Saturday, May 28, 2016

Confessions Of An Oblate

Last year October I made my initial vows to be a Benedictine Oblate, and one of the surprising discoveries I've made since planting this seed is the relational fruits it seems to be bearing.

Fr. Paul, a kind, gentle soul has offered warmth and friendship that I've found supremely refreshing.  Whenever I visit the monastery, he takes time out of his schedule to catch up and see how things are going.  And he seems open and genuine about what life as a monk is like - not just the good stuff, but the warts too.

But the point of today's entry is that I've also found a confessor, someone who hears my failings and offers reconciliation.  As a new Catholic the experience of confession is still unfamiliar and  uncomfortable for me, but it's a process and I imagine it will take a while to get used to it.  Or, on the other hand, confessing our sins may never become normalized, because it's always an affront to our independence...

I am struggling with my relationship with Daniela.  The peace that I had just a few months ago has disappeared into thin air, and I'm beginning to seriously question my motivations, my priorities, my commitments, my very heart.  Intimacy has departed, leaving a vacuum that Distance has filled.

The worst thing is that Daniela arrives in Saskatoon tomorrow.  I'll be spending the next 3 months with her.

Lord, give me wisdom.  Reveal to me my motivations, and purify them, I pray.  Amen.





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