Lately I feel distant from God. I'm not completely sure why, but spiritually I feel like I'm in a desert, not a fountain of fresh water. I've been feeling like this for a few weeks, if not months. There is not just one reason for this feeling of emptiness. There are a few, and I need to start sorting these things out. Perhaps I'm not listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit talking to me. My prayer time is struggling; and my devotions are almost non-existent.
At the same time, I'm reading lots about resting, and what it means to rest in God. "In meditation", says Thomas Merton, "we should not look for a 'method' or 'system', but cultivate an 'attitude', an 'outlook': faith, openness, attention, reverence, expectation, supplication, trust, joy. All of these finally permeate our being with love in so far as our living faith tells us we are in the presence of God, that we live in Chirst, that in the Spirit of God we 'see' God our Father without 'seeing'. We know him in 'unknowing'. Faith is the bond that unites us to him in the Spirit who gives us light and love."
I must say that Merton's words strike a chord with me. Even though I feel like I'm in a desert right now, it's faith that's pulling me through. I know that God is working in me, transforming, purifying, sanctifying me. I'm not looking for a method of getting closer to God. It's God's continued gift of 'attitude', or faith, that sustains me.
I feel empty. Yet, I know that this is a good thing, because God's Spirit can only fill us if we're empty. If we're full (of ourselves), there's no room for the Spirit.
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