Without a doubt, the theme that most occupied my mind while walking the 400kms in Spain a few months ago was relationships. And one relationship in particular.
I've documented elsewhere my struggle in moving on from my previous Love, a struggle that has in recent weeks intensified, surely because of our meeting up in Spain a few months ago. Significantly, my love for her has deepened, even though we don't get along nearly as well as we used to. In fact, things have never been worse.
Unanswered emails.
Short, empty conversations.
Disinterest.
Distraction.
Ambiguity.
Cold.
It wasn't always like that....
And while I want things to improve, I am anxious about whether they will.
All signs seem to indicate in the opposite direction, actually.
The irony here is that in the light of my ponderings while and since walking, I've more or less decided that I am now at a point where I am willing to overlook worldview differences, in order to be with the woman that I love. It's not the ideal scenario, but in a world of uncertainties and ambiguities, in a world of physical embodiment, in a world of freedom of choice (within the realm and under the control and direction of Providence) it's sometimes the only possible scenario.
I think it's situations like these that best explain the incarnation of Jesus. And it's situations such as these that best describe the need for the incarnation of Christ.
Lord Jesus Christ, Son of the Living God, have mercy on me, a Sinner.
So in the light of yet another relational disappointment, I once again remain to pick up the pieces, to begin building love again, one by one, block by block, beginning with the base.
The bigger picture to consider here - and this is the Revelation - is surely my need to come to terms with my identity as an unmarried man. And bigger still, my identity as a man. Currently I'm not there yet. The ending 2-3 paragraphs here confirm that.
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