My stomach is in knots. I’m often on the verge of tears. I can’t seem to get anything right with AEK.
Over the Christmas break we met twice, only for her to tell me that she does not want to spend time with me, whether it be one-on-one or in a group.
Since then we’ve had two conversations: one by phone, and one in person at school. Both were positive, in fact, very encouraging. At the end of our last talk early last week we discussed getting together this week.
Last weekend before going to Pender Harbour I emailed her and asked her if she wanted to get together for a coffee or dinner sometime this week. Upon my return, I was disappointed to read in her response that she was annoyed that I’d asked her out for dinner. She felt I’d disrespected her boundaries.
I emailed her back early this week, apologizing for being presumptuously hopeful based on our last few conversations. I also told her that going forward I’d no longer be the initiator in our friendship, because frankly, I’m weary of apologizing for reaching out to her.
Back into exile I go.
Maybe my friends are right in telling me I need to move on. One friend said “If God wants you to be together, he’ll orchestrate it. In the meantime, forget about her and move on.” I wonder about that. I admit I’m growing increasingly sceptical of God’s “active work” in our lives. I’m becoming a jaded cynic. Damn it, haven’t I learned enough lessons about love yet?
I miss her very much, especially her steadfastness, loyalty, faithfulness, and acceptance. I miss her friendship, her companionship, her presence. I continue to wonder whether I will ever meet someone else with whom I have so much in common. I still think that breaking up was the right thing to do at the time, but increasingly I feel that the final chapter of our story is yet to be written. I’m not sure what that means.
I feel like a complete, utter, useless failure.
Over the Christmas break we met twice, only for her to tell me that she does not want to spend time with me, whether it be one-on-one or in a group.
Since then we’ve had two conversations: one by phone, and one in person at school. Both were positive, in fact, very encouraging. At the end of our last talk early last week we discussed getting together this week.
Last weekend before going to Pender Harbour I emailed her and asked her if she wanted to get together for a coffee or dinner sometime this week. Upon my return, I was disappointed to read in her response that she was annoyed that I’d asked her out for dinner. She felt I’d disrespected her boundaries.
I emailed her back early this week, apologizing for being presumptuously hopeful based on our last few conversations. I also told her that going forward I’d no longer be the initiator in our friendship, because frankly, I’m weary of apologizing for reaching out to her.
Back into exile I go.
Maybe my friends are right in telling me I need to move on. One friend said “If God wants you to be together, he’ll orchestrate it. In the meantime, forget about her and move on.” I wonder about that. I admit I’m growing increasingly sceptical of God’s “active work” in our lives. I’m becoming a jaded cynic. Damn it, haven’t I learned enough lessons about love yet?
I miss her very much, especially her steadfastness, loyalty, faithfulness, and acceptance. I miss her friendship, her companionship, her presence. I continue to wonder whether I will ever meet someone else with whom I have so much in common. I still think that breaking up was the right thing to do at the time, but increasingly I feel that the final chapter of our story is yet to be written. I’m not sure what that means.
I feel like a complete, utter, useless failure.
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