A Trip To The Hospital

Besides Daniela, one of the things that has given me much joy has been a board game meet up I discovered a few months ago.  We meet usually one a month, at a tea house in town.

Marco came along last night.  We played Carcassonne.

Anyways, last night, after having a great evening playing games, I had another one of those panic attacks that have plagued me the past month.  In fact, I was so affected that I could not go to sleep; my heart was pounding, I thought it was going to jump right out of my chest.

I actually ended up going to the hospital to get myself checked out.  I was so panicked, I thought they'd cut my chest open and do surgery or something.  I can't remember being so afraid of dying.  I was praying all the way to the hospital.

I don't know what's going on...

Flights Booked

So I booked my flights to Mexico: Saskatoon - Mexico City on Feb. 19, returning Feb. 29th.  This will be my 4th year in a row visiting Ruth and Marty in MX, and travelling down to Acapulco with them to watch some great tennis.

But this will be a first also: on my way back, I plan to visit Daniela in Sudbury.  I took the plunge and bought tickets to see her.  I know it's a risk, but I feel good and excited about it.

So on my way back, I will do a week-long stopover in Sudbury, until March 7th.  While there, we plan on doing a little side trip, maybe to Manitoulin Island.

Lord, give me the wisdom to make good decisions about relationships.  Amen.

That Same Panic...Again

I went skiing again with Michelle, and like last time, I had some kind of a panic attack where I had a hard time breathing.  I continued, but at a slower pace, and things seemed to be fine after that.  But I admit that terrifying thoughts about heart attacks are making their way into my mind when these attacks happen.

I've always considered myself to be comfortable with the idea of dying.  My faith in the afterlife instructs me to approach this topic with a sense of certainty, not in my worthiness of heaven, but in God's goodness.  But it's one thing to have a theological comfort about the afterlife, and quite a different to experience the vulnerability and fragility of life.

I've stopped swimming, in the meantime, probably as much because it's now cold enough to go skiing instead, as because I'm afraid of getting more panic attacks. 

7+ Hours

I thought our Christmas date was long.  That was 4+ hours.  But last night Daniela and I talked from around 9 until past 4am.  Happy New Year!

We talked about so many things: 

* our childhoods

* our backgrounds

* theology

* work

* french language

* disappointments

* vacationing

* weather

* spirituality

* post-colonianism (I'd never heard about this field of study until a month ago!)

We feel so close, and yet so far away...

New Year's Resolutions: fix my relationship with my family.  That has to be a priority.  Next year I have to be at home for Christmas.