Job Offer .. Or Maybe Not

7:31am this morning: I got a job offer via email, to fill the Spiritual Care position I've mentioned over the past few weeks, Dec. 11th and Dec. 21st.

8:25am: I wake up.

8:29am: I read the job offer email.  Ecstatic.

8:31am: another email comes in.  It states that my job offer is withdrawn.  Apparently another applicant has accepted the offer.  Hmmm.

This doesn't smell good, and it definitely doesn't taste good.  Something very strange has happened and I need to get some answers.  Time to give Francis a call....

Significantly though, I was gutted when I read the withdrawal.  I think I was ready to embark on this path, and feel that it was taken out from under me.

I talked to my parents about this job, and they too thought that this was a great opportunity.  Dad made a reference to God answering my Camino-prayers, and mom said something to the effect of "this job is made for you."

I just don't understand what's going on.

God .. uhmmmm .. can you show up, please?

Prairie Job: The Second Interview

I had a second job interview today for a job in Moose Jaw.

On the Camino I prayed for open doors vocationally, and I'm getting an increasing sense that moving to the prairies might actually be God's response to my prayers.  Here are 3 rasons I think this.

1- the basics.  A paycheque.  I haven't had a pay cheque in a long time!

2- the mission.  To be clear, #2 is much more important than #1.  Essentially, the work in Saskatchewan matches with my personal life mission statement.  Matthew 25:35-36, 40: feeding the hungry, welcoming the stranger, clothing the naked, visiting the sick, caring for the "least of these".  The needs of the world are intersecting with my passion.  It's all there.

3- the details.  The job is amazing, consisting of both clinical and management work.  The job is split, more or less 50/50, between Pastoral visits and management duties.  Talk about perfect.

I get emotionally exhausted by doing visits for more than 4-5 hours a day.  I need another aspect to complement the clinical side.  This job does that.  And how it does that!

Non-clinical time is spent envisioning and implementing measures that preserve and promote the Mission of the organization.  What's the Mission?  "To continue the healing ministry of Jesus."  Again, a perfect match.

4- the place.  I've always thought I'd like to experience living in a small town/city.  Community.  Simplicity.  Connection to place and people.  Natural food.  Raw beauty of creation.  In short, the Wendell Berry factor(s), MJ offers them.  Even in terms of weather, I think I'm ready to try cold but sunny, rather than mild and rainy.

To be sure, I'm sick of Vancouver.  The people, the politics, the pace, the secularism, the (lack of) work.  Suffocating.

5- the spirit.  This is about sanity.  I need to move on from my relational brokenness.  The air I breathe right now is toxic, because everything that I see and do is connected to my broken past (talk about a deja-vu from 2002!)

My window of opportunity is short: just over 2 months, Febraury 28th is R-day.  R = return.

Of course there are drawbacks to this move.  Am I escaping?  No MEC?  No mountains?  But if there is a time to move, the time is now.

Incredibly, I think that I may be getting an offer for the job in the next few days.  This is what they told me.  They seem as desperate to fill the position as I am in needing a shot of clean air.

This is scary.  It could be the perfect marriage, or disaster waiting to happen.

I have to trust that God is in this process.

Camino de Santiago: Revelations II

Without a doubt, the theme that most occupied my mind while walking the 400kms in Spain a few months ago was relationships.  And one relationship in particular.

I've documented elsewhere my struggle in moving on from my previous Love, a struggle that has in recent weeks intensified, surely because of our meeting up in Spain a few months ago.  Significantly, my love for her has deepened, even though we don't get along nearly as well as we used to.  In fact, things have never been worse.

Unanswered emails.

Short, empty conversations.

Disinterest.

Distraction.

Ambiguity.

Cold.

It wasn't always like that....

And while I want things to improve, I am anxious about whether they will.

All signs seem to indicate in the opposite direction, actually.

The irony here is that in the light of my ponderings while and since walking, I've more or less decided that I am now at a point where I am willing to overlook worldview differences, in order to be with the woman that I love.  It's not the ideal scenario, but in a world of uncertainties and ambiguities, in a world of physical embodiment, in a world of freedom of choice (within the realm and under the control and direction of Providence) it's sometimes the only possible scenario.  

I think it's situations like these that best explain the incarnation of Jesus.  And it's situations such as these that best describe the need  for the incarnation of Christ.

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a Sinner.

So in the light of yet another relational disappointment, I once again remain to pick up the pieces, to begin building love again, one by one, block by block, beginning with the base.

The bigger picture to consider here - and this is the Revelation - is surely my need to come to terms with my identity as an unmarried man.  And bigger still, my identity as a man.  Currently I'm not there yet.  The ending 2-3 paragraphs here confirm that.

Jesse Cook

Tonight I went to the Jesse Cook show at the Orpheum.  He is, by far, my favourite musician.

He played a good number of songs from his new cd, among them Broken Moon and Ocean Blue, but the best songs were I Put A Spell On You and Ne Me Quitte Pas, with the lovely and sensual Emma-Lee present on stage.

He also played his classics, among them Mario Takes A Walk, Switchback, and Tempest.  He played Gravity, a song he said he rarely plays, and more recent songs such as Bogota By Bus and Cecilia.  But without a doubt his best songs were Gaita and the ultra-classic Closer to Madness (what a brilliant name for the song).

Exquisite.

Prairie Job Interview. Crazy.

My good friend Tom and I have begun meeting for lunch every other week, more or less.  He used to work at St. Paul's Hospital, and since meeting him there we've struck some good conversations which we've kept going.

Almost two weeks ago, on November 28th, we were eating lunch, and I complained to him that I was having a difficult time coming to terms with my vocational direction, and specifically, that I felt helpless because of the bleak outlook for work in the near future.  One of the questions he asked me was "Are you willing to look for work beyond Vancouver?"  I said no I wasn't, at least not for the time being.

As we were having this conversation - no exaggeration - he received a text message from some guy named Francis, in Saskatoon.  Francis' message was short: "Looking for someone to work in spiritual care in Moose Jaw.  Know of anyone?"

Tom looked at me and said, I think you should go to the prairies.  As I said no thanks, Tom responded to the message: "Got someone, his name is Ed.  Here's his contact info."  

Thanks Tom...

Fast forward to today.

I had a job interview with Francis.  Yes, the one from Saskatoon.  He's looking for a Director in Moose Jaw (MJ), in south central Saskatchewan.  I began the conversation by telling him that I have no interest in moving to the prairies - not the best way to begin an interview process - but proceeded to listen to him "sell" me the job.  Crazy.

By the end of the conversation an hour later, I agreed for another interview, this time with the CEO and another person, I'm not sure who.

This is crazy.  I have no interest in moving to the prairies.