Goodbye Meals

Aas I'm preparing for my move to central Canada I'm saying goodbye to people who to a greater or lesser degree have been part of my life.  They have all played a significant part in forming me into the person I am today.

So far I have met up with Juan and Juanita (snowshoeing), Ben, Glenn, Tom, David, Phil, Loretta, and Hugh.  Hugh I will see a few more times before leaving.

I still have visits planned with James and Rosanna, Missla, Clau and Hugh, Sandra, Mike B, and Connie.

I also hope to say a proper goodbye to my fùtbol friends, although admittedly, there's an added difficult element in saying goodbye to them.  It's just so strange not to have her as part of that group.

Driving Around

It's done.  Yesterday I signed the job offer papers, then met my new management coworkers.  I'm moving here sometime towards the end of February.

Today I spent the day driving around in my rental car.  I drove to Regina and saw Wascana Park and St. Albert St.  It's hard to gauge a place in such cold (-20) weather.  Very few people are out on foot, obviously; everyone goes about their business by car.

I also drove to a local lake, about 30kms away.  The lake's situated in a valley (hardly a valley in BC, but here any dip is a valley it seems, and any rise is a hill), and it was interesting to see the difference in landscape and vegetation at the lake.  Lots of trees, for one, something this part of the country lacks.  I also saw a herd of deer.  I felt like a bit of an ignoramus when I saw them, because I wondered "Don't they get cold in this temperature?"  Apparently not...

Driving here is quite different.  The roads are straight and flat.  The scenery is likewise, flat.  In the past I'd have been tempted to call the flatlands boring, but I think something's twisted in that description.  I guess I'll be exploring that thought in the coming weeks and months.

This week has been full of ups and downs.  Tuesday was devastating.  Wednesday was positive.  Thursday was again, depressing.  I can't shake her from my being.  I'm just so in love with her.  Friday began horribly when I found out that the apartment I'd hoped to rent was rented out from under my nose.  But 2 hours later I found an apartment that is in almost every way better than the previous one - Providence - and didn't hesitate to go for it.  Below is a picture of the building. It stems from the colonial era.  Today was good, because I was out and about (in addition to driving around I also went to the Warriors hockey game in the evening).

I'm tired, and watching tennis on tv. Tomorrow I fly back to Vancouver.

A Positive Day

I woke up around 7, and was out of the hotel by 7:30.  By 8:30 I was at my new workplace.

I had a number of meetings, with the CEO, with the Director of Care, and I even attended an Ethics meeting.  The overall image that I got from the organization - the people, the facility - is very positive.  Very encouraging.

I have a rental car, and so did do a bit of driving around the city.  It was substantially colder today, around -10ish.  Mid-afternoon it started snowing.  I like snow, it beats rain.

In the evening I once again went to the gym for a workout.  Afterwards I made the mistake of checking out the pool, not to swim, but just to see it.  I was immediately overwhelmed with a massive sadness: will I ever visit my best friend's pool again?

Other than that I also watched some Australian Open tennis.

Visiting The Prairies

About a week and a half ago my new employer called me and suggested that I come and visit my new workplace.  He rightly sensed that I'm massively conflicted about this move.

I accepted his offer, and am in the city that one street sign described as the "friendly city".  I arrived here earlier today.  The temperature is a mild +2, a bit unexpected.

My new boss picked me up from the airport, then we drove an hour to get here.  He gave me a quick tour by car, but it's hard to gauge what this place is really like.  It was dark by the time we got here.

I'm staying in a hotel.  Upon arrival here I was so conflicted that I broke down and wept.  I lay in my bed, numb.

I feel so spiritually low that I'm having a hard time even talking to God.  My spiritual radar is frozen.  I feel abandoned and stuck.  Words do not adequately express the desolation that I experience.

I did find the energy to go for a workout in the gym shortly after 9pm.  I walked 3kms on the treadmill.

Tomorrow morning at 8am I will visit my new workplace.

I will be here until Sunday.

No More Books

I've made the decision to buy no books in 2013, so today I went to the bookstore one last time (I promise!), and bought a few books.

I bought Adam: God's Beloved and Aging, both by Henri Nouwen, and Monopolizing Knowledge, by Ian Hutchinson.

The reason I've decided to fast from buying books is because I'm not sure I'm being faithful to my own convictions when I amass so many books on my shelf.  I have close to 300 of them, of which I've probably only read about 150.

I've been telling myself that buying books is "permissible" so long as I open my library to others.  In other words, others benefit from my books, and that's a good thing.  But I wonder if that cuts it.  There are other options.  The public library (not to mention the amazing local theological library) has these same books, I could get them from there, and so could others.  That would certainly save me a whack of money each year and make me a better steward of my financial resources.

Then there's the consumerism factor.  I, like most others, like to buy things.  Having so many unread books on my shelves surely points towards a consumerist tendency, doesn't it?  I mean, why else do I have so many books that I haven't read yet?  How is that different from buying a pair of shoes that "I might wear sometime", or a cd that would be "nice to have".  I think there's a theological double-standard at work here: collecting shoes is not ok, but collecting books is.

Finally, and this is the most important point, maybe buying books is more an expression of spiritual pride than serving my neighbour.  Let's call a spade a spade: it's nice to show others my theological library.  That, after all, tells them that "I'm spiritual" and "close to God".  Another lie from Woodworm...

So, according to my life vows - simplicity, moderation, balance, stability (commitment), change (continuous conversion - my rule of life, I need to get this area of my life under control.

So, no more books for the rest of 2013.  I promise...

A New Year .. A New Beginning

Early this morning, at 12:52am, I accepted the job offer (before they get second thoughts and play with me even more!).

Three minutes after accepting the offer I emailed my best friend to tell her of my decision.  I wrote: "It's a bittersweet decision for me.  On the one hand, it's an excellent opportunity.  It's a management position, with great opportunity for service, growth and learning.  On the other hand, I'm sad because I'm leaving family, friends, and a beautiful city (Grouse Mtn.) behind.  Most of all, I'm sad because I will miss your beautiful face, your warm friendship, and your lovely company."

Bittersweet.  An understatement.

Then, shortly after 1am I emailed the rest of my great and wonderful friends: "Hi friends.  I've decided to move to ... Saskatchewan, to take on a Pastoral Care position there at a health care facility.  As others.... can surely verify, moving brings with it bittersweet emotions: there's the challenge of new growth and learning; but there's also the pain (grieving!) of leaving loved ones behind.  I will surely miss all of you.

I am set to begin the new job in mid-February, but I hope to spend a good deal of time with you before I leave (preferably over a glass of wine and board games)!  Of course, family and friends still being here means that I will make a point of visiting this city as often as possible.

Before I leave I also hope to have a going away dinner, and would love it if you can come.  I will email you when that time comes.

Grace, Joy, and Peace to you all as we begin this new year."

Indeed, Grace, Joy, and Peace to all, Lord Jesus, beginning with me!

I've heard it said that the real Camino begins after the Camino in Spain is finished.  I think this sentiment is in the process of becoming a reality as we speak.

Lord, have Mercy on me.

Job Offer .. Let's Try This Again

I've never experienced anything like this before.

Three days ago I got a job offer, and then 3 hours later it was promptly withdrawn.  Confusion.

Immediately afterwards I called and left a VM for Francis: "What's going on?"

This morning he returned my call.

He couldn't believe what had happened (the original offer didn't come from him) and proceeded to tell me step-by-step the sequence of events.  It's a comedy of errors, truthfully, which I shall not repeat here.

But the offer is back on the table.

And the crazy thing is, I'm going to accept it.  I have to.  I see Providence all over this scenario.

I will likely move to the prairies in mid-February, and begin work a week or two after that.

I'm so torn I can't even put words to it.  It's such a bittersweet scenario, at once, both, the best and the worst possible scenario.  Vocationally, this move may be the one I've been looking for and preparing for: finally, the last 15 years make sense!  But personally, this move represents a(nother) massive failure relationally.