I Knew It!

I knew it was going to snow today! I think I'm a prophet (more on that another day, maybe tomorrow). I love, love, love the snow: it brightens my soul to the very core!

Here are some pictures I took upon arrival at Regent College today:

Winter

Winter's here. The temperature is close to 0C, and the sky is laden with thick, white clouds. I walked outside tonight briefly, and it seems that it will snow very soon. Perhaps even tonight.

Come snow come! I welcome you with open arms!

Centre of Worship

I've been doing research on the history and nature of Christian worship for the past 2000+ years, and have learned the following:

* in the early church, the centre of Christian worship was Holy Communion and Preaching;
* in the middle ages, the centre of worship became the administration of sacraments; preaching fell by the wayside;
* during the reformation, Holy Communion has become a mere "memorial" afterthought, in favour of preaching.

Personally, I think the centre of Christian worship should be Holy Communion, because the act transcends my mood, my opinion: Jesus died and rose again, and focusing on that reality is an act of worship that far transcends any mood or opinion.

If preaching becomes the focus, then my attention too often is turned to the preacher: what he says, what he doesn't, how he says it, his sense of humour (or lack of it), his mood, his opinions, his theological views, and the list goes on and on. The key is that he - not Christ - becomes the centre of attention. Or conversely, if I'm in a bad mood, or if I disagree with his views or opinions, again, I'm focusing not on Our Lord, but on myself.

By making Holy Communion the central act of Christian Worship we can never go wrong, becasue the focus will always be on Jesus Christ.

That has been a revelation to me over the past few days.

Booksale

Today was one of the classic events we have at the Regent College Bookstore every semester: the midnight madness sale. The bookstore is open until midnight, and all kinds of books are on sale. I always go there, and end up hanging out until, well, midnight.

Problem is, I go there with no real goal. I know that there'll be lots of great books on sale, but because I don't really know what books I need, and because I have a healthy dose of prudence that prevents me from needlessly spending money, I come home pretty much empty-handed every time.

Aside from the booksale, I did three other things today:

* met with JW for breakfast. He's getting confirmed at our church next Sunday, and I've had the privilege of journeying alongside him for the past few months.

* research, research, research. I had a minor setback with my professor yesterday. I met her to discuss the paper I plan to write, and she was not as happy about my direction as I was hoping she would be. She suggested some changes to my plans. Frustrating......

* dinner with N&NJ. They're such a cool couple. I enjoy visiting them. I wish I could see them more often.

Crunch-Time

Over the next few weeks I will write less in my journal, because I'm just too busy with my studies. Here are the projects I have to finish in the next month:

* History Paper: "The Eucharist and the Word in Church History", 12.09.05.
* Christian Equipping and Ministry: Create a 10-week study on discipleship, 12.09.05.
* History Final Exam: 12.16.05.
* Book Report: "The Equipping Pastor", 12.16.05.

Wealth

Tonight I went to a fund raiser for the training program I'm involved with at my church. I'm astonished at the wealth of parishoners at my church. Many of them are millionaires.

I have a problem with that. It seems anti-gospel to me, to be a Christian and wealthy.

Then again, it's easy for me to say that. My very mouth is being fed by these wealthy people, who generously support this training program, and who pay my monthly stipend.

In addition to that, my earthly father's riches are also sustaining me. They have done so since the day of my birth.

So, while I have an idealistic, theological problem with Christian wealth, pragmatism, realism, and practicality of everyday life dictates otherwise.

Friends, Family, And Fun

Tonight was a super fun night. I invited four of my best friends from Regent and took them to Abbotsford to meet my parents. We had a great time.

We arrived in Abbotsford at 6:30 (we were 30 minutes late), and shortly after our arrival dinner was served in the dining room. There was probably enough food for an entire village, but my goodness, was the food ever delicious. There were at least 4 different vegetable/salad dishes, chicken, and steak, and for dessert we had coffee, tea, pie, fruit salad, and a chocolate cake with rum.

After the meal we sat down in the family room and had a nice conversation. We talked about some good and relevant topics, including our family backgrounds, interests, and future directions.

I'm thankful for this evening. I've struggled to be happy lately, but tonight was a brightspot.

Thank you Lord for friends and family to share life with.

Below is a picture my dad took during dinner. From left to right: Mom, Cub, IYB, ML, AH, and CM:

Maybe I should introduce my church friends to my parents too. It's good for them to know whom I spend time with.

36

I suppose today I should post something "happy" and "joyful" because today was my birthday, but I'm feeling pretty shitty nowadays, so I can't really say this day was that special. Here's how I spent it:

7:30am - woke up, prepared breakfast, drank mate

9am - did research for my History of Christianity paper; I'm going to write on the history of Christian worship

11am - went to library to do more research, pick up more books

3pm - prepared for Fusion event, God and Film

6pm - went to church; Fusion event went well .. 32 people showed up, movie was good, discussion was also very good

11pm - Steamworks with a great bunch of friends; this was definitely the highlight of the day; it was especially good to have two of my best friends present: CM and RS. Another friend I'm enjoying getting to know, EW, was also there; unfortunately, I forgot to bring along my camera, and so I was unable to take any pics

Low

I'm feeling really down lately. I lack confidence and as I said a few weeks ago, I feel completely inadequate.

I'm questioning my ability to do ministry in the church. I feel weak and totally insecure.

Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner!

Simplicity Of Faith

Praise God! Four people attended tonight’s session on prayer. We shared a meal together, watched the video, and discussed our thoughts and questions for almost an hour. We were all on the same page, too, which was a blessing. All of the participants acknowledged the importance of prayer as a “lifeline” to God. And all of us admitted how difficult it is to “pray continually.”

After the session, a few people from the other group joined us and together went out for some drinks.

There is one challenge I will need to be sensitive to: two of our participants are not interested in “deep theological, intellectual discussions”, whereas the other two are. I definitely lean towards the latter, and need to be mindful and respectful of those who have a very simple approach to faith. Jesus said: “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.” (Matthew 18:3-4)

Weakening The Chains Of Sin

I'm coming to realize the importance of showing vulnerability. It's in vulnerability that we show strength of character.

I met with a friend for an afternoon coffee today. He's a new Christian, and I have to say I was truly humbled by our time of sharing. In the matter of an hour, he opened himself up to me - completely - warts and everything.

I'm amazed at his life: story after story of sexual and alcohol abuse, and marital troubles too. What amazed me most was his openness about his problem with lust. Simply amazing. He said "Every time I tell someone about this problem, the chains of sin are weakened." Wow. How true. The more we confess our sins to one another, the more our slavery to sin is exposed, and the more open we leave ourselves to the healing powers of others in the Holy Spirit.

We talked about the church, and her inability or unwillingness to recognize how prevalent sexual brokenness is among Christians.

We closed in prayer, and decided to meet again. I look forward to it. I have a lot to learn from him.

Remembering Rememberance Day

Rememberance Day has never meant much to me, because I grew up in a pacifist Christian denomination.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. This is an issue that I've never thought about much. I haven't "personalized" this particular theological point of view.

Books, Brunches, And Boxers

Today I basically did three things: 1- study; 2- brunch with RC in Richmond; and 3- dinner with mom and dad.

1- Studying went fine. I'm quite enjoying the book I'm reading for one of my classes. I'll post it on my cubsseeds blog soon.

2- Brunch with RC went fine too. We made scrambled eggs, sausages, and toast. I also made one of the best coffees I've made in a long time. We also studied, so the afternoon had a nice balance of friendship and hard work.

3- Dinner with mom and dad went fine. Dad and I had our usual good discussion, and mom and I had our usual tussle: she does not respect my wish to live simpler. Everytime I see her she showers me with gifts, money, underwear, blankets, and who knows what else. I don't understand it, and I'm getting increasingly unnerved by it. When is enough enough?

A Good Session

Today we had a great Christianity Explored session. Praise God! Two people came: our “faithful” returnee (JW), who continues to show eagerness to know God deeper; and the young woman (KJ) who has been wanting to come, but because of various circumstances has been unable to come.

Tonight we talked about the Holy Spirit as counsellor, guide, and comforter in the life of a Christian (John 14, 16), provider of “peace beyond understanding” (Philippians 4), and giver of a great “gift” (Galatians 5). The discussion was lively, the questions were relevant, and the interactions genuine. I also felt adequately prepared.

We talked about spending some time together in addition to our regular Wednesday nights. We agreed that after next week’s session we would go out. In addition, two participants from week one will hopefully return. They spent the last three weeks travelling through Israel.

Before our meeting tonight I had a meeting with my mentor, JEE. We had a good discussion about personal as well as faith matters. I’m thankful.

Lately...

...I've been missing AEK like crazy. I miss her friendship. I miss her company. I miss her steadfastness. She was always so accepting of me and who I am.

I still wonder all the time why I couldn't accept her. Surely it's because of my shortcomings, not hers.

I've even considered "winning" her back. But I must resist, because I need to discern why I miss her. Do I miss her because I'm lonely? Or do I miss her because I genuinely care for her?

I have not contacted her or heard from her since I received her letter a month ago. Even though we go to the same school, I never see her; she makes a point of avoiding me like the plague. Everytime I see her I still want to talk to her, but I need to respect her request for distance.

The Elephant Analogy

Two days ago on my way home from work I had a conversation about God with my coworker CG. She knows I'm a follower of Jesus Christ, and she respects that, but she believes that truth (ie - God) is unknowable. Furthermore, she believes that all religions are equal, leading to God. She gave me the following analogy to explain her point:

Four blind men discover an elephant. They grope about, seeking to understand and describe the elephant. One of them grabs the trunk, and concludes the elephant is "a snake." Another one, grabbing the tail, says "It's a rope." The third one has a hold of the leg, and describes it as "a tree." The last one, feeling the side of the elephant says "I think the elephant's a wall!"

She continued by telling me that this analogy is descriptive of all the religions of the world. Just as all four blind men are telling the "truth" about the elephant, so all religions are "right " in explaining their experience of God. The conclusion follows, that all religions are equally valid, and no one religion can claim itself to be the "unique holder of truth."

I've heard this analogy before, and I've heard the "rebuttals" to it, but at the time of our discussion, try as I might, I could not think of the right response. Since then I've reflected a little, read a little, and talked to a good friend, about an "appropriate answer" to this analogy. Here are the three places the analogy breaks down. Hopefully I'll remember this the next time I'm in a similar situation.

1) The elephant. The blind men are attempting to describe something real and factual: an elephant. The elephant is a certain way, and not another, irrespective of our opinion. Elephants are what they are, and to describe them as other than what they really are is erroneous. The same can be said of God. God has certain attributes or qualities, whether we believe it or not, and to deny these attributes is a mistake. Therefore, not all descriptions of God - or elephants, for that matter - are equally valid. Some are true. Some are false.

2) All four men are mistaken. They were describing an elephant, not a snake, a rope, a tree, or a wall. Their opinions are not equally true - in fact, they are all equally false! In terms of pluralism, the best the analogy can do for us is prove that all religions are false, not true! Applying this analogy to God, at best, we could describe what God is not. God would then be the sum of our misconceptions about him!

3) The men are blind. This is the most important point. The analogy leaves out any account of special revelation. The dynamics of the analogy would change completely if a "fifth man", a credible man with sight, were to come and describe the elpehant as he really is. The same is true for God. The truth about God could be known if someone was to reveal who God is. Jesus Christ claimed to be this "fifth man" who could see. He claimed to be the one who could explain who God is. In fact, he made himself "equal with God." (John 5:18).

Even today, Christ speaks to us, and tells us that he "opens eyes" and shows us the true nature of God. In fact, this is why people - then and now - cannot accept him. He claims to be "the way, the truth, and the life" (John 14:6), the "bread" that satisfies our spiritual hunger (John 6:35).

I unashamedly got these rebuttals (and expanded on them, so as to better understand them myself) from here.

Last Day At PMC

Today was my last day of work at PMC. Well .. sort of. "Officially" it was my last day - my computer account will be cancelled, my cubicle given to someone else, and my access pass inactivated - but I've been told that there may be other opportunities for work "occasionally."
















Regardless, it has been a true blessing to be with the company so long. I began there in July of 2003. Wow .. two and a quarter years! God has been so faithful, supplying part-time work during the school year, and full-time work in the summers. I’m truly grateful, and give God all the glory for his provision.

Cub's Cubicle:















But I sense a new chapter – yet again – is beginning. I’m an intern at my church, and while the pay there is not what I’m used to, it is, nevertheless, pay. I will just have to start living within more reasonable means. This is where I feel I ought to be anyways. But I admit that giving up a well-paying job is not easy.

Cub's Cubicle 2:















But I take this as the next step in my life-pilgrimage towards the Kingdom. I just am not passionate towards HRIS work. It leaves me unfulfilled and empty inside. I want to be directly involved in kingdom-work. I want to point people towards Jesus Christ.

I was really touched by how generous and caring my co-workers were. I was blown away. Not only did they take me out for lunch, but they also gave me a $65 gift certificate for Chapters bookstore, and a $50 gift certificate for Anton’s Pasta Bar, my favourite Italian Restaurant in all of Vancouver. I was truly humbled by their generosity!

One thing I will not miss though, is work-coffee. The coffee we have at work is possibly the worst coffee on the face of the planet. I’m sure if I took a handful of mud, poured hot water, milk and sugar on it, it would probably taste similar to the stuff below.

Work Coffee:

Pleasant Surprise

Today I received a very pleasant surprise, as at the beginning of class we received our marks from our history test a few weeks ago.

I couldn't believe it. I got an A.

I found that very encouraging. It made my day special.

Inadequate

That's how I feel tonight, after an evening of Christianity Explored at my church. I even prepared myself well for the evening: I previewed the video twice, took notes, arrived at the church early (lest I feel rushed), and met with my co-leader to talk about the topic of discussion, the church.

I'm realizing that I try to intellectuallize the gospel too much. Actually, I try to intellectualize everything nowadays, and that's surely a by-product of talking theology in class all day, everyday.

Instead of talking from the head, I need to talk from the heart. Rather than speaking for Jesus based on books I've read or issues I've studied, I need to let Jesus speak for himself through the gospels.

Lord Jesus, help me!

Thank God that he works through my weaknesses. Thank the Lord for choosing to work through my inadequacies. Thank YHWH that salvation depends not on my skill or actions, but on His sacrifice on the cross.

Thank you loving Father, for opening the door to you through Your Son. Thank you Holy Spirit for consolling and guiding me onward and forward.