Grouse Mountain

Today I went snowshoeing at Grouse Mountain, with Ted and family, as well as my parents' missionary friends visiting from Mexico. It was an awesome day up on the mountain, it snowed all day long, and by the end of the day close to 30cm's of fresh new snow had accummulated. Here are are some of the pics:

Leaving Seminary Workshop

Today I attended a workshop on leaving seminary. I actually found it helpful, but am not excited about what I learned: transitioning from (leaving) seminary can sometimes take up to 2 years.

My faith and my patience are being tested. From a worldly perspective, I'm of no use to society right now: I'm not working, I'm not studying, I'm not being "productive." I'm not doing anything, really, except waiting upon God. I yearn to see the face of God. Only in doing so will I be able to take the next steps in obedience.

Consequences

On Good Friday and Holy Saturday I went to an anglo-catholic church here in Vancouver. After the Easter Saturday Vigil, the Rector invited everyone into his home for sherry (only in an Anglican Church would you be served sherry at the Rector's place .. hehe).

And while James and I were enjoying the sweet drink, the Rector came up to us and talked to us about the liturgy, and specifically, the physical aspects of the liturgy: crossing ourselves, genuflexing, venerating the cross, etc...

He said something very interesting that made me think: "Every physical action we make has a spiritual consequence." It's a very simple statement, but I think it has profound implications, and of course, it's true. Everything we do has a spiritual consequence.

Therefore, physical acts we perform during the liturgy have the spiritual consequence of acknowledging (amongst other things) our brokenness, our need for God, and declaring loyalty/allegiance to the Triune God revealed in the Bible.

Essentially, his statement provides the foundation for the sacraments: an acknowledgment of the spiritual and physical world working in tandem, rather than one submitting to the other.

The question then becomes, is the spiritual consequence "automatic", or does it depend on whether we perform the physical act in faith? I believe that faith is required.

Angelus Autem Domini

The Angel of the Lord came down from heaven,
and rolled away the stone,
and sat upon it;
and said to the women,
"Do not be afraid;
you seek him who was crucified:
he is risen,
come and see the place where the Lord's body was.

"Alleluia, alleluia, alleluia!"

-----

Motet composed by Felice Anerio

O Gladsome Light, O Grace

O gladsome light,
O grace of God the Father's face,
the eternal splendour wearing;
celestial, holy, blest, our Saviour Jesus Christ,
joyful in your appearing.

As day fades into night,
we see the evening light,
our hymn of praise outpouring,
Father of might unknown,
Christ, his incarnate Son,
and Holy Spirit, adoring.

To you of right belongs all praise of holy songs,
O Son of God, lifegiver;
you, therefore, O Most High,
the world will glorify,
and shall exalt for ever.

The Reproaches (Improperia)

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

I led you out of Egypt from slavery to freedom,
but you have led your Saviour,
and nailed Him to a cross.

Hagios OTheos, Hagios ichyros,
Hagios athanatos eleison himas.
Holy is God, Holy and Strong,
Holy Immortal One , have mercy on us.

For forty years in safety,
I led you through the desert,
I fed you with my manna,
I gave you your own land,
but you have led your Saviour,
and nailed Him to a Cross.

Hagios O Theos, Hagios ichyros,
Hagios athanatos eleison himas.
Holy is God, Holy and Strong,
Holy Immortal One , have mercy on us.

O what more would you ask from me?
I planted you, my vineyard,
but sour grapes you gave me,
and vinegar to drink,
and you have pierced your Saviour and pierced Him with a spear.

Hagios OTheos, Hagios ichyros,
Hagios athanatos eleison himas.
Holy is God, Holy and Strong,
Holy Immortal One , have mercy on us.

For you scourged your captors,
their first born sons were taken,
but you have taken scourges and brought them down on Me.

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

From slavery to freedom I led you,
drowned your captors.
But I am taken captive and handed to your priests.

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

Your path lay through the waters,
I opened them before you,
my side you have laid open and bared it with a spear.

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

I led you, held securely,
My fire and cloud before you,
but you have led your Saviour,
hands bound to Pilate's court.

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

I bore you up with manna,
you bore me down and scourged me.
I gave you saving water,
but you gave me soured wine.

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

The kings who reigned in Canaan,
I struck way before you.
But you have struck my crowned head,
and struck it with a reed.

My people, my people what have I done to you,
how have I offended you?
Answer me!

I gave you a royal scepter but you gave me a thorn crown.
I raised you up in power,
but you raised me on the Cross.

Hagios OTheos, Hagios ichyros,
Hagios athanatos eleison himas.
Holy is God, Holy and Strong,
Holy Immortal One , have mercy on us.

Ubi Caritas

Where charity and love are, God is there.
Christ's love has gathered us into one.
Let us rejoice and be pleased in Him.
Let us fear, and let us love the living God.
And may we love each other with a sincere heart.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
As we are gathered into one body,
Beware, lest we be divided in mind.
Let evil impulses stop, let controversy cease,
And may Christ our God be in our midst.

Where charity and love are, God is there.
And may we with the saints also,
See Thy face in glory, O Christ our God:
The joy that is immense and good,
Unto the ages through infinite ages.

Amen.

-----

Ubi Cartitas is taken from the antiphons sung during the ceremony of the Washing of the Feet at the Mass of the Last Supper on Holy Thursday. As is the entire Mass of the Last Supper, this hymn is intimately connected with the Eucharist, and is thus often used during the Exposition of the Blessed Sacrament. Recent tradition has the first line as "Ubi caritas et amor" (where charity and love are), but certain very early manuscripts show "Ubi caritas est vera" (where charity is true). The current Roman Missal favors this later version, while the 1962 Roman Missal and classical music favors the former.

In Young, Ted & Family

Shortly before noon today I picked up In Young. He's in town from Hobema (Alberta) for the next 5 days. He'll be staying with me.

In the afternoon I drove to Abbotsford to help Ted paint his house. I really enjoy painting, as it allows me to pray and contemplate while doing work. This is probably what Saint Paul meant when he said "pray without ceasing" (I Thes 5:17), and I find that the more I do it, the more joy I get. Afterwards, Ted made a very delicions asado (grilled steak) for dinner. Very yummy, especially in light of a hard afternoon's work.

Shopping

Today I went shopping at an outlet mall in the Seattle area with Clau, and much to my joyful surprise, I finally found some nice dress clothes that fit properly - no alterations necessary - at a reasonable cost.

I got myself 3 dress shirts, white, blue, and striped light blue at UCB.

I also got myself 2 dress pants, gray striped, and brown, at BR.

Pnomh Penh, Persepolis

Pnomh Penh: a great Cambodian/Vietnamese restaurant in Chinatown. I'd never heard of it until tonight, when Benja suggested we go there for dinner. So we did, Benja, Sanjit, Clau and I. I will definitely go back. The menu looked great, and the food that we ordered (we ordered four dishes and ate communal style) tasted fantastic. Clau also ordered an iced coffee and Benja ordered a Vietnamese coffee, and both of them raved about it. Sadly, I couldn't even have a quick taste because I'm lenting from coffee. :(

Persepolis: a good movie, but an animated movie, and I'm not a all a fan of animated movies. Somehow, I find it hard to take animated movie serious (although this movie certainly was a serious movie, telling the story of an Iranian woman who after the Islamic Revolution in Iran witnesses many injustices and refuses to remain silent). Because the film had a purpose that was more than just entertain (ie - educate the viewer about the Persian mindset), I walked away with a positive impression of the film.

Interview: HSBC

I had a job interview today with HSBC, for an HRIS Analyst position, doing similar work to the work I'd done previously.

This opportunity fell into my lap thanks to my friend Gonnie whom I worked for a few years at Glenayre. She called me a few days ago out of the blue and asked if I'd be interested in working at a bank (hmmmm, not sure), 4 days a week (yes!), doing similar work to my previous line of work (yes!), in a job-share situation with her (yes!).

This appealed to me from various perspectives. Working 4 days a week is by far the most compelling factor, since it would enable me to practice offering hospitality one day a week at home, maybe enable me to purchase a house, and most importantly, figure out a longer term plan.

So today I had an interview. It went well. I think I have a very decent chance to get this job.

Lord Jesus Christ, if it pleases you, look favourably upon me as I apply for this job. And if your plan, heavenly Father, is different for me, than give me the strength and grace to take the outcome in stride and still praise you for your goodness and faithfulness.

Schism And False Dichotomies

Today's a sad day. It's a sad day because our church voted to separate from the Anglican Church of Canada (ACC). The national church has over the past 20 years stepped away from the faith once delivered to the saints, adopting a revisionist theology that cannot but destroy the future of the church.

Scripture is no longer the inspired word of God, but a cultural product (a human document that has no more of God's revelation than the Vancouver Sun newspaper). The incarnation, suffering death of Christ, and the resurrection are no longer taken literally, but they are 'metaphors that display God's unconditional love for the world'. Sin is no longer something we need to repent of and turn away from, because God is all-loving and all-forgiving; instead, sin is a an unhelpful, oppressive human construct that prevents us from self-actualization. And finally, the Easter Feast is no longer the accomplishment of God's plan in Christ before the foundation of the world, namely reconciliation with creation, but rather, it's a 'season of renewal and rebirth for all creation'. Sounds nice and warm ...

But it sounds like (among other things) a modern version of gnosticism to me.

Furthermore, Jesus is not the Son of God, but rather, he's a great man, the greatest of men who ever lived. He shows us what it means to be human. Agreed. He does indeed. He showed God and us what it means to be truly human. However, we can't leave it at that, because Christ also showed us what it means to be God. He showed us the way God deals with the world. Not so for the ACC though.

If the ACC's version of Christianity is true, why become a Christian? If Jesus didn't die/resurrect, neither will we on that final day when the New Jerusalem comes down. With such a view of Scripture, and with such a wimpy God that loves (a good thing indeed) but with no regard to holiness (hello?), God becomes like the fuzzy teddy-bear I went to sleep with as a young boy, who kept me feeling nice and warm at night, who was fun to hug, whom I could tell everything and would keep all my secrets. Like my teddy-bear, such a God does not require anything of me, because everything's just fine. God becomes a fuzzy, mushy, wimpy, and without a backbone God, made according to my own imagination, and worse yet, who caters to all my whims, desires, and tastes. Such a God is surely not the God of the Bible. The God of the Bible is no bobble-head smiling Jesus.

The God of the Bible is indeed loving, but he's also righteous and holy. Ask the Israelites or better yet, ask Moses, about God as a consuming fire, or ask Israel and her surrounding nations about God's righteous wrath, they might be able to tell us a few things. The revisionist God has no interest in safeguarding his righteous name and reputation. He's a washboard. And he has even less interest in transforming us into the people he's created us to be, namely, into the likeness of his Son Jesus Christ, the perfect revelation of the Father. Why? Because everyone's just fine as is.

To be a Christian in the eyes of the ACC, it seems to me, is no longer to identify with the revelation of the Triune God of the Bible, but to identify with the local "hot potato" issues of the day, always aiming to please the culture. The future of the ACC lies therefore in key words such as "tolerance" and "acceptance", depending on what our culture says, and it lies in running bingo halls (because the churches will be empty) in order to raise money to sustain ecclesiastical structures and to remain involved with the social justice issues of poverty, human rights, etc... (which, agreed, is part of the mission of the church).

On the positive side, St. John's is still a part of the Anglican Communion worldwide, because we left the ACC in order to join the province of the Southern Cone. This province, as far as I know, has remained orthodox to the faith, and has offered to accept us as a member church. The fact that we still remain a part of the global communion is, for now at least, what keeps me in the Anglican church. I'm not interested in going back to the "Free" or "Evangelical" church, and I'm even less interested in forming a new denomination.

The hard thing for me is the theological implication this break has on the church. Is the church a purely spiritual organism, or do the structures also constitute the church? To me the answer lies not in spiritualizing the church, but in joining the material and spiritual dimensions of the church. That's the unity Jesus spoke of in John 17:20-26.

I guess I'm coming to terms with the dualism and not-too-far-away gnosticism that accompanies a separation of the spiritual from the material, the sacred from the secular. I think these are false dichotomies that break the unity of God, and the unity he has in mind for both the spiritual and the material realms.

More on that another time, but as it is now, I think that churches that uphold a sacramental world view, or, traditions that hold together in balance the spiritual and the material dimensions of the cosmos, do justice to the character of God and his good creation. And of these traditions, the Orthodox Church is the example par excellence. Maybe it's time to consider a lengthy pilgrimage to the Orient.

Lord, have mercy on your Church.

Pics From Chinese New Year

Here are some pics I took on Sunday at the Chinese New Year parade (and afterwards) in Chinatown.

Sore Back

The most comfortable position for me is not lying down or even sitting down, but standing up! My lower back's so sore I can't do anything .. absolutely everything's uncomfortable.

This morning I went to massage therapy on Commercial Drive. After massage therapy I feel great for a day, and then I feel horrible for the next 2. But overall I think massages help.

After the massage I went to my favourite coffee shop, Abruzzo, an Italian establishment where they show futbol all day and all evening. Blackburn was playing against Arsenal today, so I sat down and watched a bit of it.

The only downside today was that I had to order hot chocolate instead of the usual cappuccino.

On another note, it's been 10 days now since I'm without a laptop. This is a bag of mixed blessings, for sure. Annoying, because I can't check my email. But helpful, because it forces me to focus my current non-working days on ways other than internet surfing.

Laid Back

Today I went to church in the morning, then I went to the Chinese New Year's festivities in Chinatown with Clau and Rachelle, and then early evening I went to a small chapel near my place with Clau to pray.

The tension at church is rising, because of the upcoming vestry vote. I'm torn, not sure which way to vote.

No Soccer .. Again

Usually we play soccer on saturdays, but the past few weeks we haven't played because of "bad weather", and because people are busy with other activities.

Life without futbol is like life without air. It's suffocating.

Ash Wednesday

Today I went to 2 Ash Wednesday services. One at noon, at St. James' Anglican Church, and the other in the evening, at my home church at St. John's Shaughnessy. Both services were excellent, though very different.

The liturgy at St. James' placed much emphasis on the sacraments, whereas at St. John's the word was at the centre. If only we could focus on both equally. Why one at the expense of the other?

Regardless, at both services I was reminded of my mortality: "From dust you were made, and to dust you shall return".

So with this day the season of Lent begins, 40 days focused on repentance and spiritual renewal, leading to a climax on Holy Week, with Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, the Vigil on Saturday, and of course, the glorious resurrection on Easter Sunday.

Clau's Mom Gone

This morning at 4am Clau's mom went back to Bolivia. I drove them to the airport.

I think Clau has a difficult few weeks/months ahead. Relational brokenness. Mother's gone back home. Karla, her best friend, is also gone back to Aussie.

Maybe in the silence of loneliness God will meet her. That's what I pray for.

Lord, have mercy on Clau.

The Goods

I was on the phone with Apple today for close to 3 hours, speaking with 4 different people, negotiating the goods.

After all was said and done, here's what I asked for:
* an upgrade; no more CrapBook .. gimme a MacBook Pro (hope it's not a Crapbook Pro .. that would truly be frightening)
* replacement of all my accessories: a power adaptor, a new case, and a keyboard protector
* new software: iWork
* retrieval of all lost data

Of the above, I got everything except iWork. I'm disgusted with them. I can't believe that after 5 crashes/replacements, I had to fight for 3 hours to get what I did.

Another Mac, Another Crash

My 3-week old MacBook (aka "CrapBook") crashed again. For anyone following, that's 5 crashes, 5 defective laptops, in 9 weeks. This time I've had it.

When I call Apple on Monday I'm going to give them a piece of mind, and it won't be a pretty piece. This time I want the goods....

Listerine

I often times think that "helping" is a one way "transaction." I "give" someone something, and get nothing in return. I get to feel good about myself because I've been "generous", while the other person owes me gratitude, and perhaps even loyalty.

This is the case in many scenarios, but it's evident most to me in two particular scenarios: Evangelism, and serving the poor. In both instances I have "something" that the other person "wants" or "needs" (or should want/need), and the other person has nothing that I want or need in return. In the first scenario, the other person needs the gospel, and in the second, food or shelter. Both scenarios seem to imply help as a "one way road."

Over the past few years this view has been challenged, and yesterday again, I was challenged to take a bigger, broader perspective. I have much to learn from others, regardless of who they are, regardless of their spiritual state or their socio-economical situation.

This became evident to me at the GCBC overnighter, where I participate every so often. Along with another volunteer, I spend the night at the church, with close to 40 homeless men and women. As a volunteer my job is to ensure that everything runs smoothly: we hand out mats, blankets, pillows, we turn off the lights at night and back on in the morning, and we give them water, tea, or tylenols if they wake up at night.

Usually overnighters go smoothly. The occasional temper flares, the occasional argument, but nothing too physical (although fights do happen occasionally).

Well, last night, not all went so smoothly.

One of our guests, Phil, had snuck in a bottle of Listerine, and guzzled it down like a child does milk. He got drunk, and in his stupor, he stole someone else's epilepsy pills and gulped them down too, without anyone else noticing it. The result was that Phil became very agitated, nervous, and anxious. He became increasingly obnoxious.

We wondered whether we should 1- call the police to pick him up (because he was waking up everyone and preventing them from sleeping); or 2- let him stay. The temperature outside was below 0, so kicking him out was not an option.

We decided to let him stay, not so much because we wanted to extend grace to him, but because we noticed that the guests - the very people who were impacted most by Phil's annoying behaviour - were ok with the situation.

They realized in a profound way that I did not (because of my orientation towards "keeping the law/rules"? or "maintaining control"?), that this man was a broken man who needed not to be dealt with harshly, but who needed grace. The best thing to do was to ignore him, let him sober up, and try to get some sleep amidst the noise. So we adopted our guests' approach, and just "put up" with him.

In the morning Phil woke up hung-over but sober, and realizing his sin and unacceptable behaviour, he came up to us, apologized, and thanked us for our graciousness.

So what did I learn? Primarily one thing: 1- Helping requires openness to give and to receive by both people. I'm not convinced there's such a thing as a "helper" and a "helpee" (is that a word?). Both people in the given situation are open to "giving" and "receiving." It is, therefore, a two-way street.

In the above scenario, I helped provide a safe place for Phil to sleep. On the other hand, I received help (indirectly, perhaps) by Phil, who helped me see the pride and lack of generosity present in my heart. The other guests present were open too, because by putting up with Phil they helped me see what generosity looks like. In all likelihood they saw Phil's brokenness as a mirror of their own brokenness.

It seems to me that I have something to learn from everyone, because everyone is made in the image of God, meaning, something of Jesus is in everyone. I think that in a very real way, Jesus is in everyone. I wonder if this is what Jesus meant when he said "as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me" (Matthew 25:40).

Houses For Sale

While I walked around Commercial Drive yesterday, I dropped by two houses that went up for sale a few days ago.  Both are on 4th Avenue (1900 block).

This house is going for $800K+:































This house is going for $700K+:































Snowy 4th Ave:
















Park at Victoria and 4th:

Snowy Commercial Drive

This morning I went out for coffee with Leigh. Very lovely. More on that another time.....

After coffee I went for a walk on Commercial Drive and surrounding neighbourhoods. It'd snowed last night, so there was about 10cms of snow on the ground. Here are a few pictures I took.

Invitation

I got an invitation to visit with Clau this Monday, together with her mother, and her brother Mariano who are visiting from Bolivia. I haven't spoken with her since before Christmas and have decided to meet up with her, even though it'll be a painful and confusing event.

Human relations can sometimes be so painful. If I could ever get a hold of (control) my emotions I'd probably do ok in relationships but that skill eludes me. Or maybe the problem is that I'm not willing to let go of my emotions. Maybe I guard myself so much (ie - I've built a wall around myself) that I'm impenetrable from the outside. Not sure which of the two describes me. Maybe both, maybe neither.

Either way, I'm convinced that this ongoing burden is God's way of teaching me to identify with the human suffering all around me. We are broken pots, badly in need of the mending hands of the Potter.

I'm anxious and anguished about Monday night.

On a different note, today is mom's birthday. Happy birthday mom: may God's richest blessings continue to shower upon you. I look forward to visiting with family tomorrow afternoon and evening.

Madredeus

I've been listening to Madredeus lately:

Haungtingly beautiful.
Peaceful.
Full of lament and longing.
Angelic.
Melancholic.
Elegant.
Dignified.
Stirring the soul.
Nostalgic.
Disarming.
Soothing.


My favourite songs are:

Adoro Lisboa
A Andorinha da Primavera
Ao Longe o Mar
A Vaca do Fogo
O Pastor

Frozen

I'm not sure having as many vocational options as we do nowadays is a good thing. What should I do? I feel numb, unable to decide where to next.

* Work among the urban poor? If so, do I get a "regular" job in the marketplace?
* Pursue ordination in the Anglican Church of Canada? Given the state of apostacy in this church, is it worth it? Do I fight from within or without?
* Do I move overseas for missionary work?

I wish someone just said to me "Cub, your father was an electrician, therefore, you're going to be one too."

No Clau

It's been almost 3 weeks since Clau and I last spoke on the phone. I miss her.

I saw her on the weekend twice (soccer, and at the airport to say bye to "Pekos" Karla), but it was in a group setting, and we didn't really catch up.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have Mercy on me, a sinner.

Stay In Your Cell

I got my new Mac laptop today. The 2nd in 2 weeks. I hope this one makes it past week 1.

I'm realizing that I have a horrible addiction to the internet. It's a sad situation, really, and not having access to the internet for the better part of the last 6 weeks has taught me to live with myself. As one of the famous desert fathers said once, "Stay in your cell. Your cell will teach you everything." So that's what I've been doing.

The past few weeks I've been out of reach for most people: no internet, no email, and no online chatting. I still had my phone(s), but nowadays nobody uses the phone anymore, so I felt like a hermit living in the city. There was a 4-day stint where I only spoke to 1 person per day. It was kinda lonely and boring at first, but then I realized that as Henri Nouwen says, "if you don't have anything to do, you might as well pray", and that's what I did.

Now, a few weeks later, I feel more at peace, with myself, with the world, and with God. Getting on my knees and praying is actually a relief, not a chore. I love doing it. Maybe I should get rid of my laptop.....

As I Thought...

...my replacement Mac needs to be replaced, because it has a defect. A new one will be shipped to me tomorrow.

I like Mac software (as in .. it's more intuitive and smoother to navigate than PC software), but man, Mac hardware's horrible. Absolutely horrible.

Macs Suck

I bought a MacBook last February, and wrote about the conversion here. At this point I must say I regret my conversion. I've had nothing but troubles with this piece of sh*t.

Since the purchase, I've had 2 audio port problems, plus a dvd drive problem. I got a replacement laptop two weeks ago.

Now, a week after receiving the replacement laptop, I have a problem with it again: the audio port is gimped.

In the past 6 weeks I've only had use of a laptop about 1 week and a half. Nice ....

07/08 NYE

This year's New Year's Eve was somewhat quieter than in previous years.

I may come to regret not having a party as I did the past two years, but I just wasn't up to something loud and flashy. My heart's not in the right frame of mind for something like that. I just don't have the energy to party, nevermind organizing a party.

Having said that, I am glad that I did spend the evening with a few friends from the soccerinos. I went to Taki's Taverna for a lovely Greek dinner, and afterwards we went to Tatiana's for a "brindis" with some sparkling wine. Here are a few pics from the evening:

At Taki's (note the feast). From left to right, Cub, Tatiana, Benja, Aram (?), Ruben, and Juanjo:

At Tatiana's for "brindis" after dinner: Benja, Ruben, Aram, Tati, Cub, and Juanjo.

Paul And Jenny

Had lunch with James, Paul and Jenny today. It was great to say P and J, since I rarely see them. They moved to Texas almost a year ago. Mind you, even before they moved south, I rarely saw them.

Here's a pic of us at my favourite resto in Vancouver: Al-Watan. Khalid, the cook, joined us for the pose.

Glenayre Reunion @ Anton's

Tonight we went for an Italian feast at Anton's. So yummmmmmy.....

From left to right: Cub, Judy, Fred, Peter, Tyson, and Gonnie:
















I'm thankful to be able to keep in touch with the Glenayre gang. I miss them. They're great friends.

Pesebre

I got a nativity set for Christmas. It's quite big, but I like it. It's past the advent season, and indeed, christmas has come and gone, but I'll put it up nonetheless and keep it up until the day of Epiphany on January 6th. Here are a few pics I took of the scene, after I put it up in my apartment.

Daytime:















Nightime:















Next year I'll put it up on the first day of Advent.

Christmas With Family

This Christmas was like last Christmas: good. Even with Ted/Karin and family's escapade to Asuncion, the rest of us here in the wetlands had a festive time with family. I stayed the night at my parents' place. Here's how I spent Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Christmas Eve:
* 6:30pm - went to my parents' church for a children's program. It was a good program, a typical North American "musical performance" that had a lot of props and lights and even video streaming, but not too much of a theological backbone. The kids, however, were super excited and enthused about the program, and that was great to see.
* 8pm - dinner at mom and dad's. Heinz, Melanie and family came also. Great dinner, great conversation. Thank you Lord for the blessing of family.
* 11:30pm - midnight mass at Westminster Abbey in Mission. Beautiful, as last year. The sermon was on John 1:1: And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us...

Christmas Day:
* 9:30am - I went to a church service at St. Matthew's Anglican Church in Abbotsford. It's a small church, but it was a great service. The officiating pastor had such a gentle yet genuine demeanour it was inspiring. I could tell he really loved the Lord and the people he was shepherding. I'm more and more convinced that the perfect church is one that has under 100 parishioners. That's the magic number, because once you have more than 100, it gets big and impersonal.
* 1pm - lunch with the whole family-gang again. Same as last night: good people, good conversation, and good food.
* 6pm - played Rook with dad, Heinz, Terence, and Tanis.

My only complaint is that we still exchange too many presents. No matter how much family members agree that "this year we'll only buy 1 present per person", the resolve is weak and without integrity. The result: everyone gets 5 presents, and those people who only buy 1 present (as agreed to previously) look like stingy idiots.

I arrived back at home in Vancouver around 11pm.

Ambiguity Leads To Alienation

I'm not happy about how things are with Clau. Over the past few months we've become more alienated from each other, even though we see each other more often than ever. Maybe that's the problem, but regardless, I don't get it.

Yesterday at Karla's party she gave me a Christmas present "in passing" .. it seemed more a duty than a real gift. I don't think she meant to hurt me but I think her actions do represent a painful alienation from me.

Months of ambiguity - are we together? are we friends? together in private, friends in public? - are finally catching up to us.

Karla's Birthday, Goodbye

Karla's time in Vancouver is sadly coming to an end. I love her genuine spirit. She'll certainly be missed around here. It was her birthday today, so she made it a 2-for-1 celebration: birthday and goodbye. She goes home to Mexico for Christmas now, then she comes back mid-January for 3 days before returning to Australia.

I wonder how Clau's going to deal with Karla's departure. Those two are so close.....

Trouble

Clau and I are in real trouble, and it breaks my heart.

Sure Enough...

... I got an email today from Carla. She knows that something's up with Clau and I, so she's asked me not to contact her. She needs space for healing.

I totally understand this. I've been in a similar situation before with Sharon. Actually, this happened to me numerous times, now that I think of it.

My guess is that our friendship's ruined.

The Carla Issue

I think Carla found out that Clau and I are considering getting together. This could spell trouble to our friendship.

U-20 World Cup Game

Today a few of us from the soccerinos went to see two U-20 futbol games:

2pm: Jordan vs. Zambia (1-1)
5pm: Uruguay vs. España (2-2)

The games were amazing, especially the second game. Uruguay played with heart, Spain with mind. Interesting that the score ended up a tie.

Here are a few pics from the soccerinos:
















Lunch at Earl's before the game (from left to right): Vero, Cub, Mario, Benja, Karla, Clau, Carla, and Connie.





















Karla and Clau.
















Halftime: Vero, Clau (sleeping), Karla, Carla, and Mario

Confession

Today Clau and I kissed. It just happened, while we're at my place, in the most unexpected of places too. We were standing in the hallway on our way out to Karla's for dinner.

Needless to say, we arrived at Karla's rather late.

Scarcely Saved

I preached today, on I Peter 4:12-19. My points were as follows:

God is in control, even if sometimes it doesn't seem like it, because of all the suffering and evil around us. The writers of the New Testament certainly expressed this truth, as did the martyrs of the early church. Suffering for our faith serves the following three purposes:

1- it tests our faith;
2- it tells the world of our allegiance to Jesus; and
3- it trains us for the final day.

Conclusion (v19): "Therefore let those who suffer according to God's will do right and entrust their souls to our faithful creator."

I'm thankful, because the preaching went well, and I had some close friends there to support me.

Here are some pics from this morning:
















Clau, Carla, Rachelle.
















Cub.
















Bryan, Carla, Cub, and Rachelle.
















Bryan, Rachelle, Cub, Carla, and Clau.

Clau Returned From Bolivia

I was so happy to see her today when I picked her up from the airport. I definitely have feelings for her, because I missed her like CRAZY while she was gone.

I even called her long distance to Bolivia while she was away, and talked to her for quite some time.

I'm glad she's back!

Rules Of Spiritual Discernment

It sounds strange to list "rules" for "discernment." Rules for games or driving yes, but discernment? Apparently...

Just over a week ago I was in a course on spiritual discernment, and I was amazed - pleasantly, I admit - that discernment is not just a "willy-nilly" free-for-all, based on warm and fuzzy subjective feelings. Ignatius of Loyola of the 16th century, in particular, put together the following helpful rules in spiritual discernment:

1- During times of decision making, we all experience periods of consolation and desolation. Consolation = a sense of wellness, peace, joy, shalom. Desolation = disturbance of the soul, such as anger, fear, or discouragement.

2- Never make a decision while in a place of desolation, because in those times our soul is turned away from God and towards the "fragmentation of the world." The Holy Spirit is not the spirit of fear and despair, but rather, of love and power (I. Tim 1:7). Therefore, we wait until we're in a place of consolation or return to the last place of consolation, before making a decision. Only then are our hearts aligned with God.

3- Test all consolation, because not all consolation is of God. The devil is, after all, a wolf in sheep's clothing, and likes to trick us into making bad decisions (I. Peter 5:8). The devil is the source of all false consolation.

How do we test consolation? According to Saint Ignatius, we need to exercise the principle of "holy indifference": freedom from inordinate attachments, indifference to "anything other than the holiness and glory of God." In other words, we need to test the motives behind our consolation. The following "inordinate desires" may bring consolation, but not true consolation of God:

* wealth
* pleasure
* honour
* recognition
* and power

Whenever our motives are driven by these factors, there's a very good chance that we are driven not by a desire of the kingdom of God, but of the world.

In the coming months I'll be pondering these rules of discernment, especially as they relate to my vocational calling. I have a feeling there's something to be learned here.

Decision-Time

Three options I'm considering:

* Missionary work: in Asia
Benefits:
- away from North American life
- simplicity of life
- learning different language, culture
- possibility of teaching theology
Drawbacks:
- away from family

* Social Justice work: in East-Vancouver
Benefits:
- close to family
- long-term investment (personally, financially) in a specific community
Drawbacks:
- do I go back to get a regular job?
- will the church support me?

* Ordination: in the Anglican Church
Benefits:
- love of the church
- learn the art of preaching
- academics
Drawbacks:
- being a shepherd of a flock is hard work (ask the prophets, Jesus: sheep are quite dumb)
- away from family
- the Anglican Church of Canada is pretty much apostate => how to stay faithful within it?