Last year October I made my initial vows to be a Benedictine Oblate, and one of the surprising discoveries I've made since planting this seed is the relational fruits it seems to be bearing.
Fr. Paul, a kind, gentle soul has offered warmth and friendship that I've found supremely refreshing. Whenever I visit the monastery, he takes time out of his schedule to catch up and see how things are going. And he seems open and genuine about what life as a monk is like - not just the good stuff, but the warts too.
But the point of today's entry is that I've also found a confessor, someone who hears my failings and offers reconciliation. As a new Catholic the experience of confession is still unfamiliar and uncomfortable for me, but it's a process and I imagine it will take a while to get used to it. Or, on the other hand, confessing our sins may never become normalized, because it's always an affront to our independence...
I am struggling with my relationship with Daniela. The peace that I had just a few months ago has disappeared into thin air, and I'm beginning to seriously question my motivations, my priorities, my commitments, my very heart. Intimacy has departed, leaving a vacuum that Distance has filled.
The worst thing is that Daniela arrives in Saskatoon tomorrow. I'll be spending the next 3 months with her.
Lord, give me wisdom. Reveal to me my motivations, and purify them, I pray. Amen.
