Learning To Paint

Today was my first painting class.  I loved it.  My instructors, Lloyd and Judy, like me, are from BC.

I didn't really have any expectations in terms of teaching styles from them, but for whatever reason, I was a little surprised by their "hands off" approach.  It certainly wasn't a free-for-all, but there was little explained or explicit structure or logic in the way of instruction, and that threw me off a little. Come to think of it, the teaching style is probably called the "adult education" method: self-guided, no set agenda, ask questions when you have them.  At times I was frustrated.  I'm used to and like structure.

Having said that, they have a gentleness of being that was pleasant to be around.  They modeled technique well, and provided feedback frequently.  And when I made mistakes, they always offered a "better way" rather than criticism.  Most importantly, they were affirming.  They constantly encouraged me, and that was very good for my spirit.

My first "work of art" is a prairie scene.  Father's day is coming up next month, and according to Lloyd, it's realistic to complete my first painting by then.  I intend to give my first painting away as a present.

Below is, what I accomplished today: one-third earth, two-thirds sky, divided by a straight line. :)

Spring In The Prairies

Below is a letter that I wrote yesterday and sent to my dear friends on the west coast.  I think it captures my state of mind very well, so I'm posting it.

________________

To my dear friends: Greetings from sunny, warm, and dusty Moose Jaw. 

Spring arrived here 3 weeks ago, when within the span of a week, temperatures went from a snowy -15 to a sunny +15.  Since then we've hit temperatures of 28C on a few occasions, causing the landscape to transform from a grey and white mix to a multi-shaded green.   The snow has melted, the river swells are subsiding, and farmers have begun hauling out their massive machinery and preparing the fields for seeding and planting.  There's lots of dust everywhere, not only leftovers from the dirty snow, but also from the surrounding farmlands.  (Apparently early springs and late falls are dusty, caused by dust swirled up during planting/harvesting.  The in-between time is clean and clear).  We apparently had a longer than usual winter, and they're predicting a hotter (too bad not longer) summer as a result.  I'm sitting in a coffee shop, as I usually do on Sunday mornings after church.  I come here to reflect and to write, and of course, to drink good coffee.  As I look out the window, I see that the streets are bustling with people, cars, and motorbikes.  There's life.  This is a scene that I did not see until the weather warmed up.

Adjustment to life in Saskatchewan has been varied.

In terms of work, I could not be happier.  I feel valued, appreciated, affirmed, and of course, challenged.  I have the privilege of journeying with (mostly) elderly men and women who are nearing the last days of their lives.  There are some younger people at our facility too, as young as in their mid-30s, who through various reasons need care 24/7.  Visiting with the younger folk presents a different challenge altogether: whereas elderly folks often times have dementia and are blissfully happy, younger people are in a full-fledged existential crisis, coming to terms with the reality that they will live in our facility for the rest of their lives.

On a personal level things have been very different.  Extremely difficult.  Moving here has, for various reasons, marked a massive low-point in my life.  Only once previously in my life have I experienced such dark, intense, and excruciating loneliness and desolation.  In that sense, the bitter cold temperatures outside mirrored the landscape of my heart.  However, I'm thankful, because Wings of Love carried me to this point and place, and these same Wings will always be Present and carry me forward.  Spring is here.  Hope is ever-present.

I joined an outdoor co-ed soccer team.  Our team's not very good: we lost the first game 9-2, and our second one 6-3.  If this trend continues, we should be able to tie a game by game 4, and by game 5 we might win a game.  Problem is, there are only 4 teams in the league, so we play the same opponents over and over again all summer long.  Playing on the team is fun, even though my lungs have reminded me that it has been a while since hiking the Grouse Grind.  Most of my teammates are university-aged students, with two-tracked minds: drinking excessively and love conquests.  They talk about these topics with great enthusiasm, even a sense of accomplishment.

I also joined a community garden club.  There have been sufficient warm temperature days now (combined with freeze-free nights) to warrant planting.  The ground is dark, rich, warm and fertile.  Tomorrow (holiday) I plan to plant potatoes, onions, zucchini, peas, beans, and tomatoes.  I see some great focaccia bread sandwiches coming my way later in the summer.  Problem is, I have yet to find a place that sells focaccia bread here.  I live in a white-bread-only city...  I will also plant watermelons.  They should be ripe by the end of summer, in case any of you would like to drop in for a late summer watermelon feast.

Finally, I also joined a painting class: oil, on canvas.  My first painting will be a prairie scene, a present for my dad on father's day.  My second painting will be a path, surrounded by a forest.  I'd like to say that there is a deep meaning for the second painting, but the simple truth is that I like paths, I like walking/hiking, and trees are easy to paint. :)

A few weeks ago I met some guys who love board games.  Two of them love Settlers, one loves Ticket to Ride (he has 200+ board games in his home!), and one loves Carcassone.  Sadly, none of them know Rook.  I foresee some board game nights in the future, accompanied by wine and heavy theological discussions (a perfect mix).

I go to Regina about once a week, which, compared to Moose Jaw, is certainly a large city.  I go there mainly to eat good restaurant food and to buy things I can't buy here.   The German Club there serves schnitzel that is as good as the schnitzel at Katzenjammer on West 10th.  The Indian food there's good, too, but let's not kid ourselves, it's no match for Al Watan.  Sadly, there is no Spanish or Mexican restaurant nearby.

Yesterday I went on a day trip to the Badlands (south-central Saskatchewan), a 2 hour drive.  There are some very beautiful rock formations there that are remnants of the last ice age.  It was a great trip that included a 7-km walk on a lovely warm day.  After returning home I worked on my 1000-piece puzzle, an activity I'm discovering is as therapeutic as ironing clothes or washing dishes.

I hope you're all doing well.  I carry you all in my heart.  Grace and Peace to all, always.
Edgar

A Daytrip To The Badlands

Watching the snow melt has been very good for my soul.  I knew it would be.

This morning, in celebration of Spring's arrival, I packed my backpack full of hiking gear, prepared a  sandwich, some fruits, and a litre of water, and got in my lovely Jetta, headed for Castle Butte, a clay "castle" in south-central Saskatchewan.

The drive was pleasant: 2 hours, mostly rolling hills, past Coronach, and to the area known as the Badlands.  The scenery is not sexy like the coast mountains, forests, or ocean, but it's beautiful and attractive in its own subtle way.  Beauty perhaps not expressed in terms of power and strength, but rather, gentleness and serenity.  Lovely hills and valleys.  Lakes.  Clouds with personality and character unseen and unknown in coastal places.

And upon arrival at the Badlands, again, another form of beauty.  Vast.  Immense.  Present.

Once near the Butte, I parked my car, and went for a hike, first to the Butte, then on along the dirt road.  I noticed that unlike in BC where tourism is everywhere - it's part and parcel of daily life in many places - today I felt that perhaps it was a novelty, for people to see someone walking around with a pack on his back.

The prime example of this was when, while walking, the owner of the property (Castle Butte is located on private property, another thing which baffles me) stopped her truck and asked me what I was doing.  Ummmm .. hiking?

Anyways, I did in the end hike about 7kms.  It felt so good.  Refreshing.  Invigorating.  I ate my lunch on top of a hill, overlooking the endless valley.  I prayed and read my Bible. 

Thick, dark clouds eventually rolled in and threatened to open up their vast water vaults, so I got up and began my journey back to the car.  It did rain on my way back, but only for a very short period of time, probably not even 10 minutes.  Luckily for me, the vaults of heaven did not open fully.  The clouds rolled on, saving their liquid blessings for some other place.

On my way back home I stopped at a few places to take more pictures.  More lakes.  More valleys.  More green.  I don't seem to get tired of taking pictures.

I got home near 7pm.  It was still warm and sunny outside.  Spring is definitely here.  I can't wait for summer.

Getting Out

It's been a cold winter not only in terms of the weather outside, but the climate in my heart, too, has been ice cold.

But in the past few weeks the weather warmed up quite a bit - from -10 to +20! - so much so that the snow is mostly melted!  It's amazing.

I've been waiting for this melt to happen, determined to get out there and experience the prairies in spring and summer.  And of course, I've also been hoping that the warming up outside would lead, or contribute to, an interior warming up.

Here are the projects I've proposed to myself.  I trust that they will help open my heart again towards fellowship and community with God, others, and myself.

Gardening: I've always liked "living things".  Creatures that grow.  Plants that respond to water and light.  We used to have dogs in our family: Struppi and Yanqui being the two most obvious examples.  I remember when Struppi died after being hit by a car, I was in tears for weeks.  And as silly as it may seem, giving 20 of my plants away when I moved here, was very hard for me.

Growing vegetables, in a community of gardeners, will be a new experience for me.  I plan on growing corn, carrots, onions, and potatoes.  Other possibilities are peas, beans, and zucchini.  Space permitting - my plot is only 10ft x 10ft - I will throw in a watermelon or two. :)

Fútbol: I mentioned previously that I was interested in joining a recreation soccer league.  Done!  I signed up, and tonight was our second game.  We lost both games, badly.  But even though we got our a$$es kicked, both games were invigorating.  Our team is mostly made up of young and enthusiastic players, many of them much fitter than I am, but I'm hoping that my past experience and skills will prove helpful.

Painting: I've always admired good art, and I've always lamented the fact that my best attempts at painting amount to little more than drawing stickmen.  Well, now's the chance to see if I can prove the theory that "you can't teach an old dog new tricks" wrong.  I've signed up for painting lessons.  My first one is next Saturday, May 25th.

Here's to Spring: new warmth, new light, new growth, new life.

Weekend in Calgary

I came back from Calgary today, after spending the last 4 days there at a conference.  Actually, the conference was 3 only days long, but I spent an extra day there to site-see.  It was a blessing to be there, not only for vocational reasons, but personal too.

The theme of the conference was healthcare, under the paradigm of the Good Samaritan.  I attended workshops on a range of topics, including the need for meditation in our lives (how refreshing: when's the last time you've heard a talk on meditation at a conference?!?), the future of Catholic healthcare in Canada, the importance of narrative (story-telling) in spiritual care, and the need to focus on the vulnerable in our society.  Wonderful.

Below is a picture of me after the session on Wednesday night.  I walked through downtown and was quite impressed.  I've been to Calgary a few times but don't remember it being as cosmopolitan as it seems now.

On Thursday night there was a special dinner.  Lizzy Hoyt was the special guest, and she and her band played beautifully.  I bought her cd afterwards.

The conference ended on Friday, so I spent Saturday checking out the city.  I took the LRT to a mall, bought some shoes, ate lunch at a Brazilian restaurant (I drank guarana, I ate feijoada!) .. mmmm!, and late afternoon went on a lengthy walk through a downtown park and up a hill from where I had a nice view of the city.

In the evening I went to a movie.

I returned to my hotel room late on Saturday night, tired.  And while I'd have enjoyed some company, I nevertheless felt blessed for having had the opportunity to be here.

Tomorrow it's back to work.  I'm still in a honeymoon stage, I wake up each morning - even Mondays! - looking forward to what's ahead on that day.  Weekends are usually harder, because I don't feel engaged, connected.  On Saturdays I sometimes even catch myself wishing that it was Sunday and that the next day is a work day.  

This whole experience - preferring Mondays to Fridays - is completely new for me.

Spring Has Arrived

I'm sitting at the Java Express, it's just after 2pm, and the city is buzzing.  The temperature today is surely the highest of the year: 21C.

I've been sitting here now for 2 hours, and I find myself asking "Where do all these people come from?"  Have they all been hiding in their homes until now, and the minute the weather warms up they all come out?

People are going through the Tunnels by the dozens.

Two girls from a soccer team are eating ice cream.

An elderly man bought himself a coffee and is reading a book.

 Plenty of others are buying iced teas and paninis.

A couple of tattooed rocker-wannabes walk by. 

Bikers eat pizza after a morning ride.

 A poor man collects food out of a garbage.  He's wearing jeans and a leather jacket.  No shirt unerneath.

A girl in her twenties walks by in her bright yellow summer dress.  She's in flip-flops, wearing sunglasses.

Young people are looking at the art displays in the coffee shop.

A daughter walks on Main Street with her wheelchair-bound mother.

Women with strollers. 

Indians wearing saris. 

A black man is holding a small boy in his arms.  The boy has a lighter colour, squinting eyes, but curly hair.  The man's wife is Asian.

A couple of middle-aged women walk by in lululemon tracksuits.

Farmers drive by in their big-o Ford trucks.

The streets are full: cars everywhere.  Dust.  Life.

Today, this city came out of a deep winter slumber.

Wednesday Fútbol

I've discovered a great group of guys who play fútbol here every Wednesday.  What a delight!

I've discovered a recreation soccer league too, which is scheduled to begin mid-May.  Hope alive!

My First Haircut ..

.. in the prairies.  It's going to take some time to find someone worthy of my trust.

Spiritual Direction

Over the past couple of years I've contemplated the idea of getting a spiritual director.  Someone who will journey with me, accompany me in my pilgrimage towards heaven.

Spiritual Direction is not really a part of the ecclesial tradition I grew up in, and this tradition is the less for it.  Regardless, my inner pain has exploded and overwhelmed me this past year to an extent that is hard to put into words.  Life has become a stream of desolation.  I find it hard to distinguish up from down, light from dark, good from bad, right from wrong.

This reality has prompted me to intensify my search for such a companion, and thanks be to God, because after a number of emails and phone calls with a number of directors, I found someone I'm going to begin meeting regularly with.

Yesterday was my first meeting.  I was in such spiritual agony at the beginning of our visit that I just about burst into tears.  I had to concentrate really hard while speaking, so as to prevent myself from breaking down.  It was an exercise in self control.  But at the same time, even though I can't explain how or why, I felt a tremendous sense of relief (something perhaps akin to an unloading of burdens) throughout our visit.

I'm mildly optimistic about our future encounters.  Going forward, we will meet the 3rd Saturday of each month.

Regina Requiem

Sanity is a good thing, and to maintain (regain) my own, I need to leave town at least once every 14 days and head to Regina.  Today was one of those days.

I went shopping for some household stuff, I went for a nice Indian lunch buffet, but I also did a fair bit of sightseeing, and this, in -20 weather!

Below are pictures of Wascana Park, a park right in the middle of the city.  The park's quite scenic, even in the winter.  There's a lake right in the middle, surrounded by a network of walkays, bridges, and trees.  The cultural crown of the park is probably the provincial legislative buildings, although a music concert hall and the university grounds are also very near.  I look forward to exploring the surroundings come spring/summer time.

In the evening I attended the Regina Symphony Orchestra (RSO), which performs at the arts centre just across from the park.  They played Brahm's German Requiem, an amazing piece of work.  A requiem is a solemn song or chant or Mass, in honour of the dead, or for the repose of the dead. Accompanied by a 200+ voice-strong choir, tonight's concert was the cultural highlight of my stay in the prairies thus far.

My favourite piece is the opening song, based on Matthew 5:4 and Psalm 126:5-6.

Selig sind, die da Leiden tragen, denn sie sollen getrösted werden. 

Die mit Tränen säen, werden mit Freuden ernten.
Sie gehen hin und weinen und tragen edlen Samen, 

und kommen mit Freuden und bringen ihre Garben.  

Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, 

shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

But while tonight's concert was the highlight of my stay here thus far, it was at once also the most painful event.  I've said elsewhere that I think God has a terrible (as in, awesome) sense of humour, and in a poignant way this became evident to me again today, when late in the afternoon - just before going to the symphony, actually - it became clear to me that the most significant and consistent friendship I've had in the past 5 years is, well, dead.

After hours and hours of investment - energy, effort, emotions, my very soul - the final result is disconnection, alienation, disappointment, even disillusionment.  I cannot go on like this, I cannot continue overextending myself, trying to save something, someone, that was lost a year ago, if not longer.  Things need to change.  They must change.  My very survival depends on it.  I must turn away from death and embrace new life.

So today's Requiem, then, is more than a musical piece honouring the deceased.  Today's Requiem has deep personal implications.  An acknowledgement of the past, a cherishing of the Good in this past, a recognition of the hurtful, the unwise, and the broken, and a trusting move towards healing, a surrendering (once more) into the arms of Providence.

In the coming days and weeks I will need to come to terms with this death.  How, I don't know.  But it seems to me that a great starting point is found in the Scriptures, which Brahms made such wonderful use of in his matsterpiece.

Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed,

shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

At least for me, they provide a foundational starting point for making sense of brokenness, inviting me to contemplate the Hope that lies beyond the here and now.  

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have Mercy on me, a Sinner.

Visiting Francis

One of the things that I think I will like about my new job is travelling.  It's nice to "get away" (escape?) from the known context every now and then, and experience something different.  To be sure, I wont do a lot of traveling, but I imagine 1 or 2 times a year I'll travel out of province, while 3-4 times I'll leave to go to places like Saskatoon or Regina.

Today was one of those days.  I left home around 7, in snowy, wintery conditions, headed for Saskatoon.

I spent the day there in meetings with Francis.  He was a good host.  The main theme of our meeting was orientation around the vision and mission of our organization.  Time well-spent.

We ate ribblings at Tony Roma's for lunch.  It's been a long time since I've eaten at that joint (we used to have one in Vancouver), and I'd forgotten how good the food was there.

At the end of the day I went to the Adidas outlet store and bought myself a soccer jersey.  Then I went downtown for a coffee before heading home.

It was a good day, but I felt a profound sense of desolation during the drive back home.  I'm spending too much time on my own.

Postcards

Late last week I went to the local tourism office to pick up postcards.  The quality of poscards in this city leaves much to be desired, but nevertheless, I sent out somewhere in the neighbourhood of 10 postcards to friends on the West Coast.

On Saturday night, on my way to the Vigil, I mailed them.

Quiet Prairie Easter

This year's Easter weekend was a rather quiet time for me.

I attended the morning service at St. Aidan on Good Friday.

Then on Saturday evening I attended the Vigil at St. Joseph's.

Finally, on Sunday morning I went to St. Aidan's Easter celebration.  I love the welcoming words of Easter Sunday mornings:

Minister: Christ is Risen!

All: He is Risen Indeed!

Sunday morning I was pleasantly surprised to hear church bells ringing on my way to church.  It reminded me of Europe.

Psalm 145: Praise God!

I learned a few years ago that a good strategy for a speaker to get the attention of his listeners is to “hook” them into the talk, into the sermon, so what I’m going to do to get your attention is tell a joke.  It's a joke about relationships, so it's entirely appropriate for this occasion here today...

Here goes:

A husband and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip that the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose, and drive a dog team instead of a car.

“If we decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?” he asked his wife.

She replied, “You.”

Apparently he didn’t get the memo: she’s not as excited about moving to Alaska as he is....


Introduction

Some of you may have heard of St. Augustine. Augustine was a Christian who lived in the 5th century, and he is known for a very beautiful quote. He said the following:

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.” it’s a wonderful truth: “You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

This is a simple yet hard truth. We go through our lives searching for meaning, searching for something, someone, to complete us and bring fulfillment. And when we don’t find it, we become restless. The culture that we live in has a couple of answers for this restlessness, but the one that we perhaps encounter most often is to keep ourselves busy. We are told to do more, to be more, to buy more, to accomplish more, and on and on the list goes. In the end, though, our hearts remain restless. Until they meet God.

“You have made us for yourself, O Lord, and our heart is restless until it rests in you.”

We are made to admire, we are created to adore, we are created to be in awe of something, someone bigger than us, and according to the reading that we just heard, the Lord is the answer to our quest. Look no further. “Praise God. For he is great. For he is good. Let everyone praise the Lord.”

That’s how I would summarize our reading: I will praise God! For he is great! For he is good! Let everyone praise the Lord!

There are two points I’d like to briefly highlight with you today: the greatness of God, and the goodness of God. At the end I will try to put these two into the context of God’s kingdom, because it seems to me that this is what David had in mind hen he wrote the Psalm, but let me begin by focusing on the two points of the Psalm:

God’s greatness. And God’s goodness.


The Lord is Great
God’s greatness - his grandeur - is evident in the comprehensiveness of the world that we see and experience around us. God’s glory is revealed in creation: From the vast skies to the immense ocean; from the massive mountains to the still and serene prairies, from the jungles to the desert to the arctic, all of these places reveal to us the greatness of God. And this is just planet earth.

The place we call earth is a tiny planet, a speck, inside the Milky Way galaxy. So small is the earth, it can fit into the sun 960,000 times, and the sun is only one of hundreds of billions of stars in our galaxy. And that’s just one galaxy, our galaxy. I understand that as of today, there are around 100 billion galaxies. So, our galaxy is but a small neighbourhood, a “cul-de-sac” in the known cosmos.

This is the God that David is talking about in Psalm 145. I hope we get an idea about the vastness of God.

Let me continue.

Have you ever noticed how reliable the world that we live in is? Everything is ordered according to the seasons of the year, according to the seasons of life, according to the needs of the day. Nothing is left unchecked, unaccounted for. We experience the world as reliable, balanced, and generous. There is a regularity to the world - the sun comes up every morning (well not here on the west coast, but in pretty much the rest of the world it does), and goes down every night - an order that we can trust, and this equilibrium, this coherence, is what our Psalm today celebrates.

I want to stop here briefly and include marriage, what we’re celebrating here today - 50 years of life together - as part of this created order. Marriage provides a stability in our society that no other institution can match.

I recently went on a long prayer walk in Spain, and I met a guy from Germany there while on the walk, and as we got to talking, he lamented his failed marriage. “I’ve already lost my wife. Now I’m afraid of losing my two daughters too. I love them both so much”, he said.

Stability. Mom and dad: we are the fruit of your love, and we are blessed to have been nurtured, raised, and cared for by you. Well, I think for the most part. I don’t know what happened to Melanie and Ted....

God reveals himself to us, he blesses us and speaks to us, through the world that he has made. And the right response to this experience of the world that we live in is one of praise and gratitude.

Something very interesting if not obvious to us who read the Psalm in English is that it was written in a very particular way in the original Hebrew. Every verse begins with a successive letter of the alphabet, in sequence, from A to Z (verse 1 begins with the letter A, verse 2 with the letter B, verse 3 with the letter C, and so on and so forth, until the last verse, which begins with the letter Z). It seems that David must have had something very particular in mind when he wrote it: What do you think David was trying to accomplish when he wrote it this way?

I think David was trying to communicate meaning, order and beauty in a praise poem. He wanted to let us know that God created the universe, and there’s nothing that he missed: from A to Z, it’s comprehensive, complete, orderly, amazing, and meaningful. The order in this Psalm is but a small reflection of the greater coherence of God’s creation. That’s why he begins with awestruck amazement: “I will extol you, my God and King, and bless your name forever and ever.” (145:1).

God is great.


The Lord is Good
The second point I’d like to make is that God is good. Here we are referring to God’s faithfulness and loyalty: the Lord is “gracious and merciful”, patient, and “abounding in steadfast love” (145:8).

God cares for all of his creation, but his attention is directed especially towards people, and even more particularly, the weak and the needy. “The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.” (145:14). The wording here is decisive and intentional: God’s heart breaks for those who are empty-handed, those who depend completely on Him.

I know that some people find this problematic: how can God love some more than others? But it’s not like that. God’s care for the vulnerable is similar to parents who pay special attention to one of their children when they are sick or when they need extra attention. They love all their children, but their hearts break for the ones who need it most. The difference is that we are flawed when we do it, but God isn’t. We don’t always see the full picture, but God always gets it right.

God cares for us, and he is near to us when we call upon him. In a world where the newspapers, tv, and the internet bombard us with messages of self-protection - fend for yourselves, look out for number one because it’s a dog-eat-dog world where only the fittest survive - God’s goodness confronts us with a radically different way of being, that of resting in him and asking him to provide for our needs.

He doesn’t promise to give us the perfect life - we’ve all experienced losses, I don’t want to take those for granted: but he does promise us a way through - not around, but through - difficulties. He asks us to trust him. He watches over us.

How blessed we have been in our family, when it comes to prayer! From a young age on, prayer has always been a part of our family life, and whenever I talk with my parents on the phone even now, they often end our conversations with “We always pray for you.” That’s a gift. And prayer is a part of our meals too: before a meal mom or dad usually says a few - sometimes many - words about what we’re celebrating, followed by a prayer...  What a blessing.

If you are down and out, wondering where you fit into this world: this is for you. If you have doubts and fears about your future: this is for you. If you have a past that haunts you and wont let you move forward: this is for you. If you’ve committed terrible mistakes and can’t forgive yourself: this is for you.

If your heart is restless, then know this: God is for you, not against you. God is for me. God is for us.


The Upside Down Kingdom
I’d like to now come back to the kingdom of God and then wrap things up. David describes his relationship with God as that of an admiring, awestruck servant in God’s kingdom: “I will [praise] you, my God and King. . . Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom...” (145:1, 13a).

Many years after this Psalm was written, we read in the gospel of Luke, that the angel Gabriel appeared to the virgin Mary and announced to her that she would conceive in her womb and bear a son, Jesus, and that the throne would be his, and he would reign forever, and of his kingdom there would be no end (Luke 1:31-33).

Mary, in complete spiritual poverty replied with the words that we all know: “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38). She too describes herself as his servant.

But what she said next is equally striking: “[God] has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate; he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent empty away.” (Luke 1:52-53). Compare these words with David’s words: “The Lord upholds all who are falling and raises up all who are bowed down.” (145:14).

I don’t know if Mary had Psalm 145 on her lips when she responded the way she did, but her response seems to echo David here. The God of David - although he couldn’t have known it at the time - and the king that the angel Gabriel announced, converge in the person of Jesus Christ.

And the kingdom of God which David praises and looks forward to, is the same kingdom that Mary rejoices in at the annunciation. God’s everlasting kingdom is ushered in by Jesus Christ, and whenever our hearts are turned towards him, the kingdom of God is at work.

The unity of Scripture here is amazing. God’s greatness and his goodness reach their highest point in the person of Jesus Christ. He is the one who satisfies our restless hearts, because he is the one who made us, and because he is the one who now wants to renew our hearts and our minds, and in time, our bodies too. I think no one says it better than the apostle Paul.

Referring to Christ, he says, 6 “who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” (Phil 2:6-11).

Tomorrow is Palm Sunday, when we remember Jesus entering Jerusalem on the way to Golgotha. He rides on a donkey, and the people, crowding along the side of the road, wanting to get a glimpse of him, they shout out loud, rejoicing and praising God for the mighty works that they had seen: “Blessed is the King who comes in the name of the Lord!” (Luke 19:36-38).

In the coming week we will journey through the Passion of Christ together: the Last Supper, the crucifixion, Christ’s death, and then finally, his resurrection.

My prayer is that this Easter would be a time when we can reflect on the glorious majesty, and the humble goodness of God. May our hearts find rest in him: Praise God. For he is good. For he is great. Let everyone praise the Lord.

Amen.

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This was my homily for this past weekend's 50th wedding anniversary of my parents. I hope that even in a small measure, their love for each other and God was kindled.

Questionmarks

I didn't go to church in the morning.  I've said my good-byes to my faith community here.  Instead, I hiked up the BCMC trail with my good friend Shane.  We always have good conversations that spark life within us, even though our tales often include elements of heartbreak and loss.

After the hike I returned to Abbotsford for a late lunch with family.  We reminisced about yesterday's anniversary celebration.  Mom kept saying how well I spoke, but she said it so often that I think she's trying to lift my animo.  She's definitely overcompensating.

Late afternoon I drove back to Vancouver and met up with Jennifer.  More bittersweet moments.  More joy mixed in with angst and uncertainty.

How I've missed her.  We got caught up on our lives, our journeys (literal and figurative).  We ate dinner at, where else, Al Watan.  We went for a long walk, from her apartment all the way around False Creek and then across the Cambie Street bridge and back to her apartment.  Throughout the evening, and especially during the walk, I did much talking.  I expressed my thoughts and ambitions to her clearly.

I know that she's not much of a talker.  That's what's so attractive about her.  She remained true to her character.  But this time around, her silence was different.  I wonder if it signified a more profound distance, a more pronounced alienation.

Tomorrow I return to Moose Jaw.  My heart is at peace currently, but I know that I will be anxious tomorrow come fly-time.

I'm not sure when we will see each other again.

50 Years!

In the morning I managed to hike the BCMC (much to the chigrin of my worrisome mother: "You'll get injured", "You wont make it back in time for the celebration", etc etc...).

At 11am I had a haircut appointment.

Everything went according to plan.

Then at 4pm, the celebration started: 50 years of mom and dad.  The Lord is Great!

The program went off without too many glitches.  Come to think of it, there were no major glitches whatsoever.  Perhaps a shortage of humour (thanks to Dylan and Natasha there was a little humour anyways), perhaps a few off key musical pieces, but that's normal.

I spoke on Psalm 145, "The Lord is Great".  I have to admit, I'm questioning my suitability for speaking on this text.  I'm in a dark place personally, and wish I could "feel" more of the greatness of the Lord.  I "know" it cerebrally, but I don't "feel" it, at least not lately.  May the Lord have pity on me and lead me through this time.

But I'm so grateful for my parents.  They are an icon of the love of God for us: steady, unwavering, faithful, long-suffering, kind, generous, selfless, forgiving, loving.

Thank you Lord, for mom and dad.  I pray for their relationship.  May their love for each other continue to mirror the love that you have for us.  May their marriage continue to be a sacrament of your love for all, oh God.  Amen.

Made It .. Just Barely!

This morning at 7 I woke up to another 20 cms of new snow on the ground.  It wasn't looking good.  There's a local company that shuttles passengers to the Regina airport, I thought maybe they would have a way of getting there despite the road closures, but no luck.

8am came, nothing.  More snow.  High winds.  Road closures everywhere.

9am, it stopped snowing.  Still, roads were closed.  I'm frantically studying maps, weather forecasts, news reports.

10am, still no news.  My flight is at 2pm.

10:20, and highway 1 opens, according to a local website.

I bundle up, grab all my stuff and race out the door.  Snow everywhere.  It took me about 15 minutes to "unearth" my car, but I eventually make it on the road.

Below are some of the scenes I encountered on my one-and-a-quarter-hour trip into the city.  At first, a jam-packed caravan along the highway.  Then, the separation of the sheep (slow drivers) and the goats (crazy drivers).  I rarely side with the slowpokes.  This time I did.

There was a fierce wind throughout the drive.  Visibility was not good at all.

Stranded cars and semis all along the highway.

Alas, here I am, in balmy Abbotsford.  The weather was a warm +9.  Cloudy, with the sun breaking in. 

Ralph and dad picked me up from the airport.  Great to see them both.

Tonight I just hung out with mom and dad.

Tomorrow I want to hike the Grouse Grind early in the morning, then get a haircut, before returning to Abbotsford for the anniversary.  I'm going to be speaking at it, on Psalm 145: Great is the Lord!

Snowed In

I'm supposed to be in BC for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary this upcoming weekend, but we've had a(nother) massive snowfall overnight, so the highways are closed and I was unable to catch my flight.  It's been nothing but snow here since my arrival two months ago!

I had to call the airline and tell them I'm unable to get to the airport.  They were generous enough to reschedule it for me for tomorrow.  That is, assuming the highways will be open by then!

I'm not going to deny that I'm disappointed to have missed the flight.  I just hope that tomorrow the roads'll be open.

Main And High

Yesterday early afternoon, after going to the gym, I went around the city, taking pictures.  Blistering cold and windy, but worth it.

These pics are from Main and High St.

The second picture shows the sun going down in the distance.  5:38pm.

My favourite picture is the fourth one: a pub, right beside the church.  I'll have to check it out soon.  The pub, of course...

White Stuff

People will probably think that the title refers to drugs or something, but I hate to disappoint them (you).  I'm talking about something that gives me a better high: snow.  I just love the stuff.

Here's me outside my apartment.  My new car is also in the picture.  I'm loving my new Jetta.

 Below is the soccer field.  No soccer anytime soon.

However, good news: I discovered an indoor sports centre in town with amazing soccer facilities.  Not only soccer, but there's a walking track around the field, and there's a very fine fitness centre too.  Costs for single workouts are a bit steep, but hey, in this weather, I'm not going to complain about having to pay premium to work out indoors.

It's -20 out.  Snowy.  Windy.