Personal Retreat: Day 2

Here was my schedule for today.

5:05am - Lauds (Morning Prayer) in the church

5:30am - Personal Prayer
6:30am - Sung Mass in the church
7:10am - Breakfast
8am - Lectio Divina (Spiritual Readings)
9am- Vocational Discernment
11:55am - Midday Prayer

12pm - Silent Lunch with the monks
1pm - Nap!
2pm - Vocational Discernment
3pm - Relax, walk in the woods

4pm - Vocational Discernment
5pm - Prayer in the chapel
5:30pm - Vespers in the church
6pm - Silent Dinner with the monks
6:35pm - Conversation with brother Meinrad
7:15pm - Vigils in the church
8pm - Shower, prepare for bed
9pm - Lectio Divina
10pm - Lights off

Highlight of the Day was definitely taking in the liturgy. For the first time since beginning to visit the monastery I sat in the "right" place during the various liturgies. I found the right booklets to follow along, and was even able to sing along with the Psalms. It was magnificent. I think the simple, repetitive chants sung a cappella, are more beautiful and profound then most of the hymns we sing in church.

I also really enjoyed sharing a meal with the monks and walking in the misty, wet woods.

As for prayer and discernment - that is after all, the reason I came up here! - that went very well too. I felt a tremendous sense of Peace throughout the day. God is good. He continues to come down to us by his Spirit day after day, meeting our every need. I made a list of factors affecting my decision towards ordination in the Anglican Church. In other words, I made a list of "Life-Giving" aspects of life as a priest, as well as "Life-Taking" aspects. I also identified concerns that, should I pursue ordination, would need to be addressed very soon, like, in the next 3 months.

I also reviewed in detail some of the principles of discernment I learned in the Spiritual Discernment class I took last year. Some of the principles, in particular the rules of Ignatian Spirituality, can be found in the journal entry I wrote last year, June 10. Here, in brief, are the others: establishing background, concerns, and obstacles; reviewing theological foundations, principles, my Rule of Life, and Rule of Life values.

I'm nearing decision-time. A few more months - March at the latest - and I think, God-willing, I'm there.

I will share some of my discoveries of this weekend soon. In particular, I found the "Life-Taking" and "Life-Giving" lists are quite interesting.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God,
have Mercy on me, the greatest of Sinners.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God,
have Mercy on me, the greatest of Sinners.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God,
have Mercy on me, the greatest of Sinners.

Personal Retreat: Day 1

Tonight started my weekend of discernment and prayer. I arrived at the monastery at 8:15pm, later than expected. I was actually fortunate to get in, because usually the gate closes at 8, but the gate-keeper was late tonight.

Upon arrival, I settled in my room, number 212. The room's simple, yet complete: a bed, a night table, a desk, a lamp, and a bathroom. It has electricity, but no phone, and no internet. Thanks be to God for simplicity.

I set up my stuff, jotted down a few notes about my day tomorrow, prayed, and turned off the light by 10pm.

Tomorrow I gotta get up early: Lauds (Morning Prayer) begin at 5:05am, before the sun even announces her presence.

Snow At The Monastery?

This Friday I'm heading up to the Westminster Abbey in Mission, my favorite place to retreat for a time of prayer and discernment. The focus of this weekend's personal retreat will be two-fold:

* Vocation = ordination
* Relationship = Jennifer

I intend to come to a decision within the next few months regarding the former, whereas the latter, it's very early to tell, and there's a gigantic red flag - the elephant in the room - that keeps things uncertain, at least for me.

During my stay there, I also intend to inquire of the possibility of becoming an oblate.

I heard from some coworkers that it's supposed to snow this weekend. If that's the case, what a blessing that would be. Snowy conditions are perfect, because watching light, fluffy flakes float through the air naturally leads to wonder, amazement, and adoration of God, and while this is the most basic posture we approach God with in any situation, it is especially so when considering our future and future life directions.

So, I can't think of a better setting for this weekend than snow at the monastery.

Day4 Christmas Party

Tonight was the company Christmas Party (Winter Ball for the PC crowd). It was held at the Hotel Vancouver downtown, and it was a great evening, probably the best company event I've ever attended.

The food was good, the crowd was good, the venue was good, the music was good, the only thing that wasn't good was the prizes: there were few, and most of them were lame.

Below are a few pics of the evening. From left to right: Kam, Caroline, Nadine, Joey, Shane, Russell's wife, Russell, Jason, Cub, Jennifer. Missing in the picture: Tanner!

Joey, Tanner, Jason:















Kam, Rachel, Russell, Russell's wife, Caroline:















Darren, Joey, Kam:















Jennifer, Nelson, Cub, Tanner:

Interruptions

I hate being interrupted. I feel incredibly disrespected when that happens.

For some reason though, I get interrupted all the time. Maybe it's because I want to speak clearly and accurately, but it takes me too long to articulate my thoughts. Or maybe it's because people think that whatever I'm about to say doesn't have much value. Or maybe people are just idiots and don't know when to talk and when to listen. Or maybe I'm just over-sensitive about this particular issue.

I'm not sure.

39

Today I turned 39. I'm not old yet. Starting at 40, I'm officially "Young Middle-Aged."

I got up in the morning and prayed. I thanked God for 39 years, and interestingly, I prayed for 39 more. I guess that means I'm happy with life, and pray for more of God's goodness and faithfulness in the coming years. Also, I got a few birthday wishes: mom and dad (even though dad's in Peru), Ted and Karin, Heinz and Melanie, Ralph, Sanjit, and Irene, to mention a few.

I worked until 4pm, and then afterwards I went home, where I took a quick 10-minute nap. Then I took a shower and drove off to Evensong at my church. I'm always so blessed by the meditative approach to meeting God. It's really the only approach that makes sense to me. It's the only approach where I can "converse" with Him, because it's quiet and I can hear his voice.

Afterwards, I met up with Jennifer at her place, and we walked over to Cioppino's in Yaletown for dinner. It was a lovely evening, and I spent it with the woman I wanted to be with. Here are some pictures of our dinner. I didn't use the flash, so that's why they're so dark. I need to learn how to get better pictures out of my camera in places without a lot of light!

































































Jen ordered Linguine with half lobster, tomato-cream-lobster sauce. She was very happy. I tasted some of her dinner and agree, it was very good, especially the pasta. As for me, I ordered the Veal "ossobuco" a la Milanese with saffron risotto. I was not very happy with my dish, but that's more because I didn't know what I was ordering than anything else. What I wanted was a "schnitzel"-style cutlet, but what I got was a chop, bone and everything.

For dessert, we got a Latte Dolce Fritto Genovese: crispy warm vanilla and semonila custard served with maple syrup ice-cream. The taste was close to divine, except, the portion size is nothing less than a rip-off, given the price.

Speaking of prices, the prices here were very high, but then again, this type of place is a place you only go to for special occasions. And, since the special occasion tonight was my birthday, Jen paid, so that was nice.

All in all, a fine day. Please, Lord, 39 more!

Wisdom

I told her that I'm against contraception.

Silence.

She'd never met anyone that was against contraception. She'd never questioned the "morality" of contraception at all. It's available, therefore, it's morally acceptable to take advantage of it.

I think that's very common. We think "if science can do it, it must be ok."

Well, science has come up with many things that are not ok. Point in case, the atom bomb.

Wisdom is not defined as the pinnacle of human achievements, but as God's gracious self-revelation. From this self-revelation derives what it means to be human, and consequently, how we are to live.

Birthday Lunch At Marcello's

Today some of the dearest people in my life treated me to a very special birthday lunch.

We met at 2pm at Marcello's on Commercial, for a late lunch. I usually order pizza at Marcello's, because they serve very good pizza, but today I decided to branch out and try some pasta, and I don't regret it at all. I don't remember the exact name of the dish, but it had a creamy meat sauce, and it was very very good. In fact, it comes close to Anton's.

We had a great afternoon together. Eating together is indeed the best way to put smiles on people's faces. Here are some of my amazing friends (from left to right): Benja, Connie, Vero, Jen, Ceci, Clau, Sanjit, Alfonso, and Juan. One person who I wish could've joined us but didn't was Hernan. Next time...

Of course, no birthday dinner's complete without a cake, and in our circle of friends, the tradition is to "faceplant" the birthday person right into the cake! Below's the proof!

After lunch, a few of us went for a walk. The weather for it was good I suppose, it wasn't raining. But it was cloudy and wet, even misty, towards the end of our walk.

In the evening, Jennifer and I went to her place and practised "alleine sein" together. We only had partial success. We keep getting distracted.

The Toast Continues!

I usually don't like weddings. I'm not sure why, maybe it's because I fit the male stereotype who finds it hard to sit through a barrage of speeches which - let's face it - most of the time are disappointingly boring, or maybe I'm a tad insecure that I end up going to these events alone and succumb to feeling awkward and out of place as a single man. But this wedding, Rudy and Joanne's wedding, was different. I enjoyed myself from beginning to end, and that's quite a feat, since the wedding lasted virtually all day and evening!

The wedding had three parts: the ceremony, the lunch, and the cocktail party. I'll say a few things about each.

First, the ceremony. It began at 10:30am at St. John's Shaughnessy, and it was splendid: short and simple, yet beautiful and elegant. Most important, it was entirely centered on the cross and resurrection of Christ. Without this element, a marriage ceremony is hollow and virtually meaningless, because the cross and resurrection is the example par excellence of the nature of self-sacrificial love, the foundation of any marriage.

I liked the hymns we sang, "See What a Morning", and "In Christ Alone". These are modern day compositions that I believe will stand the test of time, much like J S Bach's works. I know: a bold statement. I also really appreciated that the entire liturgy (service) was printed out on the service sheet, as great and comforting words were conveyed in it.

There was one shortcoming to the ceremony: there was no Eucharist, no Communion. Rudy and Joanne had their reasons for this. But if I ever marry, the Eucharist will be the centre of the ceremony. Everything, absolutely everything, flows out of the Eucharist.

Next up, the lunch. Lunch was held at the Garden Restaurant at Queen Elizabeth Park, from about 12:30 until 3:30pm. Again, everything was well done. The food was delish, (I had a 10oz steak), the wine was flowing, and the views of the city were magnificent. The venue was central, the atmosphere was classy but not pretentious. As far as the program is concerned, it was not overly long and drawn out. I think in total, there were 4 speeches: both sets of parents, and both sets of siblings. The content of the speeches was relevant and meaningful. Unfortunately, some of the jokes were tasteless and out of place.
















Finally, the cocktail party, from 7:30pm to, yes, 1am Sunday morning!!! This was probably my favourite part of the wedding, for various reasons. One, I'd never been to a cocktail party at a wedding before. Two, it really was a cool party: a cool lounge, great fingerfoods and drinks, an atmosphere of openness that encouraged interaction not only with friends but with others outside our sphere of familiarity, very good video presentations (007, U2), fabulous music, and dancing. And three, for the latter part of the party, I had a date, Jennifer, and a mighty fine date she was. She looked beautiful.

There were two downers to the party though. One, my date didn't want to dance ("I'm not a dancer", she said), and two, no Oakenfold to dance to. Had there been Oakenfold, I'd have ditched my date for a few minutes and gone out on the floor even if I was the only one out there (highly unlikely though, as my friend Carol would've rescued me, if for no other reason than pity!).

So there, that, in a nutshell, was Rudy and Joanne's wedding. A great day, a great celebration, a great couple! May God grant them many many years of joy. Here's another toast to Rudy and Joanne. Prost! Salud! Salut! Cheers!

No Thank You

Three days after expressing my discontent about having to work on Remembrance Day, I have another complaint: today my supervisor asked if I could work on Sunday, for a "special inventory count." I said nope, not a chance, working on Sundays is non-negotiable.

This is the 3rd such request in the last 2 months, and the 3rd such response.

Working on Rememberance Day

Today was a national statutory holiday, yet our company made it a "regular production day." How disappointing.

The reason for it being declared a day like any other workday is that the company is under pressure to deliver all the products sold (we're sold out until the end of 2009).

I voiced my displeasure about this decision to the Human Resources department last week, and their response was basically "Yeah, you're right, it sucks to work on a holiday." I was actually told that "Everyone can be bought for a price." In our case, the price of purchase was 2.5 times our regular wage.

I succumbed. Not because I need the money, but because I want to give the company a show of good faith. They've been good to me the past 6 months, and I want to contribute or "pay back", I suppose. But still, this whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

I don't like the fact that I can be bought for a price.

One Last Time

Tonight was the last time I hung out with my friend Rudy while we're still both single. Next week Saturday he's getting married. But this evening we got together and did what we've done for years now: share life, drink wine, and eat cheese!

We've had a really awesome friendship, since we met at church about a decade ago. Over the years we got to know each other very well, and we sure spent a lot of time hanging out, especially 1999-2001, and then also 2003-2006.

Here's a picture of us in 2005, when we travelled to Brasil, Paraguay, and Argentina. This picture was taken in Buenos Aires, poolside at the "Hotel Elevage."
















Over the past few years we've become more distant. Partly I think I'm to blame, because I didn't make time for him during my "Regent" years. On the other hand, he got himself a hottie girlfriend, and for whatever reason, he prefered to spend time with her instead of me. Go figure.

On the topic of girlfriends, part of the reason we got along so well - besides both of us being raised German-Mennonite and then running away to the Anglican Church - was that we were both single, and to a substantial degree, disappointed to be so.

Of course, we did have some huge differences, which worked out very well for us: he always liked Caucasian women whereas I had eyes for the Asian or to a lesser extent, Latin American women. Come to think of it, maybe that was the key to our friendship: we never had to fight over women.

One of the things I'm most thankful for, however, was our biweekly prayer sessions. We got together to pray for each other about relational brokenness and disappointments. We could've called ourselves the "Commiseration Club", or better yet, the "Misery Club", that's how burdened we were at times. But, here we were, taking our pain to God in prayer. This probably sounds quite cheesy to most people, especially men, but I don't find anything embarrassing or cheesy about it whatsoever. If God is a God of community (Father, Son, and Spirit), in other words, if he's not only transcendant and "out there", but also immanent and "here" with us, making the Christ real to us in the Spirit, and wishing us to experience community and friendship with himself and one another, then, approaching him in prayer with a friend is the most natural and normal thing one could ever engage in.

Anyways, I digress. Only slightly though.

After our prayer sessions, we'd do what any God-honouring, self-respecting, Bible-reading Anglican does: drink port (sometimes lots of it), eat fancy cheeses, and smoke cigars. Such is the way we celebrated the goodness of God.

I miss those days. Those days shall be no more, or at least not in the same context. Next Saturday, my good friend Rudy is marrying the woman he loved before she even really knew him or took him seriously. In fact, he loved her, Joanne, and pursued her even while she was going out with another guy, and he did so with great integrity, I might add. Impressive.

Rudy won her over, he won her love, and now, two years later, he's ready - they're ready - for a new road, a new challenge: marriage. Many people think that this concept, this way of being together, is outdated and unnecessary, but in God's economy, nothing could be further from the truth.

Indeed, in God's way with the world, marriage is the top vocation a man and a woman could ever enter into. This, because it displays like nothing else, the nature of the love of God. Union between a man and a woman is the clearest picture of the nature of God's unceasing love: God and the World, God and Israel, Christ and the Church. These are all realities that martrimony points towards. It's a perfect picture, a perfect fit. Surely marriage is a sacrament of this love of God. Surely marriage is a tangible grace that we take a hold of in faith.

I'm grateful for such a good friend. I'm greatful that Rudy found Joanne. He will be a great husband, and hopefully even a better father. I'm grateful that God has answered his - our - prayer.

Here's to Rudy. Here's to Joanne. Prost! Salud! Salut! Cheers!

I'm Too Old For This

Since I started to see Jen more regularly about a month ago, I've been getting to bed late every night, very late. Consequently, the next morning is less than pleasant. I'm tired, groggy, and lazy at work. I'm going to have to figure out how to deal with this.

Actually, it's not just the late nights. It's the "time alone" factor that's changed drastically. Whereas I used to get a good 3 or even 4 nights a week alone, with plenty of time to reflect, read, pray, or just "be", now I'm spending 1 night alone, if that. Tonight was one of such nights. A very good night, an evening of peace. Although I didn't get to do as much reading as I'd like (I'm reading Dostoyevsky's Karamazov Brothers), it was still quiet. I need to continue to make space in my life for these nights. They are life-giving beyond imagination.

I think at some point I'm going to have to take up my weekly pilgrimage to the little chapel on 12th and Main again. I did that last winter, once a week, and found it to be comforting, in a time of much uncertainty.

God On A Donkey?

Matthew 21:12-32, with its varied storyline - the cleansing of the Temple, the cursing of the fig tree, the debate with the chief priests, and the parable of the two sons - can be summarized as follows: Jesus’ arrival in Jerusalem on a donkey, his arrival at the Temple, at the very heart of Israel, is God’s announcement of his immanence, his presence with his people.

In, with, and through Christ, God announces his presence with Israel; indeed, not only Israel, but all people, everywhere.

But, we ask ourselves, on a donkey? God on a donkey? Why not on a magic carpet, or a caravan, or at least a camel!

Well, the reason for the donkey is that God is, after all, the God who honours meekness, humility, and - gasp - even lowliness. This is what “God with us”, “Emmanuel”, means: a God who is for us. He is not afraid to get his hands dirty; he does not avoid the sweat of suffering; he does not run away from shedding tears of pain.

Surely this is why the lowly, the outcast, the less-privileged, and the “weak”, flock to him. We read of five such types in our passage. The blind and the lame, they came to Jesus to be healed (21:14); the tax collectors and the harlots, they repented and believed (21:31-32), and the children, well, they echoed the crowd as Jesus entered the city: “Hosanna to the Son of David! Hosanna to the Son of David!" (21:16).

These are people who had tasted and touched the world and all it’s evil in ways that others - the rulers, the leaders, in short, the privileged, the powerful, the strong - could never identify with, and these are the people who saw their sin and helplessness, they saw their need for a God who could identify with all that is wrong with the world, because he too was experiencing it.

But of course, not everyone could accept such a God. Such a God couldn’t possibly deal with the problems of this world, they thought. Such a God couldn’t deal with the economic, political, and other social ills of society.

That’s why they, the chief priests, that is, asked Jesus questions, questions that sounded genuine, but reeked of doubt and manipulation: “‘Do you hear what these are saying?”, they said, in response to the children’s praises of Jesus. Or how about this one: “By what authority are you doing these things, [these things refer to the healing of the lame and blind, and other miracles they’d heard of or seen] and who gave you this authority?” (21:23).

Much to their frustration and anger, though, they found out that this God, the Christ, could deal with their feeble questions. In fact, he most often left them speechless. I mean, how would you respond as a chief priest, if Jesus asked you the following: “Have you never read, ‘Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings thou hast brought perfect praise?’” (21:16)

The crux of the matter, therefore, is that Christ’s arrival in Jerusalem and the Temple was the very arrival of God at the heart of Israel. And this does not leave us unaffected. It reaches us at the core, actually, because although the arrival occurred years ago, it’s symbolic of God’s closeness to all, everyone, now. God is immanent now, he’s ready to enter our lives, our hearts, today, by His Spirit.

We can’t just stand at arms-length, read the story, and go home thinking “Thank God I’m not like those chief priests. I’m so much better than they are.”

Because the truth is that in many ways we are just like the chief priests. In one way or another we live lives of privilege and power, not realizing our need for God. In fact, unless we consciously invite God to be present to us, we run in great danger of elevating ourselves as our own chief priests each and every day.

We need to repent of that.

Do we realize our need for God, or are we fooling ourselves into self-sufficiency?

Do we yearn for the simplicity of faith that children have, do we repent and believe like the tax collector and the prostitute did, do we rejoice at the ways God works in and around us, or are we busy questioning things too great for us to understand?

These are questions well-worth pondering.

May God in his Mercy give us the courage to see our need for him, and the humility to repent and turn to him each day.

Thanks be to God.

Amen ✠