeks Without A Shave

Exactly two weeks ago was the last time I shaved. Wow .. what freedom, not to shave every 2nd day.

This is the longest time I've ever gone without shaving, since my teens. I feel like congratulating myself, patting myself on the back. Why I'm not sure, but somehow I feel I've accomplished something.

Oh the little things that amuse me.....

Currently Listening - December '05

Artist: Ralph Vauhan Williams (1872-1958)
Album Title: Mass in G Minor (with the Westminster Cathedral Choir). CD includes Judith Bingham's Mass (with the Westminster Cathedral Choir and organist Robert Quinney). Master of Music is Martin Baker.
Producer: Hyperion Records
Release: 2005.

An Encounter At The Stairwell

It's 9:37am. I'm walking up the stairs in a hurry, on my way to class. I see someone else coming down. I look up, and realize it's her. No one else is around.

We make eye contact. At first we both look away in a mixture of surprise and uneasiness, but then we look at each other again. This time we both smile. But we continue our journeys, passing by each other without saying anything.

Then in the matter of a split second, I decide to break the silence. I have something to say.

Cub: "A, do you have a moment?"
AEK: "Ok."

I run back down the stairs. There's still no one else around. We're alone in the stairwell.

Cub: "Can we talk briefly?"
AEK: "OK." She smiles.
Cub: "My heart's burdened." My voice cracks. I fight back emotion, even tears.
AEK: "Yeah, I was going to call you."

Silence and nervousness, for about 5 seconds.

Cub: "When could we talk? Do you want to wait until next weekend, after all our assignments, exams, and papers are done?"
AEK: "Yeah. Sometime over Christmas."
Cub: "Ok. Have a good day."
AEK: "You too."

We both continue on our ways. I arrive in class, in a bit of a frenzy. For about 15 minutes, my eyes must have been glazed: trying to make sense of the brief encounter.

She looked good. She looked beautiful.

History!

My history paper's done, finally!!! I handed it in this morning.

It was actually a bit of an ordeal to get it all done. My original idea was to write about how the central aspects of Christian worship - Holy Communion and Preaching - changed from the Early Church to the Reformation.

I went to see my professor about it, and her respone was luke-warm. I really like her - she's very kind, humble and gentle, yet brilliantly smart - yet somehow her response deflated me. She suggested I take my research in a different direction. She didn't want me to just drop down facts on a paper. She didn't want a survey of Christian history. She wanted me to make a statement, a thesis.

So I did a ton of extra research, based on her suggestions. Yet, I didn't want to give up on all my ideas either, so I ended up blending both, and I'm not sure that was such a good idea.

In the end, a paper that was supposed to be 3,000 words turned out to be close to 6,000!! I edited it 3 times, and deleted over 1,000 words. My final copy had 4,100 words, still much over the accepted limit. But I decided to hand it in anyways. Editing is such hard work, and I'd already spent so much time on it, that cutting out even more felt like cutting out the very core of me, since I'd put so much work into it.

Anyways, it's done. My history paper's history.

Long Ago, Prophets Knew Christ Would Come

1.
Long ago, prophets knew
Christ would come, born a Jew,
Come to make all things anew;
Bear his People's burden,
Freely love and pardon.

Ring, bells, ring, ring, ring!
Sing, choirs, sing, sing, sing!
When he comes, when he comes,
Who will make him welcome?

2.
God in time, God in man,
This is God's timeless plan:
he will come, as a man,
Born himself of woman,
God divinely human.

3.
Mary, hail! Though afraid,
She believed, She obeyed.
In her womb God is laid:
Till the Time expected,
Nurtured and protected.

4.
Journey ends! Where afar
Bethlehem shines, like a star,
Stable door stands ajar.
Unborn Son of Mary,
Saviour, do not tarry!

Ring, bells, ring, ring, ring!
Sing, choir, sing, sing, sing!
Jesus comes, Jesus comes,
We will make him welcome!

-----

Words by Fred Pratt-Green.

I Knew It!

I knew it was going to snow today! I think I'm a prophet (more on that another day, maybe tomorrow). I love, love, love the snow: it brightens my soul to the very core!

Here are some pictures I took upon arrival at Regent College today:

Winter

Winter's here. The temperature is close to 0C, and the sky is laden with thick, white clouds. I walked outside tonight briefly, and it seems that it will snow very soon. Perhaps even tonight.

Come snow come! I welcome you with open arms!

Centre of Worship

I've been doing research on the history and nature of Christian worship for the past 2000+ years, and have learned the following:

* in the early church, the centre of Christian worship was Holy Communion and Preaching;
* in the middle ages, the centre of worship became the administration of sacraments; preaching fell by the wayside;
* during the reformation, Holy Communion has become a mere "memorial" afterthought, in favour of preaching.

Personally, I think the centre of Christian worship should be Holy Communion, because the act transcends my mood, my opinion: Jesus died and rose again, and focusing on that reality is an act of worship that far transcends any mood or opinion.

If preaching becomes the focus, then my attention too often is turned to the preacher: what he says, what he doesn't, how he says it, his sense of humour (or lack of it), his mood, his opinions, his theological views, and the list goes on and on. The key is that he - not Christ - becomes the centre of attention. Or conversely, if I'm in a bad mood, or if I disagree with his views or opinions, again, I'm focusing not on Our Lord, but on myself.

By making Holy Communion the central act of Christian Worship we can never go wrong, becasue the focus will always be on Jesus Christ.

That has been a revelation to me over the past few days.

Booksale

Today was one of the classic events we have at the Regent College Bookstore every semester: the midnight madness sale. The bookstore is open until midnight, and all kinds of books are on sale. I always go there, and end up hanging out until, well, midnight.

Problem is, I go there with no real goal. I know that there'll be lots of great books on sale, but because I don't really know what books I need, and because I have a healthy dose of prudence that prevents me from needlessly spending money, I come home pretty much empty-handed every time.

Aside from the booksale, I did three other things today:

* met with JW for breakfast. He's getting confirmed at our church next Sunday, and I've had the privilege of journeying alongside him for the past few months.

* research, research, research. I had a minor setback with my professor yesterday. I met her to discuss the paper I plan to write, and she was not as happy about my direction as I was hoping she would be. She suggested some changes to my plans. Frustrating......

* dinner with N&NJ. They're such a cool couple. I enjoy visiting them. I wish I could see them more often.

Crunch-Time

Over the next few weeks I will write less in my journal, because I'm just too busy with my studies. Here are the projects I have to finish in the next month:

* History Paper: "The Eucharist and the Word in Church History", 12.09.05.
* Christian Equipping and Ministry: Create a 10-week study on discipleship, 12.09.05.
* History Final Exam: 12.16.05.
* Book Report: "The Equipping Pastor", 12.16.05.

Wealth

Tonight I went to a fund raiser for the training program I'm involved with at my church. I'm astonished at the wealth of parishoners at my church. Many of them are millionaires.

I have a problem with that. It seems anti-gospel to me, to be a Christian and wealthy.

Then again, it's easy for me to say that. My very mouth is being fed by these wealthy people, who generously support this training program, and who pay my monthly stipend.

In addition to that, my earthly father's riches are also sustaining me. They have done so since the day of my birth.

So, while I have an idealistic, theological problem with Christian wealth, pragmatism, realism, and practicality of everyday life dictates otherwise.

Friends, Family, And Fun

Tonight was a super fun night. I invited four of my best friends from Regent and took them to Abbotsford to meet my parents. We had a great time.

We arrived in Abbotsford at 6:30 (we were 30 minutes late), and shortly after our arrival dinner was served in the dining room. There was probably enough food for an entire village, but my goodness, was the food ever delicious. There were at least 4 different vegetable/salad dishes, chicken, and steak, and for dessert we had coffee, tea, pie, fruit salad, and a chocolate cake with rum.

After the meal we sat down in the family room and had a nice conversation. We talked about some good and relevant topics, including our family backgrounds, interests, and future directions.

I'm thankful for this evening. I've struggled to be happy lately, but tonight was a brightspot.

Thank you Lord for friends and family to share life with.

Below is a picture my dad took during dinner. From left to right: Mom, Cub, IYB, ML, AH, and CM:

Maybe I should introduce my church friends to my parents too. It's good for them to know whom I spend time with.

36

I suppose today I should post something "happy" and "joyful" because today was my birthday, but I'm feeling pretty shitty nowadays, so I can't really say this day was that special. Here's how I spent it:

7:30am - woke up, prepared breakfast, drank mate

9am - did research for my History of Christianity paper; I'm going to write on the history of Christian worship

11am - went to library to do more research, pick up more books

3pm - prepared for Fusion event, God and Film

6pm - went to church; Fusion event went well .. 32 people showed up, movie was good, discussion was also very good

11pm - Steamworks with a great bunch of friends; this was definitely the highlight of the day; it was especially good to have two of my best friends present: CM and RS. Another friend I'm enjoying getting to know, EW, was also there; unfortunately, I forgot to bring along my camera, and so I was unable to take any pics

Low

I'm feeling really down lately. I lack confidence and as I said a few weeks ago, I feel completely inadequate.

I'm questioning my ability to do ministry in the church. I feel weak and totally insecure.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner!

Simplicity Of Faith

Praise God! Four people attended tonight’s session on prayer. We shared a meal together, watched the video, and discussed our thoughts and questions for almost an hour. We were all on the same page, too, which was a blessing. All of the participants acknowledged the importance of prayer as a “lifeline” to God. And all of us admitted how difficult it is to “pray continually.”

After the session, a few people from the other group joined us and together went out for some drinks.

There is one challenge I will need to be sensitive to: two of our participants are not interested in “deep theological, intellectual discussions”, whereas the other two are. I definitely lean towards the latter, and need to be mindful and respectful of those who have a very simple approach to faith. Jesus said: “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3-4)

Weakening The Chains Of Sin

I'm coming to realize the importance of showing vulnerability. It's in vulnerability that we show strength of character.

I met with a friend for an afternoon coffee today. He's a new Christian, and I have to say I was truly humbled by our time of sharing. In the matter of an hour, he opened himself up to me - completely - warts and everything.

I'm amazed at his life: story after story of sexual and alcohol abuse, and marital troubles too. What amazed me most was his openness about his problem with lust. Simply amazing. He said "Every time I tell someone about this problem, the chains of sin are weakened." Wow. How true. The more we confess our sins to one another, the more our slavery to sin is exposed, and the more open we leave ourselves to the healing powers of others in the Holy Spirit.

We talked about the church, and her inability or unwillingness to recognize how prevalent sexual brokenness is among Christians.

We closed in prayer, and decided to meet again. I look forward to it. I have a lot to learn from him.

Remembering Rememberance Day

Rememberance Day has never meant much to me, because I grew up in a pacifist Christian denomination.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. This is an issue that I've never thought about much. I haven't "personalized" this particular theological point of view.

Books, Brunches, And Boxers

Today I basically did three things: 1- study; 2- brunch with RC in Richmond; and 3- dinner with mom and dad.

1- Studying went fine. I'm quite enjoying the book I'm reading for one of my classes. I'll post it on my cubsseeds blog soon.

2- Brunch with RC went fine too. We made scrambled eggs, sausages, and toast. I also made one of the best coffees I've made in a long time. We also studied, so the afternoon had a nice balance of friendship and hard work.

3- Dinner with mom and dad went fine. Dad and I had our usual good discussion, and mom and I had our usual tussle: she does not respect my wish to live simpler. Everytime I see her she showers me with gifts, money, underwear, blankets, and who knows what else. I don't understand it, and I'm getting increasingly unnerved by it. When is enough enough?

A Good Session

Today we had a great Christianity Explored session. Praise God! Two people came: our “faithful” returnee (JW), who continues to show eagerness to know God deeper; and the young woman (KJ) who has been wanting to come, but because of various circumstances has been unable to come.

Tonight we talked about the Holy Spirit as counsellor, guide, and comforter in the life of a Christian (John 14, 16), provider of “peace beyond understanding” (Philippians 4), and giver of a great “gift” (Galatians 5). The discussion was lively, the questions were relevant, and the interactions genuine. I also felt adequately prepared.

We talked about spending some time together in addition to our regular Wednesday nights. We agreed that after next week’s session we would go out. In addition, two participants from week one will hopefully return. They spent the last three weeks travelling through Israel.

Before our meeting tonight I had a meeting with my mentor, JEE. We had a good discussion about personal as well as faith matters. I’m thankful.

Lately...

...I've been missing AEK like crazy. I miss her friendship. I miss her company. I miss her steadfastness. She was always so accepting of me and who I am.

I still wonder all the time why I couldn't accept her. Surely it's because of my shortcomings, not hers.

I've even considered "winning" her back. But I must resist, because I need to discern why I miss her. Do I miss her because I'm lonely? Or do I miss her because I genuinely care for her?

I have not contacted her or heard from her since I received her letter a month ago. Even though we go to the same school, I never see her; she makes a point of avoiding me like the plague. Everytime I see her I still want to talk to her, but I need to respect her request for distance.

The Elephant Analogy

Two days ago on my way home from work I had a conversation about God with my coworker CG. She knows I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, and she respects that, but she believes that truth (ie - God) is unknowable. Furthermore, she believes that all religions are equal, leading to God. She gave me the following analogy to explain her point:

Four blind men discover an elephant. They grope about, seeking to understand and describe the elephant. One of them grabs the trunk, and concludes the elephant is "a snake." Another one, grabbing the tail, says "It's a rope." The third one has a hold of the leg, and describes it as "a tree." The last one, feeling the side of the elephant says "I think the elephant's a wall!"

She continued by telling me that this analogy is descriptive of all the religions of the world. Just as all four blind men are telling the "truth" about the elephant, so all religions are "right " in explaining their experience of God. The conclusion follows, that all religions are equally valid, and no one religion can claim itself to be the "unique holder of truth."

I've heard this analogy before, and I've heard the "rebuttals" to it, but at the time of our discussion, try as I might, I could not think of the right response. Since then I've reflected a little, read a little, and talked to a good friend, about an "appropriate answer" to this analogy. Here are the three places the analogy breaks down. Hopefully I'll remember this the next time I'm in a similar situation.

1) The elephant. The blind men are attempting to describe something real and factual: an elephant. The elephant is a certain way, and not another, irrespective of our opinion. Elephants are what they are, and to describe them as other than what they really are is erroneous. The same can be said of God. God has certain attributes or qualities, whether we believe it or not, and to deny these attributes is a mistake. Therefore, not all descriptions of God - or elephants, for that matter - are equally valid. Some are true. Some are false.

2) All four men are mistaken. They were describing an elephant, not a snake, a rope, a tree, or a wall. Their opinions are not equally true - in fact, they are all equally false! In terms of pluralism, the best the analogy can do for us is prove that all religions are false, not true! Applying this analogy to God, at best, we could describe what God is not. God would then be the sum of our misconceptions about him!

3) The men are blind. This is the most important point. The analogy leaves out any account of special revelation. The dynamics of the analogy would change completely if a "fifth man", a credible man with sight, were to come and describe the elpehant as he really is. The same is true for God. The truth about God could be known if someone was to reveal who God is. Jesus Christ claimed to be this "fifth man" who could see. He claimed to be the one who could explain who God is. In fact, he made himself "equal with God." (John 5:18).

Even today, Christ speaks to us, and tells us that he "opens eyes" and shows us the true nature of God. In fact, this is why people - then and now - cannot accept him. He claims to be "the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6), the "bread" that satisfies our spiritual hunger (John 6:35).

I unashamedly got these rebuttals (and expanded on them, so as to better understand them myself) from here.

Last Day At PMC

Today was my last day of work at PMC. Well .. sort of. "Officially" it was my last day - my computer account will be cancelled, my cubicle given to someone else, and my access pass inactivated - but I've been told that there may be other opportunities for work "occasionally."
















Regardless, it has been a true blessing to be with the company so long. I began there in July of 2003. Wow .. two and a quarter years! God has been so faithful, supplying part-time work during the school year, and full-time work in the summers. I’m truly grateful, and give God all the glory for his provision.

Cub's Cubicle:















But I sense a new chapter – yet again – is beginning. I’m an intern at my church, and while the pay there is not what I’m used to, it is, nevertheless, pay. I will just have to start living within more reasonable means. This is where I feel I ought to be anyways. But I admit that giving up a well-paying job is not easy.

Cub's Cubicle 2:















But I take this as the next step in my life-pilgrimage towards the Kingdom. I just am not passionate towards HRIS work. It leaves me unfulfilled and empty inside. I want to be directly involved in kingdom-work. I want to point people towards Jesus Christ.

I was really touched by how generous and caring my co-workers were. I was blown away. Not only did they take me out for lunch, but they also gave me a $65 gift certificate for Chapters bookstore, and a $50 gift certificate for Anton’s Pasta Bar, my favourite Italian Restaurant in all of Vancouver. I was truly humbled by their generosity!

One thing I will not miss though, is work-coffee. The coffee we have at work is possibly the worst coffee on the face of the planet. I’m sure if I took a handful of mud, poured hot water, milk and sugar on it, it would probably taste similar to the stuff below.

Work Coffee:

Pleasant Surprise

Today I received a very pleasant surprise, as at the beginning of class we received our marks from our history test a few weeks ago.

I couldn't believe it. I got an A.

I found that very encouraging. It made my day special.

Inadequate

That's how I feel tonight, after an evening of Christianity Explored at my church. I even prepared myself well for the evening: I previewed the video twice, took notes, arrived at the church early (lest I feel rushed), and met with my co-leader to talk about the topic of discussion, the church.

I'm realizing that I try to intellectuallize the gospel too much. Actually, I try to intellectualize everything nowadays, and that's surely a by-product of talking theology in class all day, everyday.

Instead of talking from the head, I need to talk from the heart. Rather than speaking for Jesus based on books I've read or issues I've studied, I need to let Jesus speak for himself through the gospels.

Lord Jesus, help me!

Thank God that he works through my weaknesses. Thank the Lord for choosing to work through my inadequacies. Thank YHWH that salvation depends not on my skill or actions, but on His sacrifice on the cross.

Thank you loving Father, for opening the door to you through Your Son. Thank you Holy Spirit for consolling and guiding me onward and forward.

A Hike In The Cold, Fog, Rain

Today I hiked the Grouse Grind con mi querida amiga Boliviana (with my dear friend from Bolivia), CM. It was cold, foggy, and rainy, but we persevered, and made it to the top. We had a nice conversation on the way up, and once at the top, enjoyed a nice snack.
















The Grind takes on a whole different character in this type of weather. Wow .. I love this pic:




















Hiking in the rain brings out the character in people too:
















Soon the Grind will be closed for winter. I've got to find a way to stay active. I miss playing fútbol.

Still Falling

10th and Columbia:






























11th and Columbia:

No Bubble Butt

I'm like my brother, sister, and my dad: I have no ass. I’m convinced this is part of the reason my mom tries to (over)feed me every time I visit my parents. She thinks I'm too skinny.

But I agree with AEK, who used to tell me "better a flat butt than a bubble butt.”

The picture below was taken two weeks ago, by my good buddy ML, while I was washing dishes at Regent. Our Community Group was on kitchen duty after "soup lunch."

Coyote In My Backyard

Last week I saw a notice in my mailbox about what to do if we see a coyote in the neighbourhood. I thought to myself "What a waste of advertising money. There are squirrels, skunks, even raccoons, but, coyotes? Please..."

Then yesterday as I was eating dinner I noticed the following:

Two Essay Questions: The Early Church And Augustine

I just came back from handing in my History exam. I wrote it this morning, 8am. It went well. I had the option of answering 18 short answer questions and an essay, or just two essays. I picked the latter.

Here are the two questions I picked, as well as some (very short) answers:

* What is gnosticism? What is Marcionism? What impact did these have on the early church?

Gnosticism: a popular belief in the 2nd and 3rd century that all matter was evil; a special messenger is needed to "awaken" our spirit to a "higher life."

Marcionism: the belief that Jehovah in the Hebrew Scriputres was not the same God that Jesus called "Father." Marcion disregarded all Scriptures, except for Luke and the Pauline letters. He got rid of any reference to the Jewish Scriptures.

Early Church Response: The early church created the Apostles' Creed, came to a consensus on the Canon of Scripture, and affirmed Apostolic Succession.

* St. Augustine (354-4430) adhered to two other religions before converting to Christianity. What were they and what did they believe? After conversion, what did Augustine do?

Manicheism: reality consists of two principles: "light" (spiritual) and "dark" (material). The human endeavour was to separate light from dark, and prepare our spirit for for its return to the realm of pure light.

Neo-Platonism: a supreme being created a spiritual world, and one of the lower spirits created matter by mistake. The human endeavour was to "face" (or get near) the goodness of the supreme being, thereby avoiding evil.

After conversion, St. Augustine devoted himself to defending the faith against Manicheism, Donatism, and Pelagianism.

Note: After the Apostle Paul, Augustine is regarded as the greatest theologian of the church (well, the Orthodox Church thinks otherwise). His greatest works are the Confessions (an autobiographical prayer to God), and City of God (in which he argues that there are two types of cities: the city of God built on love of God, and the earthly city built on love of self).

Apple Crisp And History

I've been studying much of the day today, for a History of Christianity exam I'm writing tomorrow. The exam will cover the time spanning from the Apostles to the time of imperial restoration and church decay.

I began writing down a comprehensively incomplete history of Christianity in today's posting, but decided that it was impossible to cover the first 800 years of Christianity in one posting. I squeezed it into 2 pages of a Word document though, which is actually quite a feat!

Anyways, I think they'll be great study notes.

Oh, and as I'm studying, I'm eating my own freshly baked apple crisp. I baked it tonight, and it is very yummy!!!

A Good Weekend

I had a busy but good weekend.

Friday night I went to a Fundraising dinner with my friends JW and PW.

Yesterday I studied all morning - got a lot done! In the afternoon I went hiking with IB and CM. In the evening I went to a prayer meeting in Surrey, with EL, ML, his fiance L, OS, and IB. It was encouraging.

Today I got up early again and studied, before going to the 11am service. Then I went out for lunch with RS, and afterwards I studied, until 6pm. In the evening I went to church. I was very encouraged.

We sang "In Christ Alone" twice today, once in the morning service, and once in the evening. I was so blessed by it. Everytime I sing that song I'm overwhelmed and touched by the Holy Spirit.

Praise be to God the Father, in the Spirit, through the Son!

Vow Of Poverty

This morning I worked until noon, before heading off to church for a meeting in preparation for tonight’s Christianity Explored course at our church.

I’m winding down my time at work, I’ve only got a few weeks left. I’ve been training a new person to take over my duties. I’m a little torn about it. On the one hand, not working at PMC will give me time to do the things I really have a passion for: pointing people towards God. But on the other hand, God doesn’t really pay well, so my lifestyle will need to change.

Actually, it’s probably a good thing God doesn’t pay well, because if He did, I’d be more excited about the “work” than “His work.” I’d lose focus on what’s really important.

In the evening I helped teach at my church. One of the topics we discussed was Mark 8. In it, Jesus tells us to “deny ourselves”, and “take up our cross.” We asked ourselves in our context, what does it mean to deny ourselves and take up our cross? One of the participants said: “I think there’s nothing wrong with being rich. God wants us to be happy.”

On a superficial level, perhaps she’s right. God wants us to be happy. And God wants to bless us (financial blessing may be one of the many ways he chooses to bless us).

But, the more I read Scripture, the more I become convinced that a “vow of poverty” is a part of being a Christian. At least in our context: the wealthy western hemisphere. God does not require us to be poor, but our society of wealth and prosperity has so affected our lives and our lifestyles, that I really believe we’ve lost the meaning of it all. We’ve lost our focus. We’ve lost what it means to be Christian. Perhaps in order to be a Christian here in the West, we ought to subscribe to making due with less.

Because as it is, Christians are like everyone else. There’s nothing that sets us apart from others. We don’t look different, we don’t act different, and many of us don’t even live differently. But hey, we’ve got “Jesus in our heart”, and I guess that makes everything ok.

I think we’ve got it wrong. Way wrong. The gospel is radically different. The early church knew this, and lived by it. The reason monasteries sprang up everywhere around Europe during the Roman Empire was because Christians were becoming rich, and began being associated with the “high and mighty.” People who couldn’t go along with this ended up going to monasteries and building “alternative communities.” At least then the unbelieving world could see that there was a difference.

Perhaps if we started to voluntarily choose the way of poverty, unbelievers would realize that Christians really are different. The problem is, I’m so consumed with myself, I’m so selfish, and I’m so money-hungry, that I find it hard to share a loaf of bread with my neighbour, nevermind adhering to a life of poverty.

Gloriously Sunny Day

The sun shone brightly today, drying up all the leaves that are lying on the ground. Every step I took was pronounced by a loud “crack”, as I stepped on the leaves.

A Promise

Hahaha...sometimes I love God's sense of humour, especially in light of Thursday's, Friday's, and yesterday's postings!!

A friend of mine from church invited me for a luncheon today. She also invited a few of her friends who are asking themselves some very important and meaningful questions about life; important spiritual questions about God, life, death, etc. The reason I was invited was to connect with others and offer friendship.

So far, so good.

Most everyone there was married, except for two people: a beautiful woman, J, and .. uhmmm … me.

After doing some small-talk with others, I finally met J.

We had quite an interesting conversation. We talked about all kinds of topics: her work, my school, faith, food, apartments, travelling, and childhood. My eyes were stuck on her like glue. I’m pretty sure I smiled the whole time we spoke. I don’t remember (my memory is cloudy), but it is quite possible that I was drooling too.

As our conversation proceeded, I increasingly felt like we had a genuine connection. My heart was beating like a drum. I felt my blood rushing through my veins. I felt euphoric.

At the end of the luncheon I was faced with the dilemma: “Do I or do I not ask for her phone number.” Had I met her at the grocery store, bakery, or on the bus, I’d have asked her for her phone number; actually, there’s no doubt I’d have asked her out, but I felt that because I was invited for the specific reason of being a friend to someone asking themselves difficult questions about the meaning of life, it just seemed wrong to do it.

On our way out we walked together for about a half block, before we split. As we said bye, she said that she’d come to church “sometime,” and that she'd "see me there." Knowing Vancouverites, I'll believe it when I see it.

But truth be told, in my humble opinion, we connected very well. For the rest of the day I couldn't get my mind off her. She had dark, piercing eyes, and a warm, genuine smile.

I will find a way to meet up with her again. That’s a promise.

Here are a few other things that I liked about her: she’s catholic, intelligent, soft, gentle, likes to cook, and dresses well (note: she wore boots, which is a pre-requisite if a woman wants to be known as “well-dressed”). She needs a new umbrella though, as the one she had was an ugly blue/white-striped golf umbrella. Oh and one last thing: she’s Italian-Canadian.

Pizza, Wine, And Chocolate Mousse

That's what we had for dinner tonight at AJ&CL's place. As is always the case when we get together, the food was yummy, and the conversation was thought-provoking.

Today, however, I think I managed to not offend people with something I said. Yay Cub!

After dinner we watched the final F1 race of the season. How sad .. no races for the next 4 months. I hope that even though the racing season's over, our group will continue to get together, as I really enjoy our friendship and our times together.

And oh before I forget .. when I got home, there was an email from EL in my inbox. Apparently I'm be going out with her next Thursday. :-D

Femininity

Last week I meet EL at school. She's Singaporean, very beautiful, very intelligent (speaks 7 languages!), but I think (sigh) very young.

One of the things I really like about her is her femininity. I like girls that are kind, soft, gentle, and gracious.

I spoke with her earlier this week, and had a nice conversation with her. Today I emailed her, and asked if she wanted to go out for coffee sometime next week.

Sharon

Tonight I went out with the greatest woman I have ever met. Yesterday was her birthday, so I took her out for a birthday dinner, and a movie at the Vancouver International Film Festival.

I met her in early 1999, and my life has never been the same since. I was "done" the first time I set eyes upon her. I immediately knew I was at a point of no return. If I married her I'd be the happiest man on earth, bar none. If not, the disappointment of it would be the greatest struggle I'd have to deal with in my life.

Those who know me well, know the story: between 1999 and 2001 I declared my love for SC no less than 5 times, and was rejected 5 times. In 2002 I left the country in order to deal with my brokenness. I returned in 2003, and in 2004, after not seeing her for almost two years God miraculously brought her back into my life. We re-met on the skytrain, of all places. During my time away from her I healed, by God's grace, but even after 2 years away from her, I still loved her. I again declared my love for her, and she again rejected me.

Since that last rejection, I've arrived at a place of peace about the whole thing. I've accepted her as a friend, and I know my limits. I cannot see her or talk to her often. The sight of her melts me to the core. I get whoozy. The sound of her voice surely is the sound of God's highest Angel. There is none other like her.

So yesterday I pick her up, and she lets me drive her new car to the restaurant. We park the car, go inside, and take our table. I'd made reservations for two. We order our food, and immediately afterwards, we begin catching up. After all, it's been 10 months since we've seen each other.

Her cellphone rings. She says "I'm just going to let the phone keep ringing, and when it stops, I'll turn it off, so that we don't get disturbed." The phone stops ringing. She takes it in her hand, opens it to check who called, and then turns it off. As she turns off the phone, I look at her hand.

There's a gigantic ring on her finger, with a diamond almost the size of an eraser on a refillable pencil. My jaw drops. She notices my reaction. She smiles, and says: "Awwww, you saw it didn't you. I was going to tell you about it."

So yes, there it is. She got engaged.

For the next hour she tells me about the guy she's engaged to. She tells me how they met 6 months ago, how their relationship progressed, and how much they love each other. She tells me how since she met him she feels an inner peace that she's never felt before. She tells me how kind, gentle, caring, and loving he is. She tells me how romantic his proposal was. At the end she tells me, "He's actually a lot like you. He's German, he's short, and he even looks a little like you."

I smile. I tell her I'm happy for her. I tell her she deserves such a man as she's described. I tell her that that inner peace she spoke about earlier is evident on the outside, in the way she smiles.

Inside, I feel I'm standing at the gates of hell.

After dinner we go to the movie, and after the movie we go to my car. She gives me a hug I shall never forget. I put my arms around her and hold her for a few seconds. I sense the warmness of her body. I feel the firmness of her youth. I smell her hair. It smells like heaven.

I say "It was good to see you again." She says "Yes, thank you. It's been too long." I nod my head in agreement.

I get in my car, she gets into hers. We smile and wave at each other as we go our ways.

The Beautiful Colour of Death

Today in the afternoon as I went for a walk, I was struck at the immense beauty of the leaves on our trees here in Vancouver. Rich yellows, oranges, and reds were glowing, demanding my attention. I couldn't ignore them.





And then it occurred to me that these leaves are on their way out. Fall has begun, and as these leaves are dying, falling off trees, they mockingly scream:

"Look at us, such is our amazing design, such is our beauty, that even in our death, we're more beautiful, more stunning, than anything you could create, and more perfect than anything you could achieve."

Things I'm Thankful For

I've found it difficult to be thankful lately, but that's more due to my sinfulness, than to a lack of things to be thankful for. So, here, I humbly present a few things (and there are oh so many more!) that I'm thankful for:

* God's love, grace, mercy.
* Family - mom, dad, brother & sister & their families.
* Relatives.
* Friends.
* Church - truly .. as crooked, warped, bent, and corrupt as she is, I love the bride of Christ!
* Regent - godly professors, spiritual growth, intellectual challenges, stimulating friends.
* Canada - freedom, safety, weather.
* Safety & Provision - shelter (roof), warmth (bed), food (bread), drink (water, or staying with the Trinitarian theme .. wine), health (hiking), rest (Sabbath).
* Work - financial blessings --> Lord, teach me how to use your gifts.
* Transportation - VW, public transit, feet!

Ok, those are pretty obvious. Here are some a little less obvious:
* Brokenness - brings us closer to God.
* Dostoyevsky - best fiction-writer, hands down!
* Camera - I love taking pics.
* Rain - I love the smell of fresh air.
* Internet - is it idolatrous to be on the internet so often?
* Birkenstocks.
* Coffee and yerba mate.
* Fruits - current favourites are mangoes, kiwis, and papayas.
* Bread.
* Jeans - in particular, my super old and worn GAPs, and my new CMs.
* Liturgy - I love liturgical worship.

A prayer of praise from the Book of Common Prayer (62), based on Ephesians 3:20-21:

Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be glory in the Church and in Christ Jesus, throughout all ages, world without end. Amen.

Ya Llegamos!

We arrived!

Today was a very special day in the world of futbol, as la albirroja secured their place at next year's Copa Mundial in Germany. Almost a month after our historic win over Argentina, we guaranteed our presence at next year's extravaganza by beating Venezuela 1-0.

The hero of the game this time was Nelson Haedo Valdez (pictured below), who scored in the 65th minute, lifting the "red and whites" over the vinotintos.














This is good news indeed, as it'll make my trip to Germany next year that much more meaningful.

In the past World Cups I didn't pursue getting tickets to see Paraguay play, choosing instead to see los gigantes del futbol (soccer giants) like Argentina, Brazil, Germany, and Italy. But I think it's time I reconnect with my roots. This time I'm going albirrojo.

Teammates celebrate the goal:

Besides, I always thought David was more interesting than Goliath anyway!

Anger And Vitriol

I looked up a few definitions of anger here:

* belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong (personified as one of the deadly sins)
* a strong emotion; a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance
* the state of being angry

I also looked up the definition of vitriol:

* abusive or venomous language used to express blame or censure or bitter deep-seated ill will
* a highly corrosive acid made from sulfur dioxide; widely used in the chemical industry
* subject to verbal abuse

I got a letter from AEK today. I’d say her state of mind presently is somewhere between angry and vitriolic. Some of her comments in the letter were very legitimate, some outlandish. Some of her feelings are right on, others are not.

This letter was in response to a few (2) attempts I’ve made over the past month, to reach out to her as a friend.

It was a “cease and decist” letter. She wants nothing, in the plainest, purest sense of the word to do with me: no conversations, no get-togethers, no emails, no phone calls, no letters. Nada. Nichts.

She concludes: “Maybe once this process comes to an end I will be able to talk to you again, or I may not. I can’t guarantee anything.”

Left Wanting

I’m realizing that I’m in the middle of an intense spiritual warfare battle, waged over my very being. The Evil One has been working hard the past few weeks, nay, months.

Beginning with my disappointing Greek-learning experience in July, my knee injury and breakup with AEK in August, my grandma’s death in September, the demoralizing effect of dwindling worshipers on Sunday nights and the impending end of my work contract now in October, I feel attacked. At first I thought these connections were merely incidental, but I no longer believe they are. They are a part of a strategic move by the Father Below.

I know why he’s attacking me now, and I’ll write about that tomorrow. But suffice it to say, he’s doing a grand job:

* Jesus was a good guy, but certainly no Messiah, no God-man, no “God in the flesh.”
* Surely all religions are equal. The idea of “Christian exclusivism” is just that. An idea.
* Discipleship? What a waste of time.
* Be religious, that’s great. But this “relationship with Jesus” you keep thinking about, how lame is that…
* Check out that girl. My oh my…
* The Bible? Talk about a farce. Like the accuracy of the events in it have been preserved .. yeah right.

I’ve got news for you, Worm: You’re a fucking joke. The war’s already been fought and won, and you’ve been left wanting.

I’d suggest that you bow your knee at the feet of Jesus, because one day everyone – including you – will do it. Who knows, if you repent, there might even be hope for you.

In the meantime, in the name of Jesus, leave me the hell alone.

Who Am I?

I'm working on a project with 4 other classmates, all guys. Two of them are American, one is English, and one is Scottish (as Scottish as they come!). We're evaluating the Alpha evangelism program.

We've had two meetings now, discussing our POA (plan of action/attack), and for both meetings I noticed that I was unhappy about our meeting. Throughout both meetings I felt distant, out of touch; at times I even felt like I had a gigantic chip on my shoulders.

Been thinking about why I've had such a bad attitude during our meetings. It's strange, because I like all of the guys. They're super: I get along with them, we crack jokes, and heck, two of them even attend my church, and are doing an internship similar to mine.

So earlier today, in a rare moment of enlightenment, I think I stumbled into the answer. I noticed that in both meetings the general tone was "all business", and no "small talk," and as dumb as it sounds, that was it; that was the problem.

I realized that had I had non-Western project-mates, we probably would've talked for at least 15 minutes about personal stuff .. life, relationships, work, classes, church, friends, or politics .. before the meeting even started, and that would've completely changed the dynamics of the conversation; well, for me at least. I guess I like easing into things.

It's strange, because even though I consider myself a canuck - I'm a product of the Canadian system - some aspects about me are not Canadian at all. The above example is one of them, as I'd fit more into the 'Latin American' box.

I worked out my identity options, and they basically work out to the following:

I'm a German-Paraguayan Mennonite Canadian Anglican.
or a German-Paraguayan Canadian Mennonite Anglican;
or a Mennonite German-Paraguayan Anglican Canadian.

I like the first option the best.

Love In A Sinful World: A Prayer

The Apostle Paul challenges us to present ourselves as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God. “Do not be conformed to this world,” he says, “but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is good and acceptable and perfect”. (Rom. 12:1-2)

With that in mind, let us pray.

Living God:

As a community of believers, we confess that we do not bless those who persecute us; we do not always live in harmony; we are proud, we are conceited, and we often repay evil with evil. We neglect your laws, which you have generously written on our hearts, and we ignore your Holy Spirit who guides us in goodness and love. We are eager to serve you, but we are weak, easily distracted, easily mislead, and we’re often double-minded.

We repent of our wrongdoing, and we lay claim to your mercy, and to the forgiveness that you offer, through your Son Jesus Christ. We ask that by the power of your Holy Spirit you would continue to cleanse our hearts: purify us, change us, mould us. Conform us to your reality. Transform our hearts; renew our minds.

Enable us to bless others, regardless of how they treat us. Empower us to be genuine, rejoicing with the joyful, weeping with the mourning. Teach us to serve one another in humility and peace, honouring one another.

Strengthen us in the knowledge that we do not need to run away from evil. We can face it square on, for you have already defeated it, and even though there is still darkness all around us, neither tears, nor sorrow, nor pain shall see the light of day in the world to come. So we rest in your promise that we will not be overcome by evil, but rather, through your unfailing love, we overcome evil with good.

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer!
___

It is indeed a privilege for us to labour in your vineyard, loving Father, and we are thankful for the many fruits you are bearing in our midst. (Mat. 7:17) We think of the Christianity Explored course already running in Richmond, and shortly to begin here in our church. We think of Bible Study groups and youth group activities; the upcoming Women’s Conference, and the Conference on Scripture, Culture, and Homosexual Practise; the Marriage Retreat, the Evening Service Retreat, and the Fusion Coffeehouse later this month.

We pray that you would continue to use each of these events to bring glory to your name, drawing people to yourself. Strengthen and energize leaders, helpers, and participants, guiding them in truth and love. We ask that you would open our hearts to newcomers and visitors, showing genuine care, hospitality, and friendship.

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer!
_____

We are aware that many people have not heard about the good news of salvation through Jesus Christ. We think of the Muslim world, and the feast of Ramadhan that begins this week. During this time of fasting, prayer, good deeds, and spiritual alertness, we pray Lord Jesus, that you would reveal yourself as the Alpha and the Omega, the creator and redeemer, the living Son of God who sits at the right hand of the Father.

Holy Spirit, move us to reach out to a lost world, motivated by your love within us, and not by fear. We lay claim to your word, which says that you have given us “a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” (II. Tim. 2:7).

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer!
_____

Today we also join our brothers and sisters in Malawi in crying to you for physical deliverance. We pray for rain, as famine and drought has ravaged that nation, leaving people in desperation. Give wisdom to government leaders, non-government organizations, and churches. We pray especially for Archibishop Malango, who is actively mobilizing churches to buy corn to fill the empty stomachs of men, women, and children.

Teach us how to respond to this crisis. Move us away from complacency and comfort, Lord, towards compassion and generosity, each according to his or her means and gifts.

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer!
_____

We also bring to you in silence those whom you have placed on our hearts and minds.

Lord, in your mercy, hear our prayer!
_____

We close with a prayer from St. Anselm:

We bring you, O Lord, the troubles and perils of people and nations:
The sighing of prisoners and captives,
The sorrows of the bereaved,
The necessities of strangers,
The helplessness of the weak
The despondency of the weary,
The failing powers of the aged.
O Lord, draw near to each,
For the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

_____

Evening Service Prayer at St. John's Anglican Church, based on Romans 12:1-2, 14-21.

Pea Soup

I had pea soup for lunch today at my work lunch cafeteria. Now I'm not a big fan of cafeteria food, and today's soup was not otherwordly good, but it tasted good enough to make me realize that I really love pea soup.

As I ate, I thought back to the many other times I've had pea soup, and I came to the realization that pea soup's probably my favourite soup.

I like most soups: chicken noodle, tomato, and borsch. But .. I loooooove pea soup. Talk about a revelation!

I wonder whether it's easy to make...

Welcome Rain

Today it rained. I mentioned earlier this week that the next time it rains it will signal the beginning of the autumn season in Vancouver.

I was right.

Because besides the rain, I've noticed that leaves are falling from trees, and the ones that haven't fallen yet are displaying their gloriously rich colours and shades of yellows, browns, oranges, and reds. Definitely another sign of autumn...

I'm excited about this new season.

I Have Issues

Apparently I have issues. That's what MB told me tonight, as we talked about 'women and gender roles'. Apparently my view that a woman ought to submit to her husband makes her feel "uneasy and troubled". Piss off, is what I say.

Actually, the conversation started earlier, at AJ&CL's place. They'd kindly invited us (MB, JH, and myself; RS was unable to come) to spend a Sunday afternoon at their place to watch the F1 race, view pictures from their recent trip to China, and eat a lovely dinner together. During the dinner, we began to talk about various topics: the church, the family, the looming teacher's strike, and of course, gender roles and sexuality.

As usual, I felt outnumbered. It seems to me that my points of view on virtually every imaginable topic under the sun differ from opinions held by others. While this is not new to me - I've experienced this all of my life - I don't always deal with it very well. I'm convinced about my point of view, am not shy to state it, but when I realize that others don't share it I get uptight and defensive.

I end up saying things that don't do my point of view justice (my train of thought freezes), and worse, I hurt others and myself with the words I say. Tonight I said some things that were really inappropriate (even though I feel that my point of view is entirely legitimate). In fact, I think I said some things to AJL that I should not have said. I need to learn to be gracious, and listen to others' point of view, because as it stands I come across as self-righteous and arrogant.

Anyways, fast forward to my conversation with MB upon our arrival back in Vancouver. First off, she thanked me for sharing my points of view with the group, even though she disagreed with them. She said she couldn't understand where I'm coming from. This is especially with regards to the issue of women and submission. Here is what we argued:

I told her that I side with the orthodox, historical view of Scripture, which holds that in marriage, a woman ought to submit to her husband. The church has been influenced by our culture, viewing submission not as a God-given blessing for our benefit, but instead, rendering it outdated if not abusive. Our churches are capitulating to our culture's relentless drive to axe traditional values; we are foolishly attempting to appease to cultural dictates in order to be accepted by society, rather than living out the gospel faithfully. In addition, if a man loves his wife and treats her with Christ-like love and dignity, she'd have no reason not to trust and submit to him. Finally, I pointed towards the growth of the church in 3rd world countries, and attributed this growth in part to the faithfulness of the church in those places in upholding traditional family values based on Scripture.

Her response was that I misinterpreted Scripture, and furthermore, my language of submission was disappointing. She said my argument about siding with the historical view was weak, because throughout history women have been abused by men. Furthermore, the essence of Scripture points towards mutual submission, as this would enable us to "become who we were designed to be by God". In other words, a man who demands his wife to submit to him is just insecure about his identity, and rather than forcing her to to submit, he should deal with his insecurity. Contrary to my opinion, she did not view the 3rd world as an example to uphold, because they were "uneducated" and didn't know better. In fact, it's the responsibility of 1st world nations to educate them, in order to bring equal rights to women in that part of the world.

We talked about this for quite a while. In the end her conclusion was that I have so much to offer to someone (a woman), but as far as women and submission is concerned, I should really consider "dealing with this issue."

Deep inside I was enraged. But I tried not to let it show. I acted flustered and confused though.

She is right. This IS an "issue" for me; but not in the way she thinks it is. She thinks this is preventing me from getting a girlfiriend, and that if I was more egalitarian I'd have no problem getting a girlfriend. My response is that I have no problems getting a girlfriend. I have plenty of opportunities, thanks for your concern. The issue for me is that my convictions are such that dating North American women is neither desirable nor appealing, because there are so few women who share my convictions. This is why I want to marry someone from Asia or Latin America.

Regardless, I told her that I would give her point of view some thought, and I will keep my word.

Holy Trinity, I pray that as I seek your guidance on relationships between men and women, you would illuminate my mind by the power of your Holy Spirit, through Jesus Christ, and for His sake. Amen.

Mirror Reflection

This afternoon mom and dad came to visit me. We had a very good evening together. They arrived from Abbotsford at 5pm exactly (they are always perfectly on time .. something I could learn from!), and shortly afterwards we walked over to Rasputin Russian Cuisine Restaurant, a few blocks away from my apartment.

The manager of the restaurant was quite friendly and talkative. After finding out that mom was born in the Ukraine, he was quite pleased, and tried to make conversation with us.

Aside from a good dinner, we had a good evening together. Afterwards we came back home, where we drank some tea and ate some of the chocolate pie mom brought from Abbotsford.

I'm pleased especially because of how dad and I are getting along. Co-existing for us has historically been difficult. Getting to know and accepting one another has been a challenge, and it has taken a lot of hard work for both of us, but I believe that we are now at a point where we accept each other for who we are. Oddly enough, the more I get to know him, the more I see myself in him. I'm realizing that when I look at my dad I'm looking in a mirror.

I've always been thankful for my mother. She and I have always connected. But I delight in the thought of getting to know dad more.

Again and again I see evidence of God's grace and mercy in my life.

A New Season

Today at 3:23pm, the Autumn season officially began.

I like autumn. It signals "new beginnings" .. new classes, new friends, new activities, new sermon series, new programs, and even a few new digs. A few weeks ago I went to MEC and got myself a new fleece jacket.

In the mornings and evenings, the air gets cold and crispy already. During the day though, it still gets quite warm. This weekend it's supposed to be 'hot'.

My guess is that the next time it rains, it will signal the beginning of the rainy season in Vancouver.

An Afternoon In The Garden

Early last week I spent an afternoon at the Nitobe Memorial Garden at UBC. It was a wonderful day of peace and quietness, sitting on the lawn beside a pond, reading, and watching fish and ducks in their habitat.

Here are a few pictures I took.

Garden Entrance:


Ducks Sunbathing:


Bridge:


Snow Viewing Lantern:


Pond:


I think this little garden is one of Vancouver's hidden secrets; a real treasure: small, cheap, and rarely crowded. It's a great place to sit, relax, read, and be still.

Missing Her

I miss spending time with her.

I broke down and called her tonight. We both wept.

Friendly But Distant

Today was the first time I spoke with AEK since our breakup. We had a short lunch together.

She was friendly, but I could tell she was attempting to be distant. The most awkward moment came when we had to return "stuff" that we'd exchanged during our time together: she returned the keys to my apartment; I returned a cd.

We both still have more to return.

This whole thing's affecting me more and longer than I thought it would.

Fall Courses: 2005

Today is the first day of the Fall 2005 semester at Regent College:



Here are the courses I've enrolled in, with a little additional information on each course (taken from the course syllabus):

1 - History of Christianity I (Mon, Thur 9:30-11am) - tracks the history of the Christian faith in all its various traditions:
* The Early Church, Early Development in Christian Doctrine (100-312AD)
* The Patristic Period (Greek Fathers) (312-600AD)
* Organization and Administration of the Church, the Church and Women, the rise of Monasticism, the Development of Trinitarian Theology
* St. Augustine of Hippo
* The Eastern Church
* The Celtic Church, Continental (European) Church (500-1000AD)
* The Middle Ages: Renewal, decline, renewal, dissent, reform
* The Reformation: Luther, Radical Reformers, and Calvinism

2 - Christian Education and Equipping (Mon 11am-2:30pm) - the Making of Maturing Disciples of Jesus:
* Church Work and the Work of the Church, The Call of Discipleship
* The Gospel of Matthew as "Discipleship Manual", Ephesians as "Maturing Disciples Handbook" * St. Paul the Discipleship Maker
* Hebrews: A Call to Discipleship
* Theology and Philosophy of Christian Education: teaching, learning
* The Church as Seminary, So What is the Gospel We Preach?
* The Church as Equipper, Equipping for the Markeplace
* Praying, listening to the Voice of Jesus, Johannine Literature

3 - Supervised Ministry (Alternate Wed 2-5:30pm) - consists of a practical internship at my church, combined with lectures on the following themes:
* The Shape of Pastoral Vocation
* Funerals, Weddings
* Leading a Congregation through a Church Year
* Spiritual Health in the Pastoral Vocation
* Ordinances and Sacraments: Baptism, Eucharist
* Conflict in the Church
* The Church and Community

Of these courses, the course I look forward to the most is the course on the history of the church. I yearn to learn about the early church: what were the issues, how did they deal with them, what did they do well (conversely, what are we doing well), and what did they not do so well (and what are we not doing so well).

On Monks In Mission

I spent this weekend at the Westminster Abbey Monastery in Mission. After a busy month highlighted by my breakup with AEK and the death of my grandmother, I decided to go to a place where I could be away from everyone and everything familiar, and spend time with God. I was there from Friday evening until today afternoon.

View from my Room:


I've had a little exposure to the monastic life through various courses I've taken over the past two years, and I must say that monastic life really appeals to me. This particular monastery follows the Benedictine tradition, which centres around oratio (prayer) and vocatio (work), and that is literally how they structure their life: they are almost completely self-sufficient (they have their own farm, vegetable gardens, and orchards, and they maintain and operate everything on their property) and they pray continually. During the two days I was there, this was their prayer schedule:

* 5am - Lauds (Worship)
* 10am - Sung Mass
* 11:55am - Midday Prayer
* 4:35pm - Vespers and Benediction
* 7:15pm - Vigil

This schedule is repeated 7 days a week.

Westminster Abbey:


Sanctuary:


The monks were kind and generous. They invited me to particapte in their prayers, and they also invited me to eat lunch and dinner with them. It was very enriching indeed. Two monks in particular were very kind: Father Placidus and Father Mark.

Father Placidus and I shared breakfast both days, and we had some very interesting discussions. He was very interested in my life, and when he found out I attend Regent College he was very pleased. Father Mark was also very friendly. After dinner once, we walked down to one of the classrooms in the monastery and just sat down and talked. We talked about the Reformation, the current state of the global church, and had a very interesting conversation about current social issues relating to life and sexuality.

We may criticize the Catholic Church on many issues, but on the theology of the human body and its relation to the sanctity of life, whether it be marriage, abortion, euthanasia, the use of contraception, or homosexuality, there is no other institution on earth that protects the gift of life the way the Catholic Church does.

Anyways, I digress.

At any rate, all this to say that the monks for the most part were approachable and friendly. Upon asking Father Mark why he chose this lifestyle, he responded with something along the lines of 'I wanted to totally and completely devote my entire life to God, serving and loving others, praying "at all times", while using the vocational gifts He's bestowed upon me'. I found that truly refreshing and genuine.

There was , however, one monk whom I didn't have a good experience with. Upon arriving at the dining hall for lunch, I took the first seat available, beside another monk. Shortly after we began our meal, one of the monks walked in. Realizing that I was sitting in his spot, he got annoyed. Actually, he was visibly angry. He must've thought to himself 'What's this idiot visitor doing sitting in my spot'. And to make things worse, I'd taken his napkin and placed it on my lap (I copied the other monks who also did that). The climax came when he leaned over, reclaimed his napkin, and sat down beside me on the empty chair. But he did it in such a way that everyone in the entire dining hall knew that I'd taken his spot. What a loser. I guess he was having a bad day. It just goes to show .. even monks have bad days! Even monks are sinful! Praise be to Almighty God!!!

Interestingly, the monks ate in complete silence, not a word spoken. They didn't talk to one another, or even look at each other. They looked straight ahead, as though it was a sin to speak. I didn't have a chance to find out what the reasoning behind this was. However - and this may clear the picture a little - there was a monk sitting in the middle of the room, reading out loud, so that everyone could hear. He read from the Scriptures, as well as from another book. Eating a meal this way - without saying a single word to anyone, listening to someone in the middle of the room read - was definitely the most unusual, unnerving experience of the weekend.

My favourite part of each day was .. well .. the prayers. The sung masses were beautiful and peaceful - much more so than most singing in our churches. The reverence was also sobering. It seems to me we do not revere God anymore. We ought to be in awe of him. The Psalmist even speaks of fearing God. And although most of the prayers were recited by memory, that too was a blessing, if for no other reason than the realization that completing such a task requires great discipline and hard work. It ought to challenge me to use my memory too, to the glory of God, if not by memorizing prayers, then at least by memorizing Scripture.

Stained Windows:


But aside from prayer times in the church, I also had ample time to pray and read Scriptures on my own. I went for walks, sat on benches, enjoyed the stunning views of the Fraser Valley.

Peaceful Walks:


The Fraser Valley:


I contemplated many of the issues currently on my mind. More importantly, I focused on God: his character, his faithfulness. Reading through the book of Esther was very insightful on both of these fronts.

Reading Scripture:


Sundown:


I had a blessed weekend. I want to do this again. Lately my soul longs for solitude.

Emotions

Yesterday was my grandmother’s funeral. It went well, about as well as a funeral can go, I guess.

The day began at 10 in the morning, when I met my parents at the funeral home. I saw my grandma, she looked beautiful, at peace. But I was horrified upon touching her. Her skin was ice cold and hard.

At 11 we went to the cemetery.

At 12 there was a memorial service for her at my parents’ church, followed by a lunch: sandwiches, vegetables, fruits, coffee, and pastry.

At the memorial service I gave a tribute to my grandma. I’m horrible and way too emotional when it comes to these kind of events. I sobbed like a little boy. I felt like a retard, even though many people came up to me afterwards to tell me that they appreciated what I said. They said "It came from the heart". But really, they were just being nice. It was horrible.

If I’m going to do public speaking in the future, I better get my emotions under control. Can’t break down and cry like a baby everytime I speak. Pathetic.

A Tribute To My Grandmother

A Tribute to my Grandmother, AT (1910-2005), with much love.

While it is under sad circumstances that I write this, it is, nevertheless, an honour for me to write down a few words about my grandmother.

My earliest memories of her date back all the way to my childhood in Asuncion. Every year during summer vacation, I was allowed to visit her for a few weeks. She lived a good 6 hour bus-ride from us, in the Chaco, and I remember her always picking me up from the bus station upon my arrival.

She would take me to her place, and then for the next two weeks, she would try to do everything she could to make sure that my vacation was safe and fun. She would watch in delight as I rode my bike or played with friends, or warn me of the coming rain or windstorm whenever thick dark clouds neared. She would thoughtfully prepare each and every meal during my stay, but not based on her desired menu, but mine. If I asked for meat she’d ask me what kind, chicken or beef. If I asked for potatoes, she would ask how I wanted them: mashed, boiled, or fried; and if I wanted them fried, then fried how, like french fries, or like thin potato-chips?

Grandma was a kind person: thoughtful, caring, and perhaps above all, hospitable. She knew how to open her home to others.

I remember a time much later, after our family had already moved to Canada, how she loved having people, especially her grandchildren, over at her apartment. At that time my parents were in South America for a lengthy stay, and in their absence, she’d taken it upon herself to cook 2 or 3 meals a week for my brother. But what struck me was that my brother enjoyed going there for lunch. I found it perplexing – what was so special about lunch hours with grandma?

The answer to that question came a few years later, when my brother also went to South America. His departure meant that now just grandma and I remained here in Canada. But she refused to complain about it, choosing instead to reach out to me, offering friendship and care. I began visiting her for lunch 2 or 3 times a week, just like my brother had done. At first I perhaps went more out of courtesy than a real desire to get to know her, but over time, I realized how special she was. She was such a generous and giving person: she gave without expecting in return.

She made wonderful meals – sometimes I wondered how many other people she’d invited, because there always seemed to be enough food for about 5 people on the table! I guess now I know where mom got that trait.

First she’d bring out the borscht met tweiback, then she hauled out the beef, potatoes, vegetables, and corn, and for the grand finale she always had a freshly baked pie – sometimes lemon, sometimes chocolate – and a hot cup of coffee.

On a side note - I think she saw herself as somewhat of a food expert, and for good reason. She’d come up with these great but peculiar statements, like for example, telling me to add sour cream to my borscht, because it would add such a rich flavour to the soup. Or she’d tell me that it wasn’t right to cut a potato with a knife, because then all the potato juices would be wasted. It was much better to gently push down using a fork.

Anyways, after sharing a meal, we’d sit down on the couch and talk a little. She was always open to talk, and she was willing to discuss just about anything under the sun. She’d ask me about my life: my job, my friends, and my dreams. Then she’d tell me about her life: her childhood, the war, the exodus to Paraguay, and then her journey to Canada.

But without fail, she’d bring all our conversations back to “the most important thing” – namely, that even though she didn’t understand all the things going on around her, even though she didn’t understand the solutions to all the problems, whether it be political, financial, or personal, one thing she did understand beyond the shadow of a doubt, and that was that God loved her through Jesus Christ, and furthermore, he loved all people.

She lamented evil and suffering in the world. She had a soft heart for the hurting and the burdened. This, because she was no stranger to suffering, no stranger to pain. She had a deep love for what is good, righteous, and honest. She had a profound desire to live a life of holiness, modesty, and dignity, because these things were godly; all of these things were of God.

Switching our focus now to her final years, in a way, I feel like I lost my grandmother 10 years ago, around 1994, when we travelled to South America together to spend Christmas with family there. It was there where we saw the beginnings of a sickness that would eventually rob us of her kindness, her smile, and most of all, her company; and it was there where we noticed that an illness was robbing her of her own memory.

This evil illness swept over her so fast, it was frustrating and angering to witness. It didn’t take that long, perhaps a few years, before she couldn’t even recognize her own loved-ones.

I’ve lamented over this from time to time. I would have liked to give back to her what she gave to us. She gave us love, care, kindness, and hospitality, to name but a few qualities, and that is what I wish I could have given her more of in a way that she could appreciate and understand.

I think it is entirely appropriate to close this tribute to my grandmother with a quote from Scriptures. In the book of Revelation, the apostle John describes his vision of a new heaven and a new earth, saying: “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away’”.

Today I mourn the loss of a wonderful person, a godly woman, an amazing grandmother. But, like her, I too know that the most important and crucial thing is to place my faith and trust in Him who created us, who saw it fit to redeem us, and who will one day wipe away all tears from our eyes. May this encourage us, and may this encourage especially you, dear mother.

May Christ’s eternal shalom be with her now, and may we too be blessed by a foretaste of this perfect, harmonious peace that we shall one day experience in fullness.

Mother's Grief

Tommorrow is my grandmother's funeral. I've only been to three funerals before in my life: two were of acquaintances, and one of my great-grandmother, when I was still a child.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. Mom will be grieving, and that breaks my heart.

Death is evil. It separates us from the ones who've moved on to the next world, and it leaves those of us left in this world to pick up the pieces.

Not A Bad Summer Of Reading

On April 6th, I wrote down my summer reading list. Here's the list again, and how I did (or didn't):

* Memory and Identity (JPII) --> did not read
* Crossing the Threshold of Hope (JPII) --> did not read
* A Pilgrim Pope. Messages for the World. (JPII) --> did not read
* Ut Unum Sint - On Church Unity (JPII) --> did not read
* Witness to Hope. Biography of Pope John Paul II - George Weigel --> did not read
* The Idiot (Fyodor Dostoevsky) --> currently reading (I'm on page 376 .. 350 pages to go!)
* Demons (Fyodor Dostoevsky) --> did not read
* War & Peace (Leo Tolstoy) --> did not read
* Clowning in Rome (Henri Nouwen) --> finished it
* Contemplative Prayer (Thomas Merton) --> finished it
* Letters to Malcolm (C. S. Lewis) --> did not read
* Gods that Fail (Vinoth Ramashandra) --> did not read

So far, the picture doesn't look good. I may have spent a lot of time in my hammock this summer, but perhaps I slept in it, rather than reading! However, instead of reading some of the books above, I read the following:

* St. Francis of Assisi (G.K. Chesterton)
* Orthodoxy (G.K. Chesterton)
* The Cube and the Cathedral (George Weigel)
* The Sabbath (Abraham Joshual Heshel)
* Keeping The Sabbath Wholly (Marva J. Dawn)
* Miracles (C.S. Lewis)

Plus .. I read a good 200 pages (out of 400) of my Basics of Biblical Greek textbook.

Perhaps my reading list was a bit too ambitious. But, all in all .. not a bad summer of reading.

Released From Suffering

On this Labour Day Monday, mom called me in the morning with the news that grandma was on her deathbed. Grandma is in her mid-90's, and has been suffering for the past 10 years from Alzheimers and other age-related illnesses.

In the afternoon I went to a small Japanese Garden at UBC. It was a lovely afternoon, but I will write about it another time, because of what follows: shortly after I returned home, mom called me to tell me that grandma'd passed away.

Again, she was audibly shaken and upset. We've been praying for a while already that God would bring grandma home, but actually coming to terms with the reality of a death is very difficult and intense, no matter how much we prepare for it.

The funeral will be sometime later this week, and I am going to prepare a few words to share at it.

Earls, Part Time Religion, And Burdens

Friday - I worked during the day. In the evening, RS came over. We went out for dinner at Earl's. Afterwards, we came home and had a good chat, over wine and cigars. Main topic of discussion: "The western concept of dating: Godly or Pagan?" Been doing a lot of thinking about this. Will write about it one day.

Saturday - Made pancakes for breakfast .. yummy! Early afternoon, I took three boxes full of books I haven't touched in years to various used book stores to see if I can get even a few dollars for them. Late afternoon I got together with my new-found friend SS. She's from Turkey, and she calls herself a "part-time Muslim". I met her at my church a few weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers and decided to get-together. Interesting girl..interesting topics of discussion.

Sunday - Got up really early to drive a buddy to the airport. Afterwards, I watched the F1 race at home, using my dad's projector. In the afternoon I hiked the Grouse Grind: 48 minutes. In the evening, I went to church. New service-times are 6:30 .. the church was packed. During church I felt really burdened, mainly because of AEK. I'd much rather have been at home alone than with people at church, but God blessed me for making the effort to go. I felt peace amidst uncertainty.

Uno Mas!

Today was a special day in the world of futbol, because Paraguay beat Argentina 1-0 for the first time ever in World Cup Qualifying. Roque Santa Cruz scored the lone goal, 15 minutes into the game. The game was played in Asuncion.

Picture: Roque Santa Cruz celebrates his goal against the albicelestes.
















An article about this historic win can be read here.

All that Paraguay needs now in order to qualify for next year's World Cup is to win one of their next two games, either against Venezuela or Colombia.

Vamos albirroja!

All Things Considered ..

.. the last few days have been ok.

I’ve started telling my friends that AEK and I are finished. Somehow, as I’ve been updating everyone what’s been happening, I am increasingly feeling like I mistreated AEK. This, even though I did the best I could to be honest with her throughout our relationship.

All my friends have been really supportive. RS has been really supportive throughout. Earlier today JEE left me a voice message, lending her support, offering a listening ear. Tonight I ran into IL while going for a walk (I’ve been going for lots of walks lately), and she too was such a good listener. Even before the breakup, CL, CK, and SC listened and offered words of wisdom and provided insightful conversations. Everyone has helped me keep a sense of humour about it all.

Finally, my parents are the best. Dad’s been quiet, but mom’s been quite supportive vocally, especially the past month. I know that it’s difficult for them to see me with a non-caucasian woman, but really, they’ve been supportive and prayerful throughout.

Thank you Lord for friendships and family. Perhaps I too can be of support when they need it.

Amidst all this, I miss AEK. I especially miss her smile and supportive spirit.

I can’t help but wonder whether breaking up was the right thing to do.