Regina Requiem

Sanity is a good thing, and to maintain (regain) my own, I need to leave town at least once every 14 days and head to Regina.  Today was one of those days.

I went shopping for some household stuff, I went for a nice Indian lunch buffet, but I also did a fair bit of sightseeing, and this, in -20 weather!

Below are pictures of Wascana Park, a park right in the middle of the city.  The park's quite scenic, even in the winter.  There's a lake right in the middle, surrounded by a network of walkays, bridges, and trees.  The cultural crown of the park is probably the provincial legislative buildings, although a music concert hall and the university grounds are also very near.  I look forward to exploring the surroundings come spring/summer time.

In the evening I attended the Regina Symphony Orchestra (RSO), which performs at the arts centre just across from the park.  They played Brahm's German Requiem, an amazing piece of work.  A requiem is a solemn song or chant or Mass, in honour of the dead, or for the repose of the dead. Accompanied by a 200+ voice-strong choir, tonight's concert was the cultural highlight of my stay in the prairies thus far.

My favourite piece is the opening song, based on Matthew 5:4 and Psalm 126:5-6.

Selig sind, die da Leiden tragen, denn sie sollen getrösted werden. 

Die mit Tränen säen, werden mit Freuden ernten.
Sie gehen hin und weinen und tragen edlen Samen, 

und kommen mit Freuden und bringen ihre Garben.  

Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.
He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed, 

shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

But while tonight's concert was the highlight of my stay here thus far, it was at once also the most painful event.  I've said elsewhere that I think God has a terrible (as in, awesome) sense of humour, and in a poignant way this became evident to me again today, when late in the afternoon - just before going to the symphony, actually - it became clear to me that the most significant and consistent friendship I've had in the past 5 years is, well, dead.

After hours and hours of investment - energy, effort, emotions, my very soul - the final result is disconnection, alienation, disappointment, even disillusionment.  I cannot go on like this, I cannot continue overextending myself, trying to save something, someone, that was lost a year ago, if not longer.  Things need to change.  They must change.  My very survival depends on it.  I must turn away from death and embrace new life.

So today's Requiem, then, is more than a musical piece honouring the deceased.  Today's Requiem has deep personal implications.  An acknowledgement of the past, a cherishing of the Good in this past, a recognition of the hurtful, the unwise, and the broken, and a trusting move towards healing, a surrendering (once more) into the arms of Providence.

In the coming days and weeks I will need to come to terms with this death.  How, I don't know.  But it seems to me that a great starting point is found in the Scriptures, which Brahms made such wonderful use of in his matsterpiece.

Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted.

They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.

He that goeth forth and weepeth, bearing precious seed,

shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him.

At least for me, they provide a foundational starting point for making sense of brokenness, inviting me to contemplate the Hope that lies beyond the here and now.  

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have Mercy on me, a Sinner.