This past Sunday I met the visiting bishop at church. We had a very brief conversation and he offered to meet up with me to discuss vocational discernment. That meeting happened today. I met him from 9-10am (I took the time off work) at church, and generally speaking, the meeting went well.
He made some insightful comments:
* he sees me as an introvert/extrovert (he saw me preach last night at Evensong). This means that I prefer to be alone most of the time, but don't mind the occasional group/large crowd event. In church matters, this translates to having a strong preference for inward-focused activities (sermon preparation, prayer, reading, or perhaps one-on-one or small group meetings) over engagements involving many people (leading church services). The bishop is right on.
* given the above, church planting is out vocationally, unless I'm under the leadership of an extrovert. The bishop is right again. A church planter is a salesman, basically, and that I'm not. In fact, there's nothing I fear more than having to make a sale. Actually, I wonder whether my personality type is suitable for any sort of leadership, even in a context where the church is already established. I see myself as someone who provides balance, perspective, stability, steadfastness, and long-suffering, and a leader often needs to do the opposite: rock the boat, shake things up, make the hard calls, confront.
* the final comment that I found helpful was also a comment that was painful - how typical. He mentioned that he heard my sermon last night and he didn't feel "inspired" at all. He felt that my delivery was "well crafted", "well prepared", and theologically "true", but too "mechanical", "rehearsed." He mentioned that I did not make myself vulnerable during the sermon by showing my personality or my sense of humour. I did not take any risks, but instead, I hid behind the comfort of my written sermon. When he left the church, the question he was asking himself was "Why should I care about what I just heard in the sermon?" To him, I did not answer that question. That's a hard indictment. But I feel that again, he is right. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable. I feel I will be rejected by the listeners, I feel that I'll be rejected by the church.
Oh and one last thing. He preached on Sunday, and his sermon was actually less than inspiring also. He'd memorized everything and smiled throughout the sermon, but even so, he didn't connect with me. I guess we're even. Good thing God makes use of whatever we give him, because if he had any higher expectations, he'd be greatly disappointed.
He made some insightful comments:
* he sees me as an introvert/extrovert (he saw me preach last night at Evensong). This means that I prefer to be alone most of the time, but don't mind the occasional group/large crowd event. In church matters, this translates to having a strong preference for inward-focused activities (sermon preparation, prayer, reading, or perhaps one-on-one or small group meetings) over engagements involving many people (leading church services). The bishop is right on.
* given the above, church planting is out vocationally, unless I'm under the leadership of an extrovert. The bishop is right again. A church planter is a salesman, basically, and that I'm not. In fact, there's nothing I fear more than having to make a sale. Actually, I wonder whether my personality type is suitable for any sort of leadership, even in a context where the church is already established. I see myself as someone who provides balance, perspective, stability, steadfastness, and long-suffering, and a leader often needs to do the opposite: rock the boat, shake things up, make the hard calls, confront.
* the final comment that I found helpful was also a comment that was painful - how typical. He mentioned that he heard my sermon last night and he didn't feel "inspired" at all. He felt that my delivery was "well crafted", "well prepared", and theologically "true", but too "mechanical", "rehearsed." He mentioned that I did not make myself vulnerable during the sermon by showing my personality or my sense of humour. I did not take any risks, but instead, I hid behind the comfort of my written sermon. When he left the church, the question he was asking himself was "Why should I care about what I just heard in the sermon?" To him, I did not answer that question. That's a hard indictment. But I feel that again, he is right. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable. I feel I will be rejected by the listeners, I feel that I'll be rejected by the church.
Oh and one last thing. He preached on Sunday, and his sermon was actually less than inspiring also. He'd memorized everything and smiled throughout the sermon, but even so, he didn't connect with me. I guess we're even. Good thing God makes use of whatever we give him, because if he had any higher expectations, he'd be greatly disappointed.
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