I really am beginning to hate my job. This must change. Something must change soon.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
More Ticket To Ride
I didn't work today, which I'm sure added to the reason it was such a good day.
The highlight of the day was .. surprise surprise .. playing board games with da gang. I picked up Sanjit at around 4pm, and then drove to Alfonso's, stopping off at Regent and Timmy Horton's beforehand.
At Alfonso's, the same people (except Juan) convened as two nights ago. We played three rounds of the game: I came in 2nd, 1st, and 1st, respectively. I slept peacefully, like a baby, utterly content in my victories.
Alfonso also made a simple but good meal, the kind of meal that I really like: pasta in a tomato and chicken sauce.
New Year's approaching in a few nights.
Jennifer's also returning soon from HK. I haven't missed her that much. I think it's because of our ambiguous and confusing location on the relational map. This chapter needs to sort itself out. I really hope I have the strength to stick to my words this time: we're off until such time as some core spiritual issues are dealt with.
The highlight of the day was .. surprise surprise .. playing board games with da gang. I picked up Sanjit at around 4pm, and then drove to Alfonso's, stopping off at Regent and Timmy Horton's beforehand.
At Alfonso's, the same people (except Juan) convened as two nights ago. We played three rounds of the game: I came in 2nd, 1st, and 1st, respectively. I slept peacefully, like a baby, utterly content in my victories.
Alfonso also made a simple but good meal, the kind of meal that I really like: pasta in a tomato and chicken sauce.
New Year's approaching in a few nights.
Jennifer's also returning soon from HK. I haven't missed her that much. I think it's because of our ambiguous and confusing location on the relational map. This chapter needs to sort itself out. I really hope I have the strength to stick to my words this time: we're off until such time as some core spiritual issues are dealt with.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Futbol, Ticket to Ride Europe
Today can be summed up in three words: "futbol", and "board game".
I slept in in the morning - wow, did I feel great when I woke up!
Early afternoon I went down to Jonathan Rogers Park and played soccer with my fantastic futbol friends. We played from about 1:30- 3:30pm. Fourteen people came, which made for a good and competitive game. The field was also in reasonably good conditions - not frozen hard, and not too muddy.
After the game we came over to my place, about 5 or 6 of us, and drank coffee, tea, and ate pannetonne and other sweets for a bit. Later on we got out "Ticket to Ride Europe", ordered some pizza, and played until half past midnight. What a great night. I enjoyed myself so much. The people who played were Veronica, Benja, Sanjit, Alfonso, Juan and I. Juan hung around for the first game but had to leave early. Vero won both games. I came last place in the first game, and second in the second game.
It was probably the best day of the month.
I slept in in the morning - wow, did I feel great when I woke up!
Early afternoon I went down to Jonathan Rogers Park and played soccer with my fantastic futbol friends. We played from about 1:30- 3:30pm. Fourteen people came, which made for a good and competitive game. The field was also in reasonably good conditions - not frozen hard, and not too muddy.
After the game we came over to my place, about 5 or 6 of us, and drank coffee, tea, and ate pannetonne and other sweets for a bit. Later on we got out "Ticket to Ride Europe", ordered some pizza, and played until half past midnight. What a great night. I enjoyed myself so much. The people who played were Veronica, Benja, Sanjit, Alfonso, Juan and I. Juan hung around for the first game but had to leave early. Vero won both games. I came last place in the first game, and second in the second game.
It was probably the best day of the month.
Saturday, December 26, 2009
Christmas Day In Abbotsford II
During breakfast this morning mother said to me something along the lines of the following: "From where did you get this mentality about not giving presents"? I think I gave some kind of philosophical answer, but what I really should have said was the truth: "The Bible."
It was actually a very good day. I had a good conversation with mom and dad. I was able to admit my feelings of inadequacy in my current state of life. I refer here to basically two issues: vocation and marriage. I find that the vocational question bothers me more than the marriage question. However, the two are related. Everything in life seems to be related.
For the afternoon our whole family met at Tante Erika's. I dreaded going there, but in truth, it was a very good afternoon and evening. Aside from the great (Mennonite) food, there was also very good company. I spent the afternoon talking to my cousins, mostly, all of whom have their unique viewpoints, talents, and struggles that they bring to the table.
We also played a great board game that I got for Christmas: "Ticket to Ride Europe." The game lasted about two hours, and it has similar combination of strategy and luck that "Risk" has (without the focus on warfare and world domination), but it takes at the most 2 hours to complete.
I got home from Abbotsford around 9pm.
It was actually a very good day. I had a good conversation with mom and dad. I was able to admit my feelings of inadequacy in my current state of life. I refer here to basically two issues: vocation and marriage. I find that the vocational question bothers me more than the marriage question. However, the two are related. Everything in life seems to be related.
For the afternoon our whole family met at Tante Erika's. I dreaded going there, but in truth, it was a very good afternoon and evening. Aside from the great (Mennonite) food, there was also very good company. I spent the afternoon talking to my cousins, mostly, all of whom have their unique viewpoints, talents, and struggles that they bring to the table.
We also played a great board game that I got for Christmas: "Ticket to Ride Europe." The game lasted about two hours, and it has similar combination of strategy and luck that "Risk" has (without the focus on warfare and world domination), but it takes at the most 2 hours to complete.
I got home from Abbotsford around 9pm.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Christmas In Abbotsford I
I worked until around 3pm today, before I finally took off and went home. There's something deeply wrong with working on Christmas Eve.
I got home tired, and decided not to go to church in Abbotsford with family. By the sounds of it, I missed a very good Christmas program. But I knew that the next 1.5 days would be busy and hectic, so I decided to sleep at home until 6 instead, before heading out to the Valley.
Once at home, the usual Christmas Feast - Feast here is the appropriate word - was served by mom. Afterwards we sat around the table and conversed, before heading to the living room and made ourselves comfortable. Around 10pm we began what for most people is the highlight of the evening, but what for me is increasingly becoming a burden: the opening of presents, and all the hoopla that goes along with that.
I got home tired, and decided not to go to church in Abbotsford with family. By the sounds of it, I missed a very good Christmas program. But I knew that the next 1.5 days would be busy and hectic, so I decided to sleep at home until 6 instead, before heading out to the Valley.
Once at home, the usual Christmas Feast - Feast here is the appropriate word - was served by mom. Afterwards we sat around the table and conversed, before heading to the living room and made ourselves comfortable. Around 10pm we began what for most people is the highlight of the evening, but what for me is increasingly becoming a burden: the opening of presents, and all the hoopla that goes along with that.
There's no simplicity left in Christmas. The simple manger of the baby Jesus has become the glitz of coloured wrapping paper and bows. The month-long Advent season - the season we prepare for the Son of God becoming the Son of Man, has become the month-long season of shopping. The worst of it is that the Church has bought right into this farce.
Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on us.
Thursday, December 24, 2009
From Silence To Peace
I've been reading Mother Teresa's book Come be my light over the past month. She inspires me in a way that few other women do. On page 315, near the end of the book, this poem of hers appears:
The fruit of silence is prayer,
The fruit of prayer is faith,
The fruit of faith is love,
The fruit of love is service,
The fruit of service is peace.
This poem can serve as a Rule of Life or steady foundation, a strong anchor that keeps us from floating aimlessly in the seas of life.
The fruit of prayer is faith,
The fruit of faith is love,
The fruit of love is service,
The fruit of service is peace.
This poem can serve as a Rule of Life or steady foundation, a strong anchor that keeps us from floating aimlessly in the seas of life.
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Meeting The Bishop
This past Sunday I met the visiting bishop at church. We had a very brief conversation and he offered to meet up with me to discuss vocational discernment. That meeting happened today. I met him from 9-10am (I took the time off work) at church, and generally speaking, the meeting went well.
He made some insightful comments:
* he sees me as an introvert/extrovert (he saw me preach last night at Evensong). This means that I prefer to be alone most of the time, but don't mind the occasional group/large crowd event. In church matters, this translates to having a strong preference for inward-focused activities (sermon preparation, prayer, reading, or perhaps one-on-one or small group meetings) over engagements involving many people (leading church services). The bishop is right on.
* given the above, church planting is out vocationally, unless I'm under the leadership of an extrovert. The bishop is right again. A church planter is a salesman, basically, and that I'm not. In fact, there's nothing I fear more than having to make a sale. Actually, I wonder whether my personality type is suitable for any sort of leadership, even in a context where the church is already established. I see myself as someone who provides balance, perspective, stability, steadfastness, and long-suffering, and a leader often needs to do the opposite: rock the boat, shake things up, make the hard calls, confront.
* the final comment that I found helpful was also a comment that was painful - how typical. He mentioned that he heard my sermon last night and he didn't feel "inspired" at all. He felt that my delivery was "well crafted", "well prepared", and theologically "true", but too "mechanical", "rehearsed." He mentioned that I did not make myself vulnerable during the sermon by showing my personality or my sense of humour. I did not take any risks, but instead, I hid behind the comfort of my written sermon. When he left the church, the question he was asking himself was "Why should I care about what I just heard in the sermon?" To him, I did not answer that question. That's a hard indictment. But I feel that again, he is right. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable. I feel I will be rejected by the listeners, I feel that I'll be rejected by the church.
Oh and one last thing. He preached on Sunday, and his sermon was actually less than inspiring also. He'd memorized everything and smiled throughout the sermon, but even so, he didn't connect with me. I guess we're even. Good thing God makes use of whatever we give him, because if he had any higher expectations, he'd be greatly disappointed.
He made some insightful comments:
* he sees me as an introvert/extrovert (he saw me preach last night at Evensong). This means that I prefer to be alone most of the time, but don't mind the occasional group/large crowd event. In church matters, this translates to having a strong preference for inward-focused activities (sermon preparation, prayer, reading, or perhaps one-on-one or small group meetings) over engagements involving many people (leading church services). The bishop is right on.
* given the above, church planting is out vocationally, unless I'm under the leadership of an extrovert. The bishop is right again. A church planter is a salesman, basically, and that I'm not. In fact, there's nothing I fear more than having to make a sale. Actually, I wonder whether my personality type is suitable for any sort of leadership, even in a context where the church is already established. I see myself as someone who provides balance, perspective, stability, steadfastness, and long-suffering, and a leader often needs to do the opposite: rock the boat, shake things up, make the hard calls, confront.
* the final comment that I found helpful was also a comment that was painful - how typical. He mentioned that he heard my sermon last night and he didn't feel "inspired" at all. He felt that my delivery was "well crafted", "well prepared", and theologically "true", but too "mechanical", "rehearsed." He mentioned that I did not make myself vulnerable during the sermon by showing my personality or my sense of humour. I did not take any risks, but instead, I hid behind the comfort of my written sermon. When he left the church, the question he was asking himself was "Why should I care about what I just heard in the sermon?" To him, I did not answer that question. That's a hard indictment. But I feel that again, he is right. I am afraid to make myself vulnerable. I feel I will be rejected by the listeners, I feel that I'll be rejected by the church.
Oh and one last thing. He preached on Sunday, and his sermon was actually less than inspiring also. He'd memorized everything and smiled throughout the sermon, but even so, he didn't connect with me. I guess we're even. Good thing God makes use of whatever we give him, because if he had any higher expectations, he'd be greatly disappointed.
Monday, December 14, 2009
Jennifer Off To HK
This morning I went to the early church service - as usual - and afterwards I went to Provence restaurant in Yaletown for breakfast with Jennifer. We were there almost a year ago too, on December 24, and we sat at almost the same table again this year. The difference though, this time around, was two-fold.
1- the weather: it was snowy last year, very snowy: in fact, it was snowing while we were eating. This time around the weather was cold and windy, but no snow.
2- our status: last year we were together, enjoying getting to know each other. This year, we're sort of in limbo - trying to figure out where we are, where we belong.
Ironically though, we get along better than ever now. Perhaps it's because the pressure's off, and we can just be ourselves, or maybe we just know each other better, but whatever the case may be, we understand each other better.
Without a doubt, she's my best friend.
After breakfast we got on the Canada Line to the airport, where she got on a plane to Hong Kong. She will spend Christmas there with family: brother, father, and mother.
I wish her a blessed Merry Christmas. May it be a time of Joy and Blessing.
1- the weather: it was snowy last year, very snowy: in fact, it was snowing while we were eating. This time around the weather was cold and windy, but no snow.
2- our status: last year we were together, enjoying getting to know each other. This year, we're sort of in limbo - trying to figure out where we are, where we belong.
Ironically though, we get along better than ever now. Perhaps it's because the pressure's off, and we can just be ourselves, or maybe we just know each other better, but whatever the case may be, we understand each other better.
Without a doubt, she's my best friend.
After breakfast we got on the Canada Line to the airport, where she got on a plane to Hong Kong. She will spend Christmas there with family: brother, father, and mother.
I wish her a blessed Merry Christmas. May it be a time of Joy and Blessing.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
Dinner At Antons with Jennifer
Tonight was a first: dinner at Anton's - my favourite Italian Restaurant in Vancouver - with Jennifer.
She had Fettuccine with ham and peas in an Alfredo sauce. I had Cannelloni.
It was also a first for another thing: getting into Anton's without a wait. Maybe it had to do with the time of our arrival - around 7:30pm - but that's never happened before. I always have to wait 20-30 minutes before getting a seat.
By the time we got out though, there was definitely a line-up, as the picture below shows. The picture also shows just how big the portions are (or conversely, how small our stomachs are). I'm holding 3 styrofoam containers (tsk tsk tsk): her leftovers, my leftovers, and dessert (tiramisu) leftovers.
She had Fettuccine with ham and peas in an Alfredo sauce. I had Cannelloni.
It was also a first for another thing: getting into Anton's without a wait. Maybe it had to do with the time of our arrival - around 7:30pm - but that's never happened before. I always have to wait 20-30 minutes before getting a seat.
By the time we got out though, there was definitely a line-up, as the picture below shows. The picture also shows just how big the portions are (or conversely, how small our stomachs are). I'm holding 3 styrofoam containers (tsk tsk tsk): her leftovers, my leftovers, and dessert (tiramisu) leftovers.
After dinner we went for a drive in my car, something we've never done before. We drove up to SFU, and afterwards, down Boundary, before returning to her place.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Humility
I heard the following quote yesterday in Catechism Class at church: "Truth is revealed, not discovered."
This is such a counter-cultural notion, surely it's impossible for us - anyone - to believe this, unless our hearts are first softened by God's Holy Spirit, unless we are first touched by the finger of God.
This is such a counter-cultural notion, surely it's impossible for us - anyone - to believe this, unless our hearts are first softened by God's Holy Spirit, unless we are first touched by the finger of God.
Lord have mercy on us, for believing that we can actually know - discover - something, anything, on our own strength. Amen.
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
Wells Of Salvation
The book of Isaiah was written amidst great despair and disillusion. On the one hand, the people of Israel are under the iron fist rule of the Assyrians who took them into captivity by force. On the other hand, what got Israel here to begin with was pride: Israel’s leaders refused to trust in God and sold out instead to their captors.
Amidst such disappointment, Isaiah first announces the Advent of One who would come to liberate his people from oppression and establish a very different kingdom, marked not by pride and arrogance, but centered on peace, justice and righteousness (Isaiah 9:7). Our opening words earlier tonight spoke of this hopeful event, of this messianic hope: “For to us a child is born...a Son is given; and the government will be upon his shoulder...Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end...” (9:6-7).
Isaiah 11:10-12:1-end makes the point that destruction is not God’s final word: Assyria will come under judgment, just as Israel already has - God always deals with sin - but more than that, God will restore his faithful, those who trust Him amidst the most difficult of circumstances. And God’s plan of salvation - although not explicitly given this early in Isaiah - is the Messiah, his Anointed One, the very “well [sic] of salvation” (12:3). This plan is announced - a most appropriate word - and then followed up with a response of praise (12:5): through thanksgiving (12:1), trust (12:2, 4), and joy (12:3, 6). This is a conclusion - a song of praise (12:5-6) - we’re all invited to participate in.
The nations - all nations - will seek God’s Messiah (11:10). I’m reminded here of the most recent presidential elections of our neighbours to the south: the initial expectations were so great, the hopes so high, but now, euphoria is replaced by reality: the president is human after all.
Isaiah’s Messiah is not like that: his Name will not wane, he will not falter, he will not diminish. He will have a clear picture of all things, he wont have to rule by rumour - what his eyes see, or what his ears hear (11:4) - he will rule with righteousness, equity, and faithfulness (11:4-5). The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon him: wisdom, counsel, might, and understanding, (11:2); “And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord” (11:3).
This is great news for the poor (11:4a) and the oppressed (11:13), this is great news for the gentle-hearted (11:4b), this is great news for children (11:6, 8), this is great news for the outcasts and the dispersed (11:12). In short, this is great news for all, because in one way or another, this describes us, if not materially, certainly spiritually. The Messiah will be sought out by all nations, (11:10), his kingdom will be an ensign, an emblem for all the nations (11:10, 12).
But in a very real way, this news ought to trouble us also, because we are not always victims of sin, we are often authors of it: pride, self-sufficiency, greed... (11:11-16). I like the words of G. K. Chesterton: “Original sin is the one Christian doctrine for which there is overwhelming empirical evidence.” I’m always amazed that we deny this: given all the evil around us, somehow we still consider ourselves exempt, outside of it, innocent.
Isaiah shows us a very different picture, he puts a mirror in front of us that gives a very different view of reality. He says “I will give thanks to thee, O Lord, for though thou wast angry with me, thy anger turned away, and thou didst comfort me. Behold, God is my salvation” (12:1-2a).
God has “just cause” in his anger towards us who so often choose the way of destruction. Yet he turns away from his anger, and becomes the very source of our comfort: not by an arbitrary decision or by turning a blind eye, but by re-directing his anger onto Someone Else, by throwing it onto the shoulders of the only One who could make amends for our sin: Jesus Christ.1
All of Isaiah points in the direction of this Saviour Messiah, who will one day come down from his rightful place in heaven, and all nations will seek him out (11:10). The child born in the manger in Bethlehem (9:6) - the Christ-child - is the same One we thank for salvation (12:1); he’s the One we trust with our lives (12:2), he’s the reason for joy (12:3), his arrival we announce (12:4) in songs of praise along with Isaiah: “...for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy...for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel” (12:5-6).
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen ✠
-----
1- John N. Oswalt, The Book of Isaiah: Chapters 1-39. The New International Commentary on the Old Testament. R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1986), 292-293.
Amidst such disappointment, Isaiah first announces the Advent of One who would come to liberate his people from oppression and establish a very different kingdom, marked not by pride and arrogance, but centered on peace, justice and righteousness (Isaiah 9:7). Our opening words earlier tonight spoke of this hopeful event, of this messianic hope: “For to us a child is born...a Son is given; and the government will be upon his shoulder...Of the increase of his government and of peace there will be no end...” (9:6-7).
Isaiah 11:10-12:1-end makes the point that destruction is not God’s final word: Assyria will come under judgment, just as Israel already has - God always deals with sin - but more than that, God will restore his faithful, those who trust Him amidst the most difficult of circumstances. And God’s plan of salvation - although not explicitly given this early in Isaiah - is the Messiah, his Anointed One, the very “well [sic] of salvation” (12:3). This plan is announced - a most appropriate word - and then followed up with a response of praise (12:5): through thanksgiving (12:1), trust (12:2, 4), and joy (12:3, 6). This is a conclusion - a song of praise (12:5-6) - we’re all invited to participate in.
The nations - all nations - will seek God’s Messiah (11:10). I’m reminded here of the most recent presidential elections of our neighbours to the south: the initial expectations were so great, the hopes so high, but now, euphoria is replaced by reality: the president is human after all.
Isaiah’s Messiah is not like that: his Name will not wane, he will not falter, he will not diminish. He will have a clear picture of all things, he wont have to rule by rumour - what his eyes see, or what his ears hear (11:4) - he will rule with righteousness, equity, and faithfulness (11:4-5). The Spirit of the Lord will rest upon him: wisdom, counsel, might, and understanding, (11:2); “And his delight shall be in the fear of the Lord” (11:3).
This is great news for the poor (11:4a) and the oppressed (11:13), this is great news for the gentle-hearted (11:4b), this is great news for children (11:6, 8), this is great news for the outcasts and the dispersed (11:12). In short, this is great news for all, because in one way or another, this describes us, if not materially, certainly spiritually. The Messiah will be sought out by all nations, (11:10), his kingdom will be an ensign, an emblem for all the nations (11:10, 12).
But in a very real way, this news ought to trouble us also, because we are not always victims of sin, we are often authors of it: pride, self-sufficiency, greed... (11:11-16). I like the words of G. K. Chesterton: “Original sin is the one Christian doctrine for which there is overwhelming empirical evidence.” I’m always amazed that we deny this: given all the evil around us, somehow we still consider ourselves exempt, outside of it, innocent.
Isaiah shows us a very different picture, he puts a mirror in front of us that gives a very different view of reality. He says “I will give thanks to thee, O Lord, for though thou wast angry with me, thy anger turned away, and thou didst comfort me. Behold, God is my salvation” (12:1-2a).
God has “just cause” in his anger towards us who so often choose the way of destruction. Yet he turns away from his anger, and becomes the very source of our comfort: not by an arbitrary decision or by turning a blind eye, but by re-directing his anger onto Someone Else, by throwing it onto the shoulders of the only One who could make amends for our sin: Jesus Christ.1
All of Isaiah points in the direction of this Saviour Messiah, who will one day come down from his rightful place in heaven, and all nations will seek him out (11:10). The child born in the manger in Bethlehem (9:6) - the Christ-child - is the same One we thank for salvation (12:1); he’s the One we trust with our lives (12:2), he’s the reason for joy (12:3), his arrival we announce (12:4) in songs of praise along with Isaiah: “...for he has done gloriously; let this be known in all the earth. Shout, and sing for joy...for great in your midst is the Holy One of Israel” (12:5-6).
In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.
Amen ✠
-----
1- John N. Oswalt, The Book of Isaiah: Chapters 1-39. The New International Commentary on the Old Testament. R. K. Harrison, ed. (Grand Rapids, MI: Eerdmans, 1986), 292-293.
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