The past few days have been quite stressful.
Thursday, 08.11.05: evening.
AEK came back from LA on Thursday night. After picking her up from the airport and having a quick dinner at her place, we both noticed that something wasn’t right between us, so we addressed it.
I told her that I had some serious doubts about our relationship. I told her that I felt distant from God and her. I told her that often times we’re not on the same wavelength. I told her that I didn’t think we had as much in common as I thought we did originally. I told her that she’s immature. Throughout it all, she looked at me with an understanding smile on her face. She didn’t cry. She’s so fu*$%ng strong.
She didn’t have much of a response at the beginning. But afterwards, she gave me a remarkably mature (!) response: “Well, don’t all couples have these issues? Isn’t this normal?” Quite right indeed!
But I think she was also being gracious, allowing me to get things off my chest. Deep down I think she thinks I take myself too serious. She's hinted at this before. And to her credit, she's right. I often times take myself too serious .. I'm too wrapped up in myself .. and I don't laugh at myself enough.
I told her that maybe taking a break from each other was a smart thing to do. She paused, then responded: “Married couples don’t take a break from each other.” What's that supposed to mean?
We prayed together, before I left for home.
Saturday, 08.13.05: afternoon, evening.
We met late afternoon, and took the bus to Stanley Park. There we had a lovely picnic she’d prepared: sandwiches, drinks, and cookies. She’s so thoughtful.
Then we saw a theatre/play, before heading to one of her friends’ place for an evening garden party.
A very good day.
Sunday, 08.14.05: evening.
We spoke on the phone. The conversation was very good, both of us sharing our thoughts and burdens. We extended much grace to one another.
While speaking on the phone, we decided to take a break from each other, to discern where we’re at and where God is leading us. For the next two weeks, we will not talk, email, call, or get-together. No contact whatsoever.
After the two weeks, we will share what we feel God is telling us.
My heart's heavy, saddened, and burdened.
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"When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change."
Thich Nhat Hanh
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thx for your comments anonymous. the quote by TNH was especially helpful. You're right .. blaming the person is blaming the symptom, not the problem. I need to better understand who I am, and more importantly, who God wants me to be.
shalom.
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