Strangely At Home

Crossing the Port Mann bridge on the 26th and the 27th on my way to lunch with friends elicited a strange feeling, a sort of homecoming feeling.  This is strange, since almost exactly a year ago I was so fed up with this city that I was certain it was time to leave, and not sure if I'd ever return.

Do I miss the west coast?

Do the drawbacks of this city weigh less than the woes I experience at work?

Have I healed enough?  Am I ready to return?

What about Winnipeg.  What about gingersnaps?

Quality Time ... at $500 A Day!

I took 6 of my 8 nephews/nieces to Manning Park today.  Neal, Dylan, Terence, and Derek represented the boys.  Priscilla and Natasha represented the girls.  Tanis is long out of the nest so she doesn't attend events with "uncle Ed" any longer.  In fact, she's in Hawaii with Jason!  Ralph, on the other hand, is not physically able to participate in such rigorous activities.  At least not yet.

The two girls and Derek skied, while the rest of the boys chose snowboarding.  Except for Neal, all of them needed equipment rental, and in addition, Derek and Terence chose to take some lessons too.  So, $500+ later, everyone was happy.  My goodness, it must be expensive to have children of your own.  $500 for a day on the mountain!!!  Take up hiking kids .. it's much cheaper and much more beneficial for you in the long run!

Ted came along too, which was nice, because it meant that we could sit in the lodge and sip hot cocoas while the young ones were out there freezing their buns off.  Ted worked on his laptop.  I read Laruen Winner.  Finished the book, actually.  It's a good read, and relevant for me, because she talks about the "mid-life" crisis of faith.

Anyways, below are some pictures.  Unfortunately I didn't get pics of everyone.  But at least Derek and Terence are accounted for.

A Family Christmas

Usually when I travel to the west coast I spend as much time with friends as with family.  But this Christmas I decided to spend most of my time with family, and this for a variety of reasons, the most significant of which is that family's been there for me in the most trying times of my life.

This happened in 1996-7, 2001-2, and again this year, 2012-3.  Each of these years were filled with loneliness and despair for me, but even though I was physically separate from family, particularly parents, it was they who checked in with me on a regular basis, listening to my stories, encouraging me to get up again after falling.  And my goodness, the number of hours they've prayed for me, it's simply astonishing...

This is not a knock on my friends, many of whom have been there for me at various points when I needed them: Nathan in 1996-7, Rudy in 2001-2, and more recently, David.  And my response to these friends has not always been in kind, either.  I'm pretty sure I've let all 3 of these fine friends just listed down when they perhaps needed me.  No, this is not a criticism against friends - they have their own battles to fight - it's just an acknowledgment that family is important, because when it matters, they're there for me.

Another reason is that friendships seem to be in transition at the moment.  Nathan, Rudy, and David are now all married, and have their own priorities.  On the other hand, my Latin American friends are either no longer living in Vancouver, are vacationing elsewhere, have married, or have moved on to other social circles.  Sadly, I don't even have any friends at my church.  I shot myself in the foot the past 7 years by attending a 7:30am service I guess (who else attends liturgy at such an outrageously early time?), but that was the only service I felt at home in.

Finally, even though 杨 静 怡's no longer in the picture of my life, she still presents a significant challenge to me being in Vancouver.  Some of my friends are also hers, and that makes getting together tricky.  So many memories of Vancouver involve her, too, that it's hard to even get close to city limits without her image looming largely in the eye of my mind.  Perhaps Gingersnaps can help change this, but this is yet to be seen.

This afternoon I went to my cousin Richie's wedding.  The reception was held at the Sutton Place hotel, but before going to it I went to Canada Place with mom and dad, and Ted and Karin.  I took these pictures there.

First Call

Today gingersnaps and I talked for the first time since my arrival to Abbotsford.  4 days: the longest stretch since meeting her in mid-November.

It was nice to hear her voice.

But it seemed to me there was some distance evident.

Feasts With Friends

Food and friends, or should I say, food with friends: it hardly gets better than that...

Dec. 26: lunch with Jun

I hadn't seen Jun for almost 2 years, and in fact, we'd barely been in touch during that time, so to see him and eat a good meal with him was very special.  We ate Pakistani (lunch special!), at my favourite place on Fraser Street.

What a journey he's been on, I mean really!  From the Philippines as a priest to a monastery in Europe.  Then to Vancouver as a CPE student, and to Edmonton for a residency.  Now, feeling called to go and live in a monastery in Ontario but being told to remain in Vancouver.

Here's a man who in a sense epitomizes dying to self (Luke 9:23-24).  A gentle soul, a committed disciple, and perhaps most of all, someone who is open to push the boundaries and paradigms of the church, while refusing to give up on her and remaining within her.

Dec. 27: lunch with James and family

Two days in a row at my favourite restaurant!  This time, with James, Rosanna, and little Katie Marie.  And once more, Khalid proved himself to be the kind of host that's made him legendary: kind, open, funny, and hospitable.  At the end when we went up to the front to pay for our meal, he says to us with his usual smile (almost grin): "It's on me.  Merry Christmas.  Happy New Year."

James and Rosanna seem to be doing well.  It's been around 3 years now, since James began pastoring.  I always find our get-togethers encouraging and challenging at the same time.  He challenges my theological and spiritual views, but in a way that builds up.  He strengthens my faith in God.  After spending an hour or two with him, I always feel closer to God.

Dec. 27: dinner with Sanjit, Vero, and Karma

As if a lunch at Al Watan wasn't enough, 5 hours later I found myself at the Spaghetti Factory in New West, ordering dinner.  Add a second kilo to my weight gained in the past week...

Sanjit, Vero, Karma and I were originally planning to meet for dinner on Commercial Drive, but logistically it just ended up making more sense for us to go to the burbs.  

It was really good to see them.  We talked a lot about the soccerinos, and how the make-up of the group has changed.  Many people, including me, have moved on - physically to other places, or vocationally to other jobs or getting married.  For me, talking about the group in this way - almost as though it's a thing of the past - made me sad.  A part of me wants to say that once you have established solid friendships, you build your life around them, rather than the other way around, building our lives around our jobs.  But I'm coming to know that this is definitely naive or idealistic thinking.

All I know is that I have "tasted" good friendship, and to see it "wasted" like this not only makes me sad, it leaves me empty, with a sort of longing.  Maybe it's the kind of longing that will only be satisfied once I'm in heaven, standing side by side with my brothers and sisters who make up the "cloud of witnesses" (Hebrews 12:1-2).

Finally!

I'm in Abbotsford, and am looking forward to 12 days of rest!!!

I finished off my work project mid-afternoon yesterday, and even had time to crack a joke or two with some of the staff at work before heading out.  Wish that happened more often...

At 4:30pm I ate dinner in Regina.  Afterwards, gingersnaps was kind enough to drive me to the airport and see me off.

I arrived in Abbotsford at 11pm, and was really glad to see dad at the airport.

I went straight to Ted's, where the Christmas Eve celebrations were still going strong.

Finally, at around 2:30am, I called it a day and went to bed.  I fell asleep in about ... oh .. I'd say, 10 seconds or so.

Relief

Finally Christmas is upon us.  I say finally, because the last 2 months have been excruciating in terms of work.  I've never worked so hard, under such horrible conditions, and with so little appreciation coming back my way.  But it's almost done.  Tomorrow is Christmas Eve: I will work until around 3, head to Regina for dinner, and then off to the west coast for Christmas.

Gingersnaps arrived in Regina a few days ago, and since then we've been spending a good deal of time together.  On Saturday morning I cancelled my spiritual direction session and visited with her instead.  I actually met her family that day too and spent much of the day and evening with them.  Come to think of it, I spent much of the weekend with them.  Nice...

Back to Saturday, we all ate lunch together; in the afternoon gingersnaps and I went for a walk around town, returning late afternoon for a quick nap and then a big dinner with family and family friends.  The evening gathering was jovial.

On Sunday we all went to church together, and then, yep, lunch.  I think I gained about a kilo between Saturday and Sunday noon....  In the afternoon we went for a walk around Wascana Lake.  It was bitter cold, but we had a good conversation nonetheless.  I returned home early evening.

It was good to meet and spend time with her family, but I will admit to feeling slightly awkward.  We're in the in-between stage.  No-man's land. Can't stay there for long.

But her family was warm and hospitable.  No complaints.

Today was a workday, but gingersnaps drove in from Regina for lunch.  I introduced her to Alison, and together the 3 of us ate sushi for lunch.  In the evening the two of us went to the spa, and then afterwards we had dinner at a new restaurant in town.

Made Alive

My favourite musical piece - Handel's Messiah - was on tonight at a church in Regina.  What a gorgeous masterpiece!  I never tire of hearing it...

As so often happens, we are impacted by something - a melody, words, a voice, or an instrument - and today what impacted me was the lyrics to Since by man came death:

Since by man came death, by man came also the resurrection of the dead.

For as in Adam all die, even so in Christ shall all be made alive.

  

These words speak wonderfully about the role of Christ - the second Adam - in God's salvific plan.

As I heard the same song in my car on the way home, tears were streaming down my face.

Another Trip To Winnipeg

I returned from Winnipeg yesterday, after having spent the weekend there.  It was my second trip to the windy city.

It was good to see gingersnaps again.

The highlight, at least for me, was a snowshoeing excursion at a park on the outskirts of the city.  It was pretty damn cold, -27, but we managed to cover a good amount of territory.  At the end of our exploration, I was surprised to find my gloves and toque sweaty.  I'd no idea you could sweat in such temperatures!

Another highlight was Stella's, a legendary breakfast spot in Winnipeg.  We went there on Sunday morning.  I ordered the mexican breakfast: two sunny side eggs, soft corn tortillas, refried beans, cheddar cheese, green onion & tomato.  It came served with salsa, guacamole, cilantro sauce & hash browns.  It tasted very good (but I'm not sure how Mexican it was).

After breakfast we went to St. Margaret's church, a few blocks from Stella's.  They had a service led by children.  It never really hit me until now, that Christmas (Advent) services are often done by children.

I enjoyed my time with her thoroughly.  She's very kind, and I like that.  She's an amazing cook.

But for whatever reason - I cannot explain it - I'm not all in.  I'm not sold.

We're going to spend a good deal of time together at Christmas.

Land Line No More

I gave in.

After a 10 year battle on whether or not to buy a cellphone, today was the day history will show I gave in: I cancelled my land line and got myself an cell phone.

More pressure.  This time peer pressure, I guess.

It was a big decision: Sasktel?  Telus?  Bell?  Rogers?

I picked Bell, because it has the best national coverage (well, that's what they say).

But more accurately, marketing played a key role in my decision making:  the Vancouver Whitecaps are sponsored by Bell, and as a good supporter of the Whitecaps, I decided to throw my lot in with them.

Pressure .. This Time .. Vocational

A few days ago I talked about pressure I'm getting from her.  Today, I'm feeling relentless pressure from my boss.

It's crazy.  I came here in February, sensing God's calling for internal and external reasons:

* internal - answer to prayer on the Camino de Santiago, a sense of vocational direction

* external - seeking to move on from a relationship gone awry; breathing fresh (non-Vancouver) air; affirmation by family and peers

Now, 9 months later, I'm wondering whether I made the right decision.  A few weeks ago, on November 21st, I had an excruciatingly difficult day at work.  I was in a meeting with a number of people in the room, and I felt like I was going to explode.

A short 3 months ago I passed my probationary review with "flying colours", as they say, and now, I find myself wondering whether I'll be on my way out soon, looking for work.

The past few days I looked in the Vancouver job market to see how things are there.  They're actually quite good, compared to a year ago.  What a massive disappointment going back to Vancouver would be; not really because I dislike that city so much, but more because I thought I was following divine guidance in moving here.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a sinner!

Pathway Painting

My third painting's almost finished.  According to my instructor Lloyd, I've got about an hour worth of work left before it's done.

I don't like the painting though.  Something's off, not sure what.