Birthday In New Westminster

This morning I went to church as usual. Going to church the past two weeks was accompanied with an extra level of intensity: the sermons more poignant, the prayers more fervent, the conversations more raw, and Presence in the sacraments more Real.

Immediately after church I drove up to Grouse Mountain to meet up with Shane for a hike. As we've done for the past few weeks (since January 9), we hike the BCMC trail every Sunday morning at 9am.

In the afternoon I visited with Ralph. Thinking about his condition brings tears to my soul.

In the evening we celebrated mom's birthday at a Greek-Italian restaurant nearby. Everybody's downcast. For whatever reason, it seems that our family's especially susceptible to pessimism. I think I'm the only one not naturally inclined towards it. Strange. Surely it's Mercy. But I think it's imperative that we don't forget to be thankful during these difficult times.

Visiting Ralph With Jennifer and Sanjit

This morning around 10:30 Jen, Sanjit and I met for breakfast at a small little Korean joint near the hospital in New West. breakfast was good, although I found a long strand of hair in my pancakes.

After breakfast the 3 of us went to visit Ralph. First, Jen and I, then Sanjit and I.

In the afternoon Jennifer and I hiked the BCMC trail.

Package

I decided to take a severance package from work, rather than be transferred to another department.

I believe that this is the right decision. I have little doubt, and total Peace about the situation.

I don't know when my last day of work will be yet.

More Plants

Today is mom's birthday, but we're not really in a celebratory mood. This is especially the case for mom. Still, we will celebrate her, albeit not today. It's mid-week and we're all focused on caring for Ralph. Instead, we will celebrate her on Sunday (30th), over dinner at a restaurant in New Westminster.

In preparation for mom's birthday I bought some more plants: one for her, one each for Melanie and Ralph, and 2 for me. I also got some new planters from Just Potters, an organization that does great work among the economically disadvantaged of Vancouver.

So here are the plants that I purchased:
1- dracaena (I will partner this one with the other two I bought a few weeks ago)
1- tropical "palm" plant
2- peace lillies (Melanie & Ralph)
1 - anthurium (mom)

In the coming days I will post some pictures of the plants I'm amassing.

Timing Through The Eyes Of Faith

God's timing is amazing, even humorous.

Just over three weeks ago I applied for acceptance into the CPE program, thinking that maybe chaplaincy is where God is leading me to vocationally.

Just over a week ago my beloved nephew Ralph was in a serious car accident and his life hinging on a thread.

Three days ago I was told by the Director of Facilities at work that the company would be laying off more people, and that he had the terrible task of laying off hourly workers. He gave me the option of transferring from the shipping/receiving department to the production group, or be laid off. I have a few days' time to think about the options before making a decision. My gut feeling is to choose to be laid off: I'd get a severance package, claim EI, and be able to spend more time with family.

To some, these 3 events - chaplaincy application, Ralph's accident, and job layoff - are "random", "isolated", "chance" incidents, but in my mind there's something bigger happening here. God's big Hand is evident here. To the eyes of faith this reveals plan and purpose through and through.

Ralph Update

Here's an email I sent my friends today regarding Ralph's condition:

Good evening dear friends, I trust you've all had a good week. I am very grateful for your phone calls and emails, offers to cook meals or meet up for coffee, and offers to visit Ralph and read to him. My sister's family has been equally inundated with love .. Melanie hasn't had to cook a single meal this past week, as people from her church have brought fresh food to her doorstep everyday. We are so blessed to have you as friends....

Some of you have asked for an update on Ralph's situation, so here goes: this time I'll keep it short, really!

* in one sense, his condition has not changed, he's still in an induced coma; we met with the doctors on Thursday night and their concern is still the same: the severity of his brain and neck injuries. They will be unable to determine his status until such time as his sedation levels are lowered and he "wakes up". Currently, his brain pressure is still too high and his head too swollen to conduct any meaningful testing.
* on the other hand, he has improved very very much since one week ago: his brain swelling seems to have climaxed and is on the way down (he looked "good" today, for the first time). The nurses began decreasing sedation levels on Friday, and that went well until today when he didn't respond well (brain pressure increased) so they had to up his sedation levels slightly.

Please continue to pray for the doctors, nurses, Melanie's family, and Ralph.

Growing Concerns

Upon hearing about Ralph's accident from other relatives, mom and dad cut their vacation in Mexico short (they were supposed to return on Monday) and returned today. I went to the airport to pick them up.

Afterwards, I updated them on what had transpired over the past 6 days, and drove them directly to the hospital. When mom saw Ralph she broke down and wept hysterically. Dad was stoic, unemotional, at least on the outside. Certainly inside there was a storm.

The enormity and gravity of the situation is slowly dawning upon me. Ralph's condition as of now is very tenuous. He has massive injuries to his body, most serious of which are his head. There are very real fears of significant brain injury. There is also concern to the neck area. One of the vertebrae seems to be fractured and there's concern about his spinal cord. His right ear is at least partially severed, his jaw is wired shut in order to heal, and both, his right arm and his left clavicle are still broken and in need of surgery.

Thankfully, he's still unconscious, and the machines are doing his living for him.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on Ralph, a sinner.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on us all,
for we are all sinners.

Angels At A Car Crash

Ralph's accident is still enveloped in mystery, but a few things are becoming clearer. For one thing, God sent some angels to follow him on the road.

It seems that the accident on Sunday occurred while Ralph was on his way home from church. He was driving on Clayburn Road, when his car hydroplaned upon hitting a sea of still-standing water. This makes sense, as the sudden warm temperatures of the past few days melted all the snow from the snowfalls earlier last week, overflowing the ditches with water.

There were apparently 3 witnesses - angels - who appeared at the accident site within a very short time of the accident: these angels saved his life. The first one actually saw the water-wall that went up when the car hit the standing water, as he was driving behind Ralph: the car flew up in the air, hit a poll further down the street, and then landed in the ditch. The man stopped his car, ran towards the ditch, and upon arriving there noticed that the car was fully submerged. He jumped into the muddy, ice-cold water, and began feeling his way, looking for signs of life. At first, he found none.

A second angel appeared out of nowhere (was he real?), also in the water, and together the two of them were able to locate Ralph inside the car (on the passenger side!), pry him loose, and bring him out. By that time, Ralph had been under water for at least 2 minutes.

The third angel appeared in the form of a nurse, who performed CPR on Ralph and stabilized him. The wife of the first angel had already notified 911, and in an amazing display of emergency response, the ambulance arrived shortly afterwards. It was immediately determined that Ralph's condition was critical and that he would need extremely urgent care. The decision was made to airlift him to the hospital in New Westminster.

Thank you Lord for sending your angels in the form of Good Samaritans. We bless and praise you, and ask for many blessings upon them.

Here are two articles related to the accident:
1- January 18
2- January 19

A New Routine

I went to work today, but in a very real way I experienced what it means to be somewhere only in the body. My soul and my spirit were at the hospital with Ralph and his family.

A few co-workers asked about his condition and it was very difficult for me to keep a straight face. Is it even desirable to keep a straight face? Everyone's very compassionate.

Yesterday I sent out an email to a whole bunch of people, requesting for prayer.

After work today I went straight to the hospital to be with Ralph. I read Psalm 13 and 23. I prayed the On Visiting a Sick Person prayer. I read the first two chapters of CS Lewis' Prince Caspian with him. Can he hear me? According to the nurse, "we assume that he can."

I'm shelving virtually all activities from my calendar of events for the time being. The exception is board games night, a weekly dinner with Jennifer, regular BCMC hikes with Shane, and of course, liturgy on Sunday mornings.

On A Thread

Things really were as bad as Heinz described them last night. I arrived at the hospital at around 11am today to find that Ralph was in the ICU, his life hanging in the balance.

He looked miserable: his head was shaved and with suture marks on both the left and the right side; there was a big tube coming out of the left side of his head; the right side of his face was purple, especially the ear area (the ear itself was not visible, it was bandaged); his entire face and head, swollen almost beyond recognition; a trachea was connected to his throat, providing air to the lungs; his right upper arm is broken, his left clavicle is also broken; his jaw is broken and wired shut (to allow the bones to heal); scrapes, cuts, and bruises on his face, throat, and arms, with blood marks throughout. Horrible, absolutely horrible.

At once, upon seeing Ralph, the suffering of Christ on the cross made perfect sense to me. Whatever Ralph is going through, God in Christ has already gone through it. God co-suffers with Ralph because of Christ's suffering on the cross. Thank God for the Resurrection!

Ralph's unconscious, machines are doing everything for him, including breathing. There are somewhere in the vicinity of 10-15 cables connecting him to various machines. A nurse sits just outside his room 24/7, monitoring his condition.

I was able to keep my composure on the outside, but on the inside I wept and wept and wept. I think the presence of the TWU chaplain who arrived almost at the same time I did helped me keep it together. He prayed for Ralph and our family.

Later in the afternoon, around 5pm, Heinz, Melanie, and family arrived. The details of the accident are still sketchy. We visited Ralph together, and we prayed.

The nurses in ICU are very kind.

Providentially, I'm reading Caring right now, by Morton T. Kelsey.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on Ralph, a sinner.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living Go, have mercy on us all,
for we are all sinners.

Voicemail News

After a very good (and busy!) day today, eating breakfast at Rachelle's, hiking the BCMC and eating dinner with Jennifer, and playing board games with some great friends at Patri's, I got home to a horrible voicemail message from Heinz.

It seems that Ralph has been in a very serious car accident around 1:30pm this afternoon. He was airlifted the Royal Columbian Hospital In New Westminster, where he's still in surgery. As of yet, we don't have an update on his status.

Obviously, Melanie and Heinz are beside themselves in their anxiety. At the same time, mom and dad are in Mexico enjoying a vacation, oceanside.

I've emailed Darren, advising him that I wont be at work tomorrow. Instead, I want to visit Ralph at the hospital.

Greenthumb

An interest in plant-growth seems to be developing within me. I can't explain the reason, except for perhaps an increased sensitivity and awe for God's creation. Maybe this is all a part of a new-found conviction towards the sacramentality of this world.

Today I picked up 2 peace lillies (one for Jen and one for myself). We've been at war lately, and thus my hope is that these lillies will work towards reconciliation. I also bought 2 dracaena plants, and 2 succulents. I'll see just how green my thumbs are...

Application For A Change

Almost a year (to the day!) after complaining about my job, I applied for a change today: I applied for acceptance into the CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education) program at VGH.

It's been an interesting journey the past few months, actually. After returning from my World Tour earlier this year (see articles from late May to mid-July), I felt that a vocational change was in the works.

I looked at moving to the Okanagan and starting a Christian retreat centre there, but that didn't pan out, I just didn't have peace about it. The all-important factor that ultimately hindered a move in that direction was the lack of a partner. Not (necessarily) a marriage partner, but a partner to help see the thing through. For whatever reason, I seem to be unable to put an idea into action on my own, above all if the idea requires creativity and risk.

Anyways, starting today, I may be onto a new trajectory, yet again.

A Quiet Christmas

Since Ted and Melanie and families are in Paraguay, my parents and I spent Christmas Eve together in the comforts of my small apartment. Truth be told, although I missed the rest of our family, I much prefer a quiet Christmas with a small group of people in a candle-lit apartment over a loud affair in a big, impersonal house.

I made my usual dinner-dish, roasted vegetables, and mom brought milanesa and lemon pie (for dessert).

Here is our picture together:

Later on this afternoon I plan to attend Evening Prayer at St. James Anglican Church, and after that I will drive to New Westminster and hook up with friends to watch a movie or two.

This Night

Two reasons why this night is different than all others:

1- tonight, God (finally!) made himself known: "...these days he has spoken to us by his Son . . . He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature..." (Hebrews 1:1-3)

2- tonight, God invited us into his family: "[Jesus] came to his own, and his own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor of the will of man, but of God." (John 1:11-13)

-----

Silent Night, Holy Night: all is calm,
all is bright round the virgin mother and child,
holy infant so tender and mild,
sleep in heavenly peace, sleep in heavenly peace.

Silent Night, Holy Night: shepherds quake
at the sight; glories stream from heaven afar
heavenly hosts sing, 'Alleluia;
Christ the Saviour is born, Christ the Saviour is born.'

Silent Night, Holy Night: wondrous star,
lend your light; with the angels let us sing
Alleluiah to our King;
Christ our Saviour is born, Christ our SAviour is born.

I Await (J'Attends)

I await.
I await the wind that brings tomorrow.
I await the Messiah once foretold.
I await His comfort in our sorrow.

I await the dawn that lifts our flock,
The morning star that shines upon our way,
The promised child, who moves inside me now,
And the angel who will return to me my beloved.
I await.

In the twilight of our history,
I await the dawning of His reign.
I await the first plowshare forged from swords
And the marriage of peace and justice once again.

I await, in the coldness of the dawn,
The end of crisis and the spring of hope
In this new century.
I await.

And I, says the Lord, I await...
That you will wait no more!

I await the untangling of injustice's thorns
And the dispersion of the fog of despair.
These I await by your hands of work and prayer.

You will hear my footsteps on this narrow path
And you will see that which, by faith, you await.
My peace be with you.

-----

This poem was composed by Michel Wagner from the Reformed Church of France, and translated into English by Leah Long.

Birthday Dinner @ Al Watan

After a horrible birth-day yesterday, I met up with friends today over dinner at Al Watan. I took the day off work actually, as I'd slept very little last night and was super tired. During the day I called my bank and verifierd accounts, cancelled cheques, changed PIN numbers, and all the other time-consuming stuff that goes along with minimizing risk after a break in.

But the highlight of the day was meeting up with my best friends over a fantastic dinner at Al Watan. Jennifer, Sanjit, Vero, Ervin, Juanjo, Patri, Connie, Alfonso, Benja, and Eric dropped by for dinner. As usual, Khalid cooked up a storm: mixed tandoori, dal, chicken biryani, lamb sag, chicken karahi, rice, naan, and of course my favourite, lamb curry. Most of us also had a mango lassi to go along with the spicy food, and for dessert, Khalid served us khir (rice pudding with cardamom, cinnamon, and nuts), and the best tea this side of heaven.





























Afterwards, we went to my place, where Amy and Sonia joined us for - of all things - more food: 2 cakes (one of which baked by Sonia), cookies, and some drinks.

Considering the previous 24 hours, I was quite happy to replace my sour and angry mood with some fun, friends, and smiles. The evening with friends reminded me that in the grand scheme of things, I'm a blessed man who has little reason to complain.

Break-In On A Birthday

I had bigger-than-usual expectations for today for no other reason than that it was my birthday.

In that light, it was a tad disappointing when no one at work gave me birthday wishes. I don't go around advertising my birthday, that seems cheesy to me, but given that my coworkers are quite intentional in honouring birthdays, it was hard not to feel a bit slighted as a result of this oversight.

Dinner made everything better though. I went out with Jennifer to the Afghan Horseman, a great Afghani restaurant near Granville Island. I was there about a month ago with Steven and quite liked it: the atmosphere is quiet, the food very tasty, and the tea is good .. not as good as Khalid's tea at Al Watan, but still, it's good.

Had the day ended there I'd have been satisfied. But it didn't. Upon my return home I immediately noticed something was awry. While still in my car, I noticed that all the lights in my apartment were on, and I knew that when I left, I'd only left 1 or 2 lights on. Once at the front door, I was able to walk right in, the door wasn't locked, another sign that something was wrong: I'm positive I'd locked it when I left my apartment earlier that night.

Once inside, all was revealed: my desk drawers taken out and turned upside down, its contents spread out on the floor; my bedroom window wide open, the cold air from outside having settled inside my apartment; my wardrobe doors were flung open, there were dirty footprints on my bedroom chair, and dirt tracked throughout my apartment. My heart sunk.

I immediately noticed that my laptop was missing. Damnit! Later on I noticed that my cellphone was also missing (thank God .. I'm finally rid of it!), as was my ipod. My laptop bag and my backpack were also missing, as well as some cheques and cash. But the worst was by far my laptop: it's amazing how much we depend on technology nowadays! It had all the important information that I use to live: addresses, phone numbers, schedules, information (banking, passwords, usernames), and of course, my music, my pictures, my book library, and most importantly, all my schoolwork from Regent. So, much of that is lost now...

In a significant way, it's appropriate to say that I feel violated: my sacred space was trespassed, and nothing can undo the trust bond that was violated.

The policeman came over at around 2:15am, and basically told me that my stuff would not be recovered (they're too busy solving "urgent" crimes). And actually I'm ok with that, there are certainly more urgent matters than my laptop. Perhaps there are a few lessons in this event: more reliance upon God, and less on myself and technology; wisdom (damnit, why didn't I back up my stuff more often?), and savvy (how can make my place safer, less attractive to break into?).

I'm not planning to go to work tomorrow. So much for a Happy Birthday...

De Noche

De noche iremos, de noche,
que para encontrar la fuente.
Solo la sed nos alumbra,
solo la sed nos alumbra.

By night we hasten in darkness,
to seek for the living water.
Only our thirst lights us onward,
only our thirst lights us onward.

_____

Text: Adapted from St. John of the Cross.

Praying The Psalms

Here are 5 helpful observations regarding the use of the Psalms in our daily prayers:

1- All of life is gathered up in the Psalms. It's truly comprehensive, nothing's left out: joys sorrows, praise, complaints, victory and defeat. The Psalms were written by people from all walks of life: priests, kings, musicians, and shepherds. Implication: when we pray (the Psalms), we bring all of life to the Lord.

2- The Psalms are not arranged in a nice, neat order. This is because life cannot be ordered neatly. The Psalms are not polite because life is not polite. Psalm 22 and 23 are side by side, even though their mood is completely opposite; likewise with Psalm 102 and 103.

3- The Psalms give us permission for a full range of human thought and emotion. Psalm 119, for example, is brilliantly and beautifully crafted. It's like a work of embroidery, stitched piece by piece (CS Lewis). The aim of prayer is for the real "I" to meet the real "You", and the Psalms allow for this kind of encounter.

4- The Psalms go together in 5 books. Introduction to the books is Psalm 1 and 2 (Psalm 1 begins with "Blessed", and Psalm 2 ends with "Blessed"). Book 1, is Psalm 3-41, ending in "Blessed be YHWH! Amen! Amen!" Book 2, 42-72, ending with "Blessed be YHWH! Blessed be his Glorious Name! Amen! Amen!" Book 3: 73-89, ending "Blessed be YHWH! Amen! Amen! " Book 4 is 90-106, and it ends with "Blessed be YHWH! Let the people say 'Amen! Amen!'" Book 5 encompasses Psalm 107-145, ending in "All flesh will bless his Holy Name." Psalm 146-150 are conclusion Psalms, 5 "Hallelujah" songs, one song for each of the 5 books.

5- Psalm 1 and 2 are introductions that prepare our hearts for the "real" Psalms. Psalm 1 functions as a 'settle down' Psalm: it centres us, gets us on track, brings us back, to the word of God. Psalm 2 puts everything in perspective: kings and rulers wrestling for power: God 'laughs' at such a project, because his Messiah will rule all of creation. The message: 'get with it', get 'in line' with God's reign.