Abandoned Or Abundant?

I met with my spiritual director this morning.  I described to him my feelings of abandonment: by God and man.  Sometimes even by myself.

I used to have a fervent faith, unmovable, unshakeable.

Then I walked the path, lived the life, and breathed the air of abandonment.  First, in 2001-2, then again in 2012-3.  Sometimes I want to cease breathing.

Where is Grace?  Where is Life?  Abundant Life?

"I came that [you] may have life and have it abundantly." - John 10:10b

And yet, I wonder whether it's Grace that sustains me.  If it wasn't for Lovingkindness, I wouldn't even wake up in the morning with a tiny - but tangible - sense of hope.  Perhaps I'm closer to God now than I ever have been.