A New Season

Today at 3:23pm, the Autumn season officially began.

I like autumn. It signals "new beginnings" .. new classes, new friends, new activities, new sermon series, new programs, and even a few new digs. A few weeks ago I went to MEC and got myself a new fleece jacket.

In the mornings and evenings, the air gets cold and crispy already. During the day though, it still gets quite warm. This weekend it's supposed to be 'hot'.

My guess is that the next time it rains, it will signal the beginning of the rainy season in Vancouver.

An Afternoon In The Garden

Early last week I spent an afternoon at the Nitobe Memorial Garden at UBC. It was a wonderful day of peace and quietness, sitting on the lawn beside a pond, reading, and watching fish and ducks in their habitat.

Here are a few pictures I took.

Garden Entrance:


Ducks Sunbathing:


Bridge:


Snow Viewing Lantern:


Pond:


I think this little garden is one of Vancouver's hidden secrets; a real treasure: small, cheap, and rarely crowded. It's a great place to sit, relax, read, and be still.

Missing Her

I miss spending time with her.

I broke down and called her tonight. We both wept.

Friendly But Distant

Today was the first time I spoke with AEK since our breakup. We had a short lunch together.

She was friendly, but I could tell she was attempting to be distant. The most awkward moment came when we had to return "stuff" that we'd exchanged during our time together: she returned the keys to my apartment; I returned a cd.

We both still have more to return.

This whole thing's affecting me more and longer than I thought it would.

Fall Courses: 2005

Today is the first day of the Fall 2005 semester at Regent College:



Here are the courses I've enrolled in, with a little additional information on each course (taken from the course syllabus):

1 - History of Christianity I (Mon, Thur 9:30-11am) - tracks the history of the Christian faith in all its various traditions:
* The Early Church, Early Development in Christian Doctrine (100-312AD)
* The Patristic Period (Greek Fathers) (312-600AD)
* Organization and Administration of the Church, the Church and Women, the rise of Monasticism, the Development of Trinitarian Theology
* St. Augustine of Hippo
* The Eastern Church
* The Celtic Church, Continental (European) Church (500-1000AD)
* The Middle Ages: Renewal, decline, renewal, dissent, reform
* The Reformation: Luther, Radical Reformers, and Calvinism

2 - Christian Education and Equipping (Mon 11am-2:30pm) - the Making of Maturing Disciples of Jesus:
* Church Work and the Work of the Church, The Call of Discipleship
* The Gospel of Matthew as "Discipleship Manual", Ephesians as "Maturing Disciples Handbook" * St. Paul the Discipleship Maker
* Hebrews: A Call to Discipleship
* Theology and Philosophy of Christian Education: teaching, learning
* The Church as Seminary, So What is the Gospel We Preach?
* The Church as Equipper, Equipping for the Markeplace
* Praying, listening to the Voice of Jesus, Johannine Literature

3 - Supervised Ministry (Alternate Wed 2-5:30pm) - consists of a practical internship at my church, combined with lectures on the following themes:
* The Shape of Pastoral Vocation
* Funerals, Weddings
* Leading a Congregation through a Church Year
* Spiritual Health in the Pastoral Vocation
* Ordinances and Sacraments: Baptism, Eucharist
* Conflict in the Church
* The Church and Community

Of these courses, the course I look forward to the most is the course on the history of the church. I yearn to learn about the early church: what were the issues, how did they deal with them, what did they do well (conversely, what are we doing well), and what did they not do so well (and what are we not doing so well).

On Monks In Mission

I spent this weekend at the Westminster Abbey Monastery in Mission. After a busy month highlighted by my breakup with AEK and the death of my grandmother, I decided to go to a place where I could be away from everyone and everything familiar, and spend time with God. I was there from Friday evening until today afternoon.

View from my Room:


I've had a little exposure to the monastic life through various courses I've taken over the past two years, and I must say that monastic life really appeals to me. This particular monastery follows the Benedictine tradition, which centres around oratio (prayer) and vocatio (work), and that is literally how they structure their life: they are almost completely self-sufficient (they have their own farm, vegetable gardens, and orchards, and they maintain and operate everything on their property) and they pray continually. During the two days I was there, this was their prayer schedule:

* 5am - Lauds (Worship)
* 10am - Sung Mass
* 11:55am - Midday Prayer
* 4:35pm - Vespers and Benediction
* 7:15pm - Vigil

This schedule is repeated 7 days a week.

Westminster Abbey:


Sanctuary:


The monks were kind and generous. They invited me to particapte in their prayers, and they also invited me to eat lunch and dinner with them. It was very enriching indeed. Two monks in particular were very kind: Father Placidus and Father Mark.

Father Placidus and I shared breakfast both days, and we had some very interesting discussions. He was very interested in my life, and when he found out I attend Regent College he was very pleased. Father Mark was also very friendly. After dinner once, we walked down to one of the classrooms in the monastery and just sat down and talked. We talked about the Reformation, the current state of the global church, and had a very interesting conversation about current social issues relating to life and sexuality.

We may criticize the Catholic Church on many issues, but on the theology of the human body and its relation to the sanctity of life, whether it be marriage, abortion, euthanasia, the use of contraception, or homosexuality, there is no other institution on earth that protects the gift of life the way the Catholic Church does.

Anyways, I digress.

At any rate, all this to say that the monks for the most part were approachable and friendly. Upon asking Father Mark why he chose this lifestyle, he responded with something along the lines of 'I wanted to totally and completely devote my entire life to God, serving and loving others, praying "at all times", while using the vocational gifts He's bestowed upon me'. I found that truly refreshing and genuine.

There was , however, one monk whom I didn't have a good experience with. Upon arriving at the dining hall for lunch, I took the first seat available, beside another monk. Shortly after we began our meal, one of the monks walked in. Realizing that I was sitting in his spot, he got annoyed. Actually, he was visibly angry. He must've thought to himself 'What's this idiot visitor doing sitting in my spot'. And to make things worse, I'd taken his napkin and placed it on my lap (I copied the other monks who also did that). The climax came when he leaned over, reclaimed his napkin, and sat down beside me on the empty chair. But he did it in such a way that everyone in the entire dining hall knew that I'd taken his spot. What a loser. I guess he was having a bad day. It just goes to show .. even monks have bad days! Even monks are sinful! Praise be to Almighty God!!!

Interestingly, the monks ate in complete silence, not a word spoken. They didn't talk to one another, or even look at each other. They looked straight ahead, as though it was a sin to speak. I didn't have a chance to find out what the reasoning behind this was. However - and this may clear the picture a little - there was a monk sitting in the middle of the room, reading out loud, so that everyone could hear. He read from the Scriptures, as well as from another book. Eating a meal this way - without saying a single word to anyone, listening to someone in the middle of the room read - was definitely the most unusual, unnerving experience of the weekend.

My favourite part of each day was .. well .. the prayers. The sung masses were beautiful and peaceful - much more so than most singing in our churches. The reverence was also sobering. It seems to me we do not revere God anymore. We ought to be in awe of him. The Psalmist even speaks of fearing God. And although most of the prayers were recited by memory, that too was a blessing, if for no other reason than the realization that completing such a task requires great discipline and hard work. It ought to challenge me to use my memory too, to the glory of God, if not by memorizing prayers, then at least by memorizing Scripture.

Stained Windows:


But aside from prayer times in the church, I also had ample time to pray and read Scriptures on my own. I went for walks, sat on benches, enjoyed the stunning views of the Fraser Valley.

Peaceful Walks:


The Fraser Valley:


I contemplated many of the issues currently on my mind. More importantly, I focused on God: his character, his faithfulness. Reading through the book of Esther was very insightful on both of these fronts.

Reading Scripture:


Sundown:


I had a blessed weekend. I want to do this again. Lately my soul longs for solitude.

Emotions

Yesterday was my grandmother’s funeral. It went well, about as well as a funeral can go, I guess.

The day began at 10 in the morning, when I met my parents at the funeral home. I saw my grandma, she looked beautiful, at peace. But I was horrified upon touching her. Her skin was ice cold and hard.

At 11 we went to the cemetery.

At 12 there was a memorial service for her at my parents’ church, followed by a lunch: sandwiches, vegetables, fruits, coffee, and pastry.

At the memorial service I gave a tribute to my grandma. I’m horrible and way too emotional when it comes to these kind of events. I sobbed like a little boy. I felt like a retard, even though many people came up to me afterwards to tell me that they appreciated what I said. They said "It came from the heart". But really, they were just being nice. It was horrible.

If I’m going to do public speaking in the future, I better get my emotions under control. Can’t break down and cry like a baby everytime I speak. Pathetic.

A Tribute To My Grandmother

A Tribute to my Grandmother, AT (1910-2005), with much love.

While it is under sad circumstances that I write this, it is, nevertheless, an honour for me to write down a few words about my grandmother.

My earliest memories of her date back all the way to my childhood in Asuncion. Every year during summer vacation, I was allowed to visit her for a few weeks. She lived a good 6 hour bus-ride from us, in the Chaco, and I remember her always picking me up from the bus station upon my arrival.

She would take me to her place, and then for the next two weeks, she would try to do everything she could to make sure that my vacation was safe and fun. She would watch in delight as I rode my bike or played with friends, or warn me of the coming rain or windstorm whenever thick dark clouds neared. She would thoughtfully prepare each and every meal during my stay, but not based on her desired menu, but mine. If I asked for meat she’d ask me what kind, chicken or beef. If I asked for potatoes, she would ask how I wanted them: mashed, boiled, or fried; and if I wanted them fried, then fried how, like french fries, or like thin potato-chips?

Grandma was a kind person: thoughtful, caring, and perhaps above all, hospitable. She knew how to open her home to others.

I remember a time much later, after our family had already moved to Canada, how she loved having people, especially her grandchildren, over at her apartment. At that time my parents were in South America for a lengthy stay, and in their absence, she’d taken it upon herself to cook 2 or 3 meals a week for my brother. But what struck me was that my brother enjoyed going there for lunch. I found it perplexing – what was so special about lunch hours with grandma?

The answer to that question came a few years later, when my brother also went to South America. His departure meant that now just grandma and I remained here in Canada. But she refused to complain about it, choosing instead to reach out to me, offering friendship and care. I began visiting her for lunch 2 or 3 times a week, just like my brother had done. At first I perhaps went more out of courtesy than a real desire to get to know her, but over time, I realized how special she was. She was such a generous and giving person: she gave without expecting in return.

She made wonderful meals – sometimes I wondered how many other people she’d invited, because there always seemed to be enough food for about 5 people on the table! I guess now I know where mom got that trait.

First she’d bring out the borscht met tweiback, then she hauled out the beef, potatoes, vegetables, and corn, and for the grand finale she always had a freshly baked pie – sometimes lemon, sometimes chocolate – and a hot cup of coffee.

On a side note - I think she saw herself as somewhat of a food expert, and for good reason. She’d come up with these great but peculiar statements, like for example, telling me to add sour cream to my borscht, because it would add such a rich flavour to the soup. Or she’d tell me that it wasn’t right to cut a potato with a knife, because then all the potato juices would be wasted. It was much better to gently push down using a fork.

Anyways, after sharing a meal, we’d sit down on the couch and talk a little. She was always open to talk, and she was willing to discuss just about anything under the sun. She’d ask me about my life: my job, my friends, and my dreams. Then she’d tell me about her life: her childhood, the war, the exodus to Paraguay, and then her journey to Canada.

But without fail, she’d bring all our conversations back to “the most important thing” – namely, that even though she didn’t understand all the things going on around her, even though she didn’t understand the solutions to all the problems, whether it be political, financial, or personal, one thing she did understand beyond the shadow of a doubt, and that was that God loved her through Jesus Christ, and furthermore, he loved all people.

She lamented evil and suffering in the world. She had a soft heart for the hurting and the burdened. This, because she was no stranger to suffering, no stranger to pain. She had a deep love for what is good, righteous, and honest. She had a profound desire to live a life of holiness, modesty, and dignity, because these things were godly; all of these things were of God.

Switching our focus now to her final years, in a way, I feel like I lost my grandmother 10 years ago, around 1994, when we travelled to South America together to spend Christmas with family there. It was there where we saw the beginnings of a sickness that would eventually rob us of her kindness, her smile, and most of all, her company; and it was there where we noticed that an illness was robbing her of her own memory.

This evil illness swept over her so fast, it was frustrating and angering to witness. It didn’t take that long, perhaps a few years, before she couldn’t even recognize her own loved-ones.

I’ve lamented over this from time to time. I would have liked to give back to her what she gave to us. She gave us love, care, kindness, and hospitality, to name but a few qualities, and that is what I wish I could have given her more of in a way that she could appreciate and understand.

I think it is entirely appropriate to close this tribute to my grandmother with a quote from Scriptures. In the book of Revelation, the apostle John describes his vision of a new heaven and a new earth, saying: “And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, ‘Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning nor crying nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away’”.

Today I mourn the loss of a wonderful person, a godly woman, an amazing grandmother. But, like her, I too know that the most important and crucial thing is to place my faith and trust in Him who created us, who saw it fit to redeem us, and who will one day wipe away all tears from our eyes. May this encourage us, and may this encourage especially you, dear mother.

May Christ’s eternal shalom be with her now, and may we too be blessed by a foretaste of this perfect, harmonious peace that we shall one day experience in fullness.

Mother's Grief

Tommorrow is my grandmother's funeral. I've only been to three funerals before in my life: two were of acquaintances, and one of my great-grandmother, when I was still a child.

I am not looking forward to tomorrow. Mom will be grieving, and that breaks my heart.

Death is evil. It separates us from the ones who've moved on to the next world, and it leaves those of us left in this world to pick up the pieces.

Not A Bad Summer Of Reading

On April 6th, I wrote down my summer reading list. Here's the list again, and how I did (or didn't):

* Memory and Identity (JPII) --> did not read
* Crossing the Threshold of Hope (JPII) --> did not read
* A Pilgrim Pope. Messages for the World. (JPII) --> did not read
* Ut Unum Sint - On Church Unity (JPII) --> did not read
* Witness to Hope. Biography of Pope John Paul II - George Weigel --> did not read
* The Idiot (Fyodor Dostoevsky) --> currently reading (I'm on page 376 .. 350 pages to go!)
* Demons (Fyodor Dostoevsky) --> did not read
* War & Peace (Leo Tolstoy) --> did not read
* Clowning in Rome (Henri Nouwen) --> finished it
* Contemplative Prayer (Thomas Merton) --> finished it
* Letters to Malcolm (C. S. Lewis) --> did not read
* Gods that Fail (Vinoth Ramashandra) --> did not read

So far, the picture doesn't look good. I may have spent a lot of time in my hammock this summer, but perhaps I slept in it, rather than reading! However, instead of reading some of the books above, I read the following:

* St. Francis of Assisi (G.K. Chesterton)
* Orthodoxy (G.K. Chesterton)
* The Cube and the Cathedral (George Weigel)
* The Sabbath (Abraham Joshual Heshel)
* Keeping The Sabbath Wholly (Marva J. Dawn)
* Miracles (C.S. Lewis)

Plus .. I read a good 200 pages (out of 400) of my Basics of Biblical Greek textbook.

Perhaps my reading list was a bit too ambitious. But, all in all .. not a bad summer of reading.

Released From Suffering

On this Labour Day Monday, mom called me in the morning with the news that grandma was on her deathbed. Grandma is in her mid-90's, and has been suffering for the past 10 years from Alzheimers and other age-related illnesses.

In the afternoon I went to a small Japanese Garden at UBC. It was a lovely afternoon, but I will write about it another time, because of what follows: shortly after I returned home, mom called me to tell me that grandma'd passed away.

Again, she was audibly shaken and upset. We've been praying for a while already that God would bring grandma home, but actually coming to terms with the reality of a death is very difficult and intense, no matter how much we prepare for it.

The funeral will be sometime later this week, and I am going to prepare a few words to share at it.

Earls, Part Time Religion, And Burdens

Friday - I worked during the day. In the evening, RS came over. We went out for dinner at Earl's. Afterwards, we came home and had a good chat, over wine and cigars. Main topic of discussion: "The western concept of dating: Godly or Pagan?" Been doing a lot of thinking about this. Will write about it one day.

Saturday - Made pancakes for breakfast .. yummy! Early afternoon, I took three boxes full of books I haven't touched in years to various used book stores to see if I can get even a few dollars for them. Late afternoon I got together with my new-found friend SS. She's from Turkey, and she calls herself a "part-time Muslim". I met her at my church a few weeks ago. We exchanged phone numbers and decided to get-together. Interesting girl..interesting topics of discussion.

Sunday - Got up really early to drive a buddy to the airport. Afterwards, I watched the F1 race at home, using my dad's projector. In the afternoon I hiked the Grouse Grind: 48 minutes. In the evening, I went to church. New service-times are 6:30 .. the church was packed. During church I felt really burdened, mainly because of AEK. I'd much rather have been at home alone than with people at church, but God blessed me for making the effort to go. I felt peace amidst uncertainty.

Uno Mas!

Today was a special day in the world of futbol, because Paraguay beat Argentina 1-0 for the first time ever in World Cup Qualifying. Roque Santa Cruz scored the lone goal, 15 minutes into the game. The game was played in Asuncion.

Picture: Roque Santa Cruz celebrates his goal against the albicelestes.
















An article about this historic win can be read here.

All that Paraguay needs now in order to qualify for next year's World Cup is to win one of their next two games, either against Venezuela or Colombia.

Vamos albirroja!

All Things Considered ..

.. the last few days have been ok.

I’ve started telling my friends that AEK and I are finished. Somehow, as I’ve been updating everyone what’s been happening, I am increasingly feeling like I mistreated AEK. This, even though I did the best I could to be honest with her throughout our relationship.

All my friends have been really supportive. RS has been really supportive throughout. Earlier today JEE left me a voice message, lending her support, offering a listening ear. Tonight I ran into IL while going for a walk (I’ve been going for lots of walks lately), and she too was such a good listener. Even before the breakup, CL, CK, and SC listened and offered words of wisdom and provided insightful conversations. Everyone has helped me keep a sense of humour about it all.

Finally, my parents are the best. Dad’s been quiet, but mom’s been quite supportive vocally, especially the past month. I know that it’s difficult for them to see me with a non-caucasian woman, but really, they’ve been supportive and prayerful throughout.

Thank you Lord for friendships and family. Perhaps I too can be of support when they need it.

Amidst all this, I miss AEK. I especially miss her smile and supportive spirit.

I can’t help but wonder whether breaking up was the right thing to do.

The Day After

I really don’t feel like writing today, but it’s probably best I write something, if for no other reason than ‘tracking’ what’s going on in my head. Who knows, someday I’ll look back to today’s entry as a reference point or something. Perhaps there’s a lesson to be had in my state of mind today.

On the other hand, maybe it’s just good for me to let it out. We’ll call it self-therapy, catharsis.

Today I definitely hate myself.
Today I definitely want to cry.
Today I definitely feel wretched.
Today I definitely am broken.

Today I definitely need to repent of my sinfulness.
Today I definitely need to heal.
Today I definitely need grace.

The need I feel for God today is so much stronger, intense, than usual. While this is a good thing, I wish I felt this need more often. It would keep me humbler. It would keep me closer to the straight and narrow path.

I broke up with her yesterday. I am angry.

Lord Jesus Christ have Mercy upon me, a wretched sinner!

My Soul Waits For The Lord

Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD!

O Lord, hear my voice!

Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my pleas for mercy!

If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities,

O Lord, who could stand?

But with you there is forgiveness,

that you may be feared.

I wait for the LORD, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning,

more than watchmen for the morning.

O Israel, hope in the LORD!

For with the LORD there is steadfast love,

and with him is plentiful redemption.

And he will redeem Israel from all his iniquities.

_____

Psalm 130.

Currently Listening - August '05

Here's a CD I picked up earlier this week. AEK introduced me to the Gotan Project a few months ago. The musical genre is lounge tango. It's the tango response to bossa nova lounge music, made famous by St. Germain.

I like it because it mixes the traditional tango with modern suave beats and electronica samples.

Great for background music while relaxing, reading, or chillin'.

Favourite Song(s): vuelvo al sur, santa maría (del buen ayre).

Artist: Gotan Project
Album Title: La Revancha Del Tango
Produced: Ya Basta!, XL Recordings
Release: 2001

Who Is My Brother?

I read an interesting article today. In it the author asks the question "Is the Muslim my Brother?" Regarding Jesus, he says "Is he, as some theologians say, the western face of God, or is he, as others say, truly God incarnate." The author believes the latter.

However, it gets better. The author feels that "Muslims are Christians who simply don't know it yet - in other words, [they are] my brothers, for whom Christ also died." Essentially, he/she believes that all are saved, even without professing/confessing Christ as Lord: "You have been saved, whether you admit it or not - by Christ's precious blood at Calvary."

The obvious question then becomes 'What's the advantage of being a Christian?' His/her response: "[Christians] have an intimacy with God that others may lack. And certainly Christ's spirit in us makes us want to obey him willingly and joyfully - not as drudgery. No one else but Jesus could make me love everybody I meet.."

This is not the first time I have heard this line of argument. But does it stack up? On the positive side, it gets us away from the us and them rhetoric. It makes it easier to love and accept everyone - because we're all brothers and sisters, not only physically as God's creatures, but spiritually too. However, as attractive as it sounds, it does not deal adequately with Jesus' claims of exclusivity, and it definitely does not deal sufficiently with his claims about the reality of judgement, or hell, for that matter.

Either way, articles like these challenge me to love others, because Jesus DID die for all. They challenge me to follow Jesus' footstepts for the right reason, namely, that that he loved his creation - us - enough to give himself up for it, despite our rebellion against him. I follow Jesus because of the amazing example he sets in loving others, and the strength he provides, enabling us to also love others, NOT because of any negative consequences of not following him.

Interestingly, the author's name is only given as "MGB." Apparently he/she is afraid of being called a heretic - not by Muslims, but by Christians. This cracks me up, because usually when Christians write about Islam, they use pseudonyms for fear of persecution from Muslims, not Christians.

Anyways, it's an interesting read. It can be found here.

Another Toast!

Yesterday after work I went out for dinner with one of my best friends, CL. I rarely see her, and when I do, it's always in a group of people. But last night it was just the two of us, and it was grand.

There are very few women that can carry a good, intelligent, and fun conversation like she can.

In the span of 3 hours, we discussed the following topics:
* AEK (ie - relationships)
* F1 racing
* Travel journalism
* The church
* Sex (homosexuality, contraception, birthrates, and of course, we tried to answer the ever-so-important question: How do fat people have sex?)
* Politics (Canada, America, Israel/Palestine)
* Dating (more AEK)
* Book authors (from Dostoyevski to Uris to Weigel; from Friedmann to Kaplan to Feiler)
* Evangelicalism in North America (Televangelist Pat Robertson's statement that the US should assassinate President Chavez of Venezuela. Has he lost his mind? Can you take Scripture out of context THAT badly? Is this the role of the church - to tell the government who to 'take out'? Has he heard of the gospels? Is this what it means to "do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?")
* Islam, Judaism, Christianity
* Film
* Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie .. I know. Rather shallow .. but apparently women like talking about this sorta stuff. I was shocked!

How about another toast: to good friends, to good conversations.

Cheers!
Prost!
Salud!

100

This is the 100th post of my online diary. I'm content with how things have progressed to date. I'm enjoying putting my thoughts down 'on paper'. I'm getting to know myself better.

I propose a toast: to 100!
And many more!

Cheers!
Prost!
Salud!