Lewis On Death (Holy Saturday)

On the one hand Death is the triumph of Satan, the punishment of the Fall, and the last enemy.  Christ shed tears at the grave of Lazarus and sweated blood in Gethsemane: the Life of Lives that was in Him detested this penal obscenity not less than we do, but more.  On the other hand, only he who loses his life will save it.  We are baptized into the death of Christ, and it is the remedy for the Fall.  Death is, in fact, what some modern people call 'ambivalent'.  It is Satan's great weapon and also God's great weapon: it is holy and unholy; our supreme disgrace and our only hope; the thing Christ came to conquer and the means by which He conquered.

(C. S. Lewis, Miracles, chapter 14)

I say, Thank you Lord for using the enemy's weapon against himself!

Oblates: Action and Contemplation

It's been almost 6 months since I made my initial oblate vows.  I'm really hoping that as I continue entering the Benedictine world I also find deeper communion with God and community with others.

Yesterday after work I drove to Muenster and stayed overnight at the monastery there.  This morning I went to Mass, followed by lunch, and then a lecture on the "active" and "contemplative" aspects of the spiritual life.

Being too focused on one over the other indicates imbalance.  Work will always lead us to contemplation and prayer, as we realize our need for God and our inability to do the necessary work to bring healing to the world; contemplation will always lead us back to work, as we hear God's prompting of our hearts to "get back out there" and do his work, sharing the whole gospel with a broken world.

Days are getting longer again.  Even so, I got home in the dark, around 6:30.

Lent

So now that I'm back at home, not only am I reentering my regular work schedule, I'm also taking up the liturgical calendar routine again, which means, no coffee till Easter.

Earlier this week I also decided to host a board games night, so tonight we got together at the usual tea house and played Carcassonne and Settlers.

Back Home

Well, my traveling adventure ended this morning.  I arrived at Daniela's around 8 in the morning.  We hugged and kissed, before she saw me off to the airport.

I felt like crying, but didn't.  Instead, I texted her throughout my trip home.

I arrived in Saskatoon mid-afternoon.

Last Day

This morning we left Gore Bay and our odd but welcoming hosts at the B&B.

On the way back to Sudbury we stopped by Bridal Veil waterfalls, a place worth seeing.  We took a few pictures there.

We also wanted to take a look inside Immaculate Conception RC Church, a church that has rich native connections, including a teepee-shaped architecture.   But just as we arrived at the church, they were locking the doors.  Mass was done, and everyone was on their way home.

So we drove on.

Upon leaving the island I became quiet and introspective.  Actually, we were both quiet.  I didn't realize it then, like I do now, that the Island we'd been on was a place of not only retreat, peace and quietness - away from our regular routines.  It was more than that.  It represented togetherness, exploration of intimacy in spirit and flesh.  Leaving the island and reentering the mainland was a gigantic metaphor, exiting not only a place of tranquility, but leaving behind physical intimacy  too.  Tomorrow I go back to the prairies...

Thus the silence.

But I have a feeling there is more to the silence then the realization of a return to the geographically "distant" normalcy of our relationship.  I also felt emotionally distant.  The silence was eery, as though leaving the island also implied a more definite distancing of us, emotionally.  

I was entering the depths of loneliness and despair. 

We arrived in Sudbury around 4 in the afternoon, and after a stop by my hotel to take a shower and change clothes, we went by Laurentian University, where she showed me her office.  I am so proud of her.  A teaching professor at the young age of 33.

After seeing her office, we went back to Daniela's place where she showered and got changed.  Then we went out for dinner, the last supper at East Side Mario's.

I cried today.  In front of her.  I'm sad to leave and go back to "being alone."

A Day Trip With Daniela

Last night we started watching a movie together but she fell asleep.  I was mildly annoyed...

We planned to get up early this morning and go on a road trip, so when at 10 o'clock Daniela was still asleep and giving no sign of waking up, I got up, put on some clothes, and walked around town to take some pictures, mostly of the lake and the wharf.

When I got back to the house just after 11, Daniela was ready to go.  We went to the nearest coffee shop, got ourselves 2 capps, and off we went in our Jetta.

We drove one hour to Meldrum Bay, a sleepy little town that seemed to us at the end of the world.  There were no shops there - clearly it's a summer-only vacation spot - and no people either.  It's like the whole town was boarded up and empty for the winter.  Still, we took the opportunity to weather the cold - it was -15 - and I clearly wasn't dressed warm enough, as the picture below shows, but I wasn't going to let this opportunity go by without taking a few pictures outside, with the glorious surroundings.

The picture below is my favourite.  So cute, so warm...

On our way back we were starving, so we stopped by a greasy spoon restaurant.  We peaked inside, and the place was dripping with fat, so we continued, arriving back at our place by around 3:30pm.

I enjoy her company very much.  She's very intelligent, and very much a thinker.  But it seems to me there is some darkness hidden underneath that gorgeous smile, underneath those dark and lovely eyes...

What to do.  She teaches at a university.  I'm in the prairies.  Far away.  At times I feel like weeping.  How are we ever going to make this work?  When I first met her I told her romantically, "I'll move heaven and earth to be with you."  But, will I?  Now that I'm settled in the peaceful prairies with a job that I absolutely love?  Plus, didn't God call me to come here?  If I left now, am I not deserting the very people who brought me here?  Am I not letting them down?

Tomorrow we drive back to Sudbury.  Deep inside, I'm feeling a dread.  Not because she makes me feel this way - she does not - but because the thought of leaving her and flying back home terrifies me.

We worked hard for 3 months to make this meeting happen, and now that it's happened, I'm supposed to go back to my normal life...

Exploring Town

We slept in today.

Went for a walk around town, explored the small downtown core, discovered an art gallery by the lake, and went for a lengthy walk along the lake.

Came back for a late lunch, at Twin Bluffs, before going back for a lengthy nap.

In the evening we went to a very nice restaurant and, this being a fishing town, we ate lots of fish.  For dessert we had a toffee cheesecake.

Road Trip

Our schedule the past few days has been along the following lines:

breakfast and lunch together

Daniela goes to university late afternoon for her French class

afterwards, dinner together

Today was the same, except after her class ended, we drove 2 hours and checked ourselves into a B&B on Manitoulin Island.

We listened to Jesse Cook on the way down - Bogota by Bus - and ate sandwiches that I'd prepared for us: mini-baguettes, with provolone cheese, spinach, prosciutto, and cherry tomatoes.

We had a late check-in, everything worked to perfection.

I'm happy.

She Loved The Earrings

I made an excellent choice with these earrings.  Big score...

She looks incredibly lovely.  Particularly, the dark reds contrast with the light colour of her skin.

All Day Long

I got up early today and went to Daniela's place (I'm staying at a hotel) by 8:30am.  We spent all day together.

We cooked together: breakfast and dinner.  We skipped lunch.

Lots of good coffee.

She prepared a Romanian dish for dinner: stuffed green peppers and pork chops.  For dessert we had home made apple pie.

I feel tremendously blessed.