Saxony House: Take Two

A day in (mostly) pictures:

The day "began" around 3:30, when Sanjit and I met up with Marty who's in town to take pictures for the Winter Olympics. We met in front of the VAG, and man, the place was was packed with a sea of people, almost as far as the eyes could see.

We immediately made our way towards Stanley Park, stopping at a mediterranean resto again (see yesterday's post), to eat a falafel along the way. The weather's been amazing - warm and sunny - making the walk truly pleasant. Here's a couple of pictures of our approach to the Saxony House.

The wait outside was super long, it took us 1.5+ hours to get in. Here's a picture of the long lineup:

But unlike yesterday when the wait was arduous, today we made the best of it and had great fun. Thanks to Marty - Mr. Outgoing - we met some great people!

Once inside, we were welcomed by a music band playing typical Saxon folksongs. My parents would've felt right at home, I think, except for the beer that was flowing freely (but it certainly wasn't free, at $8! per glass), like a waterfall. Later on, Benja said "Now I understand why Germans drink so much beer, this music sounds best with beer." It sounds like he was implying that the music was so bad you need beer to enjoy it, but I don't think he meant that. :)


































There was a great patio outside, with a great view of downtown:

But the action was definitely inside.






















































We met Sandra, the beauty on the right. My gosh, I'm smitten: Italian background, from Brasil.















At around 10pm we left the SH, and headed back towards downtown. We'd heard that every night there is free entertainment, music, fireworks, and lasershows near the VAG, so we went there, and we weren't disappointed.

All in all, a great day. One thing that I have to say, albeit anecdotally, is that I felt incredibly distant from Jennifer today, probably the most distant I've felt in the last two years.

Al Watan, Saxony House

Dinner at Al Watan: I met up with James and had dinner at my favourite place. It was good to catch up with him, it'd been since before Christmas that I saw him last. I don't quite understand why I see so little of my Christian friends, I'm realizing that my bonds of affection are much stronger with my non-believing friends. This is an increasing source of disappointment to me.

Saxony House: after dinner, we met up with Jennifer and one of James' friends, Matt, and together we went down to the Saxony House Pavilion (Vancouver Rowing Club) to take in some of the Olympic atmosphere.

As with all other Games-related sites, there was a long lineup to get in: 2+ hours. We only stuck it out for about 45 minutes. We were cold (I didn't dress warm enough), hungry, and generally impatient.

So we gave up the quest to conquer Saxony, and went to eat instead. Jennifer, in particular, was hungry, so we walked along Denman until we found a place that had both, food and a television to follow the Olympics on. We settled on a mediterranean fast food-type place.

But our interest in the Saxony House was piqued enough to try getting in another time, perhaps tomorrow.

Addicted To The Olympics

I remember in July of 2003, waking up one morning at 5am, to hear the live broadcast of who would become the host city of the 2010 Olympics. I was thrilled then, to find out that Vancouver was selected.

Fast forward 7 years - and numerous articles, announcements, discussions, and arguments in between, both for and against the Olympics - here we are, 6 days into the Olympics, and I'm completely addicted. It seems that for me, in terms of a sporting event, the only sporting event that generates more enthusiasm and excitement, is the World Cup.

There's something about the Olympics, and particularly the Winter Olympics, that makes me just want to sit down and take them in. I'm not sure what it is, maybe it's the competitive aspect, maybe it's watching how the athletes who've spent the better part of the past 4 years preparing for this event react to their successes and failures, their joys and their sorrows, maybe it's the media hype that comes along with an event of such large proportions, or maybe it's all of these, I don't know, but whatever it is, the draw is there and it's real.

And it seems that I'm not the only one. The big whigs at work installed a large projector in the lunchroom, with the Olympic channel streaming all day long, and on breaks, the room's completely packed with people.

And Vancouver itself, seems to have been transformed into a city of fun. There are people everywhere, it's busy no matter where you go, there's vibrancy, there's life. The buses and the skytrains are full, and on the streets there are reminders of the Olympics everywhere: advertising signs, official event vehicles, stores, and of course, the fireworks that I can hear clearly from my bedroom window every night at 11pm. It's really quite refreshing, to be in such a dynamic city.

And patriotism - my goodness - there's red and white everywhere: buildings are adorned with the maple leaf flag, windows are draped in red and white, and people are also wearing their national pride on their sleeves: if not the ever-popular red mittens, then white "Canada" sweatshirts, or some other national symbol. Frankly, I had no idea we were so patriotic.

So far, though, the enthusiasm in our hearts has been more prevalent than the results on the score sheets, because as of now we only have 7 medals. Hopefully this will change.

Lent: Ash Wednesday Begins Journey Towards Easter

This morning at 8am I attended a special Ash Wednesday Mass at St. Mary's RC church, in Burnaby. Afterwards and for the rest of the day, I walked around with a cross-shaped ash mark on my forehead: "....for dust you are, and to dust you shall return (Genesis 3:19b).

Very interesting reactions at work: most westerners and chinese said "you have something on your forehead", while Filipinos all recognized the mark, "Oh right, it's Ash Wednesday today."

So, for the next 6 weeks, as a form of self-discipline (I Corinthians 9:24-27), no:
- coffee
- wine
- chocolate (hot or cold cocoa drink ok), or
- red meat (beef, lamb, pork)

Connections Between Film, Faith, And Love

This morning our church had a special Valentine's service that focused on the theme of love, especially as the theme is explored in film. Aaron was the speaker, and I think he did a good job, giving examples of where movies portrayed deep, profound love in a winsome way. Reviewing various movies - most of them with Hugh Grant: Love Actually, About a Boy, Notting Hill, and Magnolia - Aaron made the following points about the nature of love:

1- Great love requires great sacrifice => often we don't love as we should.

2- Our tendency is towards disconnection => but sacrificial love can transform us. We don't want to be vulnerable with one another: "we spend a lot of energy pretending things are ok when they are not, and we are afraid of real relationships, and yet, our heart cries out for them."

3- Love requires great vulnerability => vulnerability implies being real with those around us rather than protecting our reputation or image.

After making these points, he, turned to Scripture and "filled out" some crucial missing links. The text he looked at was I John 4:7-12, which says the following: "7Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. 8Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 9This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. 10This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. 11Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. 12No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us."

God's love is not immature, depending on feelings, whims, or emotions. God's love is radical: He loved before we even loved him. In fact, he loves us irregardless of whether we love him in return. Two amazing things about God's love:
1- Verse 10: God loved us, even while we ignored him.
2- Verse 9: God's love for us came at a great cost to him: it cost him his Son.

What does "atoning sacrifice for our sins" mean? What is sin? Why sacrifice?

Sin: describes our internal posture towards God => declaring independence from God. This declaration on our part (we've all done it) results in ruptured relationships with God and one another.

Sacrifice, Atonement: God dealing with our brokenness, our disconnection with him and one another. God loves us and doesn't want to leave us broken, but he can't ignore our disconnection (sin) because he's also a just God. In order to deal with the injustice of ruptured relationships we've caused, he sent his Son to die for us, in our stead.

Questions: Does this ring true? Does it sound right?
Self-Sacrifice: God loved us so much that he gave his only Son, Jesus Christ.
Disconnection: God dealt with our disconnection by sacrificing his Son.
Vulnerability: For us to reconnect with the Father, we must admit our weakness (sin) and return (repent) to the Father.

He ended by encouraging us to pray this prayer, about making Peace with the Father: "Father, thank you that you love me. I have not always loved as I should, I'm sorry, forgive me. Thank you that Jesus died for me. I want you to be in charge of my life now. Amen."

Afterwards, Sanjit, Jen and I went for Vietnamese coffee, and on our way there, Jen asked the question that gets right to the heart of the matter, it's such a good question. She said: "Love does require sacrifice, but how does sending Jesus cost God something? It cost Jesus something, but how does it cost God something?"

The answer, of course, is that God is three persons, one God, three persons that make up the "Godhead": God the Father, God the Son (Jesus Christ), and God the Holy Spirit are all persons that make up the One God, so when the Father sent his Son, he's sending one of the persons of the Trinity, he's sending himself (in the person of Jesus). This sending, is already an act of great sacrifice (because it shows God's love and care for us), not to mention the isolation and suffering that Jesus endured on our behalf.

It was very good to think through this question. a little It's the best possible question she could've asked. But it's not an easy answer to grasp. It's truly only the Holy Spirit that help sus consent, better yet, it's only the Holy Spirit that can enlighten our hearts and minds with this wonderful truth.

Dinner At La Bodega With Jennifer

Tonight was our sort of Valentine's dinner. I say sort of, because Jen and I aren't together any longer, and as a result, there's a definite barrier between us. Physically, of course, much of our playfulness is either gone or on its way out. Psychologically, we are not on the same page anymore, we keep our cards closer to our chest, not wanting to reveal or expose ourselves. Spiritually, well, we were never of one mind to begin with, that's been the problem from the get-go, so nothing has changed there, except maybe the odd bitter feeling - I'm sure all this is mutual.

So what's left is what we began with, the social, a friendship, except that whereas we began our friendship with enthusiasm and excitement at our new discovery - each other - now, we have a friendship that's tainted, at least temporarily (I hope), with hurt and disappointment.

Even so, we managed to put on our smiley faces and go to one of my favourite restaurants, La Bodega. Actually, I'm grateful to Jen for suggesting this place. A nice touch on her part.

We ordered what we always order when we go there:
* tomate y cebolla (sliced tomatoes and sweet red oninos)
* chorizo casero (cured, spicy pork sausages)
* albondigas (spanish meatballs)
* arroz español (seafood on spanish rice pilaf), and my all-time favourite:
* patatas bravas (literally, brave potatoes: potatoes with zesty dressing)

Even as I write this my mouth waters! I'm hungry again!

Below are two pictures, both taken at the beginning of the meal.

After dinner we went for a walk near the restaurant, to take in some of the Olympic atmosphere. After all, Vancouver's now an olympic city: it will be a zoo over the next 16 days.

We walked halfway across the Granville Street Bridge, and took a look at the searchlights that have been gracing the skies of our beautiful city for the past few weeks already, and tonight was no exception, as they shone right through the fog and rain. Actually, one could argue that the fog and rain amplified the effect in some way.

Below is a picture of Granville Island, taken from the bridge. Across the water, the building with the bright yellow lights (I believe it's Bridges Restaurant) is the Swiss House, for the duration of the Games. Apparently they give out free chocolate to visitors: sounds like a place I need to visit before Lent begins next Wednesday!

On our way back to Jen's place, we noticed that the streets were much much more crowded then usual. Various age groups and flags of nations were visible in the city streets tonight. It was a refreshing sight, to see life in the city. I hope that the city will shed its "no fun" image over the next few weeks!

Once at Jen's we watched the opening ceremony on tape. Overall I thought they were good, although it seems like there was a glitch at the end when the hydraulics on one of the totem poles failed.

It's also not very wintery: it's wet and miserable, not exactly the winter wonderland the world probably expected. I wonder if someone told visitors coming here that this is typical "winter " in Vancouver.

Harvey's Birthday

Tonight I was invited to Norah's, who was hosting a birthday party for our good friend Harvey, "bishop" Harvey, as I call him.

The beginning of the evening was slow, I felt totally out of place. It seemed to me like a high class affair, lots of wealthy folk standing around in the living room and kitchen (that's just the first floor, there's a second floor with a massively big party room), chatting it up about who knows what, while drinking a glass of wine. Nothing wrong with any of those things, but for whatever reason I felt like I didn't belong.

Until I hooked up with Glenn, good ol' Glenn. He belongs fully in this crowd, he's Mr. Etiquette, but he's so down to earth, so easy to talk to, so humble, I was thanking God for putting him in my path over dinner, because we had a great conversation.

I shared with him my ongoing vocational frustrations, and he shared with me his ongoing frustrations, the details of which I wont mention here. Needless to say, once we began talking I relaxed, and all of the sudden, all those other folk who'd intimidated me, were no big deal any more. Actually, some of them saw that we were having a good conversation and came and joined us. And we welcomed them. Maybe had I done the same - join others in their conversation - they'd have welcomed me too.

Social encounters with native Canadians (and for the record, other westerners) remain mysteriously uncomfortable for me. For whatever reason, I feel much more comfortable with non-westerners.

Towards the end of the evening, a few of us - Will, Harvey, Glenn, and I - embarked on a very interesting conversation, covering science, ethics, atheism, and biblical history. We all agreed, of course: all good Anglicans always agree on everything (hahahahaha!).

Dinner @ Rachelle's!

Tonight I went for dinner at Rachelle's! I say this with an exclamation point, because I rarely see her anymore - she seems to have disappeared, or rather, withdrawn (?) - from the map. It was actually the first time I saw her since before Christmas; well before Christmas, maybe even as far back as late summer, August or September-ish.

She made dinner, lasagna, with a lovely salad, and my gosh was it ever good.

We also had a coffee, for ol' times sake. I remember fondly the Sunday mornings we used to attend church together and then afterward go for breakfast, sometimes at her place, sometimes at mine, and sometimes at Paul's Place or some other good breakfast joint. And all our breakfasts ended on the same exhilarating note: coffee, cream, and sugar.

Sadly, she has completely withdrawn from the community of faith, and I feel partially to blame for that. All our conversations about the church burst her bubble somewhat, made her realize that the church has not always spoken with one unanimous voice on many issues, and that's just thrown her for a loop. Which voice is right? Who is telling the truth?

It seems like we live in times when doubt and skepticism rule the day. Unless we can speak of something definitively, we seem unwilling to call it truth. Sadly, when doing so, we extract all mystery and beauty from the world.

I pray that she would return to the fold. The Shepherd bough her at great cost to himself.

Fútbol, Food, Film

1pm - played fútbol at Jonathan Rogers, with my fútbol friends.

4pm - went for dinner at my favourite restaurant in Vancouver: Al Watan. Jen, Ceci, and Alfonso came along. For a change, we ordered the lentils as the vegetable dish, and I'm glad we did. They're not as spicy as the rest of the dishes, so it was much to my liking. From now on, lentils will be the veggie order of choice for me.

6:30pm - went to a movie, Extraordinary Measures, with Jen and Ceci.

Games Night

Tonight we had our first Games Night. Four of us - Vero, Benja, Sanjit, and I - are the first official attendants and members of this very elite group who going forward, will meet every Wednesday night to perfect the craft of playing Ticket to Ride (and perhaps once our addiction to this great game dies down, other games too).

Tonight we played 2 games, and it was a case of Jeckyl and Hyde for me: the first game I came in last place, dead last, nowhere near the frontrunner (and the rest of them), Vero. The second game, on the other hand, I made up for it and won.

Next recruits: Jen and Juan B.
Next meeting: Wednesday February 3.
Next place: Vero's.

Veal A La Parmegiana, Anger, And Shame

Today we celebrated mom's birthday at the Spaghetti Factory in Abbotsford. As usual to my visits to this restaurant, I had Veal a la Parmegiana. I never tire of it.

Afterwards, I went to mom and dad's for the afternoon and early evening. We had a good conversation, although I can no longer hide the fact that I bear some anger and resentment towards mom. I don't yet fully understand why this is the case.

I also feel increasingly ashamed around my parents. I just don't match up to their expectations: single at 40, vocation-less, owning nothing of significance (ie - apartment, house, property, business), and generally speaking, having accomplished very little in life. Yet, somehow, God is in this, I just don't know how. God has placed me where I am, which means, in some way, this must be what's best for me. My place in this picture is to be faithful, wherever I'm at.

When I told my parents that I feel ashamed around them, my father's response - God bless him! - was the only right response: "Ed, shame is of the devil. You have no reason to be ashamed around us."

I am so very thankful for my earthly parents.

Evensong, Oisi For Dinner

After work, Jen and Sanjit joined me at Evensong. Tonight's the last night I'll be able to enjoy their company on a Tuesday night, as going forward, I'll be teaching the catechism class at church on Tuesdays.

I'm excited to teach the course, but I'm sad that Jennifer's not in the class. I'd hoped that by now - 1.5 years after we began going out - she'd be at least somewhat interested in matters of faith, but alas, I'm wrong. Maybe this is what the gospel of John means when it states that "the Spirit of God blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes." (John 3:7). I believe this refers to the mystery, the paradox, of election: God elects those he saves, and yet, in a mysterious way, we are each responsible for how we respond to God's command to love Him and our neighbour (Matthew 22:34-40).

After Evensong the three of us went to Oisi, a southern-food (Louisianna) restaurant on Granville.

T-Shirts, Fútbol, & Ticket To Ride

A busy day today!

10am - breakfast with Jennifer. Well, we were supposed to have breakfast at one of Jen's favourite joints in North Vancouver, but the place was closed - of all days, and of all reasons - because of flooding: I guess a pipe burst overnight...

10:30 - our purpose for going to North Van to begin with, was to get some t-shirts printed for our dear friends, Ruben and Tati, in Cuernavaca. We got two t's: a blue one, for Tati, and a red one for Ruben.

12pm - we managed to find another place to go for breakfast afterall. Forgot the name of it...

1:30 - we picked up Vero, and then went straight to the cancha de fútbol near my place where we met up with the rest of the soccerinos to play.

4pm - to Santa Barbara's, and then to Donald's Market, for some grocery shopping

6pm - dinner and TTR (Ticket to Ride) at Jen's.

Paella @ Juan's

Tonight Juan invited us for dinner for paella. Vero, Benja, Karma, Jen, and I went.

I tend not to order paella when I go out to eat, because my last experience with paella - from a Latin restaurant on Commercial Drive - was not a good one. But tonight's dinner was excellent. Since I'm not a huge fan of seafood, I found tonight's "measured" quantity of seafood much to my liking.

After dinner we sat around and discussed, of all things, environmental concerns. Our group of friends is very good at "enjoying the moment", we always make the best of the here and now: laughter, great food, poking fun at one another, or musing the latest hot topics. But we lack in depth: depth of thought, and certainly in depth of conversation about meaningful things. So tonight was a refreshing change.

Weddings, Friendship, and Dreams That Come True

I titled this post as above, in honour of Ceci and Angus, who recently got engaged, and whose friendship I value greatly.

To my immense surprise I received an invitation from them today, to be involved in a meaningful way at their wedding. My role may be something as simple as doing one of the Scripture readings, or as involved as either paraphrasing the Priest's sermon, or giving a short homily myself - in Spanish.

What an immense privilege. I do not want to let them down.

Lord, thank you for Ceci and Angus. Bless their relationship, their wedding, their marriage, through Jesus Christ, our Lord. Let it be so. Amen.

The Blind And The Deaf Come Forward

When I was younger - before I was even a teenager - our family occasionally travelled to a remote and isolated part of the country to visit relatives (this was in South America, before we immigrated to Canada). And looking back, what strikes me about these trips is how dangerous they were.

Much of the road was unpaved - just a dirt road. In the summer, the wind would kick up the dry dust and make it impossible to see more than 10 metres ahead, and in the winter, the road got so muddy from the rain that we feared getting stuck in the mud or sliding into oncoming traffic.

And while everyone else was scared during the trip, I remember sitting in the back seat, at peace, watching my father skillfully maneuver our 1974 Volvo through the dust or mud. I sometimes even fell asleep: that’s how safe I felt; that’s how much I trusted my father getting us there. And he always did, he never failed.

Our reading from Isaiah (43:1-13) gives us a similar picture of trustworthiness: the trustworthy character of God, our heavenly Father. In fact, God is trustworthy in a way that no earthly father could be. Therefore, we need not fear what’s before us (43:1, 5), no matter how difficult our situation is (43:2): God loves us (43:4), he has saved us (43:1, 3, 4), and he is with us (43:5). No one can snatch us from his protective hand (43:3, 11, 12). This is the God we are witness to, this is the God we proclaim to the world (43:10, 12).

The text addresses Israel in captivity: oppressed, living under constant fear and doubt. God had handpicked the people of Israel to be his ambassadors to the world - not because they were extraordinarily talented or good, actually the opposite was the case, they were the weakest and most vulnerable nation in the region - but instead of fulfilling this privileged role, they ignored it: they saw and recognized what is right, but refused to act on it, "they heard with their ears, but didn’t really listen” (42:20 paraphrase). God gave them the independence they wanted, and the result was decisive: they were robbed, plundered, and taken away in chains by their neighbours.

In such dire conditions, God speaks great words of comfort, he addresses their fears with some of the kindest words he’s spoken to his children. Two verses in particular stand out, and in both of them God appeals to his trustworthy character: Verse 1, “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name...” (43:1). He reminds them that he saved them - he delivered them from slavery at the Red Sea (Exodus 14:21-22) - and under his protection they were safe from the burning fire and the consuming flame (14:2).

And then again in verse 4: “Because you are precious in my eyes, and honoured, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life” (43:4). The God of the Bible has in recent times been portrayed as vindictive and violent, but this caricature does no justice to our reading: notice the tender words God uses here. They are gentle, full of concern, as from a father to a son.

God’s people are precious to him - he “buys” his people back in an exchange with king Cyrus (43:3) - he frees them so that they can return home (43:6-7). This was not a desperate move on the part of someone who’s weak; it was lavish generosity on the part of someone who loves deeply and has the whole world at his disposal.”1 Anyone who is loved this way has nothing to fear.

And we, the church, living after the death and resurrection of Jesus, are witnesses to the greatest purchase of all, when God through Jesus ‘bought back’ all human beings, for his glory: Christ gave his life on the cross “as a ransom for many” (Matthew 10:45); Jesus...gave himself as a ransom for all men” (I. Timothy 2:5-7). We are precious in God’s eyes. The church is God’s treasure.

The chapter concludes with a remarkable court scene: God challenges the gods of the nations to put their record on the line by bringing the nations as witnesses, but neither the gods nor the nations show up (43:9). But the blind, and the deaf, they do show up; the people of God do come forward, out of captivity: they are witnesses to God’s faithfulness (43:8).

And another remarkable thing happens: as the blind and the deaf give testimony, their faith grows exponentially, it strengthens. Their own blindness and their own deafness is swallowed up in new assurance, and they leave the courts with their heads held high (43:10).2

There’s a connection between proclaiming God’s faithfulness, and growing in our faith. Faith is a gift, certainly, but it’s a gift that we nurture by reminding one another and all those around us of the mighty acts of God. The antidote to fear and doubt is faith.

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen ✠

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1- Barry G. Webb, The Message of Isaiah: On Eagle’s Wings. The Bible Speaks Today. J. A. Motyer, ed. (Downer’s Grove, IL: IVP, 1996), 175.

2- Barry G. Webb, The Message of Isaiah: On Eagle’s Wings. The Bible Speaks Today. J. A. Motyer, ed. (Downer’s Grove, IL: IVP, 1996), 176.

Delight In Fatness

One of the most vivid images that I have of being thirsty is from a trip that I made in 1994, through the Mojave and Chihuahua deserts, from Sacramento California through Nevada, northern Arizona, New Mexico, to Dallas Texas.

We were in a car that didn’t have air conditioning, so we had to drive with our windows open, and while it was a consolation to have air circulating in the car, the problem was that the air came in from the outside hot and dry: no amount of water could really quench our thirst, water was always on our minds, our throats were burning for moisture. At rest stops I’d drench my head in cold water, and put a wet towel on my arms and shoulders to cool me off. Thirst was very real to us.

Anyone that has ever visited or lived in a hot place can easily identify with such a thirst. The first few words from Isaiah 55, would’ve made perfect sense to anyone living in 1st century Palestine: “...everyone who thirsts, come to the waters” (55:1a). What wasn’t so clear, and what ought to raise our eyebrows, are the words that follow. As in the previous case, God is the speaker:
“and he who has no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Why do you spend your money...” or work “...for that which does not satisfy?” (55:1b-2a)

God is vividly portrayed as a “merchant in a marketplace where people are selling and buying”1; but what’s striking here is that God is not selling anything, he’s offering a free gift. God is sending out an invitation to all those who are in a spiritual desert, burning to have their spiritual thirst satiated, yearning for something to quench the deepest longings of the soul: forgiveness, reconciliation, love, and acceptance. And to anyone who finds herself in this situation he says “Hearken diligently to me, and eat what is good, and delight yourselves in fatness. Incline your ear, and come to me; hear, that your soul may live” (55:2b-3a).

I’m not a fan of fat in my meals - this is Vancouver after all, we’re all obsessed with healthy living - but in 1st century Palestine and in many cultures today, the fatty part on a piece of meat is the best part, a treat, because it’s so tasty.2 God here invites us to a rich banquet, a spiritual banquet, where the finest of foods, the finest of spiritual blessings, will be served.

This is not the first time God invited human beings. God has always invited us to his banquet feast, through what the Bible calls covenants, agreements initiated by God, and bringing into relationship God and his people: from Adam, to Noah, to Abraham, to Moses, to David (55:3b-5), and finally, Jesus Christ, in whom all previous covenants culminate.

It was Jesus who said to the woman at the well: “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life" (John 4:13b-14). Jesus completes and fulfills all previous covenants; in him we have, literally, God with us. In Jesus, God offers himself as gift.

God’s ways are not like our ways; his thoughts are not like ours; the word that goes forth from his mouth does not return empty, but it accomplishes and prospers his purpose (55:8-11). His faithfulness is on display every time we see a rainbow - God’s promise to Noah that he would never again flood the earth with water. And the recreation and restoration of the world that is yet to come will be a glorious tribute to God’s faithfulness: mountains and hills will burst into song, trees will clap their hands, the thorn and brier of human sin will be removed forever, and we shall go out in joy and peace (55:12-13).

But we cannot do justice to this chapter by focusing exclusively on God’s invitation, we must also give due attention to the verses of admonition. God’s spiritual banquet might be likened to the parable of the wedding banquet that Jesus warns about: the host of the wedding has prepared a massive feast, but all those who were invited reject the invitation. The host then goes to the streets and invites anyone who is eager to attend. Once the seats are filled, the wedding gets underway. All in attendance enjoy a fabulous meal, while those on the outside weep and long for food (Matthew 22:1-14).

In the same way, God offers a banquet spread, but guests must come. “No one need be an outsider, but neither will anyone be forced to enter, and the invitation to do so will not be extended indefinitely.”3 May we not be found ungrateful for the invitation that we have received. Pardon is available, but we must forsake our wicked ways and seek the Lord while he may still be found (55:6-7).

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen ✠

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1- Larry, Walker, Isaiah. Cornerstone Biblical Commentary, Volume 8. Philip W. Comfort, ed. (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 2005), 243.

2- Larry, Walker, Isaiah. Cornerstone Biblical Commentary, Volume 8. Philip W. Comfort, ed. (Wheaton, IL: Tyndale, 2005), 242.

3- Barry G. Webb, The Message of Isaiah: On Eagle’s Wings. The Bible Speaks Today. J. A. Motyer, ed. (Downer’s Grove, IL: IVP, 1996), 218.

Jennifer's Back

I only slept 4 hours last night!

After getting in late last night (more like early this morning), Sanjit and I got up at 10 am, to go to the airport and pick up Jennifer.

She was very surprised to see me there, since we'd agreed that we wouldn't speak to each other until after the end of January. This, to give each other some breathing space and ponder our futures. Well, I broke my end of the deal, even though I was the one that had pushed for this arrangement.

Anyways, it's done, I saw her arrive at the airport. Together the three of us took the Canada Line back to her place where we dropped Jen off at her place. Afterwards, Sanjit and I went back home and .. slept some more!

In the evening, actually, more like, late afternoon, a few of our friends came over for another two rounds of Ticket to Ride. I'm definitely hooked on this game...

NYE @ Vero's

Contrary to my original plans, I did not have a NYE party this year. As happened a few years ago, a feeling of general apathy came upon me, and I just couldn't muster up enough energy to organize a party. Perhaps the fact that I had a big party at my place just over a month ago played a role too.

So it was to my great and pleasant surprise, that Vero came up to me a few days ago and offered to have a party at her place. Maybe she noticed that I wasn't as enthusiastic in my talk about NYE this time around.

The party at her place was perfect, in that it had a bit of everything: it started quiet, and progressively got louder. We had food (empanadas!) and conversaton the early part of the evening, and as the night wore on, things got louder, more festive. Fiveteen minutes before midnight we filled up our wine glasses, and began counting down to midnight.

Midnight came and went - with lots of hugs and kisses all around - and shortly afterwards we put on some loud music - pop, latin, techno, whatever - and danced until well past 1 in the morning.

And then came the best part of the evening: Ticket to Ride! We played not 1, not 2, but 3 games, until after 5am! Now that's a kickin' NYE party!

Sanjit stayed the night at my place afterwards. We got home shortly before 6am.

Below are some pictures, taken by Vero:

Work

I really am beginning to hate my job. This must change. Something must change soon.

More Ticket To Ride

I didn't work today, which I'm sure added to the reason it was such a good day.

The highlight of the day was .. surprise surprise .. playing board games with da gang. I picked up Sanjit at around 4pm, and then drove to Alfonso's, stopping off at Regent and Timmy Horton's beforehand.

At Alfonso's, the same people (except Juan) convened as two nights ago. We played three rounds of the game: I came in 2nd, 1st, and 1st, respectively. I slept peacefully, like a baby, utterly content in my victories.

Alfonso also made a simple but good meal, the kind of meal that I really like: pasta in a tomato and chicken sauce.

New Year's approaching in a few nights.

Jennifer's also returning soon from HK. I haven't missed her that much. I think it's because of our ambiguous and confusing location on the relational map. This chapter needs to sort itself out. I really hope I have the strength to stick to my words this time: we're off until such time as some core spiritual issues are dealt with.

Futbol, Ticket to Ride Europe

Today can be summed up in three words: "futbol", and "board game".

I slept in in the morning - wow, did I feel great when I woke up!

Early afternoon I went down to Jonathan Rogers Park and played soccer with my fantastic futbol friends. We played from about 1:30- 3:30pm. Fourteen people came, which made for a good and competitive game. The field was also in reasonably good conditions - not frozen hard, and not too muddy.

After the game we came over to my place, about 5 or 6 of us, and drank coffee, tea, and ate pannetonne and other sweets for a bit. Later on we got out "Ticket to Ride Europe", ordered some pizza, and played until half past midnight. What a great night. I enjoyed myself so much. The people who played were Veronica, Benja, Sanjit, Alfonso, Juan and I. Juan hung around for the first game but had to leave early. Vero won both games. I came last place in the first game, and second in the second game.

It was probably the best day of the month.

Christmas Day In Abbotsford II

During breakfast this morning mother said to me something along the lines of the following: "From where did you get this mentality about not giving presents"? I think I gave some kind of philosophical answer, but what I really should have said was the truth: "The Bible."

It was actually a very good day. I had a good conversation with mom and dad. I was able to admit my feelings of inadequacy in my current state of life. I refer here to basically two issues: vocation and marriage. I find that the vocational question bothers me more than the marriage question. However, the two are related. Everything in life seems to be related.

For the afternoon our whole family met at Tante Erika's. I dreaded going there, but in truth, it was a very good afternoon and evening. Aside from the great (Mennonite) food, there was also very good company. I spent the afternoon talking to my cousins, mostly, all of whom have their unique viewpoints, talents, and struggles that they bring to the table.

We also played a great board game that I got for Christmas: "Ticket to Ride Europe." The game lasted about two hours, and it has similar combination of strategy and luck that "Risk" has (without the focus on warfare and world domination), but it takes at the most 2 hours to complete.

I got home from Abbotsford around 9pm.

Christmas In Abbotsford I

I worked until around 3pm today, before I finally took off and went home. There's something deeply wrong with working on Christmas Eve.

I got home tired, and decided not to go to church in Abbotsford with family. By the sounds of it, I missed a very good Christmas program. But I knew that the next 1.5 days would be busy and hectic, so I decided to sleep at home until 6 instead, before heading out to the Valley.

Once at home, the usual Christmas Feast - Feast here is the appropriate word - was served by mom. Afterwards we sat around the table and conversed, before heading to the living room and made ourselves comfortable. Around 10pm we began what for most people is the highlight of the evening, but what for me is increasingly becoming a burden: the opening of presents, and all the hoopla that goes along with that.

There's no simplicity left in Christmas. The simple manger of the baby Jesus has become the glitz of coloured wrapping paper and bows. The month-long Advent season - the season we prepare for the Son of God becoming the Son of Man, has become the month-long season of shopping. The worst of it is that the Church has bought right into this farce.

Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on us.

From Silence To Peace

I've been reading Mother Teresa's book Come be my light over the past month. She inspires me in a way that few other women do. On page 315, near the end of the book, this poem of hers appears:

The fruit of silence is prayer,
The fruit of prayer is faith,
The fruit of faith is love,
The fruit of love is service,
The fruit of service is peace.

This poem can serve as a Rule of Life or steady foundation, a strong anchor that keeps us from floating aimlessly in the seas of life.

Meeting The Bishop

This past Sunday I met the visiting bishop at church. We had a very brief conversation and he offered to meet up with me to discuss vocational discernment. That meeting happened today. I met him from 9-10am (I took the time off work) at church, and generally speaking, the meeting went well.

He made some insightful comments:

* he sees me as an introvert/extrovert (he saw me preach last night at Evensong). This means that I prefer to be alone most of the time, but don't mind the occasional group/large crowd event. In church matters, this translates to having a strong preference for inward-focused activities (sermon preparation, prayer, reading, or perhaps one-on-one or small group meetings) over engagements involving many people (leading church services). The bishop is right on.

* given the above, church planting is out vocationally, unless I'm under the leadership of an extrovert. The bishop is right again. A church planter is a salesman, basically, and that I'm not. In fact, there's nothing I fear more than having to make a sale. Actually, I wonder whether my personality type is suitable for any sort of leadership, even in a context where the church is already established. I see myself as someone who provides balance, perspective, stability, steadfastness, and long-suffering, and a leader often needs to do the opposite: rock the boat, shake things up, make the hard calls, confront.

* the final comment that I found helpful was also a comment that was painful - how typical. He mentioned that he heard my sermon last night and he didn't feel "inspired" at all. He felt that my delivery was "well crafted", "well prepared", and theologically "true", but too "mechanical", "rehearsed." He mentioned that I did not make myself vulnerable during the sermon by showing my personality or my sense of humour. I did not take any risks, but instead, I hid behind the comfort of my written sermon. When he left the church, the question he was asking himself was "Why should I care about what I just heard in the sermon?" To him, I did not answer that question. That's a hard indictment. But I feel that again, he is right. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable. I feel I will be rejected by the listeners, I feel that I'll be rejected by the church.

Oh and one last thing. He preached on Sunday, and his sermon was actually less than inspiring also. He'd memorized everything and smiled throughout the sermon, but even so, he didn't connect with me. I guess we're even. Good thing God makes use of whatever we give him, because if he had any higher expectations, he'd be greatly disappointed.

Jennifer Off To HK

This morning I went to the early church service - as usual - and afterwards I went to Provence restaurant in Yaletown for breakfast with Jennifer. We were there almost a year ago too, on December 24, and we sat at almost the same table again this year. The difference though, this time around, was two-fold.

1- the weather: it was snowy last year, very snowy: in fact, it was snowing while we were eating. This time around the weather was cold and windy, but no snow.

2- our status: last year we were together, enjoying getting to know each other. This year, we're sort of in limbo - trying to figure out where we are, where we belong.

Ironically though, we get along better than ever now. Perhaps it's because the pressure's off, and we can just be ourselves, or maybe we just know each other better, but whatever the case may be, we understand each other better.

Without a doubt, she's my best friend.

After breakfast we got on the Canada Line to the airport, where she got on a plane to Hong Kong. She will spend Christmas there with family: brother, father, and mother.

I wish her a blessed Merry Christmas. May it be a time of Joy and Blessing.

Dinner At Antons with Jennifer

Tonight was a first: dinner at Anton's - my favourite Italian Restaurant in Vancouver - with Jennifer.
















She had Fettuccine with ham and peas in an Alfredo sauce. I had Cannelloni.








































It was also a first for another thing: getting into Anton's without a wait. Maybe it had to do with the time of our arrival - around 7:30pm - but that's never happened before. I always have to wait 20-30 minutes before getting a seat.

By the time we got out though, there was definitely a line-up, as the picture below shows. The picture also shows just how big the portions are (or conversely, how small our stomachs are). I'm holding 3 styrofoam containers (tsk tsk tsk): her leftovers, my leftovers, and dessert (tiramisu) leftovers.

After dinner we went for a drive in my car, something we've never done before. We drove up to SFU, and afterwards, down Boundary, before returning to her place.

Humility

I heard the following quote yesterday in Catechism Class at church: "Truth is revealed, not discovered."

This is such a counter-cultural notion, surely it's impossible for us - anyone - to believe this, unless our hearts are first softened by God's Holy Spirit, unless we are first touched by the finger of God.

Lord have mercy on us, for believing that we can actually know - discover - something, anything, on our own strength. Amen.

Wells Of Salvation

The book of Isaiah was written amidst great despair and disillusion. On the one hand, the people of Israel are under the iron fist rule of the Assyrians who took them into captivity by force. On the other hand, what got Israel here to begin with was pride: Israel’s leaders refused to trust in God and sold out instead to their captors.

Amidst such disappointment, Isaiah first announces the Advent of One who would come to liberate his people from oppression and establish a very different kingdom, marked not by pride and arrogance, but centered on peace, justice and righteousness (Isaiah 9:7). Our opening words earlier tonight spoke of this hopeful event, of this messianic hope: “For to us a child is born...a Son is given; and the government will be upon his shoulder...Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end...” (9:6-7).

Isaiah 11:10-12:1-end makes the point that destruction is not God’s final word: Assyria will come under judgment, just as Israel already has - God always deals with sin - but more than that, God will restore his faithful, those who trust Him amidst the most difficult of circumstances. And God’s plan of salvation - although not explicitly given this early in Isaiah - is the Messiah, his Anointed One, the very “well [sic] of salvation” (12:3). This plan is announced - a most appropriate word - and then followed up with a response of praise (12:5): through thanksgiving (12:1), trust (12:2, 4), and joy (12:3, 6). This is a conclusion - a song of praise (12:5-6) - we’re all invited to participate in.

The nations - all nations - will seek God’s Messiah (11:10). I’m reminded here of the most recent presidential elections of our neighbours to the south: the initial expectations were so great, the hopes so high, but now, euphoria is replaced by reality: the president is human after all.

Isaiah’s Messiah is not like that: his Name will not wane, he will not falter, he will not diminish. He will have a clear picture of all things, he wont have to rule by rumour - what his eyes see, or what his ears hear (11:4) - he will rule with righteousness, equity, and faithfulness (11:4-5). The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon him: wisdom, counsel, might, and understanding, (11:2); “And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord” (11:3).

This is great news for the poor (11:4a) and the oppressed (11:13), this is great news for the gentle-hearted (11:4b), this is great news for children (11:6, 8), this is great news for the outcasts and the dispersed (11:12). In short, this is great news for all, because in one way or another, this describes us, if not materially, certainly spiritually. The Messiah will be sought out by all nations, (11:10), his kingdom will be an ensign, an emblem for all the nations (11:10, 12).

But in a very real way, this news ought to trouble us also, because we are not always victims of sin, we are often authors of it: pride, self-sufficiency, greed... (11:11-16). I like the words of G. K. Chesterton: “Original sin is the one Christian doctrine for which there is overwhelming empirical evidence.” I’m always amazed that we deny this: given all the evil around us, somehow we still consider ourselves exempt, outside of it, innocent.

Isaiah shows us a very different picture, he puts a mirror in front of us that gives a very different view of reality. He says “I will give thanks to thee, O Lord, for though thou wast angry with me, thy anger turned away, and thou didst comfort me. Behold, God is my salvation” (12:1-2a).

God has “just cause” in his anger towards us who so often choose the way of destruction. Yet he turns away from his anger, and becomes the very source of our comfort: not by an arbitrary decision or by turning a blind eye, but by re-directing his anger onto Someone Else, by throwing it onto the shoulders of the only One who could make amends for our sin: Jesus Christ.1

All of Isaiah points in the direction of this Saviour Messiah, who will one day come down from his rightful place in heaven, and all nations will seek him out (11:10). The child born in the manger in Bethlehem (9:6) - the Christ-child - is the same One we thank for salvation (12:1); he’s the One we trust with our lives (12:2), he’s the reason for joy (12:3), his arrival we announce (12:4) in songs of praise along with Isaiah: “...for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy...for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel” (12:5-6).

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen ✠

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1- John N. Oswalt, The Book of Isaiah: Chapters 1-39. The New International Commentary on the Old Testament. R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1986), 292-293.

Day4 Christmas Dinner

Tonight was our work Christmas party, and although I wasn't thrilled about having the event at a casino in Richmond, the event turned out to be a good one.

The food was very good. I was one of the only persons at our table to go for seconds. This is my customary practise at such events: the first round is a sampler round, where I get small portions of any and all food that looks promising. The second round is more specific, where I get more of the food I liked in the first round. The picture below was taken at the beginning of round two. My plate's full, whereas my neighbours are empty-plated. My neighbours are Jen to my left, and Darren and Rochelle, to my right.

Below are some more pictures of the evening. The first one is of Jennifer and I towards the end of the night. I like the picture, even though my cheeks seem a tad red. Jennifer's smile, on the other hand, is one of the most genuine smiles of hers I've ever seen. I think it's the best picture of her I've seen. She really has a lovely smile when she lets her guard down.

The final two pictures were taken on our way back home. I'm wearing my new blue sports jacket I got for my birthday.

Picking Up

Work seems to be picking up. Since May I've been on workshare, working 2.5 days a week. I've had to curtail expenses, which is a good discipline to keep up, but the past few weeks I've been working 3 or even 4 days a week, which has been nice on the pocket book.

I hope that things will keep picking up. Maybe the economy's improving...

Longing For Home

One of the best-loved, and most widely read books in English literature is The Pilgrim’s Progress, by John Bunyan. It’s a classic: the story of Christian, who encounters many enemies, and goes through countless dangerous places, in his pilgrimage from the city of destruction to the heavenly city. It’s a story of longing and endurance. Christian endures the pain and suffering of the journey, because he knows it does not compare with the Joy and Peace that await him in the Celestial City.

Psalm 84 is also about longing: a strong desire or yearning. The Psalmist, the writer of this Psalm, is on pilgrimage towards Jerusalem, perhaps on his way to a Jewish festival. He’s on his way to the Temple, where God lives. And as he journeys towards the Temple, he ponders with great anticipation his arrival. Once there, once at the Temple, he will be able to worship God in his own home, he will be able to worship in the very place where God lives.1

As we take a closer look at this Psalm, we will notice that this holy longing by the pilgrim revolves around three beatitudes, three states of happiness, we might say: 1- Blessed is the one who loves the house God (84:1-4); 2- Blessed is the one who journeys to the house of God (84:5-8); and 3- Blessed is the one who lives in the house of God (84:9-13).2

We begin with the first theme: Happy is the one who loves the house of God (84:1-4). Notice the language of love used here: “O how lovely are thy dwellings” (84:1); “lovely” here does not mean that the temple is beautiful, but that it is beloved: it is dearly loved by the pilgrim. In verse 2 we read, “My soul hath a desire and longing to enter into the courts of the LORD”: the Psalmist is completely taken up with the house of God.

But - and this is central - the pilgrim loves the house, because of who owns the house: he yearns for the temple, because of the Lord who owns it and lives in it. In the 12 verses of Psalm 84, the Psalmist cries out to God 18 times: 12 verses, 18 times! The second part of verse 2 says it all: “...my heart and my flesh rejoice in [or cry out to] the living God”. Blessed is the one who loves the house of God...

The next beatitude is a summary of verses 5-8: Fortunate is the one who journeys to the house of God. The journey is not an easy one, it goes through what the Book of Common Prayer calls the “Vale of Misery” (84:6). The New English Bible calls it “the thirsty valley”, and most other versions call it the “Valley of Baca” (RSV, ESV). But whatever the differences, all versions point to the same thing: dry, hostile, deserted lands. The journey is difficult.

But it’s in these moments of uncertainty and deep soul-thirst, that God meets the pilgrim. He gives “strength to the feeble, refreshment to the thirsty, blessings on the way, and the promise of meeting him at the end.” (84:6-7).3 Blessed is the one who journeys to the house of God...

Our final beatitude is found in verses 9-12: Blessed is the one who lives in the house of the Lord. In these verses we get a vision of who God is, and what he does for those who trust him (84:13). The Lord God is all that is “positive and outgoing”: He is a light - joy, warmth, and energy. He’s a shield - he protects from fear of defeat (84:12a).4

God is also the great giver of gifts: he showers those with an undivided heart for him with favour and honour (84:12b). We as Christians, living in the light of the resurrection of Jesus, are witnesses of this grace and glory. Our access to God’s presence is guaranteed - we benefit from the passion of Jesus - that’s grace. And as for glory, as we behold the glory of our Lord, as we look into the face of Jesus - we “are being changed into his likeness from one degree of glory to another...” (II Corinthians 3:18). True to his character, God gifts his people with all those things that are good for them (84:12c).

It’s for this reason - because of who God is and what he does for his people - that we can make the following extravagant statement, along with the pilgrim Psalmist: “For one day in thy courts is better than a thousand [elsewhere]. I had rather be a door-keeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of ungodliness” (84:10-11).

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Amen ✠

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1- Michael Wilcock, The Message of Psalms 73-150. The Bible Speaks Today. J. A. Motyer, ed., (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2001), 47.

2- Michael Wilcock, The Message of Psalms 73-150. The Bible Speaks Today. J. A. Motyer, ed., (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2001), 48.

3- Michael Wilcock, The Message of Psalms 73-150. The Bible Speaks Today. J. A. Motyer, ed., (Downers Grove, IL: IVP, 2001), 49.

4- Derek Kidner, Psalms 73-150: An Introduction & Commentary. Tyndale Old Testament Commentaries. D. J. Wiseman, ed., (Leicester, England: IVP, 1973), 307.

Happy Is The One Who...

...loves the house of God (v1-4)
...journeys to the house of God (v5-8)
...lives in the house of God (v9-12)

These are the three points of Psalm 84.

She Seems Happier Now...

...then when we went out.

I went over to Jennifer's tonight, for dinner. She cooked: mashed potatoes, ground chicken (with a German-ish gravy), and a salad. My contribution was dessert, a tres leches cake, from Salsa and Agave. We had a very good meal, a very good evening. By the end of the evening we kissed, which, given our breakup, is not a good scenario. But kissing her again was nice, no doubt....

I've noticed that she seems happier, more at ease, more relaxed, the last few times I've spoken with her. She smiles more, she jokes around more, she even laughs out loud. She jumps, to try to surprise me, all jovial. I asked her why that was. She was surprised that I thought she was happier now than when we were together. But after I gave her the (above) examples, she agreed.

But then, she noted that I am also more relaxed, more easy-going. Very true. I am more relaxed now then I've been in recent months.

Perhaps we're relaxed because a heavy weight - the weight of an ambiguous, uncertain future - has been lifted from our shoulders. Perhaps we're breathing a sigh of relief, because the "heavy" issues are out of the way and we can just get on with things. If that's the case, that's a good thing.

However, I've also noticed that we get along spectacularly well, when we're relaxed. And this leads me to believe if only these "heavy" issues could be resolved, we would be very good together.

Preaching the Psalms

I'm leading Evensong next week, and have decided that it's time to preach on the Old Testament. Joyce asked me a while ago how come I always preach on the New Testament - and particularly the gospels - and not the "whole counsel of God" (Acts 20:27).

She's right. The New Testament, and particularly the gospels, are the culmination of God's revelation to us, but part of the reason our knowledge of the faith in the church today is so limited is because we don't plumb the whole depth and breadth of Scripture. We're content to get our feet wet by wading in the shallow pools, rather than immersing ourselves fully into the depths of wisdom found in Scripture.

My first Old Testament text will be from the Psalms, #84.

Slow Like A Turtle...

I'm moving forward. At least I think I am.

Over the past month I've been meeting with the Pastors at church, seeking advice, seeking their wisdom. The blessing I'm seeking from them is for a way forward: a way to continue walking into the mystery of vocational calling. And truly, my experience, has been that vocational calling is a mystery that unfolds little by little, rather than all at once. But then, that's just my experience.

My first meeting was with Jim, over lunch at Al Watan, on August 14. We used to speak more often, back in the Regent days, so for the first 30 minutes or so of our conversation was more or less catching each other up on the going ons of our lives. But afterwards we got down to business, and we were able to speak meaningfully about vocations. We had too much ground to cover, however, so we decided to reconvene a few weeks later. Here are, in summary, the points I took away from our meeting:
* I mentioned to Jim that I feel called to gospel-work in the church, including, and perhaps especially, ordained ministry.
* By conviction, I feel more Eastern Orthodox or Roman Catholic than Anglican, but for entirely practical reasons I've decided to stay within Anglicanism. For me, making a vocational decision based on practicality seems entirely wrong-headed, but what can I do?
* In light of the above, Jim challenged me to read over the 39 Articles of Religion in the Book of Common Prayer and see if I can submit to those. If I can, the Anglican Church is still the right place for me.
* I also made clear that I am definitely a sacramentalist, and as such I have a strong preference to work within a high church context. However, I am still committed to the evangelical cause. In short, I wish to proclaim the "one, holy, catholic, apostolic" faith, within a sacramentalist framework.

On August 31, I met with Dan. I shared with him my conviction that I believe I'm called to do ministry in the church. I presented 3 potential avenues to pursue, and asked for his feedback. Option #1: ordained ministry within the Anglican Church of Canada (ACC); option #2: hospitality work in Cairo, Egypt, as a guest house manager, with a possibility of teaching and/or ministry training alongside, with the goal of eventual ordination as priest; option #3: openness to whatever suggestions he or other clergy at church consider appropriate. His response was essentially as follows:
* ACC (option #1): good opportunity, although pursuing this option would likely entail living in a small town in northern Canada for a good 5 years, and as a single man, this might be difficult for me. Loneliness may be a real issue. However, there are positive factors to this option, including: high sense of community in small towns, high church context, and small congregation.
* Egypt (option #2): this is also a good option, especially given my previous interest in Islam. However, the road to ordination seems quite indirect, via hospitality work, and also, am I prepared to live in the Middle East for the rest of my life?
* Regarding option #3, Dan did not make any additional suggestions. However, he did express full support for either of the first two options. He and the church would stand behind me on both options.

On September 1 I met again with Jim. This time we got right to the point. I mentioned to him the 3 options listed above; here's how he responded.
* He explained the differences between a bishop, a priest, and a deacon. A bishop protects, guards. A priest proclaims, preaches. A deacon administers help to the "widows" (Acts 6:1) within the church.
* Jim felt - quite strongly - that I belong to the deacon category. Therefore, he had a firm preference for option #2, Egypt.
* In addition to my gifts as a deacon, Jim also felt that I have the cultural background to move to Egypt. As a Paraguayan-German-Canadian, I'm already a citizen of the world...

And finally, today, I met with Dave. This was a long-awaited meeting, and it's a meeting that went over well, much better than I expected, actually. I mentioned to him the same options, and here are a few things that emerged.
* Vocations within the church (maybe also outside?) are along the following three lines: prophetic, priestly, and kingly. Jesus fulfilled these three, and we do too, although obviously not anywhere to the degree that he did. The king is an administrator, the prophet is a preacher, and the priest is a lover of souls. He did not indicate or suggest which category I belong to. I place myself within the priestly category.
* The main gist of his wisdom can be summarized in a question: Options #1 or #2 are fine, but in terms of option #3, why not add Paraguay to the list? Gulp....
* David decided that he will contact bishop Harvey, who knows, maybe he knows the bishop of Asuncion. Maybe there's a possibility to pursue there. He may also have other suggestions that David does not have access to.

Yikes. Before beginning this process of interviewing clergy at my church, I decided to submit myself to their counsel. What have I done!!!!!?????!!!!!????

Una Gran Hazaña!!!

A great feat!!!! Paraguay beat Argentina today, 1-0, in Asunción. That's it, we're in the World Cup!!! South Africa, here I come!

We played a magnificent first half. Nelson Valdez scored a golazo, assisted by Edgar Barreto, and of course, Salvador Cabañas, who was the mastermind behind the goal, beating 3 players before laying it off to Valdez for a great finish. Here are the highlights of the game:

Albirrooooo!!!!!!!! Albirrooooo!!!!!!! Albirrooooooo!!!!!!!

Seb's, Abruzzo, Marcello's .. And An Angel

Jennifer and I went for breakfast this morning at Seb's Market on West Broadway (almost Fraser). It's one of my favourite places, because it's one of the few restaurants that serves decent coffee. My experiences with the food there have been good, overall, but I don't think she was very impressed with her food this morning. To her it was good, but it didn't stand out. After breakfast I walked her back to her apartment, a good 45 minute walk.

Then I made my way to Abruzzo, on Commercial, for a full day of qualifying games for the World Cup of 2010 in South Africa. I saw the following games: Uruguay 3 - Colombia 1, Paraguay 1 - Bolivia 0, Argentina 1 - Brasil 3, Chile 2 - Venezuela 2, and Costa Rica 0 - Mexico 3. Paraguay played horrible, but they won. It's been over a year - June of last year, when they beat Brasil lin Asuncion - since they've palyed a great game from beginning to end. Next week Wednesday they play against Argentina, in Asuncion. They need a win to qualify. A tie will get them a tiny step closer towards qualification, but wont guarantee it.

After the games, Ruth, Marty and I walked over to Marcello's for a good dinner. I've never been disappointed with the food there. I shared Ruth and Marty about my breakup with Jennifer and got teary-eyed. They were both very good to me.

An interesting conversation "happened" on the way to Abruzzo in the afternoon. I ran into a man, Jonathan, who was looking for some bus directions. I gave him the help he needed, but afterwards, rather than continuing on our way, we began to talk. Turns out he got off at he wrong bus stop before we met (he'd been on another bus), and in frustration, he asked God if there was a purpose for him getting off at the wrong stop. The Holy Spirit told him to seek out a discouraged Christian. Two blocks-walk, and 5 minutes later, he met me.

By the end of the conversation, about 40 minutes later, he prayed for me on the sidewalk of the Commercial Drive skytrain station. He gave me advice, fatherly advice, wise spiritual advice, about vocation, about life direction, and about relationships. More than that, he just encouraged me. He was an angel, truly, in the flesh. We exchanged emails. I may need lots of angel-presence over the next little while.

Gipsy Kings

Tonight I saw the Gipsy Kings live at the PNE. They played some of their classics - Volare, Bamboleo, Djobi Djoba, Mujer, as well as some of the lesser known (slower) songs: Tu Quieres Volver, Un Amor, and Caminando por la Calle.

The didn't play my favourite song, Triste Pena, which may be a good thing, because it's a sad song, and today was the first time I saw or spoke with Jennifer since Sunday, the day we broke up.

We were with a group of about 10 other friends from the futbol team, and it worked out that we didn't interact much at the beginning of the evening. But even without talking, we both saw each other, making eye contact a few times. I've never felt so awkward around her as I did tonight.

It wasn't until just before the concert started that we talked. At first pleasantries, and then a little more substance. By the end of the evening the nervousness was gone, and we smiled at each other a few times.

After the concert, she left almost immediately with some others. I stayed behind with some friends for a beer.

Tomorrow I'm going out for breakfast with her.

Acedia & Me

I was going to wait until I could get Kathleen Norris' book, Acedia & Me: A Marriage, Monks and a Writer’s Life, on paperback (hardcovers are so expensive), but I may need to curb that wish and buy a copy sooner rather than later. The reason being, that I feel she may have some words of wisdom for me, concerning acedia. Ace-what?

Acedia.

Acedia is defined as "spiritual or mental sloth, apathy", and is rooted in the greek akedia, meaning "listlessness, without care." According to a description found here, acedia is "the state of those who have ceased to care or who are in the process of ceasing to care. It is the death of desire, and so also of knowledge, and hope." Indeed, according to Dorothy L. Sayers in The Other Six Deadly Sins, the breadth and depth of acedia is all-encompassing, because it's "the sin that believes in nothing, cares for nothing, seeks to know nothing, interferes with nothing, enjoys nothing, loves nothing, hates nothing, finds purpose in nothing, lives for nothing and remains alive only because there is nothing it would die for." No wonder the desert fathers called acedia the enemy of the soul!

At present, I can certainly identify with at least some of the symptoms just described. I'm only working part-time, I am still unsure of my vocational direction, I'm fighting with family, and now, Jennifer and I broke up: all these events, if they can be called such, make me feel like I'm a ship - raft? - without a rudder, disoriented, aimless, purposeless, undecided, unsure, and sometimes even unhappy. I feel a profound lack of motivation in my life, a lack of care. Time seems to "fly", in a sense, because minutes turn into hours, hours turn into days, days turn into nights, and on occasion days even turn into a sequence of days - 2, 3, or even 4 - of inactivity and wasted time, with no accomplishment or sense of having used time productively or usefully at all. Instead of sanctifying time, making it holy, I "kill" it, quite literally, either by surfing the internet, watching a dvd (is it a coincidence that technology adds to my slothfulness?), or by taking naps at times when I should be actively engaged in matters of this world. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in mud and the harder I try to get out, the deeper I sink.

But, not all is bad. There are rays of hope to hang on to, signs of Redemption, even Salvation. There is blessing amidst pain. Here are at least 5 signs of Grace:

1- prayer life. The past few days have been fruitful in prayer. As always, we go to God in our pain, not in our joys, and as usual, He's always there, no matter when we call upon Him....

2- stimulation of heart, mind and body: I've been doing a lot of reading, very good reading. At the moment, I'm reading 4 (!) books on topics ranging from sexual ethics to economics to reflections on the Psalms to science fiction. I'm also still hiking the Grouse Grind twice a week.

3- waking up: I'm still eager to get up every morning. A very good sign indeed.

4- proactive planning: I've met with 2 of my 3 church pastors about vocational ways forward. I think I'm on the right track.

5- keeping it clean: my apartment's still clean. Once there's no more room in the kitchen because dirty dishes are taking up all the space, then yes, I think I'm beginning to lose the battle...

Maybe I can hold out until Norris' book comes out on paperback after all.....

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have Mercy on me, a Sinner.